doptimous

[doptimous]

[doptimous]

[doptimous]

i think the secret to asking Smart Person questions is to take a dumb question and keep making it dumber until you can't anymore

[doptimous]

tiktok: christinajulian_91

audio credit: anthony vincent

[doptimous]

[doptimous]

bat opens up their little bat wallet to find they are all out of moths. A worthless $100 bill flies out for emphasis

[doptimous]

happy chanukkah!!!!!!!

[doptimous]

[doptimous]

Imagine there’s a button that when pressed would immediately change your body from what you have now, to that of a goose. You can only press the button once. When pressed everyone will have known you in this new form the whole time, so there’s no social impact at all.

Would you press that button?

If so you may be transgander 🪿

[doptimous]

the purpose of friends is to have people who unconditionally hate your shitty exes & relatives. like maybe YOU have a complex relationship with your father but i sure don't. i'm outside his house with a gun. he's not the unforgivable asshole who raised me he's just an unforgivable asshole

[doptimous]

brooding men who cannot communicate their feelings if their life depended on it are only hot when they're fictional. if i have to deal with one in real life i will curse him and pray for his downfall every night before i go to bed

[doptimous]

A snake in Thailand spent enough time sitting still in the water to grow moss and turn into a dragon, apparently.

More video at the source account!

[doptimous]

[doptimous]

"Deny. Defend. Depose. Revolution is now"

Sticker spotted on a fuel pump terminal in Monroe, Washington

[doptimous]

parent cats are crazy because they have the protectiveness of a parent but at the end of the day theyre still just cats

[doptimous]

[doptimous]

While taking a nap today I dreamt there was a hazard sign called "never found" which was used to indicate a location where people disappeared never to be seen again