donotcallmeelsa

[donotcallmeelsa]

@ofheroicspeedster

{I could see Barry was still feeling uneasy toward me, and honestly, I didn't blame him for feeling that way. I was a monster. I heard the stories. I knew the fears I was having about turning into "Killer Frost" were justified. Cisco told me all about her when he came face to face with her in the other universe. I could see the terror in his eyes and heard it in his voice when he told me how evil she was, but more than that, how scared he was that I would turn into her. Now it seemed like his worst fear was coming true... Mine too, for that matter, because I never wanted to become a metahuman. Apparently fate had another plan for me though. Unfortunately for me} I didn't mean to hurt you, Barry... I was afraid. Scared to become her, but I always planned to tell you. I guess I just naively hoped it would go away first and I wouldn't have to. Either way, when I met you for coffee this morning, I went there with every plan to tell you the truth. I might not have been ready to tell anyone else, but I did want you to know the truth, Barry. I just didn't have the courage or strength to do so before that. The meta attack happened first though, so I knew my confession needed to wait. Even then, I didn't want you to find out that way, Barry... I wanted to tell you myself. That meta was close to killing you though and I couldn't bear to lose you, so before I knew it, she just came out. It's hard to explain but it's like adrenaline and worry is what triggers her. {I explained. I didn't fully get it myself but I know every time I'm scared, that's when my inner Elsa, as Cisco would put it, makes her presence known. Today I saw Barry in trouble, worry instinctively kicked in, and just like the previous times, my icy powers prevailed} I am sorry though. I never meant to hurt you, Barry. You're the last person I'd ever want to hurt. {That was the truth. There was nobody more important to me than Barry and Cisco. This was why I ran away in fear. I didn't want to do anything to put either one of them in jeopardy}

@donotcallmeelsa

We save innocents; but how come it’s harder to save those we care about. The ones we love. 

Barry Allen he was the fastest man alive. He had no limits. He would race against time, alter the universe in order to protect his own future and those he loved. He wasn’t the same dork he was years ago. He had a big heart; someone who was willing to sacrifice himself. For the greater good. He was hero in his own nature. He worked daily as a Forensic Scientist. He was the guy that found the answers; the dug through the scut; the finger marks, he was the one that had to solve the mystery. Not that it was a humor that he always needed to save others in danger when he wasn’t strong enough. He wasn't fast enough to save his own mother; the night that haunted him to this day. The yellow lights; the red flashes that consumed him. Barry was a saver, he tended to lean into the hero methods. He had formed a family within Star Labs since he became the impossible, the remarkable the Flash. The man that ran faster than life. He had people he called family outside of Joe and Iris. Cisco was his man; the man that came up with the name. The look; the red suit that I wore each night or day when crime came knocking on my door. I was consumed with the heroics. But I also noticed the people around me. I noticed that Caitlin had been silent, she’d been shaky as they say. 

We were friends; but I could tell she was hiding a secret. What secret I had asked myself a billion of times. But each time I tried to fumble my words out to ask I felt frozen on the spot. I felt like my heels had hit the ground and instead I just nodded lamely. I realized I couldn’t be a helping hand if the redhead wasn’t able to let me in herself. She’d been a helping hand for me; through my years of being a hero. I was okay because of her. Which is why last night when I was laying in bed I impulsively sent a text. One I thought but never thought I’d send. It was asking for coffee; a meet up this morning. 

Was I nervous? Yeah but not because I liked Caitlin in a more friendly manner. It was because I felt uncertain for the first if she’d show. If she’d want to be seen here today. I could feel her pain; that she was hurting. All I wanted to do was help her. But I was left in the dark. I had changed rather quickly this morning; into a plain blue shirt; and jeans. Casual as I paced the sidewalk leading into jitters; a place of comfort; a place where the male was able to be himself. Barry Allen the dork; not the mask he wore at night. This was the version he wanted for Caitlin a trusted friend in the storm. Pausing his pacing at the bench; he slowly lowered himself down to the bench pending her own arrival if the female decided to show. 

And that was huge if; all I knew was I wasn't giving up now; not on her.

[donotcallmeelsa]

@ofheroicspeedster

{I felt a crippling level of guilt right now as I stood here in front of Barry. Barry was right... We never lied to each other. He was the one person I could always tell anything to, but this situation felt different. I was afraid to tell him the truth because I didn't want him to look at me like I was a monster. I was scared... I didn't know what was happening to me, and I had a sinking feeling that me saying the words aloud would ruin all of our lives. Then today happened, and I saw Barry was in danger so I acted... My frozen alter ego appeared in order for me to save Barry's life from that meta. The fear of something happening to Barry trumped my fears of letting him see what I was becoming. In the end though, Barry looked at me like I was a monster, and I realized my initial fear had become a reality. All that to say, I was leaving Central City... I didn't necessarily know where I was going to go, but I knew I needed to get as far away from here as possible. Barry stopped me though before I could cross over the city line, which left us standing here in front of each other now. It felt like we were at an impasse. Barry was mad at me for keeping this secret from him, and I still felt like a monster. What if I accidentally hurt Barry or Cisco because I couldn't control my powers? I wondered in dread as I watched Barry close the gap between us, and then I felt his hand take a gentle hold of my wrist. By now my own hands were shaking... I was afraid of what all of this meant. Would I become a threat to the people I love the most? Would I end up needing to be locked up on that island Oliver Queen sent metas who wreaked havoc on others? I wondered in building concern as I heard Barry's offer to help me} Barry, what if I can't control it? What if I end up hurting you or Cisco? I could never live with myself if something happened to either one of you because of me. {I admitted. All of this playing into the reason why I was so afraid to tell them the truth about me. Grant it, I had planned to tell Barry today when we were having coffee, but then the meta attack happened and my plan basically went to hell, you could say} For the record, I'm sorry you found out the way you did. I had planned to tell you during our coffee this morning, but then that meta attacked, and nearly killed you, so I couldn't just sit back and do nothing. I knew the risk I was taking by you finding out that way, but protecting you from further injury or worse was the risk. {I confessed as my heart was beating rapidly. I just wish there was a way to fix me so I wouldn't have these meta powers at all}

@donotcallmeelsa

We save innocents; but how come it’s harder to save those we care about. The ones we love. 

Barry Allen he was the fastest man alive. He had no limits. He would race against time, alter the universe in order to protect his own future and those he loved. He wasn’t the same dork he was years ago. He had a big heart; someone who was willing to sacrifice himself. For the greater good. He was hero in his own nature. He worked daily as a Forensic Scientist. He was the guy that found the answers; the dug through the scut; the finger marks, he was the one that had to solve the mystery. Not that it was a humor that he always needed to save others in danger when he wasn’t strong enough. He wasn't fast enough to save his own mother; the night that haunted him to this day. The yellow lights; the red flashes that consumed him. Barry was a saver, he tended to lean into the hero methods. He had formed a family within Star Labs since he became the impossible, the remarkable the Flash. The man that ran faster than life. He had people he called family outside of Joe and Iris. Cisco was his man; the man that came up with the name. The look; the red suit that I wore each night or day when crime came knocking on my door. I was consumed with the heroics. But I also noticed the people around me. I noticed that Caitlin had been silent, she’d been shaky as they say. 

We were friends; but I could tell she was hiding a secret. What secret I had asked myself a billion of times. But each time I tried to fumble my words out to ask I felt frozen on the spot. I felt like my heels had hit the ground and instead I just nodded lamely. I realized I couldn’t be a helping hand if the redhead wasn’t able to let me in herself. She’d been a helping hand for me; through my years of being a hero. I was okay because of her. Which is why last night when I was laying in bed I impulsively sent a text. One I thought but never thought I’d send. It was asking for coffee; a meet up this morning. 

Was I nervous? Yeah but not because I liked Caitlin in a more friendly manner. It was because I felt uncertain for the first if she’d show. If she’d want to be seen here today. I could feel her pain; that she was hurting. All I wanted to do was help her. But I was left in the dark. I had changed rather quickly this morning; into a plain blue shirt; and jeans. Casual as I paced the sidewalk leading into jitters; a place of comfort; a place where the male was able to be himself. Barry Allen the dork; not the mask he wore at night. This was the version he wanted for Caitlin a trusted friend in the storm. Pausing his pacing at the bench; he slowly lowered himself down to the bench pending her own arrival if the female decided to show. 

And that was huge if; all I knew was I wasn't giving up now; not on her.

[donotcallmeelsa]

@ofheroicspeedster

{I knew Barry was hurt and angry with me now. I didn't blame him for feeling that way. I did keep this from him, but it wasn't because of a question of trust as much as it was fear. I worried that the second I told Barry the truth about my meta powers, that he would react in the exact same way that he did earlier when I saved him from that meta. I couldn't bare the thought of Barry looking at me like I was a monster, which is exactly what happened} It wasn't about me not trusting you, Barry. I do trust you. I was just afraid of what I was becoming, and I felt like if I talked about it, it would make my nightmare a reality. I hoped with enough tests and attempts to reverse it, that I could do just that... That I'd be able to make all of this go away, so nobody would ever need to know. I was so scared of what it all meant. I felt like a monster and I was afraid the minute you found out about my powers, that you would see me as one too... {I started to say as my voice lowered; feeling a lump forming in my throat while a tear trickled down my cheek as I continued} Which is exactly what happened when you did find out. Barry, you're my best friend... You're my family, so the thought of you seeing me as a monster broke my heart. You couldn't even look at me when you found out, so how did you expect me to react? Of course I ran. Why would I stay when the most important person in the world to me couldn't even look me in the eye because he saw me as a monster? {I shared in response to Barry before adding} Anyway, I didn't know what to do, so I figured I'd hit a level of desperation by going to my mother for help. Of course I have no idea if she could figure out a way to reverse this, but I knew it was either give her the chance to fix me, or hide myself away somewhere to avoid your or Cisco having to see me this way.

@donotcallmeelsa

We save innocents; but how come it’s harder to save those we care about. The ones we love. 

Barry Allen he was the fastest man alive. He had no limits. He would race against time, alter the universe in order to protect his own future and those he loved. He wasn’t the same dork he was years ago. He had a big heart; someone who was willing to sacrifice himself. For the greater good. He was hero in his own nature. He worked daily as a Forensic Scientist. He was the guy that found the answers; the dug through the scut; the finger marks, he was the one that had to solve the mystery. Not that it was a humor that he always needed to save others in danger when he wasn’t strong enough. He wasn't fast enough to save his own mother; the night that haunted him to this day. The yellow lights; the red flashes that consumed him. Barry was a saver, he tended to lean into the hero methods. He had formed a family within Star Labs since he became the impossible, the remarkable the Flash. The man that ran faster than life. He had people he called family outside of Joe and Iris. Cisco was his man; the man that came up with the name. The look; the red suit that I wore each night or day when crime came knocking on my door. I was consumed with the heroics. But I also noticed the people around me. I noticed that Caitlin had been silent, she’d been shaky as they say. 

We were friends; but I could tell she was hiding a secret. What secret I had asked myself a billion of times. But each time I tried to fumble my words out to ask I felt frozen on the spot. I felt like my heels had hit the ground and instead I just nodded lamely. I realized I couldn’t be a helping hand if the redhead wasn’t able to let me in herself. She’d been a helping hand for me; through my years of being a hero. I was okay because of her. Which is why last night when I was laying in bed I impulsively sent a text. One I thought but never thought I’d send. It was asking for coffee; a meet up this morning. 

Was I nervous? Yeah but not because I liked Caitlin in a more friendly manner. It was because I felt uncertain for the first if she’d show. If she’d want to be seen here today. I could feel her pain; that she was hurting. All I wanted to do was help her. But I was left in the dark. I had changed rather quickly this morning; into a plain blue shirt; and jeans. Casual as I paced the sidewalk leading into jitters; a place of comfort; a place where the male was able to be himself. Barry Allen the dork; not the mask he wore at night. This was the version he wanted for Caitlin a trusted friend in the storm. Pausing his pacing at the bench; he slowly lowered himself down to the bench pending her own arrival if the female decided to show. 

And that was huge if; all I knew was I wasn't giving up now; not on her.

[donotcallmeelsa]

@ofheroicspeedster

{I knew Barry and I needed to talk this over between us... Apparently he agreed with that sentiment given that he had run down my car to stop me before I could leave the city. Still, I knew he was afraid of me so I was frozen on what to do now. No pun intended. Regardless, when I saw Barry utter out my name, I knew I needed to be the one to get out of the car and speak first. Slowly exiting the vehicle, but out of concern that I would make Barry even more afraid of me, I remained positioned beside the car door} Look, I'm sorry, Barry... I wanted to tell you. I really did, but I didn't know how. I feel like a monster. I hate that I'm becoming her, so before I told you or Cisco, I was hoping I could figure out a way to fix myself first. I've run every test I could think of, and as we speak, I was going against my better judgement and going to see my mom, on the off chance that she could fix me. I don't know what else to do though. {I admitted. The fear clearly evident in my voice... My voice cracking slightly as I fought back the urge to cry because all of this was so confusing and scary right now} I'm terrified of what's happening to me, Barry, but more than my fears on all of that, I can't handle you looking at me like I'm a monster. Barry, I love you. You're my best friend... You're family to me, so the thought of losing you because of all of this, I couldn't stomach it. It's why I was planning to leave. {Right or wrong, my reasons made sense to me... Was I running away from my fears? Yeah, in a way I was, but at the same time, I couldn't stay here knowing I'd lose Barry, and probably Cisco too, as my friends. They're all I have, so if I lose them, I literally have no reason to remain here in Central City}

@donotcallmeelsa

We save innocents; but how come it’s harder to save those we care about. The ones we love. 

Barry Allen he was the fastest man alive. He had no limits. He would race against time, alter the universe in order to protect his own future and those he loved. He wasn’t the same dork he was years ago. He had a big heart; someone who was willing to sacrifice himself. For the greater good. He was hero in his own nature. He worked daily as a Forensic Scientist. He was the guy that found the answers; the dug through the scut; the finger marks, he was the one that had to solve the mystery. Not that it was a humor that he always needed to save others in danger when he wasn’t strong enough. He wasn't fast enough to save his own mother; the night that haunted him to this day. The yellow lights; the red flashes that consumed him. Barry was a saver, he tended to lean into the hero methods. He had formed a family within Star Labs since he became the impossible, the remarkable the Flash. The man that ran faster than life. He had people he called family outside of Joe and Iris. Cisco was his man; the man that came up with the name. The look; the red suit that I wore each night or day when crime came knocking on my door. I was consumed with the heroics. But I also noticed the people around me. I noticed that Caitlin had been silent, she’d been shaky as they say. 

We were friends; but I could tell she was hiding a secret. What secret I had asked myself a billion of times. But each time I tried to fumble my words out to ask I felt frozen on the spot. I felt like my heels had hit the ground and instead I just nodded lamely. I realized I couldn’t be a helping hand if the redhead wasn’t able to let me in herself. She’d been a helping hand for me; through my years of being a hero. I was okay because of her. Which is why last night when I was laying in bed I impulsively sent a text. One I thought but never thought I’d send. It was asking for coffee; a meet up this morning. 

Was I nervous? Yeah but not because I liked Caitlin in a more friendly manner. It was because I felt uncertain for the first if she’d show. If she’d want to be seen here today. I could feel her pain; that she was hurting. All I wanted to do was help her. But I was left in the dark. I had changed rather quickly this morning; into a plain blue shirt; and jeans. Casual as I paced the sidewalk leading into jitters; a place of comfort; a place where the male was able to be himself. Barry Allen the dork; not the mask he wore at night. This was the version he wanted for Caitlin a trusted friend in the storm. Pausing his pacing at the bench; he slowly lowered himself down to the bench pending her own arrival if the female decided to show. 

And that was huge if; all I knew was I wasn't giving up now; not on her.

[donotcallmeelsa]

@ofheroicspeedster

{I slammed on my brakes and expelled a stunned squealed when a figure suddenly ran out in front of my car. It was only as I stopped the car abruptly and my body fell back into my seat before I realized it was Barry in his Flash suit who had stopped me. Judging by the look on his face and the words he uttered, I knew he was upset at me for running. Could he really blame me though? Barry and Cisco were my closest friends... They were family to me. How could I stick around after seeing Barry's reaction to my meta powers? How could I remain here knowing one of the two people I cared about more than life itself saw me as a monster? I knew in my gut that Cisco would see me the same way; especially after how terrified he was when he returned from Earth 2 and shared his encounter with "Killer Frost" with me. Cisco was terrified that I would turn into her, and due to an unfortunately series of events, it seemed I was turning into her. I hated that I had powers. At this moment I would do anything I could to get rid of these powers that I had. My hands were tied though. I didn't know how to get rid of these powers anymore than Barry or any other meta did. What I needed now was the support of my best friends... my "family" as I saw them. Just like I was there for Barry when he got his powers, and I've been there for Cisco in every bit of drama, problem, and issue he faced, I needed them to be there for me. I thought with an expelled sigh as I pulled the car off to the side of the road, then cut the engine. My instinct was to exit my vehicle and make my way toward Barry, so we could talk, but as the image of his reaction to my powers back at the scene where we took down that gigantic meta together played back in my mind, I froze here in my car. I couldn't bring myself to experience that reaction from Barry again... I couldn't stomach him looking at me like I'm a monster all over again, so I sat here in the driver's seat of my car; waiting to see what Barry wanted to do at this point in time. He stopped me, so the ball was in his court, at this moment}

@donotcallmeelsa

We save innocents; but how come it’s harder to save those we care about. The ones we love. 

Barry Allen he was the fastest man alive. He had no limits. He would race against time, alter the universe in order to protect his own future and those he loved. He wasn’t the same dork he was years ago. He had a big heart; someone who was willing to sacrifice himself. For the greater good. He was hero in his own nature. He worked daily as a Forensic Scientist. He was the guy that found the answers; the dug through the scut; the finger marks, he was the one that had to solve the mystery. Not that it was a humor that he always needed to save others in danger when he wasn’t strong enough. He wasn't fast enough to save his own mother; the night that haunted him to this day. The yellow lights; the red flashes that consumed him. Barry was a saver, he tended to lean into the hero methods. He had formed a family within Star Labs since he became the impossible, the remarkable the Flash. The man that ran faster than life. He had people he called family outside of Joe and Iris. Cisco was his man; the man that came up with the name. The look; the red suit that I wore each night or day when crime came knocking on my door. I was consumed with the heroics. But I also noticed the people around me. I noticed that Caitlin had been silent, she’d been shaky as they say. 

We were friends; but I could tell she was hiding a secret. What secret I had asked myself a billion of times. But each time I tried to fumble my words out to ask I felt frozen on the spot. I felt like my heels had hit the ground and instead I just nodded lamely. I realized I couldn’t be a helping hand if the redhead wasn’t able to let me in herself. She’d been a helping hand for me; through my years of being a hero. I was okay because of her. Which is why last night when I was laying in bed I impulsively sent a text. One I thought but never thought I’d send. It was asking for coffee; a meet up this morning. 

Was I nervous? Yeah but not because I liked Caitlin in a more friendly manner. It was because I felt uncertain for the first if she’d show. If she’d want to be seen here today. I could feel her pain; that she was hurting. All I wanted to do was help her. But I was left in the dark. I had changed rather quickly this morning; into a plain blue shirt; and jeans. Casual as I paced the sidewalk leading into jitters; a place of comfort; a place where the male was able to be himself. Barry Allen the dork; not the mask he wore at night. This was the version he wanted for Caitlin a trusted friend in the storm. Pausing his pacing at the bench; he slowly lowered himself down to the bench pending her own arrival if the female decided to show. 

And that was huge if; all I knew was I wasn't giving up now; not on her.

[donotcallmeelsa]

@ofheroicspeedster

{As I drove through Central City toward the highway, I couldn't help but to wonder how long it would take before the others realized I wasn't around. Knowing Cisco he had probably already left multiple messages and texts on my cell phone, which I left at my apartment, and then when I didn't answer, he'd inevitably show up at my apartment only to realize I had packed up and left. Well, that was providing Cisco didn't know about me yet, because once Barry told them about me being a meta, I knew Cisco would just end up looking at me the same way that Barry did. It broke my heart to leave them... To run away like a coward; especially when the three of us were a team. Besides, Cisco and Barry were my family so knowing I might never see them again crushed me. I loved them dearly, so I hated just leaving this way. At the same point though, I couldn't stomach them looking at me like I was a monster. I hated what I was becoming... I hated that I was a meta. I knew my chances of becoming Killer Frost, and if there was anything I could do to change that, I would, but at the moment I just felt broken. Eventually I realized where I would go. I needed help... I needed to be cured, and if anyone could do that, it was my mother. Grant it, she was far from mother of the year, and knowing her, when I arrived, her people would just tell me she was too busy to see me, so it would be nothing more than a fool's errand, but on the off chance that she could cure me, I had to take the risk. I thought to myself as I played the music in my car lightly in an effort to calm my rapidly increasing nerves, and I kept my eyes forward and on the roadway ahead of me as I continued to drive toward the highway}

@donotcallmeelsa

We save innocents; but how come it’s harder to save those we care about. The ones we love. 

Barry Allen he was the fastest man alive. He had no limits. He would race against time, alter the universe in order to protect his own future and those he loved. He wasn’t the same dork he was years ago. He had a big heart; someone who was willing to sacrifice himself. For the greater good. He was hero in his own nature. He worked daily as a Forensic Scientist. He was the guy that found the answers; the dug through the scut; the finger marks, he was the one that had to solve the mystery. Not that it was a humor that he always needed to save others in danger when he wasn’t strong enough. He wasn't fast enough to save his own mother; the night that haunted him to this day. The yellow lights; the red flashes that consumed him. Barry was a saver, he tended to lean into the hero methods. He had formed a family within Star Labs since he became the impossible, the remarkable the Flash. The man that ran faster than life. He had people he called family outside of Joe and Iris. Cisco was his man; the man that came up with the name. The look; the red suit that I wore each night or day when crime came knocking on my door. I was consumed with the heroics. But I also noticed the people around me. I noticed that Caitlin had been silent, she’d been shaky as they say. 

We were friends; but I could tell she was hiding a secret. What secret I had asked myself a billion of times. But each time I tried to fumble my words out to ask I felt frozen on the spot. I felt like my heels had hit the ground and instead I just nodded lamely. I realized I couldn’t be a helping hand if the redhead wasn’t able to let me in herself. She’d been a helping hand for me; through my years of being a hero. I was okay because of her. Which is why last night when I was laying in bed I impulsively sent a text. One I thought but never thought I’d send. It was asking for coffee; a meet up this morning. 

Was I nervous? Yeah but not because I liked Caitlin in a more friendly manner. It was because I felt uncertain for the first if she’d show. If she’d want to be seen here today. I could feel her pain; that she was hurting. All I wanted to do was help her. But I was left in the dark. I had changed rather quickly this morning; into a plain blue shirt; and jeans. Casual as I paced the sidewalk leading into jitters; a place of comfort; a place where the male was able to be himself. Barry Allen the dork; not the mask he wore at night. This was the version he wanted for Caitlin a trusted friend in the storm. Pausing his pacing at the bench; he slowly lowered himself down to the bench pending her own arrival if the female decided to show. 

And that was huge if; all I knew was I wasn't giving up now; not on her.

[donotcallmeelsa]

@ofheroicspeedster

{I could see the look of hurt and disappointment in Barry's eyes as the reality of my secret had now come to light for him. The betrayal he was feeling toward me was obvious in his expression. Not to mention his lack of trust in me was evident when he avoided my hand and opted to wiggle his way out from under the frozen meta with no help from me. Barry was hurt... Not only emotionally, as a result of the secret I had been too afraid to tell him, but also physically too. He was limping and clearly in pain, which made me want to wrap an arm around him and get him to safety. Ordinarily Barry would seek out my help, but given the fact that he couldn't even look at me now, I knew he was afraid of me. My best friend was afraid of me... Barry, the one person I thought would understand more than the others, couldn't even look at me right now, which crushed me beyond words} Okay... {Was all I aired out in defeat as I lowered my hands to my sides. My form immediately returning back to myself as I felt my stomach knotting in disappointment while a lump of hurt from Barry's words and reaction formed in my throat} I'm sorry... {I aired out in not much higher than a whisper as I turned to leave the scene. Barry had made it clear that he didn't want to even look at me, nor was he giving me the impression that he'd want to speak to me again, so I figured leaving was the best course of action. Not only the scene here outside of Jitters, but also Central City too. Fortunately I had already had a couple of my bags packed back at my apartment; planning ahead for the moment that the others found out about my meta powers, and looked at me the way that Barry was looking at me now. I couldn't stay here knowing my friends saw me as a monster, which it turns out from Barry's reaction presently, was exactly how they'd feel, so I decided maybe it would be best for me to leave Central City after all. Without another word, I turned in my stance and started to leave the scene; intentionally going in the opposite direction from the crowds of people as I made my way toward my nearby car, since I didn't want anyone to see my identity. It wasn't long before I reached my car, my hands shaking slightly as I hit the unlock button on my handheld keychain to unlock my door, before I opened it with plans to get in my car, and drive away from here. I knew Barry would still be back at the scene deciding what to do with the frozen meta, which would give me ample time to drive the short distance back to my apartment, and then prepare for my departure from Central City... This was my home... My whole life was here... The people I had come to love as my family were here, so naturally I didn't want to leave, but it was for the best. After all, once the others also learn the secret I just revealed to Barry, they would look at me in the same way that Barry did, and I'd lose them as a result. No, as much as this all tore me apart inside, I reminded myself that the sooner I get away from here, the better off Barry and the others would be. I silently reminded myself as I started my car, pulled out of my parking place, and then started the familiar drive back to my apartment...

Within a few minutes I had reached my apartment, and then a short time later, I was inside my apartment. I set my cell phone down onto the coffee table in my living room; figuring I'd leave it behind once I left town, so nobody would be able to track me. Making my way to my bedroom, I grabbed my already packed bags, carried them into my living room, and started to line them up near my front door. Doing a quick walk through my apartment to unplug my appliances and such, and then grab a few other odds and ends that I knew I'd want to take with me before I started toward the door to put it with my other stuff. I paused briefly and exhaled a soft breath as I stopped in front of a framed picture of Barry, Cisco, and I that was positioned on my coffee table; feeling tears pool slightly in my eyes as I placed the picture with my other stuff, grabbed a jacket, and then prepared to leave. I didn't have many bags, nor were they all that heavy, so I could easily do this in one trip. I thought with determination as I gathered up my bags accordingly; looping the straps of a couple of bags over my shoulder before I opened my door and left my apartment for what I expected to be the last time. Within a short time I had my apartment locked up, my car was packed up, and I was on the road... Mind you, I didn't really know where I was heading currently, but I just knew leaving here was what was best for everyone. Everything else, like my destination, for instance, I would figure out in time, I guess. I thought with tear filled eyes as I kept my gaze forward and on the road as I started toward the nearest highway out of Central City}

@donotcallmeelsa

We save innocents; but how come it’s harder to save those we care about. The ones we love. 

Barry Allen he was the fastest man alive. He had no limits. He would race against time, alter the universe in order to protect his own future and those he loved. He wasn’t the same dork he was years ago. He had a big heart; someone who was willing to sacrifice himself. For the greater good. He was hero in his own nature. He worked daily as a Forensic Scientist. He was the guy that found the answers; the dug through the scut; the finger marks, he was the one that had to solve the mystery. Not that it was a humor that he always needed to save others in danger when he wasn’t strong enough. He wasn't fast enough to save his own mother; the night that haunted him to this day. The yellow lights; the red flashes that consumed him. Barry was a saver, he tended to lean into the hero methods. He had formed a family within Star Labs since he became the impossible, the remarkable the Flash. The man that ran faster than life. He had people he called family outside of Joe and Iris. Cisco was his man; the man that came up with the name. The look; the red suit that I wore each night or day when crime came knocking on my door. I was consumed with the heroics. But I also noticed the people around me. I noticed that Caitlin had been silent, she’d been shaky as they say. 

We were friends; but I could tell she was hiding a secret. What secret I had asked myself a billion of times. But each time I tried to fumble my words out to ask I felt frozen on the spot. I felt like my heels had hit the ground and instead I just nodded lamely. I realized I couldn’t be a helping hand if the redhead wasn’t able to let me in herself. She’d been a helping hand for me; through my years of being a hero. I was okay because of her. Which is why last night when I was laying in bed I impulsively sent a text. One I thought but never thought I’d send. It was asking for coffee; a meet up this morning. 

Was I nervous? Yeah but not because I liked Caitlin in a more friendly manner. It was because I felt uncertain for the first if she’d show. If she’d want to be seen here today. I could feel her pain; that she was hurting. All I wanted to do was help her. But I was left in the dark. I had changed rather quickly this morning; into a plain blue shirt; and jeans. Casual as I paced the sidewalk leading into jitters; a place of comfort; a place where the male was able to be himself. Barry Allen the dork; not the mask he wore at night. This was the version he wanted for Caitlin a trusted friend in the storm. Pausing his pacing at the bench; he slowly lowered himself down to the bench pending her own arrival if the female decided to show. 

And that was huge if; all I knew was I wasn't giving up now; not on her.

[donotcallmeelsa]

@ofheroicspeedster

Not now. {I said in a hushed, shaky tone} Please, Barry... {Meaning I wasn't ready to discuss this here and now. Especially given that Iris, Cisco, and the others were probably listening in via the coms. Sure, I knew they would learn about my powers sooner or later, but I didn't want it to be in this second, if at all possible. Besides, I needed to do what I could to remain calm currently. One thing I had learned from my unwelcomed powers was that I could control them better when I remained focused and calm. Anytime I freaked out or stress though, the inner ice witch took over, and let me tell you, she had a sinister nature. I was afraid of what would happen to Barry, the others, and myself too, if she completely took over. I hated to even consider that horrible thought} Can you move at all? We need to get you out from under him because I don't know how much longer I can hold him up. {Ordinarily the ice would be thick and stable enough to hold someone up off the ground, but given this meta's size and weight, I knew the ice bridge that I had created between Barry and the meta wasn't going to hold long} Here, take my hand, so I can help you up. {My hand was shaking as I extended it toward Barry; knowing the second he felt the coldness in my hand, there was a risk the deep bond and friendship I had with Barry might be broken... Not that I could blame him since I was apparently turning into a monster. I was becoming her, and it crushed me to consider what that could mean} I won't hurt you... I promise. {I reassured Barry in a shaky voice; knowing it would crush me to think of Barry looking at me like I was a monster. My hand remained extended toward Barry as I prepared to help him up, should he allow me to do so. I also knew there was a higher than not chance that Barry had injuries that would need to be tended to as a result of that meta landing on top of him, which led me with an added concern that he wouldn't feel comfortable with me helping him with that, like I always had before, now that he knew the secret I had been desperately trying to hide from him and the others}

@donotcallmeelsa

We save innocents; but how come it’s harder to save those we care about. The ones we love. 

Barry Allen he was the fastest man alive. He had no limits. He would race against time, alter the universe in order to protect his own future and those he loved. He wasn’t the same dork he was years ago. He had a big heart; someone who was willing to sacrifice himself. For the greater good. He was hero in his own nature. He worked daily as a Forensic Scientist. He was the guy that found the answers; the dug through the scut; the finger marks, he was the one that had to solve the mystery. Not that it was a humor that he always needed to save others in danger when he wasn’t strong enough. He wasn't fast enough to save his own mother; the night that haunted him to this day. The yellow lights; the red flashes that consumed him. Barry was a saver, he tended to lean into the hero methods. He had formed a family within Star Labs since he became the impossible, the remarkable the Flash. The man that ran faster than life. He had people he called family outside of Joe and Iris. Cisco was his man; the man that came up with the name. The look; the red suit that I wore each night or day when crime came knocking on my door. I was consumed with the heroics. But I also noticed the people around me. I noticed that Caitlin had been silent, she’d been shaky as they say. 

We were friends; but I could tell she was hiding a secret. What secret I had asked myself a billion of times. But each time I tried to fumble my words out to ask I felt frozen on the spot. I felt like my heels had hit the ground and instead I just nodded lamely. I realized I couldn’t be a helping hand if the redhead wasn’t able to let me in herself. She’d been a helping hand for me; through my years of being a hero. I was okay because of her. Which is why last night when I was laying in bed I impulsively sent a text. One I thought but never thought I’d send. It was asking for coffee; a meet up this morning. 

Was I nervous? Yeah but not because I liked Caitlin in a more friendly manner. It was because I felt uncertain for the first if she’d show. If she’d want to be seen here today. I could feel her pain; that she was hurting. All I wanted to do was help her. But I was left in the dark. I had changed rather quickly this morning; into a plain blue shirt; and jeans. Casual as I paced the sidewalk leading into jitters; a place of comfort; a place where the male was able to be himself. Barry Allen the dork; not the mask he wore at night. This was the version he wanted for Caitlin a trusted friend in the storm. Pausing his pacing at the bench; he slowly lowered himself down to the bench pending her own arrival if the female decided to show. 

And that was huge if; all I knew was I wasn't giving up now; not on her.

[donotcallmeelsa]

@ofheroicspeedster 

{I watched in fear as Barry went head to head with this meta. Recalling how badly it went the last time he went up against a meta that was so large and strong. I couldn't bear the thought of something happening to Barry... Sure, I knew he had rapid healing, but regardless of that, I hated seeing him hurt. Even so, I was trying to be respectful of Barry's orders for me to stay back. Who was I kidding? I was also staying back as a means of trying to protect myself from Barry and anyone else finding out I had powers. Mind you, my hands were already in the air; preparing to use my powers, should the need arise, because I would do anything to protect Barry, but I hoped I wouldn't have to. Still, as I watched the events playing out, I continued to step closer; knowing in my gut that Barry might end up needing my help} Run, Barry... Just run away, Barry. {I muttered under my breath; knowing it wasn't loud enough for Barry or anyone else to hear me, but it was my own form of hope being murmured out under my breath, you could say. Not only did Barry not run away, but he managed to slow the meta down, which started to look like a good sign. Or at least it was until the meta started to lose his balance} Look out! {I yelled toward Barry as the meta was aiming to fall right for him. Fortunately Barry had super speed, so he could easily outrun something like this. Problem was, the meta made the ground unsteady to the point that Barry lost his footing} No! {I yelled out in fear as the meta came right down on top of Barry. Without a second thought I approached the scene. My hands raised in the direction of the meta as I aimed to the area of the meta's back that was currently on top of Barry; shooting enough ice from my hands to place a frosty bridge, of sorts, between Barry and the meta; trying to put a bodily separation between Barry and the meta. Once the meta was lifted high enough above Barry, I continued dousing the icy bridge with a few more layers of ice, so his weight wouldn't cause it to crash down on us. At that I rushed over to Barry; kneeling down beside him as he laid still on the ground} Barry? Barry, can you hear me? Come on, we need to hurry. {I said as I used the strength I could to drag him away from the ice bridge holding up the meta. My own human strength wasn't cutting it though, so I knew I needed to call on "Killer Frost's" strength once more. Exhaling softly in worry as I briefly closed my eyes; trying to concentrate on my inner meta strength as I grabbed a hold of Barry's body once more, but it was no use. All I was doing was making matters worse. I thought to myself as I saw the hints of frost forming on Barry's suit, which prompted me to immediately release my hands from him in fear} Barry, wake up. Please! {I pleaded as I saw the meta starting to stir; knowing he was coming to after his fall. At that, I shifted up onto my feet in preparation to hold him off until Barry regained his strength again. Once I was on my feet and had myself positioned protectively between Barry and the meta, I raised my shaking hands toward the meta; firing ice and snowy substances his way as a means of keeping him away from Barry. I did manage to impale him with a few thick icicles, but he was so strong, he just pulled them out before angrily heading straight for me again; prompting me to cover him with as much snow and ice as I could. Sooner or later the freezing cold substances had to slow him to a stop, right? I thought in hope as I continued fearfully using my powers to protect Barry and I both}

@donotcallmeelsa

We save innocents; but how come it’s harder to save those we care about. The ones we love. 

Barry Allen he was the fastest man alive. He had no limits. He would race against time, alter the universe in order to protect his own future and those he loved. He wasn’t the same dork he was years ago. He had a big heart; someone who was willing to sacrifice himself. For the greater good. He was hero in his own nature. He worked daily as a Forensic Scientist. He was the guy that found the answers; the dug through the scut; the finger marks, he was the one that had to solve the mystery. Not that it was a humor that he always needed to save others in danger when he wasn’t strong enough. He wasn't fast enough to save his own mother; the night that haunted him to this day. The yellow lights; the red flashes that consumed him. Barry was a saver, he tended to lean into the hero methods. He had formed a family within Star Labs since he became the impossible, the remarkable the Flash. The man that ran faster than life. He had people he called family outside of Joe and Iris. Cisco was his man; the man that came up with the name. The look; the red suit that I wore each night or day when crime came knocking on my door. I was consumed with the heroics. But I also noticed the people around me. I noticed that Caitlin had been silent, she’d been shaky as they say. 

We were friends; but I could tell she was hiding a secret. What secret I had asked myself a billion of times. But each time I tried to fumble my words out to ask I felt frozen on the spot. I felt like my heels had hit the ground and instead I just nodded lamely. I realized I couldn’t be a helping hand if the redhead wasn’t able to let me in herself. She’d been a helping hand for me; through my years of being a hero. I was okay because of her. Which is why last night when I was laying in bed I impulsively sent a text. One I thought but never thought I’d send. It was asking for coffee; a meet up this morning. 

Was I nervous? Yeah but not because I liked Caitlin in a more friendly manner. It was because I felt uncertain for the first if she’d show. If she’d want to be seen here today. I could feel her pain; that she was hurting. All I wanted to do was help her. But I was left in the dark. I had changed rather quickly this morning; into a plain blue shirt; and jeans. Casual as I paced the sidewalk leading into jitters; a place of comfort; a place where the male was able to be himself. Barry Allen the dork; not the mask he wore at night. This was the version he wanted for Caitlin a trusted friend in the storm. Pausing his pacing at the bench; he slowly lowered himself down to the bench pending her own arrival if the female decided to show. 

And that was huge if; all I knew was I wasn't giving up now; not on her.

[donotcallmeelsa]

@ofheroicspeedster 

{Was I ready for anyone to know I was her? Killer Frost? No. I never wanted anyone to find out; especially Barry. I knew how the world looked at metas. Take Barry for instance, He was a hero. The one who risked his own life, on a daily basis, to save this city, and while some people revere him, others see him as a criminal that should be arrested. My point being, people often feared what they didn’t understand, and even a hero, like Barry, was no exception to some negative feedback from those who feared what they didn’t understand about his abilities. Then you had the metas, like this one here and now, who did what they could to wreak havoc and try to destroy our city. Some of the people in this city would love nothing more than to see metas like this one permanently ended. All that to say, how would they react to someone like me? Would they be vying for my demise too? As unsettling as that thought and uncertainty was, it was worse not knowing how Barry would handle the news of me having meta powers. I don’t think I could handle him looking at me with disdain or fear. I silently thought to myself as I made my way outside of Jitters, so I could ensure Barry was okay. I knew this meta was huge, so he wasn’t going to be easy to take down. There was a higher than not chance that Barry could get hurt as a result of this latest take down. Bringing me back to my original question... Was I read for anyone to know about my powers? No, but sooner or later I was going to have to confide in Barry about what was happening to me, so if it meant me revealing my powers while helping him to take down this meta, then so be it. I thought as I exhaled lightly and lifted my hands into the air. As I stood there in the direct area of the current fight, I braced myself for the chance that I might need to use my powers to step in, should Barry need me}

@donotcallmeelsa

We save innocents; but how come it’s harder to save those we care about. The ones we love. 

Barry Allen he was the fastest man alive. He had no limits. He would race against time, alter the universe in order to protect his own future and those he loved. He wasn’t the same dork he was years ago. He had a big heart; someone who was willing to sacrifice himself. For the greater good. He was hero in his own nature. He worked daily as a Forensic Scientist. He was the guy that found the answers; the dug through the scut; the finger marks, he was the one that had to solve the mystery. Not that it was a humor that he always needed to save others in danger when he wasn’t strong enough. He wasn't fast enough to save his own mother; the night that haunted him to this day. The yellow lights; the red flashes that consumed him. Barry was a saver, he tended to lean into the hero methods. He had formed a family within Star Labs since he became the impossible, the remarkable the Flash. The man that ran faster than life. He had people he called family outside of Joe and Iris. Cisco was his man; the man that came up with the name. The look; the red suit that I wore each night or day when crime came knocking on my door. I was consumed with the heroics. But I also noticed the people around me. I noticed that Caitlin had been silent, she’d been shaky as they say. 

We were friends; but I could tell she was hiding a secret. What secret I had asked myself a billion of times. But each time I tried to fumble my words out to ask I felt frozen on the spot. I felt like my heels had hit the ground and instead I just nodded lamely. I realized I couldn’t be a helping hand if the redhead wasn’t able to let me in herself. She’d been a helping hand for me; through my years of being a hero. I was okay because of her. Which is why last night when I was laying in bed I impulsively sent a text. One I thought but never thought I’d send. It was asking for coffee; a meet up this morning. 

Was I nervous? Yeah but not because I liked Caitlin in a more friendly manner. It was because I felt uncertain for the first if she’d show. If she’d want to be seen here today. I could feel her pain; that she was hurting. All I wanted to do was help her. But I was left in the dark. I had changed rather quickly this morning; into a plain blue shirt; and jeans. Casual as I paced the sidewalk leading into jitters; a place of comfort; a place where the male was able to be himself. Barry Allen the dork; not the mask he wore at night. This was the version he wanted for Caitlin a trusted friend in the storm. Pausing his pacing at the bench; he slowly lowered himself down to the bench pending her own arrival if the female decided to show. 

And that was huge if; all I knew was I wasn't giving up now; not on her.

[donotcallmeelsa]

@ofheroicspeedster 

{I was tired of keeping the secret about my powers from everyone; especially Barry and Cisco because they were family to me. I never lied to them, so the idea that I was now was eating away at me. This being one of the reasons why I had been avoiding them lately. Ignoring their calls, not coming into work on some days, and canceling plans more often than not. Barry and I used to grab coffee together several times a week, yet since I realized I had powers, I had been canceling more often than not. Today, though, I had made up my mind that I was going to finally tell Barry the truth. I figured if anyone would understand what I was going through, it was Barry. After all, he was a meta-human himself, so he understood, better than most, how scary it is to go from being a normal, run of the mill human to someone with powers you didn’t understand. At the same point, though, I knew if I couldn’t control my powers, I would be a danger to him, which was a risk I wasn’t willing to take. Obviously knowing Barry and his optimism, he would reassure me that he would figure out a way to help me to gain control over my powers, but I didn’t know if I would be able to agree to something like that... Not if I was still a risk to the ones I love. No, I would leave town and never look back, if it meant protecting Barry and Cisco. I mean, what if I became her? Killer Frost? My head shaking in fear at the thought of that as Barry and I prepared to place our coffee orders. I flashed Barry a soft smile, though when I heard him order my usual coffee order, and then quickly paid before I had the chance to do so} Thank you, Barry... Both for the coffee, but more than that, for being such an understanding and supportive friend to me. {I started to say as we got situated at one of the tables and then I had expelled a soft breath; trying to muster up the courage to tell Barry the truth} I don’t want to take a step back... I also don’t want to keep this from you anymore, so I’m going to tell you what’s going on with me, and then I think you’ll better understand why I’ve been so distant lately. {I started to say as the server approached our table with our coffee beverages. Flashing her a soft, gracious smile and mouthed a thank you as I took a brief sip of my iced coffee. Waiting for the waitress to leave the table, and Barry and I were alone again, so I could continue. Swallowing lowly as my lips parted to continue} Okay, so a few weeks back something happened... {I started to say, but paused and gave Barry a look of concern when I felt our table shake, so much so that I had to hold my coffee beverage steady or else it would have fallen over. I could hear the sounds of screams coming from outside, followed by loud thuds repeating one right after the other. By now people from inside Jitters were rushing toward the windows to see what was going on, and judging by the sounds that followed, I knew whatever it was, we were all in danger now} Barry... {I added in a small, shaky voice as I caught a glimpse of the figure as it trudged loudly and heavily past the windows of Jitters. It was huge... Made the giants of fairy-tale books look like nothing of consequence. I knew it was a meta. Not like one I had ever seen before, but I knew Barry was going to be in danger when he went to fight this thing} Be careful. Please. {I lowered my cold, shaking hand onto his to give it a gentle squeeze before releasing his hand. I knew Barry was a hero, so I could sit here and beg for him to sit this one out, but it would do me no good, because Barry would never back down from a fight. Even one like this that could put him in serious risk. My eyes widened in concern as I watched cars and other vehicles being thrown into the air by this thing. The police were already firing shots at it, but the meta wasn’t phased, in the least. I watched as the meta lifted a police cruiser and launched it toward the police; knowing Barry would speed there and save the police before anyone ends up harmed. I thought to myself as I shifted off of my stool and made my way toward the door; pushing through the scared yet curious crowd of people as I made my way outside. Something in my gut told me to stay inside the building... My own fears telling me my inner ice queen was about to make herself known, so I needed to keep myself away from stressful and scary situations, but at the same point, I knew Barry was going to need help to take this thing down... I could sense that this meta was like nothing he ever fought before. I needed to be ready to act should Barry get in trouble and need my help, but at the same point, my fears questioned me if this was how I wanted Barry to find out about my powers. I was afraid, to say the least. I wasn’t ready for anyone to know about my powers, but at the same point, if Barry ended up in danger, I would risk it all to protect him... You know, providing I could get my inner ice powers to make themselves known, should the need arise. I thought in building fear and uncertainty as I watched this enormous meta continuing to destroy the most populated part of our city}

@donotcallmeelsa

We save innocents; but how come it’s harder to save those we care about. The ones we love. 

Barry Allen he was the fastest man alive. He had no limits. He would race against time, alter the universe in order to protect his own future and those he loved. He wasn’t the same dork he was years ago. He had a big heart; someone who was willing to sacrifice himself. For the greater good. He was hero in his own nature. He worked daily as a Forensic Scientist. He was the guy that found the answers; the dug through the scut; the finger marks, he was the one that had to solve the mystery. Not that it was a humor that he always needed to save others in danger when he wasn’t strong enough. He wasn't fast enough to save his own mother; the night that haunted him to this day. The yellow lights; the red flashes that consumed him. Barry was a saver, he tended to lean into the hero methods. He had formed a family within Star Labs since he became the impossible, the remarkable the Flash. The man that ran faster than life. He had people he called family outside of Joe and Iris. Cisco was his man; the man that came up with the name. The look; the red suit that I wore each night or day when crime came knocking on my door. I was consumed with the heroics. But I also noticed the people around me. I noticed that Caitlin had been silent, she’d been shaky as they say. 

We were friends; but I could tell she was hiding a secret. What secret I had asked myself a billion of times. But each time I tried to fumble my words out to ask I felt frozen on the spot. I felt like my heels had hit the ground and instead I just nodded lamely. I realized I couldn’t be a helping hand if the redhead wasn’t able to let me in herself. She’d been a helping hand for me; through my years of being a hero. I was okay because of her. Which is why last night when I was laying in bed I impulsively sent a text. One I thought but never thought I’d send. It was asking for coffee; a meet up this morning. 

Was I nervous? Yeah but not because I liked Caitlin in a more friendly manner. It was because I felt uncertain for the first if she’d show. If she’d want to be seen here today. I could feel her pain; that she was hurting. All I wanted to do was help her. But I was left in the dark. I had changed rather quickly this morning; into a plain blue shirt; and jeans. Casual as I paced the sidewalk leading into jitters; a place of comfort; a place where the male was able to be himself. Barry Allen the dork; not the mask he wore at night. This was the version he wanted for Caitlin a trusted friend in the storm. Pausing his pacing at the bench; he slowly lowered himself down to the bench pending her own arrival if the female decided to show. 

And that was huge if; all I knew was I wasn't giving up now; not on her.

[donotcallmeelsa]

@ofheroicspeedster 

{I had been an awful friend to Barry and Cisco lately. There was no denying that; even if they themselves would ever be too nice to say such a thing about me. Sure, I had my reasons... Fear mostly, but regardless, I knew I needed to do better. To find a way to confide in them about what was happening to me lately... Why I was avoiding them, canceling plans we had to hang out, and even ducking out of my responsibilities lately at work too. I had basically checked out, and fear of the unknown or not, I needed to come clean with them about it. Probably the only reason I hadn’t canceled on Barry for our coffee date this morning. I told myself today was the day. Good or bad, and regardless of the outcome, it was time I am honest with Barry about what’s really going on with me. A part of me knew that although I hadn’t known Barry as long as I had known Cisco, Barry would handle this news I was planning to share with him better than Cisco would. After all, Barry himself obviously has experience with going from a normal guy to a meta, so out of everyone, I had a feeling Barry would be the most supportive. Besides, I had planned to leave Central City anyway, since I wasn’t about to become a danger to this town, or especially to the people I loved. Before I left though, I at least wanted Barry to know why I was going. I owed him that, at the very least. I figured after I told him, he was free to tell Cisco and the others when he felt the time was right. I silently considered as I approached Barry with a small, yet friendly smile} Good morning. {I responded back warmly. Disregard the irony in that. I thought to myself as he opened the door, and then we made our way inside Jitters, before moving in line to place our orders} I’m sorry I haven’t exactly been the best or most reliable friend lately, Barry. I appreciate you still trying to make plans with me, though. {I said with a smile as we waited side by side each other in line. Sure, the conversation would eventually take a strange and unexpected turn, once we reached a table and could speak with more privacy, but for now, I did want Barry to know I appreciated him, his loyalty, and his kindness toward me; even if I didn’t deserve it currently}

@donotcallmeelsa

We save innocents; but how come it’s harder to save those we care about. The ones we love. 

Barry Allen he was the fastest man alive. He had no limits. He would race against time, alter the universe in order to protect his own future and those he loved. He wasn’t the same dork he was years ago. He had a big heart; someone who was willing to sacrifice himself. For the greater good. He was hero in his own nature. He worked daily as a Forensic Scientist. He was the guy that found the answers; the dug through the scut; the finger marks, he was the one that had to solve the mystery. Not that it was a humor that he always needed to save others in danger when he wasn’t strong enough. He wasn't fast enough to save his own mother; the night that haunted him to this day. The yellow lights; the red flashes that consumed him. Barry was a saver, he tended to lean into the hero methods. He had formed a family within Star Labs since he became the impossible, the remarkable the Flash. The man that ran faster than life. He had people he called family outside of Joe and Iris. Cisco was his man; the man that came up with the name. The look; the red suit that I wore each night or day when crime came knocking on my door. I was consumed with the heroics. But I also noticed the people around me. I noticed that Caitlin had been silent, she’d been shaky as they say. 

We were friends; but I could tell she was hiding a secret. What secret I had asked myself a billion of times. But each time I tried to fumble my words out to ask I felt frozen on the spot. I felt like my heels had hit the ground and instead I just nodded lamely. I realized I couldn’t be a helping hand if the redhead wasn’t able to let me in herself. She’d been a helping hand for me; through my years of being a hero. I was okay because of her. Which is why last night when I was laying in bed I impulsively sent a text. One I thought but never thought I’d send. It was asking for coffee; a meet up this morning. 

Was I nervous? Yeah but not because I liked Caitlin in a more friendly manner. It was because I felt uncertain for the first if she’d show. If she’d want to be seen here today. I could feel her pain; that she was hurting. All I wanted to do was help her. But I was left in the dark. I had changed rather quickly this morning; into a plain blue shirt; and jeans. Casual as I paced the sidewalk leading into jitters; a place of comfort; a place where the male was able to be himself. Barry Allen the dork; not the mask he wore at night. This was the version he wanted for Caitlin a trusted friend in the storm. Pausing his pacing at the bench; he slowly lowered himself down to the bench pending her own arrival if the female decided to show. 

And that was huge if; all I knew was I wasn't giving up now; not on her.

[donotcallmeelsa]

@ofheroicspeedster

{I was never the sort of person to keep secrets... At least not from Barry or Cisco, since they were my best friends. We found a long time ago that there was no reason to keep secrets from us because we would just figure them out anyway. Might as well save each other the time and just be honest, right from the start. This time was different though. This secret was one that filled me with fear... Fear of the future. Fear of the uncertainty... Fear that I would end up hurting the people I love the most... Fear that I will need to leave Central City, and start fresh somewhere else. Yes, I had powers now... The cold kind, and I was terrified what all of this could mean for me, yes, but more than that, I was worried about how Barry and Cisco would look at me, once they learn the truth. Would they see me as a monster? My head giving a slight shake; knowing the thought of that was crushing to me. I thought to myself as I reluctantly walked down the familiar sidewalk toward Jitters. Ordinarily coffee with Barry wouldn’t be something I was hesitant about doing, but something in my gut told me this wasn’t the normal friendly coffee meeting with Barry. I had a feeling he could see I was hiding something with him, so this coffee meeting was intended to pry the truth out of me. I thought with an exhaled breath as I approached Jitters; noticing Barry waiting on a bench for me. In seeing him, a slow smile pulled at the corners of my lips as I walked toward him; trying to act as calm, cool, and collected as I could. Well, maybe more so calm and collected, because “cool” should be avoided as much as possible for me right now} Good morning. Sorry to keep you waiting. Slow, human pace and all of that. {I aired out with a playfulness in my tone as the smile lingered across my lips} I hope you haven’t been waiting long. {I added sheepishly. Just trying to keep things normal with Barry now. Hoping if I fake it well enough, maybe he won’t question me on what I”m hiding from him currently}

@donotcallmeelsa

We save innocents; but how come it’s harder to save those we care about. The ones we love. 

Barry Allen he was the fastest man alive. He had no limits. He would race against time, alter the universe in order to protect his own future and those he loved. He wasn’t the same dork he was years ago. He had a big heart; someone who was willing to sacrifice himself. For the greater good. He was hero in his own nature. He worked daily as a Forensic Scientist. He was the guy that found the answers; the dug through the scut; the finger marks, he was the one that had to solve the mystery. Not that it was a humor that he always needed to save others in danger when he wasn’t strong enough. He wasn't fast enough to save his own mother; the night that haunted him to this day. The yellow lights; the red flashes that consumed him. Barry was a saver, he tended to lean into the hero methods. He had formed a family within Star Labs since he became the impossible, the remarkable the Flash. The man that ran faster than life. He had people he called family outside of Joe and Iris. Cisco was his man; the man that came up with the name. The look; the red suit that I wore each night or day when crime came knocking on my door. I was consumed with the heroics. But I also noticed the people around me. I noticed that Caitlin had been silent, she’d been shaky as they say. 

We were friends; but I could tell she was hiding a secret. What secret I had asked myself a billion of times. But each time I tried to fumble my words out to ask I felt frozen on the spot. I felt like my heels had hit the ground and instead I just nodded lamely. I realized I couldn’t be a helping hand if the redhead wasn’t able to let me in herself. She’d been a helping hand for me; through my years of being a hero. I was okay because of her. Which is why last night when I was laying in bed I impulsively sent a text. One I thought but never thought I’d send. It was asking for coffee; a meet up this morning. 

Was I nervous? Yeah but not because I liked Caitlin in a more friendly manner. It was because I felt uncertain for the first if she’d show. If she’d want to be seen here today. I could feel her pain; that she was hurting. All I wanted to do was help her. But I was left in the dark. I had changed rather quickly this morning; into a plain blue shirt; and jeans. Casual as I paced the sidewalk leading into jitters; a place of comfort; a place where the male was able to be himself. Barry Allen the dork; not the mask he wore at night. This was the version he wanted for Caitlin a trusted friend in the storm. Pausing his pacing at the bench; he slowly lowered himself down to the bench pending her own arrival if the female decided to show. 

And that was huge if; all I knew was I wasn't giving up now; not on her.