donnapalo - Tumblr blog

donnapalo · 2 years ago

Text

That Bitch Called Lala

Over the years, I've already come across different kinds of mean people but, to this day, I don't forget my very first close encounter. Like, meron pala talagang ganung tao? LOL. Akala ko sa pelikula or mga palabas lang sa TV. I grew up around polite, supportive, and people na hindi squatter ugali having studied in my youth in a private, Catholic school in a village so I was shookt and I didn't have the life skill to tackle on that spawn of Satan.

I've had the misfortune of coming across that bitch in UP Diliman, College of Business Administration. Before that bitch revealed her true colors, she was one of the few people I usually hang with. I don't know how or why pero naging kasa-kasama ko siya and I think we're ok naman...until that year.

Marami naman talagang masama ugali doon sa lugar na yun and I didn't really want to be there. Andyan yung maraming parinig ng parinig and ginagawan ka ng kwento. Andyan yung mga tinatawanan ka at nilalait over the shallowest things (e.g. hitsura). Pero iba, if the person you thought is your friend and yung akala mo na one of the few people na mabait dun is insekyorang palaka pala. Also, for me, wala namang kwenta yung mga tinuturo dun. I would have been better off taking Engineering, Statistics, or other scientific courses. Hindi ko lang naasikaso mag-shift out dun sa walang kwentang lugar na yun. But I digress.

It was supposedly my final year. I was really looking forward to getting out of that place even if I wasn't in the right headspace. Since final year na, may feasibility study. All the other subjects too had group activities wherein kagroup ko that bitch.

I think ok naman nung una sa mga group activities. Then bigla nalang siyang nambabara sa meeting. Like, one time, I was suggesting Dunkin Donuts (though di ko na maalala exactly for what). And she was like, "Cheaaaaap!" Sinigawan ba naman ako. As if naman expensive siya. Ugali pa lang, alam mong hindi sosyal despite her trying to be perceived as such. Since hindi naman ako sanay makipag-away, ang nasabi ko nalang is "sinasabi ko lang naman". Masama na pala mag-suggest? Imagine if ganun katrabaho or boss mo; she's the kind of person that can make a workplace unsafe and toxic for others. And how would you participate if ganun kabastos yung kagroup mo? Even if pangit or hindi mo trip yung idea ng iba, kailangan sisigawan or babarahin or lalaitin? If pala-patol ako, baka sinigawan ko din. But I didn't. I was better than that. Saka hindi naman namin siya boss. Acting leader, maybe. Pero, pag iniisip ko ngayon, who the fuck is she. Even dun sa isa pa naming kagroup na nakakausap ko pa until now, ang sama rin nya magsalita. Akala naman talaga nung bitch na yun kung sino siya and ang galing galing nya dun sa subject na yun. Kung maka-asta, akala mo katulong nya kami or something. Kung anong ikinaputi nya, yun naman ang ikinaitim ng budhi. LOL.

Pero the thing that made me really uncomfortable... to the point na ayaw ko na to be anywhere near or around her started nung magsusurvey na for feasibility. I volunteered na ako na magpaphotocopy since hindi raw makakapagpaphotocopy yung kung sino. Napaphotocopy ko naman. Pero pagdating ko dun sa Greenbelt, galit na galit yung maldita, parinig ng parinig. Ang sabi nya, "Hindi pang Class A". I don't know if dahil pangit yung papel ng photocopied survey questionnaires or ako ang nilalait or both. I don't know too kung gaano ba siya kayaman or kung mayaman ba siya or she's trying hard to be perceived as Class A whatever the fuck Class A means to her to even act like that. Saka, for me, pag sinabing Class A, it means peke, gaya-gaya etc. LOL. Also, I've been around someone before na anak talaga ng milyonaryo (or maybe bilyonaryo pa nga) and kilalang tao sa gobyerno and other people na may sinabi sa buhay, pero despite the wealth and power, hindi naman ganun umasta. In my masteral classes too wherein I'm sure mas magaling yung iba kong kasama, hindi sila katulad nya. Some of them would even uplift me. E siya, sino ba siya. Also, if she's a civilized and non-malicious person, pwede naman nyang sabihin nang maayos na hindi ok yung quality ng papel or what. I remember I offered na ipaphotocopy ko nalang uli pero galit na galit. Well, I guess her intention really was ipamukha sa mga ibang kagroup namin na ganun yung gawa ko or di ako ok kagroup or what. Pwe! Siya ang hindi ok ka-group and sa corporate world, mga katulad nyang maldita at toxic yung kailangan mong iwasang maging katrabaho.

Hindi nalang ako nakipagtalo dahil hindi naman ako sanay makipagbardagulan. I remember from Greenbelt wherein ang idea nya is magflyering kami ng survey questionnaire or mangharang/approach ng mga dumadaan (which is stupid, by the way, and mas lalong hindi sosyal) pumunta kami sa SM Makati foodcourt ata yun and patuloy nya akong biniblame (when pwede ko naman ipaphotocopy uli somewhere around that place yung mga questionnaires kahit pa gano kamahal). Habang nakaupo, I decided na magbasa muna ng readings na dala ko dahil isinabay ko sa pagphotocopy. Aba si maldita, murmur ng murmur and pinariringgan pa ako ng nerd daw ako blahblah. That's when I decided to leave. It started to get really awkward from there.

Back then, I had a gay friend and once, in a class, sabi nya sakin, "Donna, ayusin mo yan." Pumapasok pa ako sa mga classes nun pero hindi ko kinakausap yung bitchesa. Like wow, ako pa magpapakumbaba sa nambubully sakin? Haha. I replied to him, "Ewan ko dyan, nung Saturday pa yan, murmur ng murmur. Saka nerd daw ako. Uwi na nga ako magpakanerd na akooooo!" I remember some people seated from the back heard me and they were like "Hayaaaaan!" Kung di ba naman insecure, pati ba naman kung nerd ako or hindi, issue sa kanya? Saka pabagsak-bagsak pa siya ng gamit when I'm around her. Would you be comfortable to be near someone like that? Ako hindi.

In other classes, though, parang kinakampihan yun. Especially dun sa global marketing crap na klase. May pag "go go go" sa kanya the other bitch in the place na L din start ng pangalan (Laurice or Louriz ata. Well I don't care kung sino siya and kung ano spelling ng pangalan nya) as well as yung pangit na lalaki named M na tingin ng tingin sakin. I remember my gay friend telling me when I told her about the Louriz bitch and what I was hearing her say and he said "Maarte lang yun. Pero mas mayaman ako sa kanya." LOL. Katakot din the guy na tingin ng tingin, mukhang may mga balak na kasing itim nya. But I digress, again.

It became more and more awkward until I don't feel like coming in to my classes, anymore. Especially the classes na andun yung maldita. Except dun sa strat course ata yun wherein my gay friend was around. Meron pang mga online stalker and I know because I hear them talking something related to what I post. As if naman I really tweet exactly what I think. There were professors too na kung anu-ano sinasabi in class and I don't know kung nagpaparinig ba or what. Like, what the fuck. That place is a dump. I've taken classes in other colleges pero mostly ok naman, hindi toxic and walang nangbibring down or gumagawa ng kung anong rumors. Dun lang talaga. Wala naman akong bilib sa mga marketing marketing eme nila. I did not learn anything from them either. Whatever skills I have used for all the work that I have done over the years, I haven't learned them from that place and from any people in that place.

I still tried to save what I could and, against my will, ako pa lumapit dun sa bitch since unfortunately, ka-grupo ko siya sa lahat. Pero parang pinalalabas nya sa iba na umaasa lang daw ako sa groupmates. Ang galing talaga tumahi ng kwento. Saka feeling naman nila talaga ang galing nila. Walang kahihiyan. If most of the classes do not have group work, I was surely better off... kahit pa para sakin walang kwenta yung mga inaaral and I wasn't interested at all. Like DUH, wala naman silang kahit anong naitulong sakin, kaya ko gumawa mag-isa, and I probably even had better ideas sa mga gawa nila, and mas nakagulo pa sakin yung may kailangan akong pakisamahan na demonyita. Not to brag or anything pero matalino naman talaga ako since I was a kid and I did ok in most subjects even if I didn't try too hard. Ewan ko lang sila and kung anong pagsusunog ng kilay ginagawa nila. There was even an accounting class na ilang beses ko lang pinasukan pero ang taas ng grade ko. There were even semesters too where I was part of yung equivalent ng "dean's list" even if di ako naghahabol or nageeffort makakuha ng magandang grades. Hindi ako bobo, and hindi ako katulad lang nila, let alone mas mababa sa kanila.

Nakakatawa too how pinalalabas nung iba na hindi ko daw kaya or kinaya blahblahblah. Bakit, pang-henyo yung mga tinuturo dun? Business Ad? Lol. Laway lang puhunan ng mga tao dun. Hindi yun mahirap like sciences, hindi lang ako pumapasok. Walang kwenta na nga dun, ang pangit pa ng environment. Not good for your mental health. Given all that I have achieved so far, too, wala namang problema sa aking mental capability. If anything, mas complex pa yung mga natutunan ko after college sa kahit anong itinuro sa mga pinasukan ko dun LOL. So all the claims about hindi ko kaya eme doesn't make sense. Wala rin akong pake sa marketing and never ko pinageffortan matutunan yun. Yung mga quantitative subjects din, hindi naman maganda yung turo, pumapasa rin ako kahit di ako nageeffort. Pero yun nga, nakakatamad na, ang toxic pa sa paligid. Kagrupo ko pa sa halos lahat yung demonyita. May mga prof din na parang gustung-gusto ka idown. Nakakatawa lalo na yung sa global marketing saka sa market research. Mga impakta. Sabi pa nung isa sakin, chinecheck daw nila thoroughly yung sagot ko sa exam. Like, ano yun? Feeling ba nila may kasinungalingan sa mga sagot ko or what. Yung isa din, yung Tubianosa, nung isang exam parang may sinasabi pa na nananabotahe daw or takpan daw yung papel nung exam. Kapal ng mga mukha nun. Saka yung kinakampihan nila, hindi naman special or ganun kagaling para sa idea nila na sinasabotahe or kokopyahan and mas lalong hindi naman mabait. If anything, sila ang questionable ang character. Birds of a feather? Yun din hirap sa mga exam na subjective yung paggrade, pag hindi ka nila bet or pag may kinakampihan silang impakta, pwede ka nilang bigyan ng pangit na grade. Ikinayaman kaya nila yung magbigay ng pangit na grade? Kapal ng mga mukha kung makasalita sakin and pati yung mga sinasuggest nila about me. I should have gathered evidence para nakasuhan ko sila ng harrassment. Kahit alam ko na hindi ako dapat magpaapekto dun sa demonyita at sa mga kampon nya, may effect talaga e. Kung dati hindi na ako komportable at wala akong gana, mas lalong nakademotivate and nakacause ng anxiety.

Meron pa akong narinig nung sabi nung isang kagrupo dun sa walang kwentang feasib, yung intsik yung apelyido (I think Ng ata. Di ko na maalala; all I remember is pa siyang maldita), "iba naman kasi yung math nung highschool blahblahblah". Katawa, nangbibringdown talaga. Saka wala naman akong sinasabi about math or kung ano man tinatry nilang palabasin. Meron pang isa, yung Cueco ang apelyido na utang ng utang sakin, na kung anu-ano sinasabi. Birds of a feather flock together talaga e lol. Narinig ko rin sabi nung bitch na "nagfiflirt sa prof para makakuha ng magandang grade". Wow ha, kelan nangyari yun? Dapat pala talaga pag may mga ganun-ganung gumagawa ng rumor, sinasagot. Ang galing gumawa ng kwento e. I never cared about grades. Like, wala naman akong scholarship to be desperate and I was under no pressure whatsoever to graduate with honors or immediately or to earn money right after graduating. May narinig rin ako na sinabi nun na nagpapaawa daw ako blahblah. Kanino ako nagpapaawa? Lol. Andaming iniimbento ng babaeng yun para kunwari ako yung masama and wala siyang ginawang masama. Lahat ng mataas na grades na nakuha ko, although I didn't try hard for them, they are commensurate sa outputs ko in classes (e.g. exams) and hindi naman ako close sa kahit sinong professor.

Pag nagsasalita rin ako to give suggestions, may papahid-pahid pa ng ilong and paghiss yung demonyitang yun. To be exact pa may "Tss tss" siya when I speak. Ayoko rin naman siyang ka-group DUH. May sinasabi pa around me na pahiya daw ako at talo/loser daw ako. Like, talaga ba? Ako pa mapahiya sa impaktang feeling amo, feeling trilyonaryo, and ugaling squatter. Wala rin akong pake sa kung anong mga ganap nya and I was studying simply to finish my education. Feeling relevant. Katawa how she would make it seem that because ako daw may issue sa acads, hindi siya yung problema. Sa sobrang narcissism nya din, feeling nya siguro umiikot mundo sa kanya and para kunwari hindi siya bully, pinalalabas nya na naiinggit or nakikipagkumpetensiya sa kanya yung iba. Narcissist ang gaga. Gumagawa ng competition kuno. If anything, nambubully siya para madistract or maderail ako sa ginagawa ko so sino ang nakikipagkumpetensya? Grades lang din kaya nyang icompare and palabasin na ugat ng pagkainggit daw sa kanya since hindi naman ako nageeffort para sa grades habang siya sobrang desperate to the point na mang-aaway ng ka-group sa project. Akala naman nya ang galing ng mga ideas nya. Walang nakakainggit sa kanya. Pwe! Nakakatawa the mere idea. Ugali pa lang, kasumpa-sumpa na, kahit ano pa man tingin nyang meron siya. Sana pala nainform ako, though, na may "competition" para ginalingan ko kahit di ako interesado sa mga walang kwentang inaaral sa lugar sa yun para hindi ako maiimbentohan ng kung anong kwento. Also, nakakainsulto macompare sa ganun. Taluhin nya mukha nya. Kahit ano pang sabihin nya or ng iba or kung ano pa makuha nya in life, hindi ako talo ng ganun. In the first place, hindi ako nakikipagkumpetensiya sa kahit sino and hindi naman ako desperate and masamang taong tulad nya. Hindi rin naman ako effort na effort sa pag-aaral back then. Kung pasamaan ng ugali, though, panalong-panalo talaga yung bitchesang yun. May kakampi pa siyang mga iba pang basura din ang ugali sa lugar na yun LOL. Mas lalong hindi rin ako ang dapat mapahiya. Hindi ako ugaling-squatter na tulad nya. The thing is, ugaling squammy siya pero feeling sosyal. Kahit anong sabihin ng kung sino, the real issue is ang pangit ng ugali nya and that she mistreats people.

May sinasabi pa yun noon na "nagpapanggap" saka "naghuhuramentado" daw. Like, kelan naman nangyari yun? I'm not like her who does squatter things and nagsisimula ng gulo. I wonder if yung mga magulang nya is katulad nyang walang modo, toxic, and insekyora. Wala rin akong pake sa kahit sinong andun sa lugar na yun, especially someone like her. Sino ba siya other than a mapagparinig, sarcastic, and bully na classmate? Saka akala mo kung sino kung mangmaliit ng iba, wala namang kahanga-hangang galing. Summa cum laude ba? Hindi naman LOL. Prior to that year too, nakatrabaho ko na siya sa ibang group projects and wala namang kakaiba sa kanya or sa mga ideas nya. Worse, kailangan pa nyang manakit ng ibang tao to achieve her goals kung ano mang goals yun. Wala rin namang value yung honors sa course na ganun since wala namang kwenta yung mga tinuturo dun. Mostly laway lang puhunan. I wasn't pretending to be anything, either, while siya is pa-sosyal and akala mo kung sinong hindi makabasag-pinggan pag iba ang kaharap. Kahit tawagin nyang cheap ang ibang tao, hindi nya ikinasosyal yun. Isama mo pa yung pagpaparinig, paninira, and paggawa nya ng kwento. Ayoko ng magulo and toxic kaya ako umiiwas pero hindi ako natatakot sa kahit sino sa kanila. Funny how they think I should shrink for them or that I should feel below them. Mga feeling.

Sobrang tuwa-tuwa that bitch when I was failing, or when I was making self-deprecating jokes, and nakahanap siya ng opportunity na gumawa ng kung anu-anong kwento and mambaligtad to make it seem mabait siya. Once, I even heard her saying na inggit daw sa kanya. Insecure na, narcissistic pa that bitch. Saka akala mo kung sino kung mang-api. I tried to stand up to her but since magkakaparehas ng ugali most people in that place, syempre ako yung masama and the environment really was uncomfortable for me. Kunwari pa naiiyak siya or nakikiempathize and bait-baitan sa iba pero deep inside tuwang-tuwa ang hayup. Hindi tumigil yun sa pagpaparinig and minsan nagmumura pa. Same nung isa Cueco squatter. May sinasabi pa na paranoid daw ako. Gaslighter din ang hayup. Para kunwari wala siyang ginawang mali, pinalalabas nya it's all in my head. Saka ano siya, psychologist? Wag ako. I just wasn't focused that time and dumagdag pa her shit pero I'm not stupid or masama ugali. And, unlike her, I don't believe that I need to step on anyone to succeed. Hindi ako ganun ka-weak. The only thing that's clear is that she's a fucking bully. Ang galing din umarte e, kunwari siya pa yung mabait and victim. Oh, naalala ko din when I first started working, nakasalubong ko siya sa bandang Ayala and tatawa-tawa ang demonya. Nung nagpasabog ng kayabangan, sinalo niya lahat. Maybe she felt triumphant na may nabully, nasiraan siya, and nabring down siya. Demonya. It kinda haunts me na hindi ko ipinagtanggol yung sarili ko hanggang dulo and I let the things she did get to me. Bakit rin kasi ang daming groupwork groupwork dun. Kung di ko kagroup yun and if natapos ko lahat ng ginagawa ko nun (which is, unlike sa pinapalabas ng iba, hindi naman beyond my ability), ang dali nyang iexpose and ipahiya and there will be no doubt that she's in the wrong. Dapat din pala talaga pag mga ganung klaseng tao, pinapatulan. Wala ng pa-bigger bigger person. Feeling kasi ng mga tulad nya, kahit sino pwede nyang tapakan basta gustuhin nya.

I don't know and I don't care wherever she is or whatever the hell she's doing now. But kahit san pa siya mapunta and kung ano makuha nya in life and kung ano pa man sinasabi nya sa iba, I have zero respect for her. Nor does it change what kind of person she is. Maybe I'm less believable because I didn't have stellar grades or what but I'll stand in my truth. She can say her made-up stories wherein of course siya bida or siya ang victim but it doesn't change she's the fucking bully and ang pangit ng ugali/pagkatao nya. I bet wherever she is, pag may kinainsecure-an siya, gagawin din nya yung mga ginawa nya sakin. Or pag may nakita siyang mahina or feeling nya less privileged than her, aapihin niya. Literally the worst person to be in the same environment in.

I just remembered...there was someone I worked with before na Bagadion din apelyido and ka-ugali nya. Before I left, sinabihan pa ako na, "just because taga-UP ka, doesn't mean magaling ka." (nonverbatim, pero yan na yan yung message) Like, what the fuck? Ang galing mang bring down. Insecure bitch din. Baka kamag-anak nung malditang hayup. But I didn't give a damn. It wasn't like I was strapped for money or that I have limited opportunities. May mga tao talaga na pag feeling nila gipit ka, aapihin ka. Mukha lang akong naghihirap because I was too thin back then, I didn't have expensive clothing, and medyo napabayaan ko yung appearance ko but I had enough resources. Also, unlike in school wherein walang masyadong choice but to stay and finish what's started kahit ang toxic-toxic (otherwise wala kang degree), I can choose my environment. Thankfully, in the past 8 years or so, wala akong ganung boss. If anything, mas salbahe pa yung mga nasa baba kesa sa mga mas mataas. Marami pa akong naencounter na mga insecure, rumormongers, and feeling magaling na engot after college but that's for another blog.

Unless anyone really looked and searched if I have a tumblr, this post won't be easily found. But still, I'm kind of relieved I get to tell my piece. It's not healthy to recall all these but, in case I forget and anyone tries to make me believe it's all my fault, this is here whether may maniwala or wala. Andito mga detalye ng mga kasalbahehang naexperience ko dun. Pag may naalala pa ako, I will update this. I won't be gaslighted and I'm definitely sane. Also, I'm intelligent kahit ano pang sabihin ng kung sino dyan. If I tried hard in that walang kwentang course or if I took the right course, I'm sure I would graduate with honors. Big deal? Even after people tried to make me feel less of myself, I never felt like I'm stupid or what. So they didn't succeed. I may have uttered some self-deprecating jokes but I do not think small of myself at all. I know what I'm capable of better than some envious twats. Also, none of my achievements can be erased just because may mga inggitero/a who don't want or can't accept they're true. Kahit ano rin nangyayari now or mangyari in the future, it doesn't make anything real from the past untrue.

Ugh, I hope that life would be fair and just fucking stop rewarding bullies, gossipmongers, naysayers and shitty people in general. It makes them think all the things they do are ok and believe their own lies, and it gives them more power and confidence to step on other people. Baka feeling pa nila, blessings from heaven LOL. Hindi sila mabuting tao DUH; nagkataon lang may sumuporta sa kanila na either nabola nila or katulad nila na masama ugali. For the bitch, in particular, I hope one day she gets a taste of her own medicine or the things she did come back to her tenfold (or more!) and the next generation that would come from her, kung meron man. That'd be fun to witness. Also, whatever she gained by hurting or pushing down other people, she can't take them with her to her grave. It's not like she won't die, either.

p.s. I'm not wondering why there are victims of bullying who go on to mass shoot people in their schools as their revenge. Not that I'm condoning it but I get it as well as the discussion below. Also, if you're thinking a narcissist would be makokonsensya if you commit suicide, that's not gonna happen. Baka matuwa pa lalo yun lol. Anak ni Satanas

0 notes