dollface1587
like a queen upon her throne
it was the sweetest thing I've ever known.
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(Bedtime) Damien, mommy doesn’t have any space on the bed. I’m going to fall off.
Damien: I want to be close to you, so when I wake up I see you.
He only wants to go to bed with me, and per his rules, I need to face him. Lol so sweet, so cute. I will cherish these memories forever. ❤️
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embodying gratitude as I enter my 37th year ❤️
on the top of my list of accomplishments of my 36th year - I reached my one year of being an NP, amidst being a working mama.
let’s be real. my nervous system has been on overdrive. daily. grinding every week, only to chase my days off, and then on my golden days off, trying to “live in the moment” with my little family.
my “check engine light” has been on for many months, but I still continued to drive. shift after shift (mom shift included), even sleeping less than 2 hours on some days, packing snacks and lunches daily, checking off weekly school drop offs, bundled with planning and executing fun toddler adventures and two vacations, with one international trip included.
dealing with the bs of daily work while juggling the little big feelings of my son who is still learning to navigate the world. still developing his executive function in his little, growing brain. also let’s not forget the absurd domestic societal demands placed on a mama/wifey to provide meals, keep a clean home, and at the end of the day, try to connect with my partner amidst the marathon of the day.
daily life has not always been a beautiful symphony.
it has been a struggle to tap into my career development with my part-time on-call job, with all of the above at home and another full time job. where is the break? even days off are full of errands, and even with a 1/2 day off, only partially filling my own cup after a NOC shift.
my time working with sexual assault victims is - without a doubt - traumatizing to my nervous system. and trying to compartmentalize the awful histories I collect and disturbing physical exams I complete and switching on my mom/wifey mode when I pull up to the house - this has not been easy.
but what a beautiful struggle.
what a blessing to have made it this far, despite my long battle with self doubt and imposter syndrome early on in my NP training (while settling into a new team during the week, with the captain initially questioning my confident OG practices).
Purpose - to handle one of the most challenging pediatric cases with grace, compassion, and empathy as a proud (Latina-appearing) Filipina provider. this NP job reignites my passion for nursing and the power of advanced practice nursing. remembering this community in my heart warms my nursing soul. My first love of a job - this hospital and the meaningful work with this complex marginalized community remains my true first nursing love. And I am ready to marry this hospital and the unique community it serves until the end of my nursing career. This work recharges me during my moments of weakness during my advanced practice journey and fills my cup when it is drained by negative, condescending remarks and experiences at my 7-5 sell out job.
I have to remind myself this is why I chose a career in nursing. what a beautiful role to be a patient advocate for justice. I like to refer to this job as the work of the Lord and my time earning my angel wings.
and every night - as I lay down with Damien and listen to his thoughts on the world (ie. what he did today in class, what toys or games he is into, what book he chose for bedtime, and his sweet innocent questions about GI gas vs. car gasoline), I am in awe of how Jed and I have raised this sweet and incredibly intelligent little boy (who is now more than half my size at almost age 4). You reap what you sow, and this boy is thriving with all the blessings provided to him by my labor of love. My purpose.
I need to constantly remind myself that I am doing pretty well. My 25-year-old self, working tirelessly just to get into nursing school, would surely embrace this beautiful struggle and flip my lens to see what a beautiful life I have created.
navigating two challenging losses of pinsans near and dear to our hearts this year, I am thankful that the Lord has blessed me with more life, filled with purpose.
let’s go. I am scared, but I am ready. Jed and I are ready.
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Purpose crosses disciplines. Purpose is an essential element of you. It is the reason you are on the planet at this particular time in history. Your very existence is wrapped up in the things you are here to fulfill. Whatever you choose for a career path, remember, the struggles along the way are only meant to shape you for your purpose.
When God has something for you, it doesn’t matter who stands against it. God will move someone that’s holding you back away from the door and put someone there who will open it for you if it’s meant for you. I don’t know what your future is, but if you are willing to take the harder way, the more complicated one, the one with more failures at first than successes, the one that has ultimately proven to have more meaning, more victory, more glory then you will not regret it. Now, this is your time. The light of new realizations shines on you today.
- Chadwick Boseman
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Learning to love the evolution of (working) Mama Tin, on my good days and bad days.
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Bougie when I'm broke, so I'm bougie when I'm poppin'
Saweetie, ICY GRL
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But my prayers went up and my blessings came down
Thankin' God every day that your girl above ground (That's right)
And that's how a hot girl do it
Keep her head up, even when she goin' through it
My crown might slip, but it never ever falls
- Saweetie, ICY GRL
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"You are so beautiful, mommy. You smell nice."
- Damien (as we are rushing to get into the car to head to soccer)
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