djagadjagasblog

[djagadjagasblog]

Masculinity in a FLR

Lets talk about Masculinity in a FLR.

First of all, I think it doesn't need pointing out, that we do have a major masculinity problem in our world today. We do not have men that understand what it means to be men. Men have forgotten the art of chivalry. They're forgotten that sex is special, intimate, and sacred.

We live in a time of instant gratification, where porn can replace any of their sexual needs, just through triggering fantasy alone. Replacing real connection and real relationships, with fictional characters on a screen. There are many men that lack the ability to develop the courage to find a woman in real life to date.

This is a problem, because it is creating men that lack inner strength, they lack self esteem, they lack confidence, they lack life experience. This has nothing to do with being submissive. You can be a submissive man, and still be confident and full of self esteem. Lots of submissive men are, they run their own business and have leadership positions at work. It is possible.

There are naturally submissive men, but that does not mean that they must get rid of their masculinity as well. This puts many women in a very interesting position. This gives women the ability to lead her partner to become a man of integrity.

A woman in a FLR has the ability to empower him, to motivate him, and help him set goals and achieve them. All of his dreams can come true with her guidance, because frankly, he can't do it without her. This is why a FLR is so powerful. Because women can help men understand who they are, while at the same time, helping him understand her needs, and making sure all of her needs are met by him.

A submissive man can have the best of both worlds. So many men have so much potential, that their Domme could be coaxing out of them. Use the idea of power exchance to power both of your lives. A FLR is not about abuse, and degradation, that was never what a FLR was about. Yet the porn world will portray a Dominatrix leather clad and whip wielding.

A true FLR will use the power exchange to benefit both partners, while still making it sexy and fun. Men can learn to become masculine properly, with respect for women, and with respect for their own bodies. Getting themselves in shape, and showing the world that abs are cool again.

We are living in a time where the world needs stronger men, especially emotionally stronger men. Men that aren't led by their sex drive, men that have learned to tame their sex drive, and use it for productive means. That's what chastity does. That's what her holding the key does. It brings the sacredness back to sex.

Not only that, but it also brings deeper love to the relationship, because every intimate encounter is cherished, and exciteful. It's all about love. A FLR is really just bringing back and maintaining the principles of a relationship that never lost it's initial attraction.

It's not about women being superior, or men being inferior. It never was. It was always about loving each other as you are, accepting each other as you are, being as you are, and using that to compliment each other into an empowered life together. To be great parents, and be role models of what it means to live a life of integrity.

To show your children what a real, happy couple looks like, compared to all the dysfunctional relationship that exist today. Real love, and real relationships do exist, but to make them work, you have to work with the energy, with the power exchange that you both naturally have.

Men, being submissive, doesn't mean being a pushover doormat.

Women, being dominant, doesn't mean being cruel and abusive.

Respect each others roles, and realize both are valuable. Together, the synergy can work so well, that you'll both be living on cloud 9, living the lives of your dreams, together. And it's only possible, because you have each other.

Masculinity is neither submissive nor dominant. That's just stereotypes culture uses to make one feel superior or inferior. Lies. Don't fall for it.

Masculinity is all about having integrity, and courage and confidence, and an attitude of I will do it. I will achieve my goals, I will follow my heart, I will have strength. It's time for masculinity to be reborn. Away from toxicity, and away from the idea that a masculine man is a brute without a brain.

Masculine men who are in touch with themselves, are far more useful to the feminine, and will connect with her on levels that those who aren't in touch, only dream of achieving, while they watch porn as their life passes them by.

Create the FLR of your dreams with the Practical FLR book series!

Please reblog if you support me as an author.

It helps expand my reach, and shows the world the amazing benefits of a FLR.

Thank you for reading!

[djagadjagasblog]

CFNM: Clothed Female, Naked Male

[djagadjagasblog]

Her Chastity Addiction

Chastity is addicting for her. Yes, for her. He may be addicted to chastity too, but that's not the point. He's locked because she wants him locked, whether he likes it or not.

It may start out as his idea. Chastity is a hot fantasy of giving up control to her, but the truth is, most subs don't really know what happens when they want out, but they're not allowed out. It's all fun and games, until he actually wants out. His balls ache, his scrotum is sore from chaffing, he longs for an erection, and he's not even allowed to complain about any of it. This can go on for weeks.

It's only when he truly wants out of chastity, that she begins to see the real benefits of it. She sees his desperation, and she knows that he will do anything for her, to earn a release. So he will be extra obedient, and extra eager to please her, however she wishes.

That's the first reason why it's addicting. Just keeping him in that state of desiring her, and eager to please, is enough in and of itself, to keep him locked. She has him where she wants him. It's perfect. But it goes deeper than that.

Feeling that much control over him, over his body, over even the ability to have an erection, actually fuels her arousal. She is far more horny when he's locked, and she gets to use his tongue whenever she wishes. He gets to be extremely desperate and then ordered to go down on her, she cums all over his face, maybe multiple times, then she cuddles up to him and falls soundly asleep in his arms. Leaving him to leak and strain, and be soothed only by her relaxed deep breathing, feeling her body snuggled against his.

That's the second reason she is addicted to chastity. He is essentially her personal teddy bear, with a tongue. A tongue she can command, and teach, to eat her right, every time, there's no slacking, he must perfect his technique, otherwise he knows there's no hope of being unlocked. He is always striving to do his best for her, and she'll accept nothing less than that.

That's the third reason she is addicted to chastity. But still it goes even deeper than that. There is a sense of security, a sense of ownership of him, that comes with having him locked. She goes about her day, knowing he's thinking about her. Knowing she's the only one that can do anything about his desperation. This is an incredible power, she realizes the only sex he will ever get, will be decided by her, and her alone. She can take away all forms of masturbation and porn, she gets to control his sex life completely.

That's the fourth reason she is addicted to chastity. Once she has him locked, she can get playful with it. Flirty, teasing, or even humiliating. She can use her body and see his reaction to her sexiness. She can tease him that he's not allowed to have her. She can play with his cage, or even relax her feet in his lap while watching tv. She gets to have so much fun with him, and he's completely at her whim.

That's the fifth reason she is addicted to chastity. It's just plain and simple, a whole lot of fun. She has claimed him, she holds his key, and she never has to give it back. She sleeps far better, knowing he is safely locked up beside her.

Create the FLR of your dreams with the Practical FLR book series!

Please reblog if you support me as an author.

It helps expand my reach, and shows the world the amazing benefits of a FLR.

Thank you for reading!

[djagadjagasblog]

Oral Pleasures

FLR Tips is the sister site to FLR Info, where you’ll find introductory information about Female-Led Relationships. If you’re new to this, you should head over there. This site is about the practical, day-to-day aspects of FLRs. It is much more explicit and quite sex/femdom-oriented. Consider yourself warned.

Cunnilingus is pretty much a staple of FLRs. Our men love to perform it on us for hours on end, and we just lie back to receive orgasm after orgasm, night after night. Right?

For lots of FLR couples, this is indeed the case. Most men who are drawn to FLRs and properly starved of orgasms, are extremely happy campers when they get to put their head between their woman’s legs. And there’s no doubt that many women thoroughly enjoy it, too. Properly done, many of us will agree that it feels wonderful and can be extremely satisfying, both physically and mentally.

For others, it isn’t quite so simple. Some women enjoy it as foreplay, but not as the “main course”, at least not night after night. Others enjoy it when they are able to relax, but have certain issues preventing that from happening most of the time. Finally, there are those who feel plenty relaxed, but just get nothing out of it. 

The premise of the rest of this article is that you’d like to enjoy oral sex more, since it is a very practical and natural expression of the power dynamics in an FLR relationship. If you’re happy about not caring about oral sex, that’s perfectly fine - go read another article.

Let’s say that you generally enjoy oral sex, but you don’t find it particularly interesting, and you’d get bored pretty quickly if it was the main ingredient in your sex life. In my experience, this is the most common attitude among women who are new to FLRs, and it’s a perfectly reasonable attitude to have! Here are my tips for you:

Revel in the power your pussy holds over your man. Even if you don’t find it particularly sexually stimulating, you might find it very satisfying as a ritual. Speaking for myself, I feel that being on the receiving end of very frequent and utterly one-sided oral sex is the symbol of feminine rule in our household. And I know my husband feels the same way.

Think of it more as pampering than sex. It certainly doesn’t have to be the main ingredient of your sex life, even if you do it on a daily basis. It can be something you do as a ritual, because you find it pleasant, because you feel it is befitting your type of relationship, because it makes your man happier etc. Whenever you feel like having a different kind of sex, just do so.

Having an orgasm is not necessarily the goal. There are countless things your man can do while he is between your legs, and licking you to orgasm is just one of them. This applies to you as well - you don’t have to stop what you’re doing just because he is down there performing his duties. In fact, it probably has a stronger “FLR ritual effect” if you both treat it as nothing our of the ordinary. So continue reading your book, play with your phone, or even do a little bed-side work. If it becomes pleasurable enough that you want to just lie back and enjoy an orgasm, then you should of course do that, but only if that’s what you feel like.

If you do have an orgasm, you certainly don’t have to end things. You’ll probably be extra sensitive right after you orgasm, so he should learn to ease back to gently kissing you or whatever for a while, but feel free to go for another orgasm or a nice, long period of post-orgasm oral pampering.

Don’t worry about his comfort - at all. If you feel more comfortable being covered in sheets or a duvet, have him crawl under it and stay there for as long as you want, nevermind if he gets hot. If you want to lie on your side or your stomach, go right ahead, nevermind if it forces him to maintain an awkward position to reach you properly. Not only does this free you to be as comfortable as you can, but he will absolutely love you for being selfish and demanding like this. Trust me.

Make the oral sex about power play. Sit on his face, rub your juices all over it, restrict his air flow, have him lick your ass instead. Many women, myself included, enjoy this part at least as much as the actual licking. Using your pussy and ass as “weapons” can be an immensely powerful and enjoyable feeling.

If you don’t actively dislike it, use oral access to your pussy as a reward for your man. Conversely, if you do enjoy it frequently, take it away for a period as punishment.

Focus on other aspects of it. Surely, there’s a certain psychological pleasure to be had from knowing that you have a man who would love nothing more than to go down on you every single night, when your vanilla girlfriends are lucky to get it once a year?

Understand that for a lot of men it’s not mainly about the licking, it’s about having their faces close to the “holyest” of anatomical places. The smell, the wetness, the warmth, the opening up of your legs, serving your needs, the mere symbolicm of it.

Don’t feel obligated to learn to love it. If you do, great - your man will be pleased. If you don’t, there are plenty of other things to enjoy in a FLR, and you can still get it whenever you feel like it.

To me, it’s all about seeing the possibilities rather than fretting about whether you find oral sex satisfying enough.

OK, let’s turn now to those who enjoy (or think they would enjoy) oral sex when everything is just right, but who can’t ever seem to relax enough for it to be just right. This is also quite common, I believe, and can be caused by a multitude of reasons, mostly psychological. I don’t want to trivialise the issues these women are experiencing, but here are some general tips:

Explain the issues to your man and try to resolve them together. He will be more than happy to take it slow if it means there’s a chance he can get more “facetime” in the future.

If you worry about how you smell or look, consider taking your man’s enthusiasm at face value. He most likely doesn’t care, or positively loves how you look and smell.

If the intimacy bothers you for some other reason, try taking your mind off it by doing something else while he is occupying himself. Read a book, browse Facebook or Instagram, play a game, watch TV.

If you feel like you always have to be fresh out of the shower when enjoying oral sex, please don’t. Our type of men generally enjoy quite a bit of muskiness, just don’t overdo it unless you’re sure your man is into that.

See a doctor if you think you have some issue that really does makes your vagina unpleasant to be around. It may be easy to fix.

Beyond these simple tips, I don’t have much to offer. The types of issues that cause some women to find oral sex difficult can be complex, and I am not a professional counselor. Just remember that your man is your partner in this, and he can be a big help if you let him.

Finally, let’s turn to those who find oral sex just plain boring or downright painful. Again, it’s fine if you don’t feel the need to start liking it, this is for those who see the appeal in frequent, enjoyable oral sex, and would like to get there.

If you find oral sex painful, give your man clearer instructions. Have him steer clear of your clitoris, have him gently kiss instead of lick etc.

If the issue is a lack of physical stimulation (not enough friction, a preference for rougher sensations etc.), try giving your man clear instructions. He can use his tongue more forcefully, he can expose your clitoris more fully, he can move his head more vigorously, he can rub his beard against your most sensitive areas and so on. Also see the point about vibrators and toys.

If you need to be filled to feel any enjoyment, have him bring a dildo of your liking on his excursions. He doesn‘t need to move it a lot, it could just be used to get you in the mood.

Make it more interesting. Have him bring a vibrator, a butt plug or whatever else you enjoy, and tell him how to use what he brings.

I believe most women can find enjoyment in oral sex, it’s mostly a matter of finding ways to do it that suit their preferences and temperaments.

Personally, I find oral sex the most fitting expression of my husband’s deferrence to me as a woman. I also find it highly pleasing sexually, so we do a lot of it.

[djagadjagasblog]

Male Chastity is Special...

WHAT’S SPECIAL ABOUT IT?

Chastity between a loving couple is unique, alluring and arousing. It is a special intimacy between you both, which you can keep secret from the world…

HOW DOES CHASTITY ENHANCE YOUR SEXUAL PLEASURE?

When a man is locked in his chastity device he learns through servitude and chivalrous behaviour that sexual gratification is not limited to the pleasure and moment of his orgasm…

He learns and wants to place your pleasure above his!

In our culture how often is sex considered finished after he cums? Are you sexually satisfied at this very moment too? Does it feel like you’ve been watching a good film together and he’s switched off the television half way through the movie?

Chastity teaches him to consider you, and your orgasms. Whilst holding his key can could gently deny him permission to cum on many an occasion, and yet expected him serve his keyholder with his tongue and lips, or perhaps you favourite dildo, with skill, devotion and love. He will become a sensual, playful, confident lover considering only the needs of his Lady…

DOES IT MEAN I’LL HAVE LESS SEX?

Quite the contrary!

Male Chastity is about you sharing his sexual fantasy and him fulfilling your sexual needs. His chastity fetish is all about pleasing you. (Although honestly it shouldn’t take the wearing of a chastity device to get him to do the washing up!)

Wearing a Chastity Device does not mean your man is sexually inadequate. He can be masculine, sexually able, enjoy wearing a chastity device and be virile. If you want he can still make the first move in bed…

Being a keyholder to your locked up man offers a fulfilling sex life, arousal, pleasure and fun, but in a different way. A way where his attention is focused on you rather than his own penis, this means that sexual delights have much less to do with traditional “penis-in-vagina” intercourse, and more to do with the delights of extended foreplay, exploration, sensuality, and arousal. You could even combine it with Tantric sexuality…

Holding the key to his chastity device means you can orgasm as often as you like, he can be the soul provider of these orgasms, whilst he is denied the pleasure of his own…

When you’d like to experience full intercourse, release him, then lock him up again. You might like to experiment with his self control, with cum-control, in this case release him ask him to pleasure you but instruct him not to cum. Afterwards lock him up again!

Should he be allowed to cum?

Yes! But how often this happens is up to you. He will probably suggest when it should be, but really it is your decision. The special allure of chastity is the promise of an overwhelming orgasm with you. It’s the build up of sexual anticipation that makes chastity work, so he must be allowed to cum – occasionally!

Once his penis is locked in a Chastity Device he lives in a state of high erotic anticipation which can be joyous, sensually provocative and yet very frustrating, but without the promise of an overwhelming orgasm shared with you, chastity may not work. Very few men dream of being locked up and their penis totally ignored…

WHY DOES HE WANT ME TO HOLD HIS KEY?

What excites him is that his penis becomes yours. You control its freedom. You hold the key. You are his Keyholder…

Chastity relies on the excitement of the mind before arousal of his body. This teaches us that the role of the keyholder is pivotal to the chastity lovestyle. You arouse his thoughts by holding his key which prevents him from touching his penis and so that masturbation is almost impossible – without your permission.

When he first hands over his key, part of his fantasy is fulfilled, and if you choose you could wear the key around your neck or ankle…

As you and your lover experiment with male chastity it’s possible that you may become closer and the bond between you enriches as fantasies are shared and enacted. You may discover that trust, communication, support and the love shared between you flourishes…

As a keyholder you may discover when your man is safely locked in his chastity device and looking forward to a “Cum-Day” that he will strive just a little more than usual towards better servitude both around the home and in the bedroom. The promise of release is a most compelling stimulant…

Thanks to Tickleberry

[djagadjagasblog]

THE ULTIMATE BDSM MOVIE GUIDE - Updated

Secretary (2002): Arguably the best motion picture about an emerging BDSM relationship. The stars of the film give well rounded, nuanced performance of individual characters, not types. Maggie Gyllenhaal’s transformation from a shy, unhappy, and passive young lady to a happy, determined, and confident woman is marvellous. James Spader’s performance of a conflicted dominant is pitch perfect and brilliant.

Maitresse (1973): This French film was created with the advice of a professional Domina and includes real footage of S&M. It is a convincing love story about the romance between a well well-intentioned – if an ignorant young man – (Gérard Depardieu) and an emotionally guarded dominatrix (Bulle Ogier.) Vanilla audiences might be shocked by some of the scenes of S&M while today’s generation of BDSM purists will be alarmed by the numerous scenes in which people in bondage are left alone for long periods. Directed by Barbet Schroeder.

9 ½ Weeks (1986): An erotic classic directed by Adrian Lyne and starring Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke. The terms S&M and BDSM never really come up and it’s easy for mainstream audiences to see it as kinky but mostly innocent fun – but D/s and S&M are still D/s and S&M not matter what you call them. The perfect choice for a date film when testing the waters with a vanilla lover or spouse. Say “Gee, this looks like an interesting film honey” at the video rental store.

The Story of O (1975): A tasteful adaptation of Pauline Réage’s classic French novel of sadomasochism, submission, and love. It’s classy. Never vulgar. The emphasis is on the dreamlike nature of the erotic fantasy. The drama comes from an internal struggle as O (Corinne Clery) tries to submit totally to the whims of the man she loves. Lots of lovely nude actresses, simulated sex, and sadomasochism. Directed by Just Jaeckin, the director of Emmanuelle. French title: Histoire d’ O

Quills: A very well done, wonderfully cast, and intellectually stimulating. It’s a film adaptation of a play about the final days of the Marquis de Sade (somewhat fictionalized.) The focus on the film is less on the eroticism of the divine Marquis’s writing (which has not really appealed to me) and more on questions of ethics and the politics of pornography and censorship. The most erotic scenes are more or less vanilla but they feature some lovely actresses including Kate Winslet. (yum!) Never has necrophilia looked so appealing.

Crash (1997): James Spader and Holly Hunter star in this film by David Cronenberg based on a novel by J.G. Ballard about a subculture of people who intentionally crash their cars for erotic thrills.

BASIC INSTINCT (1992): Paul Verhoeven’s erotic phenomenon starred Michael Douglas as Nick Curran, a detective investigating the case of a rock star who was brutally stabbed to death with an ice pick by a mystery blonde. The prime suspect is Catherine Tramell (Sharon Stone), an icy, bisexual writer with a penchant for bondage. While the leg-crossing scene is the most iconic, there are also several sexy BDSM scenes here featuring Stone tying Douglas to the bed and riding him like Seabiscuit.

BELLE DU JOUR (1967) “Do as you wish with me,” says Séverine Serizy. In surrealist Master Luis Buñuel’s 1967 film, Serizy (Catherine Deneuve) is a young housewife whose sexual relationship with her husband is nonexistent. To satiate herself, she fantasizes about BDSM. Eventually, she begins working at a brothel under the name “Belle Du Jour” while her husband is at work, fulfilling her sexual fantasies and desires—including with a young gangster, Marcel, who brings her to the brink and back with his active dominance.

PREACHING TO THE PERVERTED (1997) ·An English comedy written, directed and produced by Stuart Urban about a Member of Parliament’s attempts to prosecute group of perverts participating in consensual S&M. While a few of the scenes are a little contrived (e.g. presented to make a point on the film maker’s behalf) and while I would disagree with a few of the pronouncements made by the perverts (i.e. “You’re either a dom or a sub”) the film is very well researched and constructed – much better than Exit to Eden which it resembles somewhat. The dialogue used in the court scenes are lifted from actual British trials. The usual arguments against consensual sadomasochism are presented by the forces or law and decency and suitably addressed by Mr. Urban. Many of the extras and performers in the Fetish club and party scenes were real participants and performance artists drawn from the British Fetish underground. Voyeurs will be pleased with the eye candy and drinking game enthusiasts are advised to drink every time hot pink appears. Julie Graham is terrific as the head slave. She’s convincing, engaging, and very, very sexy. (But then this critic has a weakness for beautiful, nearly bald-headed women.)

THE PET (2006) This movie covers the idea of a relationship based on power exchange- but not in the best way. The plot is a little out there and tries to include too much into one movie. If you’re already in the lifestyle, then watch to discuss with your partner or friends… if you’re not in the lifestyle and are looking for an inside look then you should avoid it! 

KINK (2013) A documentary by James Franco looking into kink.com and BDSM dynamics mixed with pornography. A very honest look and shedding a more positive light on the practices. “They aim to demystify the BDSM lifestyle, and to serve as an example and an educational resource for the BDSM community.” 

NYMPHOMANIA VOL. 1 & 2 (2013) This movie is exactly what you would expect from director Lars von Trier – lots of artistic interpretations, avant guard approaches, and a general feeling of uneasiness with a dash of confusion. On top of it all … piles and piles of weird sexual encounters as a self-proclaimed nymphomaniac tells her life story not as much BDSM as other movies, but there are some brief encounters.

BODY OF EVIDENCE (1993): Madonna & William DaFoe

THE MISTRESS (2014)

What starts as a beautiful and strangely innocent affair between a vulnerable teenage romantic and a French S&M mistress soon becomes more dangerous. Director: Stephen LanceWriters: Gerard Lee (screenplay), Stephen Lance (story and screenplay) Stars: Harrison Gilbertson, Emmanuelle Béart, Anna Ryan 

Fifty Shades Series is an American film series that consists of three erotic romantic drama films, based on the Fifty Shades trilogy by English author E. L. James. It is distributed by Universal Studios and stars Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan as the lead roles Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey, respectively. Sam Taylor-Johnson directed the first film and initially, she was slated to be the director of the sequels as well, however subsequently the second and third films were directed by James Foley

The first film, Fifty Shades of Grey, was released on February 13, 2015, while the second, Fifty Shades Darker, was released on February 10, 2017. Fifty Shades Freed, the third film, was released on February 9, 2018.

My Wonder Women (2017)

Walk all over me (2007) 

The Duke of Burgrundy (2014) 

SM Rechter (2009) 

Ex Dominatrix (2018) 

Going Under (2004)

LESSER KNOWN AND LESS KINKY DVDS

EYES WIDE SHUT (1999): A film by Stanley Kubrick starring Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. Most of the film is a deadly bore made even more boring by the bland performance by Tom Cruise. But it picks up when Tom Cruise’s character sneaks into a lavish masked orgy hosted by rich hedonists. While it’s not really about BDSM, the ornate rituals and Catholic church influenced hierarchy to make it interesting to D/s enthusiasts.

THE IMAGE (1975) Technically classified as adult, but it takes you on a wild ride and makes you feel the journey the characters are taking. The directing is quite beautiful for a film that gets so explicit in some scenes - if you like filmography and pornography you will love this interesting take on a sadomasochistic relationship

MOONLIGHT WHISPERS (1999) A Japanese love story between two schoolmates - the boy is a masochistic and the girl transforms into a sadist to please him. The filmmakers boldly portray the fetishes without judgment and allow you to relate to the characters. You’ll empathize with them even if you don’t understand or agree with their actions. I recommend this for people who are intrigued with S/M and are looking to explore it more

BEYOND VANILLA (2001) This documentary is eye-opening and graphic for most people. The production quality is poor and the film seems to have meshed together in an incoherent way. It does show a look into lots of different kinks, though. Might be good to check out if you’re looking for images of extreme kinks. Don’t view this looking for an insight into the psyche of kinksters.

HEADSPACE (2003) This documentary provides a realistic look into a sadomasochistic relationship. It is quite graphic at times and may be disturbing for some viewers. If S/M is something that interests you and you’re looking hearing from real-life practitioners, then this may be for you. FYI - It can be a tad hard to find since there are a bunch of other movies, documentaries, or shows with the same name.

SUBMISSION OF EMMA MARX (2013) This is an adult movie but portrays an interesting look at a dom and sub relationship. The relationship is a much more accurate (and healthy) portrayal of a power-exchange based relationship- what 50 shades gets wrong, this one gets right. However, If you’re offended by hardcore sex scenes- skip over this option and keep going down the list

REMEDY (2013) This film is about a young woman’s journey from the underground kink scene to the professional kink scene. The interesting thing about this movie is that all scenes are based on the director’s own sessions. It thoroughly explores most aspects of commercial BDSM. A great insight if you’re looking into working in the industry or becoming a customer.

DARK SECRETS (1996): Directed by John T. Bone. Written by Jean-Marc Rocher. This is a shot on video erotic thriller featuring B-movie star Monique Parent and glamour models including Julie Strain and Doria Rone. It also stars Justin Carroll, Chanda, Tom Crowl, and Joe Estevez. If you’re in the mood for an intelligent film with an intriguing story and nuanced acting keep looking. However, if you’re looking for softcore erotica with beautiful women and nothing else you’re more likely to be pleased. Some will be disappointed that most of the women were artificially — and excessively — augmented but some of the S&M play — some hot wax play, some plastic wrap mummification, some flogging, some verbal abuse, some violet wand play — is interesting. More importantly, the girl on girl sex scene between Monique Parent and Julie Strain is among the hottest softcore scenes of its kind. Here’s the plot: An aspiring young female reporter goes undercover to investigate a handsome eligible bachelor Millionaire with Dark Secrets and she falls in love with him. But do his Dark Secrets include murder — or just kinky sex? Alternate title Julie Strain’s Dark Secrets. 91 minutes.

De SADE (1969): Biopic about the Marquis de Sade starring Keir Dullea and John Huston

EXIT TO EDEN: a Moderately funny comedy based on a novel by Anne Rice. Gives a positive but inaccurate presentation of the BDSM community. The production team meant well but they just didn’t get it.

THE NOTORIOUS BETTIE PAGE: Standard biopic about Fetish icon and 1950’s American pin-up model Betty Page. As played (very well) by Gretchen Mol, Betty is an attractive woman and a sympathetic person but not an especially interesting character. She has no reservations about her choices seeing no conflict between posing nude for photographs and her devout Christian faith. While her views are enlightened and refreshing, they don’t make for dramatic moments of introspection or self-discovery. The story lacks dramatic tension: While her life is not without it’s heartbreaks and difficulties, she emerges seemly unscathed from some really harrowing tragedies. What really saves the film are the depictions of the repressive America of the 1950s and the other historical figures from America’s sexual history that Betty encounters such as Irwin & Paula Klaw, John Willie, and Bunny Yeager. (Admittedly this critic is not a huge fan of Betty Page’s work.) Written by Mary Harron & Guinevere Turner and directed by Mary Harron.

BETTIE PAGE REVEALS ALL (2013) A documentary, including audio tapes from Bettie Page herself, looking at the life of this iconic pin-up girl influenced people like Dita Von Tease and Huge Heffern, not to mention mainstream kink in general.

MOONLIGHT WHISPERS (1999) A Japanese love story between two schoolmates - the boy is a masochistic and the girl transforms into a sadist to please him. The filmmakers boldly portray the fetishes without judgment and allow you to relate to the characters. You’ll empathize with them even if you don’t understand or agree with their actions. I recommend this for people who are intrigued with S/M and are looking to explore it more

STRANGELAND (1998): Dee Snider – of the band “Twisted Sister” – plays a “Captain Howdy”, a sadist who frequents Internet chatrooms looking for vulnerable teenagers to abduct and torture. This critic hasn’t seen this film but be warned: Other reviews were universally negative.

SWEPT AWAY: A vehicle for Madonna directed by her husband Guy Ritchie. The film was panned by critics.

CRUISING: Very controversial motion picture about the gay leather bar scene of the 70s. It’s borderline homophobic but it contains scenes filmed in the leather bars of the day and features real leather men as background talent.

BATMAN RETURNS Michelle Pfeifer as the latex-clad, single tail whip welding Catwoman. Me-YOW! Also staring Michael Keaton as Batman. Tim Burton makes it look like a German Expressionism film. One expects Dr. Caligari and Count Orloc to turn up any time. Indeed one character is named Max Shreck (after the actor who played Count Orloc in Nosferatu, the first film adaptation of Dracula.)

CATWOMAN (2004): How bad can a film be if it has Halle Berry kicking butt and prancing about in a skimpy leather outfit? Pretty bad. But now with the wonders of technology, you don’t have to sit through an inane plot, predictable characterization, and over the top direction. Just fast forward to the good stuff like Halle Berry licking cream from a shot glass.

COLOR OF NIGHT (1994): A psychological thriller and murder mystery in the format of Basic Instinct and Jade. What makes this movie relevant to this list is subplot plot about a kinky relationship between a psychologist played by Bruce Willis and a beautiful and mysterious woman played by the incredible Jane March.

A DANGEROUS METHOD (2011) David Cronenberg is no stranger to BDSM—take the brilliant “device” sequence in Dead Ringers—and this film provides a fascinating psychoanalytical exploration of humiliation. Sabina Spielrein (Keira Knightley) is being treated at a psychiatric hospital in Zurich by Carl Jung (Michael Fassbender). Her frenzied condition was, it seems, caused by the simultaneous humiliation and sexual arousal she felt when her father spanked her naked as a child. At Freud’s (Viggo Mortensen) apparent suggestion, Jung and Spielrein begin a hot and heavy affair—one that includes bondage and plenty of spanking (by Fassbender, no less).

BITTER MOON (1992)This is legendary filmmaker (and fugitive from justice) Roman Polanski’s stab at BDSM. Nigel (Hugh Grant) and Fiona (Kristen Scott Thomas) are a bored, married couple on a cruise to Istanbul, passing through India. They come across Mimi (Emmanuelle Seigner) and her paraplegic husband, Oscar (Peter Coyote), a couple very into BDSM. Oscar first tormented Mimi, humiliating her constantly and forcing her into an abortion, then, after Mimi renders him paraplegic, she relishes both dominating and humiliating him, having sex with other men in front of him. Nigel finds himself taken by Mimi, but she may prove too hot and twisted for him to handle.

AFTER FALL WINTER (2011)

FRUITS OF PASSION (1981)

THE BUNNY GAME (2010)

THE PIANO TEACHER (2001)

MODERATELY & TENUOUSLY KINKY

Birthday Girl: All too brief scene of Nicole Kidman nude in bondage.

Blue Hawaii: Elvis Presley spanks his leading lady

Boxing Helena (1993): Directed by Jennifer Chambers Lynch and starring Julian Sands and Sherilyn Fenn. It’s about sex, obsession, and possession taken to an extreme. It’s somewhat reminiscent of The Collector. It would be unfair to tell more.

Cat People (1982): Erotic horror film or an erotic film with moments of horror. Of particular interest is Nastassja Kinski’s bondage scene.

Collector, The (1965): A psychological thriller based on a novel by John Fowles and starring Terence Stamp and Samantha Eggar. A introverted man kidnaps and imprisons a woman in the hope of forcing her to love him. The film does not end happily.

Fight Club: (1999) A great film that covers a lot of ground. One of the many plot elements that makes it relevant to the list is an underground club where men go to beat the c**p out of each other. The goal isn’t winning. It’s fighting. The movie is brutal and violent but a lot more. Edward Norton and Brad Pitt star. David Fincher (of The Game) directs. Based on the kick-butt novel of the same name by Chuck Palahniuk.

The Game: None of the outwardly recognizable trapping of BDSM and not very kinky in an erotic way but this critic argues that once seen in its entirety this is the best film depiction of a rigid, uncompromising man’s journey of discovery of his repressed masochism and deep-seated need to submit.

Kiss Me Kate: Another movie musical with a spanking scene

Marquis: Directed by Henri Xhonneux and starring François Marthouret and Valérie Kling. Another “Marquis de Sade in prison” film but in this one, the story is performed by puppets.

Mr. and Mrs. Smith: Doug Liman’s film remake is most famous for being the movie where current husband-and-wife duo Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie first got together. In the film, they play a happily married couple who both lead double-lives as spy-assassins. When they’re forced to target each other, that’s when the shit hits the fan. Now, this isn’t a BDSM-themed film per se, but there is a fun sequence featuring Jolie in full leather dominatrix gear smacking around a handcuffed mark with a riding crop—before snapping his neck. 

The Wild One: A terrible film that has somehow become a classic. No S&M but Marlon Brando’s performance as a biker has become iconic for the Leather community.  

FRENCH FILMS

Irreversible: (2002) Horrible and extreme! An art film meant to shock and disgust — and it succeeds even with this jaded critic. For those looking forward to seeing Moica Bellucci’s sex scene be forewarned: It is violent, degrading, and repulsive – in a bad way! The only reason for including this film on this list is because it includes a scene taking place in a French Leather bar. (But many Leather men will take offence at the implication that non-consensual sex is acceptable in their community.) Starring Albert Dupontel, Vincent Cassel, and Monica Bellucci. Directed by Gaspar Noé.

The Piano Teacher (2002): Where Secretary showed how BDSM can be a positive element in a healthy relationship, this film illustrates the reverse. But the film’s makers were not intent on bashing a lifestyle. Rather they were being psychologically truthful about a desperately unhappy woman in an untenable situation played by the marvellously subtle and expressive Isabelle Huppert. Against her better judgment title character gives into her repressed masochism at the hands of a persistent admirer. When she confides in him about her desires he’s at first repulsed. Later he participates wholeheartedly in her fantasies but without concern for her health and safety. She doesn’t recognize how extreme and costly it would be to act out her fantasies and he’s clueless about the niceties of negotiation and safe words. The result is painful to watch.

Sade (2000): Inspired by the novel by Serge Bramly staring Daniel Auteuil as Marquis de Sade and Isild le Besco as a spirited young woman who seeks pleasure at the hands of the Divine Marquis. While the setting is historical, the style of the film is blandly contemporary with naturalistic performances. Daniel Auteuil’s Divine Marquis is unexpectedly passionless. Those of us who expect a larger-than-life style period film — think Dangerous Liaisons and Amadeus — will find the film bland and slow.

GERMAN MOVIES:

Punish Me (2006) (aka Verfolgt)

Seduction: The Cruel Woman (1985)

A Woman in Flames (1983)

DOCUMENTARIES

Fetish: Pain or Pleasure? (2006)

Fetishes (1996): Nick Broomfield

The Hidden Fuhrer: Hitler’s Sexuality: Was Adolf Hitler gay? The documentary is fascinating and entertaining but it ultimately fails to prove it either way. In addition to arguing whether he was or wasn’t, the film covers the history of gay culture in Germany. Of particular interest to historians of Leather culture is a deleted scene in the bonus section of the DVD that covers the influence of Nazi uniforms on the art of Tom of Finland.

Sick: The Life and Death of Bob Flanagan, Suprmasochist (1997)

Whole: There are some people – perfectly rational in every other way – who feel a deep-seated psychological need to be amputated. Is it socially responsible to allow (sane) people to mutilate themselves? There’s no easy answer.

MOVIES FEATURING PROTOCOL

The Caine Mutiny (1954): US Navy protocol. Written by Stanley Roberts from the novel by Herman Wouk. Directed by Edward Dmytryk. Starring Humphrey Bogart, José Ferrer, Van Johnson, Fred MacMurray, and a host of other familiar names and faces.

Gosford Park (2001): English peerage and servant protocol. Directed by Robert Altman.

JAPANESE MOVIES

Three Films About Sada Abe: Sade Abe is famous in Japan for the death and partial dismemberment of her lover in 1936. In her youth she was raped. As an adult she killed her lover by erotic asphyxiation and cut off his penis and testicles – which she kept with her while she wandered through Tokyo for three days. After her capture, she explained that she murdered her lover out of love and a desire to possess him totally and exclusively. The crime was a media sensation. There was a lot of sympathy for her and she has since become a cultural icon of sorts. There have been at least three films about the incident.

A Woman Called Sada Abe (1975): soft core porn version directed by Noboru Tanaka and staring Junko Miyashita as Sada and Hideaki Ezumi as her lover.

In the Realm of the Senses (1976): an art film with explicit sex directed by Nagisa Oshima and staring Eiko Matsuda as Sada and Tatsuya Fuji as her lover. Explicit, erotic, and well made but this critic was bored.

Sada (1998): a Very stylish and kinetic retelling of the story with less sex than the other two.

Audition (2000): A very suspenseful and disturbing horror film with a great underplayed femme fatale performance. A lonely ageing widower decides to find a new wife by staging auditions for a non-existing television series. The winner appears to be a demure old fashioned girl but she turns out of be an angry, predatory sort of later day Sada Abe. Think of “Isla the she-wolf of the SS” as played by a geisha. Directed by Takashi Miike and staring Ryo Ishibashi as the widower and Eihi Shiina as the object of his affections.

The Bondage Master: Japanese “direct to video” film with a simplistic but positive presentation of the Japanese fetish community.

Flower and Snake (Hana to Hebi) (2004).

Moonlight Whispers (1999)

School of the Holy Beast (1974): An “Erotic-Grotesque” with a plot that seems lifted from the over-heated and uncensored imaginations of High Gothic novelists like M. G. “Monk” Lewis. Forbidden secrets! Murder! Betrayal! Naked Japanese Catholic nuns! Hot (softcore) Lesbian Sex between Japanese Catholic nuns! Naked Japanese Catholic nuns flogging themselves! Naked Japanese Catholic nuns whipping each other! A sex-crazed Japanese Catholic priest! A sex-crazed Mother Superior! Ravishment! Incest! This film has everything including the yummy Yumi Takigawa. It was released in 1974 but it opens with a scene of swinging Tokyo that seems lifted from an Austin Powers film. Director: Norifumi Suzuki. Japanese title: Sei ju gakuen

Spanking Love (1994)

Tokyo Decadence (1992): This dark, cerebral film tells the unhappy story of a professional call girl in love with and rejected by a married musician. While it has been marketed in the U.S. as an erotic film, it is more a commentary on Japanese society by Ryû Murakami, a Japanese novelist and social critic. S&M is a symbol for the troubles of Japanese society in the years of prosperity. As a professional domina explains wealth saying “It’s wealth without pride. It creates anxiety, which drives our men into masochism.” The film has erotic scenes of S&M play but it’s really not worth watching unless your interest is more intellectual than carnal. Director: Ryû Murakami. Japanese title: Topâzu

A new Love in Tokyo (1994) 

R100 (2013) 

Sweet Whip (2013) 

Here’s a HUGE list (courtesy of IMDB) of BDSM themed movies or documentaries.

[djagadjagasblog]

Подивіться "Indiara Sfair & Tiago Juk - Brazilian Winds" на YouTube

[djagadjagasblog]

"Beth Hart & Joe Bonamassa - If I Tell You I Love You" на YouTube

[djagadjagasblog]