dissociatedbi

[dissociatedbi]

are you five nights at fucking kidding me

[dissociatedbi]

It's fascism. It's literally fascism. Why can't people see that it's fascism?

[dissociatedbi]

For no reason here is a library story

[dissociatedbi]

So… I got a notification from the State Department at like 8 PM Pacific that my passport was approved, and I was quietly thankful and stunned bc my legal gender in Oregon is listed as X, or undeclared, and that's what's on my passport. I'm pretty sure someone(s) worked late to get the X passports done today.

I was already really grateful to whoever in the Seattle Passport Office worked late to get these things processed on the last Friday before That Man gets back into office... and then I got a notification that my passport shipped at fucking midnight Pacific and whoever got that shit out the door so it couldn't be picked up on Monday and like, denied and shredded?

They're my fucking hero.

[dissociatedbi]

Disabled people deserve government assistance and benefits. Even if they have incomes. Even if their spouses have incomes. Even if both they and their spouses have incomes.

Because being disabled is fucking expensive, even with affordable healthcare, even under the best circumstances and in the most accessible situations.

[dissociatedbi]

something that’s so frustrating to me is when people (usually able-bodied people lol) tell disabled people how sad/uncomfortable their very existence makes them.

“it makes me so sad to look at u” “just thinking about how hard everything must be for u makes me want to cry” “i cant imagine living like that”

like. that’s your fucking problem to deal with. don’t put your feelings on us like that. we are not a receptacle for your ableism and guilt.

disabled people are not doing anything wrong by just existing. we don’t need to be told how uncomfortable it is to see a person who looks different from most other people existing in public, or even in their own homes. it just feels so unnecessarily cruel, even if it isn’t “intended” to be. it’s not our job to process your feelings + it’s not our job to change for you. fuck off.

[dissociatedbi]

i’ll never be who i dreamed of as a child. it’s too late for them. it’s too late for me. i’ll always be this way.

[dissociatedbi]

“They call it dissociation. I call it containers in which I horror-stored. Each of which have to be opened, reheated, rolled out like a lava carpet and crawled on.”

— The Nine | Tara Hardy

[dissociatedbi]

TW self harm, alcohol

I got home and fucking cut my foot and got drunk and now I'm just laying here with a paper towel inside my sock, feeling so fucking much better. I feel bad because I plan to lie to my husband if he asks about my foot, but not bad enough to not do it I guess. I don't want him to know so I'm not telling anyone irl.

I'm just. I'm so tired and it's been a bad, triggering af day, and this is what I've chosen to do about it. I'm in my fucking thirties and I'm still acting like a fucking dumbass.

I don't want to be alone right now but my husband isn't going to be home for hours and nobody is answering the phone and. Idk.

I'm just here. Trying to stay alive. Trying to convince myself to stay alive.

[dissociatedbi]

Holy shit today has been horrible

[dissociatedbi]

Fuck I am so far from okay right now

[dissociatedbi]

Fuck fuck fuck.

So I'm visiting my grandma today which means I'm also visiting my stepmom, who doesn't believe 80% of my trauma even happened.

A series of very fucking unfortunates events has taken place. The details are unnecessary. But I'm triggered as all fuck and TRAPPED here until my bus comes, then trapped on the bus for 2.5 hours. All the while I have to pretend I'm fine, like I'm not experiencing feelings about the triggers, like I'm not fighting for my life to keep from dissociating, like my dissociated parts aren't freeeeaking out.

I am so mentally unwell it's making me nauseous.

I hate this fucking place and my fucking brain and my fucking trauma and this fucking disorder. Hate hate hate.

[dissociatedbi]

in light of recent events, fuck

[dissociatedbi]

[dissociatedbi]

Lost time while I was cooking dinner tonight & burned tf out of the chicken. It was so bad we had to open all the doors and windows to let the smoke air out of the house. Idk which of my parts was fronting at the time but I guess they didn't know we were supposed to be watching the stove. Ughhhhh

[dissociatedbi]

every day living with my disabilities is just an endless refrain of “the world does not treat me gently so i must treat myself gently, even when it’s hard” and i must never ever forget that

[dissociatedbi]

on friends and soulmates and that type of love that feels like it's going to burst right out of your heart

@/zmije / @/leptodiera / @/bichopalo / lyrics from two best friends by bb bean / animatedjames on youtube / @/killingmyselfbutnotdying / unknown / @/sadiekane / friedrich neitzsche / katfish draws / @/elytrians / @/wormbus-art aka @/angel-pond / @/mushysuggestion / the unsent project / mhairi mcfarlane / unknown