disperceptionalism - Tumblr blog

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lil altar situation

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BESURAUB - blue eye sous chef

Mizu is sous chef for a 3-michelin star restaurant lead by head chef Eiji and she will micromanage the fuck out of your station

2 more posts for this series!!! definitely feeling a bit more confident with painting. almost ran out of time for the flavor panel today but i rush ordered it in lmao

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[Disney movie protagonist voice] yep, that's me. I'm nothing special, just your average 15-year-old. my best friend, though... that's a different story.

[cut to waterlogged corpse]

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mizu 🥰🥰🥰

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Listen. Listen. oh my God. Ohhhhhhh my god thank you so much, this is altar_boy from ao3 and I'm super super glad that these OCs are still getting love bc I love them so much and I'm so so so glad that you like them too!! also THEY THEM LEO!!!!! I love them so much thank you so much thank you thank you

After reading Camp Nyx I have not stopped thinking about this story and its characters or even the ocs of "Flgthy" or "Not yet Living, but not quite dead" (Leo's drawing comes from here, they look so pretty), my gods, this writer is so good. And especially in all the ocs of @previouslysane-archive within camp nyx, They are all so great and I have had the need to draw them all, although there are some that seem to be a mix of the creator's idea and the idea I had when I read them the first time. I upload them only because I don't know any other way to show them to the writer. (I hope you like it, I had classes today and I didn't have the writing or your reference drawings in front of me)

I really liked drawing them, I'll probably make some more that aren't so messy.

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여어- 히싸씨부리 （ ɔ̸ᴉʇɐ͟N͞さんのツイート ）

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I am clearly not the level of Fandom that I once was bc I like the bear and I wanted to see some deep dives into character arcs but all I can find is ppl wanting to fuck carmy. i get it but this man is traumatized and not in the cute way. like is this a joke he couldn't commit to the one relationship handed to him on a platter and talked to and about her like she was his therapist. he very well mightve been a virgin before meeting Claire, and based on his backstory and the way he talks about committing to a relationship with her makes me think that he never even had a girlfriend before her. this man doesn't fuck. I'll give you that he looks like he has the potential to fuck, but Carmen Berzatto does not currently "fuck". others advertised this as the "hot linecook" TV show but what I watched was a traumatized introverted man who had set off out of school with the singular vision of becoming a chef, focused exclusively on success, and then his brother killed himself. like we start there.

please oh my god he is screaming for help and his trauma can't be fucked away. I have so many thoughts about Sydney and Carmen's relationship and how so deeply neither of them is ready for any sort of romance in that way.

starting with Sydney, she wouldn't even tell Carmen that her mom was dead until months into knowing him, when the Bear was nearlt open, even though he did try to gently prompt information from her. She avoids anything to do with a deep and serious emotion, her passion is singular and focused, much like Carmy was when he was at Noma and the French Laundry. When she said "that's a little too personal" when Carmy started opening up about his trauma, she brushed it off like a joke but it seemed like she made that joke to deflect from anything personal. she is avoidant and her respect of Carmy is purely artistic at that point. She just so happened to intersect with Carmen during one of the least focused moments of his life. She wanted to meet the Carmen who worked at Noma, even though he was absolutely going through it then, she doesn't get that version.

She also sticks her nose in places where it doesn't belong, has a sense of slight sense of superiority to overcompensate for a crippling performance anxiety, analytical, detached, impatient, yet also freely giving of praise when it's due. Make no mistake, the Bear is Sydneys, Carmen is only in this on the level of reanimating a corpse, Sydney is the soul breathing into it.

Now Carmen is sweet by nature but hard due to circumstance. Hard because of his upbringing, his drive. He desperately seeks approval from those he loves and can't stand to ask for help. the way he talks about Claire makes me feel like she's his first girlfriend ever. He was too busy on the grind to stop for a moment and let that sort of tenderness in. he's not used to it. which is why he sort of leans on her for emotional support instead of actually really getting to know her and connect with her on that level. She's a figurehead, an anywoman, someone who loves him and that's enough for her.

I think from the moment that Sydney mentioned the veal fat, Carmen had a deep respect for her. He really begins to see her as an equal because what the fuck it took Luca an entire year to figure it out, and Carmen hadn't figured it out at that point. she knew it off the top of her head. He hired her because of her business skills but he entrusted her because of his need to emotionally lean on people. when he left to go to that AL anon meeting, he was leaning in her in a more distant way that he will eventually do with Claire. And after he's shut down by Sydney as he starts opening up, he still leans on Sydney to shoulder a lot of his pain.

Carmen just shocks Nat by saying jarring shit about his trauma about how he almost burned down his apartment and how he used to throw up before work every day, and that's how he leans on her. By dumping that shit on Nats lap, in a casual cry for help. He needs help, he has needed help his entire life and Sydney comes in, proves herself to be his equal, and he respects her as an artist. He literally doesn't know how to interpret that feeling in himself if it did translate into romance.

the last thing these characters need to do is fuck. if they have a deep emotional conversation where Carmen is stable enough to allow Sydney the space to feel comfortable with sharing some of her deep personal feelings, like where he can actually shoulder some of that for her, then both characters will have healed enough to entertain the potential of considering Any kind of romantic relationship, let alone one with each other.

they are so career driven that they don't have the eye for anything else, they wouldn't know to consider something like that. so if they do end up together, they would be absolutely floored with the realization of their emotions, it would blindside them and potentially derail them if it's not reciprocated. and my bet is that Carmy falls first. Hard. for the wrong reasons. tries to get Sydney to shoulder not only the responsibility of the bear but also the responsibility of his emotions.

and I think that he'll make her co-owner, but only once their debt has cleared so she doesn't compound her already existing debt

I have so many more thoughts on this I'll get back to you

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on love arriving unannounced

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Roman terracotta bust of the moon-goddess Selene, crowned with the crescent moon. Allard Pierson Museum, Amsterdam

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ok no but thisss

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DISCS DISCS DISCS I cannot shut up about Discs. some people get into CD and Vinyl collection to seem cool but whenever I get into anything I become immediately less cool about it. fucking. discs. Compact Discs are so cool

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7-11 CLERK: lovely day outside, isn't it ME: uhhh ME INTERNALLY: shit. I didn't notice. How do I continue this conversation MY INNER MONOLOGUE: Service workers love it when you tell them the things mortal men were not meant to know, when you speak to them of principalities and powers upon the earth ME: In the sun a wheel, in the wheel another wheel. Do you see? 7-11 CLERK: Yes, I see! ME: For each turn of the outer wheel, one thousandth a turn of the inner wheel. And within the inner wheel a point of perfect darkness 7-11 CLERK: Right, growing, devouring. The death of all light ME: Wanes the light - right - wanes the light and waxes the solar eye. Wanes the day of flesh and blood and waxes the night of crawling beasts. Chewing and swallowing. The name of the night to come is khoshek ha-gibbor 7-11 CLERK: Is that hot dog a quarter pound big bite or a spicy bite. They're priced different ME: Which one is cheaper