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The Lightning Thief: Chapter 1: I Accidentally Vaporize my Pre-Algebra Teacher

So, here’s where we begin. I should probably explain a few ground rules before I begin. As I said in my introduction blog, I’ll be reviewing the Rick Riordan Percy Jackson universe books chapter-by-chapter. I’ll be scoring them on a scale from 1 to 10, and, though it would likely be rare, 0 is in fact a possibility, depending on how much it strains credulity or messes with mythology too much. When I finish each book, I’ll average out the scores, and see if the score fits the quality of the book.

I’ll do my best not to be too spoilery with my reviews for the uninitiated, but I may occasionally reference something that comes later, though I’ll try to make sure that such a reference would be for something not completely plot-essential.

Anyway:

The introduction is actually pretty good, given that it’s from a first-person perspective. “Look, I never asked to be a half-blood. If you think you might be one, my advice is, put this book down, believe whatever lie your parents told you about your birth, and live a normal life.” Going on to the end, “My name is Percy Jackson. I’m 12 years old.”

That’s a pretty solid setup, and a good hook for potential readers. It raises a question for me that honestly would be better suited for asking later, but I do have to wonder if it’s a little weird that he’s only 12, but I do have to remember the audience, which, starting out with this book, was in fact mostly readers about that age. I’ll put a pin in that for now, but nonetheless, it’s a really solid setup paragraph.

Immediately following that, however, it goes deep into the troubles Percy has dealt with, even stating, “Am I a troubled kid? Yeah. I guess you could say that.” That’s an understandable comment to make. It’s honestly something that Harry Potter (get ready for more comparisons to that franchise, because we’re far from over) could easily have said about himself. It doesn’t help with his whole, “We could start at any point of my short, miserable life” line. Dude, seriously. It’s fine to go into how your life has been tough, but that’s veering deep into self-pity territory.

We do get a examples of how he can’t seem to make it through a school year without getting expelled or told he can’t come back. A school trip to the Saratoga battlefield, where he somehow blasted his school bus with a Revolutionary War cannon, which begs the question, why the hell was that cannon both functional AND loaded with live ammunition? I know that sounds like a nitpick, but seriously, I think Riordan could have just left half the stories to the imagination. Hell, Another character does that later, in way that really works.

Another mention that’s little funnier is the one where he somehow dumped himself and his entire class into a shark tank on another field trip. Though it does beg the question of why his mother would keep signing permission slips for him to go on field trips. Maybe I’m thinking too much, and this won’t keep that pattern going. As Percy himself put it, “Boy, was I wrong.”

Apparently he goes to Yancy Academy, a boarding school for misfits, outcasts, and delinquents. And Percy couldn’t possibly describe the place in less flattering language if he used the “wretched hive of scum and villainy” line from Star Wars.

He goes on a field trip to a museum for a field trip, dealing with Nancy Boba Fett-I’m sorry, I mean Nancy Bobofit. So anyway, Nancy Boba Fett is picking on Percy’s best-and only-friend Grover Underwood, pelting him with the most disgusting sandwich I’ve ever heard of. Seriously, peanut butter and ketchup?

However, it’s kind of a dead giveaway who is going to be more significant in the story, since she’s only described to the extent of how ugly and unpleasant she is, while Grover is described as both kind and wussy. And crippled. With a weird gate in his walk, though apparently super fast on enchilada day. I guess he likes those. I hope that’s an interesting quirk for people, because that’s not going anywhere. SPOILERS!

Grover keeps Percy for getting into trouble, as he’s on probation, and if his opening line of dialogue of, “I’m going to kill her” didn’t tell you that he has a bit of a temper, well, he kind of does. Luckily they make it to the museum before Percy could pick a fight with a girl and lose some likability points, so he can go on a tour with Mr. Brunner, his wheelchair-bound Latin teacher. He’s supposed to be a really cool teacher, who apparently was allowed to take live weapons to class. Taking a cool-liking sword, yelling “What ho!”

Wait. Percy’s HOW old? Oh yeah. 12 I totally remember when I took Latin when I was that age. Wait. No I don’t.

Brunner, like Grover, is given a lot of description, which seems to be a hint that both of them are more than they seem. Both have handicaps that they seem to transcend in one way or another. Also, I can’t help but think that Riordan is kind of using that to express that he likes to think of himself as the cool teacher Percy thinks of Brunner as.

He’s not the only teacher there. Ms. Dodds, Percy’s pre-algebra teacher, is also there. Hmm, can’t help but think that there’s just maybe a spoiler in the chapter title, but I digress. She wears a leather jacket “even though she was 50 years old”. Not sure why his assumption of her age matters, but whatever. She seems to have it out for Percy, and likes Nancy, even though, Nancy is apparently a bully, and a kleptomaniac, and I’m sure if there were more books about her she’d be an arsonist as well at some point.

Brunner leads them through a tour, and calls on Percy to describe a stele of Kronos eating his children, which fortunately he was able to remember. Brunner weirdly asks Percy to much further into the story to the point where he gets disappointed when Percy can’t answer how that story applies to him in real life, as if he’d know that at this point.

Also, and I hate to be THAT guy with this , but Brunner’s description of Kronos’ defeat was flat out wrong. He was never cut to pieces. He was merely imprisoned in Tartarus, along with most of the other Titans.

But Brunner chides Percy, telling him that he needs to think about how that applies to him. Unless Percy intends to be a classist, that’s a more difficult answer than they’re making look.

As Percy expresses his frustration at a teacher actually expecting him not to be stump stupid, Nancy Boba Fett decides to dump the rest of her sandwich on Grover.

That’s just wasteful.

Percy’s mind goes blank and Nancy gets pulled into the fountain. She screams that Percy did it, while other students claim that water pulled her in. It’s a good moment. It really reminds me of the moment when Harry Potter made the glass disappear at the snake exhibit and made Dudley fall in. A hint at what Percy might in fact be. Though, I do feel the need to point out that this the first of many hints that aren’t terribly subtle as to what Percy truly is.

Ms. Dodds calls Percy out, which prompts Grover to try to take the blame for him. Dodds isn’t convinced, and takes Percy back inside, seemingly teleporting back. Hmm, I wonder if there’s a reason for that.

Inside she tells him that she’s not a fool, and to confess under threat, and then, turns into a horrifying beast with bat wings. She has glowing eyes, and razor-sharp claws. This is a deadly monster. Attacking him with murderous intent, Percy then gets surprised to see that Mr. Brunner shows up and throws a pen to him, yelling “What ho!” At this point, that’s his catch phrase apparently. Suddenly the pen turns into the sword he’d seen in class. He swings it at Ms. Dodds, and she explodes into powder, leaving only the fresh scent of pine.

Okay, umm, Percy should be dead. Without reading ahead, there are two things Dodds could be, and the less dangerous kind would be a harpy, which should be able to easily kill a 12 year old. And killing them? Not that easy. In fact, the only times weapons killed monsters that easily in mythology was when they were dipped in poison.

Confused as a person could possibly be, Percy goes back outside only to find out that no one else remembers Ms. Dodds, though Grover acts weirdly hesitant about it. So yeah, apparently, on top of all of this, they end the chapter with Percy either having a psychotic episode, or his favorite teacher and best friend gas lighting him.

Honestly, I think that was a bit early for Percy to actually have a fight in this story. He doesn’t even know what he was up against, or how he could do it even. It might have been less of a problem had he not bested his foe, but since he did, it means that there’s going to have to a lot of information relayed to him, and this kind of makes it a bit of a disjointed way to do that, and that’s in spite of the fact that it definitely was guilty of some monster nerfing.

The chapter started pretty strongly, even if it did telegraph who’s going to be supernatural in nature with the level of description. The hint at Percy’s power is also a good thing to see. Unfortunately, the fight with Ms. Dodds seemed way too easy and too early for this story, and I can’t let that go. It’s kind of split down the middle. There’s a lot of ground to cover, and plenty to work with. I just think that they rushed a scene too early.

Score: 5:10 The start was strong, but the finish was rushed and confusing.

#the lightning thief #percy jackson #review #percy jackson and the olympians

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