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[dimondcloud]

Nicholas Flores

Professor Robert Lunday

English 1301

20171109

Five Miserable Fears I’ll Never Regret

April of 2012 started an interesting adventure for me. Graduation was right around the corner and I had no plan for my future. I had no intention to apply for college and yet graduation was still inevitable. As the school year drew to an end, I still had no plan.

           I come from a military family; most of those who served are former Marines, and they insisted that I at least talk to a recruiter. I humored them. In early May there was a college fair at my high school and some of the military branches showed up. The first to catch my eye, as I’m sad to say now, was the Air Force. Growing up I wanted to be an aeronautical engineer. Most people thought it was a made-up degree to this day and most don’t know of its existence the air force was just so appealing. getting to work on planes and troubleshoot different aircrafts, that’s what I’ve wanted my whole life. Yet somehow it didn’t feel right. Over the next week the Air Force started to give me the cold shoulder and easing away, saying I wasn’t qualified. Almost everyone who is told they are unqualified do the same thing. They go talk to the Marine Corps and almost guaranteed to get accepted.

           Here I was, mid-May at the Military Entrance Processing Station (MEPS) to enlist into the United States Marine Corps. And let me tell you, it was not what I expected it to be! The recruiters can talk it up to get you to join, but, that’s their job. The romanticized version you see on tv and in the movies, is the glorified side of things. the things that only few get to experience. Those are the things that only a few get to experience. I am a veteran, but I’m a veteran who has never pulled the trigger to kill an enemy – what is commonly referred to as a POG, personnel other than grunt. We are the guys that make things possible; the guys who don’t get seen – the behind the scenes guy. 

           My journey began June 25, 2012 it was a Monday. Yet it wasn’t a normal Monday. It was my last day as a civilian. The last time I remember being normal. like most summers in Texas it was blazing hot at around 100 degrees out and it felt amazing the wind was blowing and I knew that I was starting an adventure to change myself into the man I wanted to be. The journey of becoming a Marine.

           That same Monday morning my recruiter Sergeant Morrison, a small man who never really looked like the picture-perfect Marine, walks me into the MEPS building and gets me all signed in.

           “Good Luck, man. This is the last step into completely changing your life. don’t let up, do lie. and always be true to yourself.” he said to me.

We shook hands I said my thanks and the process began. This building is in down town Houston and about 10 stories high. I go to the main Marine Recruiter and he hands me a mountain of paperwork.

“Don’t lose this shit and don’t mix up the fucking paperwork they need it at medical.” he yelled to a group of 6 of us. “Now get the fuck upstairs. Hurry up.”

As the six of us proceed through the process with medical one by one people were dropping from the program for medical conditions and for use of drugs, which is a zero-tolerance policy in the military. When the whole medical process was completed, there were only two of us left and the tension was rising. This was not because we had done anything wrong but as a result people were getting dropped for reasons they had no control over. Potential recruits are kicked out for having asthma or eyesight problems. things they couldn’t have fixed. none of it made sense to me. not yet at least.

Finally, I had almost made it through the entire process. Next, was the part I dreaded the most: the initial fitness checks. The initial fitness test or IST, consists of a minimum of 6 pull ups and 44 crunches. Despite playing football and ran track in high school, I wasn’t considerably strong or even fit. So, if anything was going to stop me from getting in, this was it. yet, against all odds I did 9 pull ups and 100 crunches and got cleared to join the Marine Corps. Or so I thought. Little did I know I was just a back up to go if enough people couldn’t. I was sent back home until the following week.

On my way home however, I got a phone call.

“Hey, its Sergeant Morrison, come back to MEPS please. Turns out you are going this week. some guy just spilled the beans and said he did drugs two days ago. It’s your lucky day Mr. Flores.”

“Wow” I said, “That sucks for him but I’m happy I actually get to go now. I’m on my way.”

I arrive about 10 minutes after the phone call. as I enter the building sergeant Morrison meets me,

           “Hey, Man. we’re going to take you to a hotel for the night and first thing in the morning you fly out to San Diego” he said.

           " Holy Crap, this doesn’t even feel real.” completely in disbelief I follow him and we go to the hotel I’ll be staying in.

           My uncle, a former Master Sergeant in the Marine Corps, came to visit me that night. He told me stories and gave me so much false hope for success. throughout my life I wasn’t ever successful. I did well in school but not to the standards of my family.  I played sports and ran track, but once again not to the standards of my family. so, him telling me I would do great and be so successful just felt like a load of bullshit he felt he had to say as family. None the less in the long run it helped.

           After our good-byes, my uncle left and I went back to my room to try and relax. seeing how in less a day my life would change completely relaxing was near impossible. as the night dragged on I still couldn’t sleep. I was completely restless. Luckily, I got a few hours of sleep before one of the longest days of my life began.

           May 26, 2012 at about 0630 everyone woke up and had breakfast then went back to MEPS. A few hours went by as we finished up everything, then it was time for my “Oath of Service”. The finial door closing so the first door opening to the rest on my crazy life. My mom cam to watch me swear in and begin the next stage of my life. The stage where I would try to make her proud.

           “I, Nicholas Vittorio Flores, do solemnly swear to support and defend the constitution of the United States…” I began to say. Little did I know; these words would have more meaning to me than anything in the world. you never know how much you are willing to give up. By taking this oath, I am willing to give anything up to but not limited to my life for this country and for the ones I love.

           Once the Oath was taken there was little time before I got put on a bus and shipped to Marine Corps Recruiting Depot, San Diego, California to begin boot camp, what I thought would be the longest 13 weeks of my life. watching my mom as l got on the bus and left to the airport was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. Even though I could see how happy she truly was, I could see the sadness in her eyes. She was watching her baby boy, her only son, make the biggest decision of his life.  She was watching him take his first steps to becoming the man he wanted to be.

Once we got to the airport it was a complete maze to me. I had never been on a plane. So, this was a huge experience for me. the plane we were in was a bowing 747, which at the time seemed huge. once we got to San Diego I waited at the USO for the Drill Instructor got there to take us to MCRD. As I waited I met a few people who I remember little to nothing about. but we conversed and waited together.

“GET OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW!” someone screamed. “RUN! YOU HAVE 60 SECONDS TO GRAB ALL YOUR SHIT AND GET OUT SIDE IN FORMATION! 605958575655…”

I had no idea what the hell a formation was at this point so I just followed the people in front of me. I always thought I could count well. It’s one of the easiest things in the world to do. however, I had no Idea it was humanly possible to count from 60 to 0 in what seemed like 2 seconds. for the next several weeks I could still never figure out how all drill Instructors could count that fast.

“WHEN I TALK YOU SHUT THE HELL UP! WHEN I ASK A QUESTION YOU RESPOND YES SIR, NO SIR OR AYE AYE SIR. DO YOU UNDERSTAND!” he screamed. this was what seemed like a mountain of a man. easily over 6 foot and what looked like 300 pounds of pure muscle. a monstrous man fueled by hatred, fear, and anger.

As collective whole we responded, “YES SIR!”

“OPEN YOUR GOD DAMN MOUTHS WHEN YOU SPEAK TO ME! I SAID DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!”

           “YES SIR!” we screamed louder than I have ever heard anything in the world. it felt like the world shook under out feet.

           “GET ON MY BUS RIGHT NOW!” he roared

           “YES SIR!” we responded

           “ITS AYE AYE SIR TRY AGAIN!” he corrected

           “AYE AYE SIR” we repeated.

The next two weeks went like this. yelling back and forth. learning how to eat, walk, talk, get dressed, tie our shoes, make our bed, and how to live in general. A few weeks in I became ill. My stomach swelled and they thought my appendix was going to rupture. with the possibility of that and the inability to continue training I got put into MRP or Marine Rehabilitation Platoon until they could figure out what was wrong for until I was healthy enough to proceed in training. My 13 weeks of training would now be extended. once I was told I would be getting dropped I was able to call my family to tell inform them what happened. Needless to say, I called my mom. this turned out to be a lot harder than I had anticipated. I’ve never been a crier but, hearing my mom’s voice for the first time in a few weeks only to tell her that I wasn’t coming home on time broke me. not because I was sad, but because I was angry. Once again, I have failed. I swore to her that this wasn’t going to be the end. I was going to get better and I was going to become a United Stated Marine. I would make them all eat their word and would make my mom proud.

For the next five weeks, I sat in MRP waiting for answers that never came. no one could figure out what was wrong. Test after test, scan after scan and blood tests what seemed like every other day. still, no one could tell me what was wrong with me. after 5 weeks, I decided to suck it up. I’d rather hide the pain and push through than spend more time here. so that’s what I did.

I went back to training with something to prove. in just 2 day we had our initial drill. We were to march in front of Drill Masters and be graded on presentation of Drill. When I got back to training I was put with another platoon right where I was dropped. my goal was to be the guide of the platoon in the next few days. and I was. After a PT event, we had I proved myself to beat the current guide out of his position and took his spot for initial drill as Golf Company Platoon 2141 Guide. It was the first time I felt proud.

I was only guide for a few weeks before I was replaced by another recruit. We were almost done with boot camp. 2 weeks left and I can finally go home. It’s been 19 weeks since I could see any familiar face. in just 2 weeks I would be home. All I had to do was the most recognized part or Recruit Training. I had to complete the Crucible. the Crucible consisted of 52 hours or vigorous activity with little to no sleep.

It was here that I learned what the term “Anytime Any Place” meant. it was referring to sleep. I learned you could sleep anywhere while doing anything. there were points through the crucible I don’t even remember due to the fact I fell asleep while walking or waiting for the next event. More than that though, I realized I wanted to be a leader. Not the type of leader that people followed in fear. but a leader people respected because of their actions.

I used to not be an emotional person by any means before I joined the Marine Corps. But, I guess being in you gain a sense of pride and purpose. a drive I guess you could call it. On October 24, 2012, I got my first taste of the Pride. On this Wednesday morning, after a horrific 10 miles hike up mountain after mountain, I had finally accomplished something I could truly be proud of. I had just completed the Crucible. I conquered The Reaper, The Ankle Breaker and many other obstacles. After 19 weeks, I had done what I promised myself I would do. I received my Eagle Globe and Anchor. The iconic symbol of the United States Marine Corps. I had become a Marine.

The last week of boot camp was just getting ready to graduate. We went through the drilling portion for what seemed like forever. In the end, it was all worth it. the day before graduation was family day. The first time in 21 weeks I could see my family. it was such an amazing feeling. the smile on everyone’s face was so refreshing. I could tell they were proud of me.

The next 24 hours after graduation I spent in a car with my mom, aunt and grandmother on our way back home to the great state of Texas. My aunt is a former Marine so talking with her about my experience in boot camp was fan hearing her stories and comparing the two.

It wasn’t until a few days after we finally got home that I truly noticed how much I had changed over the past 5 months. I didn’t care for people very much and people’s opinions didn’t matter anymore. How my family saw me stopped mattering. I wanted to be my own person. if it made them happy or not I didn’t care. I was ready to make my own decisions. During this time of what some would call a rebellion against my family I started dating one of my closest friends, Kalyn. little did I know this was the woman who would be my rock for the next several years. She now holds the key to my heart and the key to my ultimate downfall.

After a week, it was time to head back to training. this time I was still In California but not at the recruit depot. this time I was going to Camp Pendleton School of Infantry where I would start Marine Corps training. here is where the essentials of being a Marine is taught. You are taught now to live with the bare minimum with a few weeks in the field environment. Also, you learn how to operate different weapons such as the M240, M241, M203 and the M64 Frag. you are also taught different hand and arm signals, patrols, and survivability methods.

After a few weeks of this I graduated and it was time to go back to school. School in the Marine Corps is a bit different from normal school. It moves at a lot faster of a pace. Failing a test can end your career in the field you want to go into. Originally, I was enlister as an Air Traffic Controller, I was set to go to Pensacola, Florida. But, due to medical issues with my stomach I couldn’t go through the schooling. instead I was reclassed in to a different Military occupational specialty or MOS. once reclassed I was to become an Electrician. equivalent to an electrical Engineer in the Civilian world. now I was on my way to Court house bay, camp Lejeune, North Carolina. Once there I was truly happy I got reclassed. I fell in love with my new job. I wanted to learn everything I could in the field. I made It a point to do so.