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dilucpainsme · 26 days ago

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Break the cycle (Phainon/Kevin x reader)

So this is my first time writting for HSR, I'm not totally caught up on the lore for this world so if there are any mistakes this isn't canon so deal with it. The Hi3rd lore is also tied into this so if you don't understand it, its not that important so like oh well. ANyway if you want a more in depth one shot of one the lives request it in my inbox. or if u have an au for another life let me know lol ANy who im very rusty on my nsfw so dont come for me.

Tags: Slight NSFW, Death, Blood, Death, Hurt no comfort, slight gore??

✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏✲✲꘏ ꘏ ꘏ ꘏

Every Chryso’s heir has a flaw; everyone knew that. Whether it be losing you’re humanity, being lethal to others, or being unkillable. There was always something that you had to give up. (Y/n)’s felt like it was her sanity, but in reality, she was cursed to always relive her past lives in some way or another. She swore she wouldn’t let it happen again. Or at least that’s what she told herself. Once she entered the Holy City, it felt like her life was shifting. The familiar feeling of his presence was around. “Oh, that’s Phainon over there! Hey! Snowy!!” The man turned and waved, his eyes meeting with (Y/n)’s. She felt her heart stop the moment she made eye contact with him. The bright blue gaze that she had seen many times before was accompanied by the just as bright white hair. The way it complemented his stunning eyes. “Kevin?” She whispered, standing there with Tribbe.

It couldn’t be. This can’t be happening again.

The man approached the two of them, smiling all the while. That charming smile that she missed so badly. Yet she could’ve gone her entire life without seeing again, knowing the fate that was now bound to happen. “I’m Phainon, and you are?” He sounded exactly the same. How? How is this man Kevin, but also not? Was the universe being so cruel to her this time?

She refused to let this happen again. She would stop the cycle from going on. (Y/n) Decided then and there that she would avoid this man and make him hate her. “None of your concern.” Her expression changed from confused to disgusted. She saw him retract the hand he was holding to her. The female watched as his brows furrowed, and he seemed utterly lost. She just walked past him, Tribbe following after the female hurriedly.

Phainon just stood there, very unsure of what had happened. “Do you know her perhaps?” Algaea asked as she approached the man, watching the two interact just mere seconds ago. “I don’t think so?” He turned to see her walking along with the young girl. Smiling at her words, but as soon as her gaze met his again, she glared. She glared.

“It appears she must not like you.”

“Well, you don’t say.”

ஜ۩۞۩ஜஜ۩۞۩ஜ

Everywhere she looked, she saw him. Kevin-Or damn it was Phainon here. He was always where she wanted to be, and when he spotted her, it was like a puppy running up to their owner.

“(Y/n)! How are you today? The weather is lovely, isn’t it?”

“(Y/n), do you have any plans today?”

“Would you like me to show you around?”

“Have dinner with me, perhaps?”

“Tell me about yourself?”

Every. Single. Time.

She was about to be fed up with it. Why did the man want to befriend her so badly? (Y/n) was becoming irritated with him in this life. He was always so persistent in the other ones, too. So she shouldn’t be shocked he was here as well. So when she was in the market today and he approached her, there wasn’t much she could do this time. “(Y/n)! How are you liking it here so far? It’s pretty great, right?”

“It’s nice,” She rolled her eyes, walking away from him, but the man was too stubborn, and she heard his boots clicking against the stone pavement as she walked. “Have you had the chance to enjoy the warm baths yet?” She didn’t respond. The female didn’t want to go on talking with him; she just wanted to enjoy her day and then go to sleep later, but he just wouldn’t stop talking. (Y/n) did love his voice, though; it was one thing about him that made her fall hard. He could talk for hours on end, and she would just listen. Yet the fate that was ahead caused her to snap out of her daydreaming. “I had a question for you!”

“What is it now?” She groaned and stopped, turning to look towards him. Basket in her hands. It had a few things in it: some fruit, wine, and fabric.

“I heard you tell Castorice that she could call you (N/n) as a nickname! Mind if I use it?” Hearing that name come out of his mouth gave her flashbacks. So many. All at once. The way he would laugh it, kiss her so sweetly right before saying it, the feeling made her sick. After all, it was him who started calling her that.

“Don’t ever call me that.” Her brows furrowed, and her (e/c) eyes glared into his disgustly beautiful blue ones. She turned on her heel and quickly stormed away, trying so hard to fight the tears that begged to spill out.

ஜ۩۞۩ஜஜ۩۞۩ஜ

The first time she met Kevin, they were both attending school, and the only reason he even talked to her in the first place was because of Mei. He had his sights set on her best friend, but after Mei told him she wasn’t interested, he kept talking to (N/n). Asking for advice as to how he could gain Mei’s affection, but over time, he fell for (Y/n) instead.

And he fell hard, too.

It was the small things about her that made him swoon. How she cared so much for her friends, and she knew so much about the most important people in her life. After that, it was her smile, and how infectious it was to others. If she smiled, then everyone around her would as well. Her laugh felt like a siren's song to him. She had the most gorgeous laugh he had ever heard. It was–He couldn’t even say everything he liked about her, he loved about her.

It truly didn’t take her long to feel the same way, but both of them were too scared to ruin what they already had. So close, yet so far from what they really wanted. Even so, the two spent every free second they had together. (Y/n) always finding him first. Asking him what he was doing after school, or what he was doing later that weekend. It was usually so she could drag him into some sort of hangout she planned. To their friend group, they were already dating. Mei saying it was only a matter of time before the two became official.

“You like her, don’t you?” Su asked the simple question, but it held so much meaning behind it. “What?” Kevin glanced at his friend. “The way you two are together, it's clear you both have feelings for one another. You should ask her out.”

“I don’t think she likes me like that, Su, I mean (Y/n) is so-” He was at a loss for words. He couldn’t even describe her. Su gave Kevin a look. “You should do it. Today.”

But that same day, as school was ending, the third Honkai eruption had begun. He tried his best to get to the girl before anything could happen. He would drag her away. Both he and Mei were searching for her, but it was too late. He watched as (Y/n) was killed by a Honkai beast, Mei, trying to drag him away. The creature tearing her apart as she was defenseless. Their eyes met for the very last time. “(N/n)!!”

“Kev-” She didn’t finish her words before Mei dragged him inside.

That was the first time she meant Kevin.

ஜ۩۞۩ஜஜ۩۞۩ஜ

“Coreflame?”

“Yes, if we kill this Titan, Phainon would be the one to obtain this Coreflame.”

“A Demigod,” (Y/n) spoke, staring at the stars surrounding them, the sigils in the sky. “We’re a long way from that, though. We still don’t even know where they are hiding out,” She nodded her head at Aglaea’s words. Would his fighting the titan get one of them killed in this life? Something inside of her told her yes, it would be. Yet even as she tried to show the man how much she disliked him, he didn’t care.

He was persistent. As she had already figured out.

As she was leaving with Aglaea, he just happened to be at the exit, smiling. “Phainon,” the blonde greeted and walked away, giving the two of them some space. (Y/n) wanted to follow, but she felt a hand on her arm.

“Let go of me.” She wasn’t asking, she was telling him.

“I want to talk, come on. " She stared blankly at him, trying her best to seem menacing so he would leave her alone. It clearly wasn’t working as he held his sheepish smile, and kept his gaze focused on her. The female sighed loudly and caved.

“Fine,” Phainon did a small cheer, and he released his hold on her. The man cleared his throat and confidently flashed her another smile before asking his question. “Did I do something to offend you, (Y/n)?” She frowned as her name left his mouth. It did something to her, pulling at the strings in her heart. She missed him saying her name.

“No,”

“I must have done something to you then. You seem to avoid me like the black tide, and I can’t understand why. If I can fix it, please inform me how to.” She looked at him with a strange emotion of pain in her eyes. Like she wanted to tell him something, but she couldn’t. He almost saw the tears that begged to escape her lower lashes, but she wiped her face before speaking.

“I wish you could fix it, but—” She paused. “You can’t. It’s something with me, not you. Just please stay away from me.” The girl pushed past the man, quickly running away. She couldn’t face him, and cry, because then he would console her. Because Phainon was like that. He was kind and would do something like that for people, even if she was an ass to him; and surely if he did that to her the girl would cave even more.

ஜ۩۞۩ஜஜ۩۞۩ஜ

The second time she meant him was when she joined MOTH. She was recruited by Elysia, and how could she say no to her? That woman was convincing. So the first time she stepped foot into the place, her eyes met with Kevin's, and his with hers. Something between them clicked like always. He was entranced by her, and she by him. Elysia thought they would get along very well, especially with the fire she could sense between them, but…

They fought. All the time.

At least in front of everyone else. Bickering back and forth, both of them stressed over the constant war hanging over their heads. Arguing over what to do next because the girl was stubborn and hated to be bossed around. Especially when it was Kevin telling her what to do.

But behind closed doors, it was a different story. They didn’t fight. The two of them got along just fine. Maybe that’s because for a minute it didn’t seem like the world was in their hands. They could just be dumb young adults. Two people who were trying to figure themselves out. Falling asleep in each other's beds, cuddling up to one another. It was sweet, and nobody really knew that they were like this.

It gave the girl some hope that maybe this would all come to an end, and they could live out their lives together somewhere in the world. She truly felt that she could fall in love with him. Yet she was terrified that if they did more than just talk and cuddle, it would affect their mission.

He changed that one night.

“(Y/n),” She was lying her head on his chest, almost about to fall asleep. It had been a long, grueling day; she almost lost him on the battlefield to the 6th Herrscher, but everyone turned out fine. Even if they fought horribly with each other after that. “What, Kev?” The female opened her eyes a little and lazily looked up at him. His bright blue eyes sent a chill down her spine.

He stared at her for a long time. “Kevin, what?” She laughed a little, a nervous tone underneath it. He leaned down a bit and pressed a kiss against her lips. He couldn’t help it. He wanted her, he needed her, he loved her. After today, a world without her would be too cruel for him to bare.

She was truly not expecting that to happen. A lecture from him? Maybe but. Of course, the female kissed back, their bodies fumbling a little as she moved herself on top of him, their lips never parting once.

She could go on like this, as long as she had him.

And it was like that for a while, but then the seventh Herrscher attacked, and they couldn’t fight her off as humans. They were no match for a god of her strength. It took a lot out of everyone and toll their relationship. Kevin was beyond his normal stressed-out self. He was angry and snappy, and she felt herself losing the person she loved.

It got even worse when Mobius and Mei proposed using the MANTIS experiment. And then Kevin offered to be the first subject.

“There is no way in hell that you are going to do that!”

“Someone needs to be the test subject and I–”

“You have no idea what could happen! You have no clue what that could do to you!” (Y/n) turned to glare at her lover, her face full of worry and concern for Kevin. Even though she bickered with him all the time and wanted nothing more than to slap some sense into him right now, she loved him. He kept her going. (Y/n) couldn’t bare the thought of a world without him. She wouldn’t make it.

“We need to defeat the 7th Herrscher, and if we don’t, we will all die.”

“You defeated the 6th one just fine if we try harder-”

“(Y/n) we can’t. We’ve tried. You don’t get a say in what I do.”

“Kevin, we may not agree on everything, but this—” She didn’t realize how close she had gotten to the man or how the two of them were yelling at each other. “I love you. Please, don’t do this.”

He sighed and closed his eyes, hiding the icy blue spheres that held his feelings. “We don’t have a choice (N/n).”

Even after she begged him not to, he went through with it. Although he came out fine and defeated the 7th Herrscher, there was one more problem. He couldn’t be near any humans. If he even tried to get near her, it would hurt her, and she wouldn’t be able to withstand it. Kevin was so cold, not just emotionally but physically. She begged Mobius to use the MANTIS experiment on her, but Elysia and Kevin both told her she wasn’t allowed to. It made her angry, if she wasn’t human, then she could be near him again and–But the man said he didn’t want that fate for her. He didn’t know what it would do to her.

Though they kept fighting the honkai, Kevin became one of their strongest fighters. He was a soldier. He defeated Herrscher after Herrscher with no problem until the 12th came into play. It was nearly impossible to predict the damage that would come from her.

(Y/n), being the way she was thought that she could stop the damn thing from hurting someone else. She shoved one of her comrades out of the way and took the blow that sealed her fate. Kevin scurried over to her, not caring about the surrounding Honkai. They didn’t have much time, he needed to stun the god and get everyone else to the cryo pods and–He didn’t care about that right now as (Y/n) lay in his arms, bleeding, smiling at him. “Hey, look at that, you finally got to touch me again!”

ஜ۩۞۩ஜஜ۩۞۩ஜ

“What are the three of you up to now?” (Y/n) had her hands on her hips as she watched the triplets hide something behind their backs. “Nothing…nothing at all.”

She eyed them a bit longer, hoping to scare the answer out of them, but luckily, Mydei came to their defense. “I’m having the girls do me a favor.” She smiled at the large man, and then the girls took that as their chance to run off. “We have to hurry up! Trianne, come on!” Tribios grabbed the girl, and they quickly scurried down the steps.

“So what secret task are you having them do?” While avoiding Phainon, Mydei and (Y/n) had become pretty good friends. It truly wasn’t her intention to befriend someone else, but the man had approached her, wanting to become friends. Odd sure. But who was she to say no to him? He was a prince after all. “Don’t worry about it,” He crossed his arms and looked at the female up and down. “Where are you heading?” She was dressed in something different from her usual attire. Something he took notice of very quickly.

“The baths.” He nodded his head. “Want me to come along?” She put her hand on her chest and dramatically gasped.

“The crowned Prince Mydei wants to spend time with little old me?”

“Maybe not if you keep acting like that,” She laughed a little, covering her smile.

“Fine, fine, yeah, I don’t mind if you tag along.” Phanion was there, around the corner, listening. He didn’t mean to, but he was avoiding her like she was him. If the girl didn’t want him around that much, then fine, he would stay out of her way. Of course, that didn’t mean he wasn’t concerned about her. She was hiding something, and he didn’t know what. From the moment she entered the city, she was a pure mystery to him.

It bugged him so much, and all because something about her drew him in. The way she laughed so carelessly with her friends or her smile. It was so infectious. It was all so; he couldn’t place it. Phainon wanted to be friends with her, so he sent Mydei in to see if she would confess why she hated him so much. Yet the man was straying from the task and befriended her instead, and he thought the girl was falling for the prince. It didn’t bother him, or at least that's what he kept telling himself.

So what if the Chyrso Heir didn’t like him? He would just figure out why and move on. Right?

Wrong, he was so very wrong as he watched the girl walk off with Mydei, laughing happily as she elbowed him a little.

ஜ۩۞۩ஜஜ۩۞۩ஜ

The third time she ran into Kevin, they were on opposing teams. She had worked with him for some time, and then she saw how mad he was getting. Maybe from the grief of Mei dying all those years ago, but eventually she left his cause, and she found herself at St. Freya's with Kiana, going through a wild journey with her. They became like sisters. (Y/n) felt like she was the older sister constantly doting on her, and making sure she was listening to Himeko. Even after everything the girl went through, she still stood by her side, ready to help her fight.

Even if she found herself on the opposite side of the battlefield, trying to stop Kevin from going through with Project Stigma. It was no use, though; he was already too far gone. Worse than she remembered.

She aided Kiana in the battle. Fighting just as hard, watching her friend succeed in her goal to stop him. Of course, fate was so cruel to her, like always– she didn’t make it to the end, and both she and Kevin died in the fight. (Y/n) wished it were different. The girl knew he thought differently from her; he always did since the first time they met at MOTH. The last thing she saw before closing her eyes in that life was Kiana shaking her, begging her to wake up. “I’m going to see Himeko now, okay, Kiana?” Her eyes glanced over to Kevin’s corpse, smiling a little. She would see him too.

ஜ۩۞۩ஜஜ۩۞۩ஜ

“Mydei!” (Y/n) laughed as the man splashed some water at her. He wasn’t usually this playful, but today, he seemed to be in a good mood. The two of them were getting closer every day; she really thought this time it would be different. She was going to break the cycle. Even if every time Phainon looked at her, she felt her heart twinge. “Stop!” The girl laughed once more, trying to block her face from getting water on it.

“Mind if I join?” That familiar voice made her smile fade, and she turned to see the snowy white hair. “I don’t care,” Mydei replied, the small smile he had disappearing as well.

“It’s rare to see you act so childish, Mydei.” He just rolled his eyes and muttered ‘HKS’ at Phanion. It was true, though, the man never acted too childish around anyone, well, not that she knew of. (Y/n) sat back down and gently tapped the warm water with her fingers, trying to avoid the stare that was settling on her.

“So (Y/n), we haven’t spoken in a while. How are you adjusting in the Holy City? Are you finally used to the moon not being here?”

“I suppose.” She kept her gaze on the water. “More time for practicing combat, isn’t that right, (N/n)?” Mydei said.

“I don’t need to practice like you.” She teased.

��What weapon do you use?” Phainon’s voice cut through their playful banter that was just starting.

“A sword, nothing fancy.” She turned her attention from Mydei to Phainon. She supposed talking to him wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world. If she was going to stay here for a long time, she might as well become somewhat civil with the other Chryso Heir. Plus, the girl was already very fond of the blonde next to her, so if she were to become friends with Phainon, it wouldn’t be so bad, right?

“Maybe we should spare some time, I would love to have another friendly competition with someone other than Mydei.”

“Sure,” the smile that grew on his face made her smile right back at him. She loved seeing that smile, but she hated to admit it. It made her feel some sort of comfort she couldn’t place. Maybe knowing he was alive made her heart throb.

ஜ۩۞۩ஜஜ۩۞۩ஜ

The fourth time their paths crossed might have been her favourite. “Hi, welcome to Mantis cafe. What can I get you?” Her voice was monotone and laced with boredom until she looked up. The cutest boy she had ever seen was right in front of her, and oh my god–His eyes were such a gorgeous blue, and the white hair that was in his eyes made them pop even more. She felt her face get red, and she quickly looked back down at the POS screen. “I’m not sure, can you suggest something that has a lot of caffeine? I have a test I’m cramming for, and sorry I’m talking way too much.”

“Oh, uhm, you’re fine. Yeah, I’ll just put in a blonde roast for you; it's pretty strong.” She smiled at him, and he gave her the same one in return.

After that, he came into the coffee shop every day, and they had become pretty good friends, and somehow he just happened to know when she was on her break. It totally wasn’t Elysia who told him. So they got to chatting, and he was so smart. Otherworldly smart. He knew so much about science and physics. He was majoring in some sort of science thing she couldn’t understand, but she loved it when he went on and on about it. His voice made her all giddy.

Then one day, “Can I ask you something?” She was on her break, and they were sitting outside the cafe. The weather was lovely for once, and she needed some sun after being cooped up in the stuffy coffee shop all day long. Yeah, what’s up?” She glanced up from her phone.

“Do you wanna go out with me?”

“Huh?!” Her face turned a bright shade of red, and her eyes widened. Him. Kevin. Wanted to go out with her? She thought it was a joke for a second, like for real? Her? She was a mess all of the time and smelled like coffee. The girl always had stains on her clothes. She could never do her makeup right, and her hair looked like she had never brushed it. Although in her defense, it just got like that throughout the day. A lot of time must have passed because when he spoke again, he looked defeated.

“It’s okay to say no,” He scratched the back of his head awkwardly. “No! I mean, yes! Yeah, I want to go out with you, I just-”

“Good! I really don’t like coffee, so I was getting worried I was coming for nothing.” She laughed really hard at that. The fact that only reason he would come to this overpriced cafe was to see her every day. It did make the female feel special. Only a little.

Within the next few months, they had become official. They went out on dates and spent time together when they could. She was always working mornings, and he was in school most days, but when they had time, they were at each other's houses.

“You know, it would be easier to see you more if you just moved in.”

She whipped her head around to look at him. “Kevin!”

“What?” He laughed. “We’ve only been together three months!”

“And?”

“And I see you every single day!”

“Yea,h but think about waking up next to me after a very long night of–”

“Kevin!!”

That’s how she was moving in weeks later. Elysia and Mei were teasing her relentlessly about it. Things were good. They were really good. They were going steady for over a year and were finally celebrating their anniversary. Kevin had planned this whole big date for the two of them. A fancy dinner, a night under the stars, a moonlit walk. Super cheesy stuff, and she was living for it. But… “It’s storming pretty bad, should we cancel?” (Y/n) looked out the window, her eyes worried at the road’s condition. “It’s just some rain, (N/n), it’ll be fine.” He didn’t sound too concerned, so she trusted his judgement

The man had never been wrong before, so he was right, and it would be fine but…

It wasn’t fine. It was far from it. Somehow, when they were driving, someone crashed into them, causing two other cars to crash as well. It all happened so quickly, and she didn’t realize what was going on until she looked over and saw her lover covered in blood. As much as she tried to get to him, she couldn’t. Her vision was fading in and out, blood dripping into her eyesight, not helping her already fading sight. “Kevin-” He wasn’t breathing, and soon she wouldn’t be either.

ஜ۩۞۩ஜஜ۩۞۩ஜ

She was laughing. With Phainon. Happily. It didn’t even connect in her brain that they were friends now. So much had happened recently. Some travelers from beyond came, and they were helping them in so many ways, and now they could find Nikador and defeat him. Phainon was so close to getting what he wanted, and she was so happy for him, overjoyed in fact. “That’s such a dumb joke, Phai,” She nudged him a little, and rested her back against the wall. They were relaxing outside after spending some time in the shops earlier.

It had been so crazy lately, so she was happy just to get a second to breathe. After a few weeks ago in the baths, she wanted to give him a chance to be friends. He weasled his way back into her heart, and she couldn’t not be friends with him. Instantly, once they got along, it was magnetic.

They clicked. She knew they would, they always did. “You love my humor,” He said.

“Maybe, or maybe I just laugh so your ego won’t hurt,”

“Ouch, that one stung.” (Y/n) just shook her head, smiling. They were quiet for a long while. The comforting silence between them.

After some time had passed, she finally spoke. “Are you ready to finally get the Core Flame?” Her voice was less playful, and she looked at the never-changing sky. “I suppose,”

“Haven’t you been waiting you’re whole life for this?”

“Maybe, but I think Mydei should have it, or even you.” She glanced up at him. “You deserve this. Nikador is your battle to fight. Of course, we’ll help, but you should deliver the final blow.”

“I-” He paused. “You think so, (N/n)?” The female reached down and grabbed his hand and gave it a light squeeze. “Absolutely, Phai.” He turned to stare at her, his soft expression making her melt. She loved him. In every life, she couldn’t help but love him. It was consuming in a way that nothing else felt. If this were all they could be in life, she would be okay with that. As long as they both lived. She could go on this way.

ஜ۩۞۩ஜஜ۩۞۩ஜ

The fifth time they meant was pure accident in her opinion. She was out with Elysia and Mei at a club when a guy accidentally spilled his drink on her. “Hey! Watch out!” As she was very angrily trying to wipe away the red drink that was all over her new dress, she looked up and saw the very handsome man who spilled said drink on her. Then suddenly all was forgiven, and they were chatting the entire night away. He was interesting, that was for sure. He was some guy who worked for the MOTH science lab downtown.

Honestly, the girl had no clue what he was talking about. She was drunk by this point and needed to get home. The whole night was a blur, and somehow, she had gotten home with Kevin wrapped around her. All she can recall is that the snowy-haired man was in her bed, and their clothes were tossed everywhere in her room.

From there, a one-night stand turned into three years of a situation-ship. Never confirming if they were together, but not correcting anyone if the person said the two of them were dating. She truly liked him, but (Y/n) was too scared to ask. She really just went along with whatever he wanted. Kevin was boyfriend-ish with her. Cuddling her when the two of them were alone, or buying her gifts randomly. Especially when there was an occasion to buy said gift on. Christmas was always a fun time for her.

“You should just move in together at this point (N/n),” Elysia said as she was going through the women's closets. Kevin asked her to come over, and he said, ‘Wear something cute.’ So she called Ellie over here to help her. “I don’t think he sees me that way, Elys.”

“I don’t know the way he talks about you; it's like he is gushing over a girlfriend,” The pinkette giggled and turned her attention back, digging through her friend's closet.

Then, later that same day, she made her way over to Kevin’s house. To be fair, this life’s death was a crazy accident as well. The building he was staying in caught on fire, and the man died, not being able to escape, but he made sure she got out just fine. He would be damned if the girl he loved didn’t get out of this stupid place alive. It was his fault she was here after all. So as he shoved her out of the building, he very sweetly mumbled something to her.

“I love you (N/n),”

ஜ۩۞۩ஜஜ۩۞۩ஜ

(Y/n) made ripples in the water as she stared at her own reflection. Phainon had been spending more and more time with her. It was pushing the line of friends. The number of times she found herself wanting more than just long hugs and late ‘night’ talks. The girl could also tell he wanted more too, the way he was hesitant to leave her room, or how he would stare at her after the long hug they would share. She was devastated and couldn’t bring herself to give in. As much as she wanted, it wouldn’t be good.

Suddenly, the water rippled more than she was expecting from her movements, and the water sloshed. She looked up and saw Phainon getting in with her. “Hey (N/n),” he smiled, and god, he smiled that sweet, enchanting smile of his.

“Hi Phai,” she greeted him back, and her eyes went to the water again. “You’re avoiding me again,” he laughed, but she could tell that he was worried. Of course, he was. They were making progress, and she felt like she knew him her entire life—because, in a way, she had.

“I am not,”

“Come on, tell me what's wrong.” She closed her eyes and sighed. If only it were that easy to explain to him. If (Y/n) could tell him all about the cruel past that she had to relive every time she closed her eyes. “I’m just-” She paused and looked up at him, her facial expression somber. “I’m worried about the battle with Nikador, I mean, how do we even stop him, ya know?”

“Now are you doubting my fighting abilities (Y/n)?” He laughed a little, but seeing that joke didn’t change her sour expression, he sighed. He removed his arm from her shoulder and grabbed the hand that was playing in the water. “What is really bugging you?”

“If I say what I want to, it’ll change everything,” She sighed and thumbed over the top of his hand. Her eyes focused on their intertwined fingers that were in the water. She felt him tense a little as the words left her mouth. Fuck. She was being cryptic and he–

“What if it doesn’t?”

(Y/n) lifted her head up to meet his gaze, his stare so intense and full of something, hope maybe. “I doubt that, Phainon.”

“I don’t think it will because, (N/n), I like you.” Her heart tightened in her chest. No, not again, please. “There's this thing about you I can’t place. I’m drawn to you and I have no idea why, well I do but–” He laughed and paused for a minute. “You’re the most caring person I know, I see how you take care of you’re friends and how much you worry for them. You are extremely witty and funny, and then you have this smile. It’s infectious to others. If you smile, then everyone around you will as well. Plus, on top of that, you have this laugh, and every time I get to hear it, I feel so lucky.” He paused, now both of his hands held hers, and he didn’t move his gaze from the girl.

If anything, it grew more intense, and she couldn’t look away. How could she when he was staring at her like that? Again. “There's so much more about you, I want to be more than this.” It’s happening. If he were to be with her, she would surely get him killed again. She couldn’t do it anymore. If she had to live through one more life where one of them would die. Her heart hurt so bad, more than it ever has. At least before, she wasn’t aware of the pain from her past lives. She could be blissfully happy and fall in love with him. Over and over again. But here? She knew the fate that awaited them.

“(Y/n),” She felt the tears welling up in her eyes as he spoke her name. Fuck. What was she to do when he looked at her like that? His eyes boring into her soul. “I want more than this too,” She nearly whispered the words. The female meant it in a different way than him but–(Y/n) couldn’t help herself. Maybe this time it wouldn’t happen. Because she knew. Right?

He leaned down to her level. She was so lost in her own mind that she didn’t even see him get so close. Now, his face was mere inches away from hers. “Don’t avoid me anymore, please, " he whispered. The sentence sent chills down her spine—chills she was familiar with. The way he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers just felt so right—like they were made for one another.

The female didn’t pull away; she stayed put, pressing her lips against his even harder. The familiar feeling brought her emotions that she couldn’t understand. All she wanted was him, all she needed was him. “Phai,”

“(N/n),” She paused.

The water splashed around as she was pulled into his lap on top of him. “We’re in a public bath house, you know this, right?” The female laughed a little as she rested her forehead against his.

“You’re right, we should go back to my room.”

“Phainon!”

ஜ۩۞۩ஜஜ۩۞۩ஜ

Again.

And again

And again.

The dreams never let her sleep long. Each time it hurt more and more. Screaming out for Kevin, begging for him to save her, or calling to him as he lay there bleeding. The nightmares haunted her, reminding the girl of the fate she was bound to in each life. This time it wasn’t Kevin she was calling for, she was screaming for Phainon.

Watching as Mei dragged him away from the outside hall that (Y/n) was currently being attacked in. He was trying his best to resist, but the girl wanted to get him out of there. She was pleading for him to come back. The words echoed in the hallway as the door slammed shut. “Phainon! Please!” Only for her eyes to meet with the Honkai beast hovering over her.

“(Y/n),”

“(N/n)!”

She sat up, her chest heaving up and down, her eyes watering as she stared at the large room she was in. The daylight was pouring through all the windows so brightly. She searched around the room and saw next to her Phainon sitting up in bed, staring at her very concernedly. “Phai,” she panted and buried her head in her hands, fingers grabbing at the hair that spilled forward.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, it was just a dream.” She shook her head, trying to tell herself that it wouldn’t happen again. That was the past, she was aware now. She would avoid the death sentence.

“You were screaming in your sleep.” He pulled the female close to his side, as she buried her head in his chest. She was shaking, her heart beating so rapidly he could feel it. The male placed a kiss on top of her head. He wasn’t sure what she encountered in the black tide, but whatever it was must be worse than him. Little did he know it wasn’t the black tide that scared her. It was losing him that did. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No, gods no.” Her voice was muffled as she hid her face from him, trying to collect herself.

“It may make you feel better,”

“It won’t trust me, I just wanna go back to sleep.”

She didn’t get any more sleep.

ஜ۩۞۩ஜஜ۩۞۩ஜ

“Please let me come with you tomorrow.”

(Y/n) was begging Phainon to let her come along to the battle of Nikador, but he was refusing. “It’ll be fine, Mydei, and I will be just fine, my love.” For some reason, she didn’t think that would be the case.

“I’m extremely useful, you know this better than anyone else.”

“No, (N/n).”

The girl let out a groan and dramatically fell onto the bed, rolling herself in the blankets. She could hear his amused chuckle from behind. She was always one for the dramatics. He found it endearing, but then again, she was stubborn. Double-edged sword, he supposed.

“Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?”

“Well, I guess a kiss would make me feel better,” she sat up on the bed and smiling sweetly at her boyfriend. “Really? That’s all?” The female shrugged and kept her rotten smile.

“Fine, if that’s all.” He walked towards the girl. Phainon leaned down, his hair getting in his eyes a bit as he moved to place a kiss against the female's lips. The moment he was within arm's reach, she grabbed his shirt and pulled him down on top of her, laughing the whole time. “Ah- (Y/n)!” He couldn’t help but laugh with her as he caught himself in time so he wouldn’t crush her. His arms rested on either side of her head as he hovered above her slightly.

“Was this your plan all along?” She nodded her head. “Perhaps, but there's more to it.” Phainon raised a brow and leaned down to give her another kiss as her arms wrapped around his neck. It started out sweet, and really his intentions weren’t more than a simple kiss, but the minute the girl playfully nipped at his lips, he couldn’t help himself.

A switch flipped in him. The careful, loving kisses turned into rough, messy makeout. Neither of them barely got a chance to breathe between each and every desperate kiss, the feeling making (Y/n) feel lightheaded, a dizziness swept over her, and yet she couldn’t get enough of him. The way his lips tasted against her, how he would quickly bite her lower lip enough for her to open her mouth. Just so he could slip his tongue in. She just wanted more. So much more.

“Phai,”

“What am I going to fast?” He chuckled.

“Not fast enough,”

The words made him remove his lips and then replace them right on her neck. She felt herself jolt at the instant feeling of his teeth biting down. She heard him laugh once again and went on with what he was doing. Her hands went to his hair, tugging him along to the most sensitive spot on her neck.

“Inpatient, are we?”

“Shut up and-” As she was talking, the man had pulled her dress down enough to expose her chest, and he wasted no time moving down to lick the exposed nipple. She stopped talking once she felt his warm tongue swipe against the sensitive bud.

Just as they were getting into it–

A knock on the door stopped both of them.

“Phainon, Aglaea said it’s time.” Castorice was at the door, her soft voice speaking to the man on top of (Y/n). The girl's wide eyes stared up at her boyfriend. He just smiled and placed a kiss against her lips. “Coming, coming,”

ஜ۩۞۩ஜஜ۩۞۩ஜ

Unfortunately, Aglaea suggested that (Y/n) go along with the group to defeat Nikador. Understandably, Phainon wasn’t very happy about this but she was. This way, she could keep an eye on her lover and make sure nothing would happen to him. She would do everything in her power to stop history from repeating itself. But the unexpected problem came in when they couldn’t defeat the god. The group had to split.

This worried her, and it scared her to her very core. Yet Phainon suggested that the girl go along with Stelle and Castorice. “I am not-”

“Go! I’m not asking you (Y/n), I’m telling you!”

“Come on,” Stelle grabbed the female and pulled her away from the fight. They didn’t have much time already. “No, it's going to happen agai,n I can’t-”

“(Y/n) now!”

ஜ۩۞۩ஜஜ۩۞۩ஜ

The girl was thrown back into battle, and hearing his voice gave her a moment of relief. “You hear that? They’ve returned!” It only took seconds for the girl to snap into fighting mode. Things were going well, and she was sure—so sure it would be different. It had to be. It wasn’t Kevin, it was Phainon. So that must mean that fate wanted to spare her this time, right?

She wanted to be right so badly.

So much so that she made an error. She was so close. It would have been different this time if she hadn’t been so focused on making it that way. Nikador went to strike at the same time as she did; his attention, for some reason, was focused on her instead of the others. The gods must hate her.

The blade struck her straight through her stomach, and this must be some sort of joke, right? The world wouldn’t let her fall in love with him all over again just to take it away. Right?

“So close,” She mumbled.

After that, everything seemed to be one big blur. One minute, Nikador was there, and then he wasn’t. There was a floating Coreflame, and her lover was rushing over to her side.

“(Y/n), no!” He pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly against his chest. “It happened again,” She mumbled.

“What happened again? (N/n)?”

“I thought this time for sure it would end differently.” The metallic taste of blood was flooding her mouth. “Wanna know my flaw?” She weakly looked up at the man who held her heart for years.

“I remember every past I’ve ever lived, doomed to repeat it.” She blinked a little, her vision going in and out. A familiar feeling. “I just thought for once maybe it would be different, one of us wouldn’t die.”

“No, this isn’t right, you’ll be fine-”

“Get the coreflame, you deserve it.”

He shook his head, eyes starting to water. “I’ll see you again, okay? Just might take a while.” Her hand reached for his face, but she didn’t make it. She didn’t get to hold him one last time. She died in his arms. Just like before. Doomed to repeat the cycle.

ஜ۩۞۩ஜஜ۩۞۩ஜ

(Y/n) yawned as she woke up, rubbing her eyes lazily. She swore she had a weird dream again, but she couldn’t really remember what it was about. She just knew it had something to do with some sort of Greek mythology. She always had weird dreams she could never recall. The female glanced at the time on her phone.

7 A.M

Weird time for her to wake up, she usually slept til ten, but she was up now. Phainon was probably up as well. He was always up before her. She threw the blankets off of her and slumped her way into the small kitchen of their shared apartment. “Phai, did you make coffee?”

“For you? Of course.” He wrapped an arm around the female once she was near him and pulled her in for a kiss. “How did you sleep?”

She shrugged. “Fine, I guess, but have you seen the weather alerts? The snow is really bad today. Maybe we should meet up with Algaea and Anaxa some other time.”

“It’s your birthday, we are not canceling.”

“Fine, fine, give me the creamer.”

#phainon x reader #phainon #phainon honkai star rail #phainon hsr #kevin x reader #kevin honkai impact #hi3rd x reader #hsr x reader #x reader #fanfic #one-shot #headcanons

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dilucpainsme · 27 days ago

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The way I'm about to drop the saddest Phainon/Kevin one shot.

#phainon x reader #phainon #kevin #kevin x reader #hsr #hi3rd

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dilucpainsme · 27 days ago

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hehe 🤭🤭🤭

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dilucpainsme · 28 days ago

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dilucpainsme · 28 days ago

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the psychology of men (a guide to understanding how they work) — ft. phainon

if nice guys didn’t always screw you over, you’d have an easier time trusting that phainon isn’t the good guy full of bullshit. but he’s still nice enough to patiently wait for you to give him one chance, though

❤︎ word count: 10.3k words — in literally one day. ONE

❤︎ before you read: female reader ; college au ; reader has a shitty ex boyfriend and trust issues — she is not perfect but she is human. be nice to her ; strangers to friends with benefits to lovers ; reader has a crush on mydei at first LOL ; mentions of alcohol and drunk sex ; phainon is a YEARNER ; resolved angst, miscommunication, and arguments ; phainon is down bad and reader is simply in denial that she is too ; cunnilingus ; unprotected vaginal sex ; creampie ; not proof read

❤︎ commentary: i didn’t care about this dude until today. he possessed me so hard i wrote 10k words in less than 24 hours. white hair and blue eyed freaks will do that to you

LESSON ONE: MEN ARE ALWAYS PLANNING SOMETHING. THE NICER THEY SEEM, THE MORE SINISTER THE SCHEME!

You meet Phainon for the first time while you’re freshly out of a relationship, nursing a broken heart. Your ex-boyfriend pursued you with that heartfelt, fairytale sort of devotion, and you thought you’d be telling people at your wedding one day that you knew he was “the one” early on in your relationship.

And then he dumped you as quickly as he “fell in love” with you. It wouldn’t be right, he’d said, it just isn’t fair to keep you around when I don’t feel the way I used to. He leaves you with not so much as a tear of sorrow, and you’re left with the aftermath of a devastating heartbreak.

Not the sad, lingering kind—this one is the sort of heartbreak that makes you hate all men. Especially the nice ones—the ones that manipulate you into thinking they’re the good guys who won’t turn on you, but they do. They always do. The nice guys are the ones with the most potential to turn out dangerous. They aren’t upfront about their assholery. That shitty ex of yours is a prime example, and you refuse to fall victim twice.

Your first impression of Phainon happens in some boring college class you take just for the elective credit and an easy gpa boost. He’s the sort of guy your attention doesn’t instantly latch onto—he’s sweet, sure, and funny but a little too gentle to be real. Too good to be true. Too much of a green flag to be interesting. Exactly the kind of guy you’re avoiding—exactly the sort of person who can worm his way into your heart slowly and lethally and then bite. Hard. (That sort of mindset is too pessimistic to be any good, of course, but you’re only just barely in your twenties as you navigate your dramatic breakup, and your prefrontal cortex is still developing.)

You find his friend a little more intriguing for the longest time, if you’re honest. The brooding blonde next to him always made your eyes linger for a second too long.

“Hey,” he whispers, poking your shoulder from behind. You turn, slightly irritated by the fact that some guy is interrupting your dissociation in the middle of class—doesn’t he know you have false scenarios to run through your mind while you pass the time? Professor Anaxagoras has a strict no-phones-in-sight policy if you want to keep your participation points up, so the only thing to entertain you is your own head. Sheepishly, as if sensing your irritation, he murmurs, “Sorry. Can I please use your laptop charger?”

“I’m using it,” you blink.

“Yeah, but it’s almost fully charged,” he practically pleads. The puppy eyes on him are unreal—you feel almost compelled to cave just at the sight of them alone until you realize it’s your charger, and he’s bargaining with you about why you don’t need it. Absurd. “I can see the green battery sign.”

“Are you serious,” you stare at him blandly, “it’s barely twelve pm. Why is your laptop already dying anyway?”

“I charged it,” he pouts, “but she’s old and on her last legs. It doesn’t last if I take the charger out for too long—I forgot to bring it with me. Please. If it dies in the middle of this assignment, it’ll make me start over! It took me an hour to google all these answers.”

Well. He’s convincing in that pathetic sort of way. Just the perfect mix between nice and genuine but still a tad bit needy that just tickles your gut in the right place to loosen you up. Without a word, you unplug your charger with a roll of your eyes and hand it to him as he smiles gratefully.

“You’re the best!”

“You’re pathetic,” his friend grunts to him from beside him.

“Don’t be rude, Mydei!” he whispers through a wounded voice.

They continue to bicker back and forth, but you tune it out—there’s only one thought on your mind for the remainder of your time in that room.

You spend the rest of class thinking about the deep sound of his friend’s voice to care about anything else. Fuck, you think—you’re almost debating that strict no more men rule you’d set for yourself after your break up, ready to throw it all away for the grumpy looking blonde with red tips behind you. He’s hot. And honestly, he seems a bit rude and crabby, so really, he can’t be that bad—and yeah, everyone would think he’s the red flag, but you know how men go. You’ve figured out their psychology. The ones who are prickly on the exterior are actually very soft inside, and they’re not half as bad as the soft, cuddly type of men who turn around and bite you as soon as you’re close enough.

This guy could be different. He could be worked into devotion instead of smothering you with it early on, only to have ulterior motives and get bored. What was his name again? Mydei? Sounds decently moanable in bed, you reason. He certainly seems like a keeper.

It’s not long before the lecture ends, and you walk off with all your thoughts consumed by the grumpy blonde guy who said maybe only three words that you properly heard before he possessed your mind like a fucking demon. So much so that you forget to ask for your charger back, and that clever asshole never gave it back on his own accord like a proper human being.

So, the next time Phainon walks into class, you’re glaring at him right at the entrance of the room with an outstretched hand and an unimpressed curl of your lips.

“My charger,” you say blandly, “you took off with it last class. I need it back.”

“Oh!” he flushes, quickly digging into his bag and pulling it out—at least he kept it in very good condition. Men are not to be trusted with things you need because they are irresponsible. Case example: not returning what they borrow. “Sorry,” he says earnestly, “I meant to return it, but I forgot. Which, I was thinking…maybe we should exchange numbers—you know…to contact outside of class if we ever need it.”

You blink, seeing right through him. Why else would you ever need it again? “You walked off with my charger just so you could use it as an opening to ask for my number?”

He flushes a deeper shade of red, creeping up to his ears and down his neck like he didn’t expect you to call him out on his so very blatant scheme. “W-well…did it work?”

You contemplate for a moment before you respond, “No.”

“How about if I throw in some assignment answers?”

“…Okay, fine.” You never pay attention in this class—the tests are open notes, and the weekly assignments are easy enough when you have the internet at your disposal. But still, having someone present the answers to you is a much faster route, and you have other non-elective classes to worry about, so all in all, if a semi-annoying guy messages you here and there, it’s not so bad.

And the better part is that his friend is hot, so you can snag the details on him, too. Men don’t really worry about the concept of loyalty—they don’t stay far away from the people their friends show an interest in for something like friendship. You know how they work. Phainon’s number can lead you to Mydei’s, and Mydei can break you free from your awful, terrible descent to madness from heartbreak, and when you inevitably have a happy, healthy, and loving relationship that lasts, you’ll never think about your bastard ex again.

Foolproof.

“Great!” Phainon beams. He hands you his phone, and you type your number in.

And that starts it all.

────────────────────────

LESSON TWO: SEX DOES NOT EQUAL INTIMACY. WHEN THEY SAY IT’S JUST PHYSICAL, THAT’S TOTALLY FINE. BUT IF YOU SAY IT, YOU’RE OUT OF LINE!

Exchanging phone numbers with Phainon was supposed to be a simple way to have at least one contact for a class—a very important measure you should take for every class you’re in—and perhaps, if you’re lucky, you could also somehow get closer to that hot blonde friend he has named Mydei.

It was never supposed to become a real friendship.

But, well…shit happens, and things don’t go according to plan. It also doesn’t help that Phainon is a consistent texter—almost to a fault. What sort of man doesn’t text sporadically and with a tone as dry as concrete? Phainon, apparently—which is not like any sort of man you’ve ever known.

You even start sitting with him in class instead of in front of him—that’s a terribly unplanned development. The bright side of it, however, is that you quickly get over his friend. Mydei is nice, but he’s a little too bored. Or maybe he just isn’t interested in you; you’re not so sure. No amount of flirty comments gets a flush out of him, not a smirk, not even a smart retort back. He is just…bored. (Or maybe he’s secretly just one of those good friends who doesn’t flirt with the girl that his friend is actively trying to pursue, but that option does not align with your very complex understanding of men, so you shove it aside. He’s probably just bored, and that’s just truly unfortunate. He was hot.)

But you grow fond of Phainon. As a friend. Sure, he’s clearly been interested in you since day one, but he’s not pushy, and a hint here and there that you’re still bitter about your previous relationship makes him keep a respectful distance. But he’s definitely smitten—and you? Well, you’re lonely. And he’s a good guy. A good guy who keeps you good company as a good friend and nothing more. He knows that, and you don’t think you’re stringing him along if he’s aware that you’re nothing more than friendly.

And sometimes, friends go to parties together. And sometimes, they also drink together. And sometimes, they also end up staying at the other’s apartment afterward because it’s closer and safer than trying to get back home alone. And…sometimes, although not a lot of times—but sometimes, they wake up in bed together, nude with no recollection of the previous night and love bites scattered on their necks as proof that something very, very physical happened between them.

It’s not always a common occurrence, but it’s certainly not a rare one. Does it complicate things? For certain—but you think that you and Phainon are good enough friends and mature enough people to know that sex does not equate to intimacy. Most men are super clear about that, anyway—it’s almost ingrained in their nature to say “no strings attached” before they fuck your brains out in every position they can think to try. This should not be a foreign concept to him.

But it doesn’t make the morning any less awkward.

“Oh my god,” you say in disbelief, pulling the sheets over your bare chest as you stare at Phainon like he’s grown two heads. He stares back at you like you’re some figment of his imagination—unsure if you’re real but painfully hopeful that you are. And then you take a quick glimpse around his room and realize he’s a space nerd—there’s a poster about Saturn on his wall. “I didn’t think you were into space. You seem a little too air-headed for that.”

“Hey!” he pouts, “you don’t know me! I can be very smart!”

You snort, eyeing him in amusement. Except staring at him for too long means that you are forced to look at the hickey you left on his neck, almost like you were a raging, horny teenager last night and not an adult. You would be more embarrassed if one glimpse down at your chest didn’t tell you that he was even worse.

“So…” you start awkwardly.

“So…” he echoes.

You don’t know where to take it from there. There’s a beat of silence before you say, “We’re good, right Phai?”

He softens, looking at you with those large, round eyes that house every shade of the sky and her beauty before he nods and murmurs, “Yeah. We’re always good.”

“Good,” you breathe, “I’m glad. I want us to be good.”

“Well,” he rubs his neck, “we are, in fact, good. So…yeah.”

In the end, you sheepishly turn around so he can get out of bed, find his scattered clothes and put them on, and leave, and you—once you’re certain he’s far enough in the kitchen and the faucet is running—scream into his pillow before slipping out of bed and putting on your own. You’re pleasantly surprised he doesn’t have only one pillow. But his sheets are navy blue, so you dock a few points for that. Not a good look.

He makes you breakfast before you leave. Something about sitting and sharing pancakes while he has tousled hair feels so natural you almost feel sick at the thought of leaving. But you tell yourself that he’s an easy friend to have and feel comfortable with, and force yourself up and to the door when the time inevitably comes.

He sees you out with a soft, “See you later?”

“Yeah,” you hum, “later. Bye.”

“Bye.”

—————

You wish so badly that you could be an ideal individual, but you are as flawed as the rest of the humans you share planet Earth with.

You and Phainon fuck again. Sober, this time. Still as friends. Not by accident, or through the influence of alcohol, or by forced proximity, or by anything that you can use to excuse it. You can’t excuse it. It’s entirely an act of free will that you consented to—because he does take consent very seriously, you learn—and it starts to become abundantly clear that sex is beginning to get a little too frequent in your time together.

The first time it happened after the initial accidental night, he was over at your apartment helping you build your new desk. The old one was too small, and you needed an upgraded space badly. He spends the evening hammering and drilling pieces away and fitting them together, and like some cliche joke from the universe, when you slip on the instruction manual on the floor, he catches you as your face hovers dangerously close to his. A kiss later, and suddenly he’s fitting into you and drilling you instead of the wood.

And then it starts to happen everywhere.

Sometimes in the back of his car before he drops you off at home after class. Sometimes on your kitchen counter when you’re supposed to be washing dishes after he’s over for dinner to study. Sometimes after he’s got a bad exam grade to blow off some steam. Sometimes when you’re particularly stressed over a busy week with too many assignments due on the same day and too many hours of your part-time job to work.

Every time it happens, you go back to acting like you always do afterward. Like it never even happened. Never mentioned, or questioned, or brought up. He never questions if something is shifting in your relationship, and you never bring it up. Sometimes, two people can have a physical relationship and still be friends and nothing more. It’s not impossible, and it’s not bad.

If anything, it makes you closer friends. You start to understand each other better. You talk more—really talk. No silly banter, or heated debate, or stressed-out vents. Just you, Phainon, the sheets that cover your bodies and a quiet room that lingers with the scent of sex.

He tells you about how much he misses his hometown. How small it is, and how everyone knows everyone. How leaving home and his young triplet sisters was the hardest thing he did, but a good degree and stable job is even harder to come by where he’s from. He couldn’t pass up the opportunity.

And you tell him about your ex. About how sweet and nice he was. How badly he wanted you. How good he was at doing things right and reading you for what you craved. How to love you like you always wished. How to spend time with you without burning you out and depleting your social battery. How to know your ticks and know when he’s pushing your buttons too far and when a joke doesn’t feel like a joke anymore. How to make you feel seen.

No man has ever loved you like that. None have cared to, either. Learning you is a lot of work—you have years and years of life and stories and feelings and fears and everything’s to share. Teaching them is a lot. Learning them is even more.

You liked to think that boy from your past was a ticket to something good. Some better life for yourself where it’s not just you and yourself, and that’s it—a life where you were you and someone else cared to see it. Have it. Cherish it. Keep it.

You don’t know how someone could pour in so much time, do everything first, want things all on their own, and still walk away and tell you that they just don’t feel the same anymore.

You think it’s just a man thing. Men bore easily.

Phainon snorts at that.

“They do have short attention spans,” he tells you.

You smile tightly, humming as you blink back tears. “Or maybe I’m just boring.”

“Aw, c’mon,” he gasps dramatically, reaching over to swipe the tears like it’s always been his job to—it feels so natural when he does it. “You’re not boring! You’re at least a step up from boring because boring is Professor Anaxa, and god knows what he drones on about.”

“Gee,” you huff, but the tears are easier to subside when it’s him. They’re gone quickly like a fleeting reminder that sorrow exists but shooed away like they’re unwelcome when he’s around. He’s around more and more these days. “Thanks. I’m glad to be just a step up from boring. Maybe in a year or so, I’ll be two steps up from boring.”

“Nothing is ever impossible,” he winks. “Some day, with enough hard work and determination, you might even be three steps up.”

“You suck,” you giggle.

He laughs, and the sound of his voice is enough to lull you to sleep. You sleep good next to him—always do.

—————

One thing you count on is that it’s always easy when it’s you and Phainon. Phainon and you.

Just two people who exist with each other, and nothing else really needs to be thought out. You don’t worry about what you wear around him or how you look. He doesn’t care too much about what you’re doing or where you’re going. As long as it’s you and him, him and you, and nothing else—it’s okay. He’s good. He treats you good and makes you feel good, too. Inside and out. Physically and mentally.

He might even be your best friend. You don’t know if you should tell him that—men get weird about definite titles like that. But then again, maybe not Phainon. He’s like an anomaly of sorts, sometimes.

But you forget sometimes that Phainon was never hoping to just be friends. And you suppose letting him feel you come undone for him more than once is like dangling his desires right in front of his face because it all blows up on you very fast.

Perfect one second, like the calm before the storm, and a disaster zone the next, leaving you no time to evacuate before the tornado has hit and done its damage.

“Mydei wants to come with us to try that new cafe you mentioned,” Phainon hums, watching in sheepish amusement as you sigh and mutter under your breath while picking up his dirty socks from the couch and tossing them across the room. (Men are all the same, aren’t they?) “He said something about there being a pomegranate beverage he wants to try.”

“Fine by me,” you shrug, slumping onto his couch, “if he doesn’t find it awkward, then I don’t either.”

“Why would he find it awkward?” he looks at you in bewilderment.

“I think he’d have to be oblivious to miss the way I was flirting with him,” you huff out a snort, “I don’t think most men jump at the opportunity to hang out with a girl they ignored advances of, but maybe he’s just too passionate about pomegranate to care.”

Everything feels like it pauses as soon as the words come out. You thought he’d known this whole time—you could have sworn he’d known. How would Mydei have never mentioned it to him? Aren’t they best friends? Don’t men at least tell their friends when a girl is hitting on them regularly in passing? Is Mydei really that bad at giving life updates, or is he more clueless than you gave him credit for when it comes to romantic interaction?

Nothing makes sense, and you’re not entirely sure about anything. The only thing you are sure about is that Phainon is staring at you like you’ve been disloyal to the worst degree.

“You liked Mydei?” he asks in hurt, staring at you with those god-awful puppy eyes. You feel like you kicked one, too, with the way he stares at you.

“W-well, no,” you stutter, “I mean, yes—but like…not really, you know?”

“No, I don’t know,” he shakes his head, “you’re not making any sense.”

“I liked him for a very short time,” you say quickly, “like…like a small crush, you know? He was attractive, and I am not immune to an attractive man, so it just…b-but it never lasted for long!”

“Did you still like him when we got together?” he asks quietly. Got together—you physically have to stop yourself from flinching at those words. Some part of you feels a little bit bad that he sounds so wounded, but the other part of you feels like this is all so absurd. That he’s starting to get worked up over nothing. He has to know you were never together—you never did anything that implies two people that are…together. It’s always been a good fuck here and there, and that’s what you kept it as strictly.

(Distantly, your mind gnaws at you and screams that two people who just fuck and nothing else do not do the things that you and Phainon do. Sure, you were friends first, but two people who draw the line at sex don’t seek each other to FaceTime until three am, and they don’t bring each other soup when they’re sick, and they don’t hold each other when they cry, and they don’t, under any circumstances, tell each other about their deepest insecurities that they’ve never voiced before about shoddy exes who ruined their ability to trust and feel loved. You can’t be the closest people in your lives and just have sex—but your mind has never been your number one supporter, so you shove the voice down.)

“No,” you admit, and for a second, his shoulders sag in relief. Like he doesn’t care or feel threatened that you liked his friend as long as it didn’t bleed into your time together—and that’s when you start to wonder if Phainon is too good for you. Too kind and genuine in a way that is not dangerous. Too sweet in a way that doesn’t slowly kill you like poison but just gives you something to look forward to. Maybe he’s a good one—a good guy who is just good and nothing else. Still, you kill his heart anyway with a harsh blow to his chest as you add, “I didn’t like anyone when we started getting physical. And I still don’t, Phainon.”

Getting physical. Whatever that means. You say it like it puts some distance between the sex you have and intimacy. You say it like it rationalizes everything you do with him—you get physical, which is only human nature, and in the mix, if you develop a good, long-standing friendship, then there is nothing wrong with that.

But are you really okay with just friends? Yes. You are. Are you sure about that? Absolutely. You don’t seem so convinced. This is a positive, for sure, one hundred percent true reality. Phainon is just a friend. You’re shooting yourself in the foot.

You force yourself to stop arguing with yourself when you notice the way his eyes flash at the words: still don’t. He processes the words that you still don’t like anyone, and the look in his eyes is devastating. Betrayal. Confusion. Hurt. Anger. Something else that you don’t quite understand, but it makes you filled dreadfully to the brim with unease.

“Every time we’ve been together has just been physical to you?” he asks quietly, croaking out the words as if they’re acrid on his tongue and taste awful. “You’re lying.”

“I thought I made it very clear we were just friends, and I wasn’t looking for a relationship,” you furrow your brows, “you can’t act like I’ve been stringing you along—”

“Before we started, fucking, sure! But I thought it was pretty mutually clear we were slowly turning romantic when you willingly took my dick down your throat every now and then.”

“We’ve never had a ‘hey, what are we?’ discussion,” you cry exasperatedly, throwing your hands up as though this is all…so, so, so absurd—and for a second, you feel like it is. You made it clear that you weren’t trying to date. Not him, not anybody. Sure, that silly blonde friend of his clouded your judgment for a bit, but that was never more than a phase. “Don’t you think it was a red flag to never discuss what we are or what we’re doing if we were getting romantic?”

He falters. Something in his face makes him look so unrecognizable. So fragile and knocked down a peg that you’ve never seen from him. And something about the way he looks at you makes you almost feel like he doesn't recognize you.

“I thought you were avoiding the conversation on purpose,” he whispers, voice cracking just as he says: you. “I thought…I thought you were just nervous about labels after everything from your last…” he clears his throat, like even mentioning the word relationship kills him, “and…and that I was just waiting for you to be more comfortable…”

You don’t know what to say. And frankly, nothing seems like it’ll make him feel better. He’s fighting the trembling of his lips and blinking back the moisture in his eyes like all he has left in his control is to not shed tears in front of you.

You extend him that much grace. (Men don’t like being vulnerable, you reason. They hate showing emotions.)

“Phainon, I think I should go,” you murmur softly.

“You want to leave?” he asks, gutted. It’s got two meanings—you know that. You know exactly what he’s asking.

Everything feels wrong when you say, “Yes,” through a soft whisper, “I do.” But you still don’t take it back.

And nothing feels right when he lets out a watery chuckle and lets the first few tears slip. “Well, you know where the door is,” he spits.

He doesn’t walk you out. You’re not sure why that feels so heavy—it’s not because you’re guilty. You know that. It’s something else, and you can’t quite understand it.

────────────────────────

LESSON THREE: NOT ALL MEN. SURE, MOST HAVE A VERY BAD STREAK, BUT NEVER THE WHITE-HAIRED AND BLUE-EYED FREAK!

You barely last two weeks before you call Phainon.

At first, you thought being without who is maybe your closest friend at the moment was just eating away at you, and that’s why you missed him. You threw yourself into your social circles, making plans left and right to fill that gaping hole of his presence. It didn’t work.

And then it slowly starts to click in place.

Your friends send you a picture of your ex’s new fling, calling him an asshole and how she’s too pretty to be his next victim. You don’t feel even the slightest bit jealous or hollow. In fact, you’re bored by the news—you have more pressing matters.

Then, you start to see what feels like fucking propaganda for romance everywhere. Every social media timeline is filled with some stupid, cheesy, cringe trend that rubs in your face how painfully in love two people are. You get ads for fucking wedding rings. Your friends are all magically starting to get out of the talking phases and actually have something exclusive and official. Your old high school friends are getting engaged, and invitations are coming in. You’ve RSVP’d one in spring and two in fall already.

Everywhere you look, it’s something that feels like the universe is promoting a relationship in your face as if it’s a poorly disguised paid sponsorship by some celebrity online, and all you want to do is throw a rock at the sky and hope it lands on whatever divine being is playing tricks on you straight in the face.

But it slowly becomes clearer and clearer why it unsettles you so much. Why it all makes you bitter and annoyed and tired and…and sad. You’re sad. And it’s because you miss Phainon, and every couple reminds you of the hurt you caused him and why it’s your fault he’s still not in your life. Because you wanted your cake and to eat it, too. Even if it meant taking advantage of his feelings and the heart he didn’t even bother wearing on his sleeve. He just pinned it to yours and let you wear it.

So you call him. When that doesn’t work, and you get sent to voicemail, you go straight to his apartment. You knock on his door incessantly for two minutes straight (you know he’s home—his car is there) before he opens the door, rubbing sleep from his eyes despite it being three in the afternoon.

“Mydei, can you at least come bother me to eat a little later in the da—oh.”

He notices you and quickly straightens up, smoothing out his wrinkled t-shirt as best as he can and fixing his ruffled hair (that doesn’t do much but ruffle more) as he looks at you with what is his best attempt at a nonchalant look and clears his throat. “Yes?”

“Hi,” you say nervously, “how are you?” (What else do you say? You’re at a loss.)

“Oh, you know,” he shrugs casually, “nursing a broken heart and trying to integrate back into society as a functioning member. The usual. How about you?”

You flinch at his tone, at the way it’s so clipped yet so emotional at the same time.

“I called earlier—”

“I know. I ignored that, by the way, if that wasn’t clear,” he says as if being petty and angry is the only thing he has left. (It might just be, and you certainly won’t blame him for it.)

“I know,” you whisper, “but I still wanted to talk. And see you. Which I know I don’t deserve, but I guess I’m clearly not perfect, huh?” you shrug softly, giving him a sad smile.

“Well,” he says flatly, “you came all this way, and I’ve already opened the door. Might as well say the groundbreaking thing you came to say.”

When Phainon is hurt is the only time he does not know how to be kind. He spends so much time not hurting others, not letting them feel the pain of their feelings being overlooked, that he doesn’t quite know how to handle it. How to stomach that, yes, there are hurt people in this world, and, yes, they do the hurting, too. And he might fall victim to it. And he might even be the cause of someone else’s hurt, too, intentional or not.

He’s not good at processing pain. He’s too good of a guy to ever have to dwell on how badly his actions have impacted someone. Not because he’s perfect but because he’s gentle enough by nature to avoid the necessity of it while he can.

“I’m sorry,” you say earnestly. Because you are. You are. “I knew you were interested early on, and having sex as often as we did was leading you on whether I meant to or not, and you got hurt because of it, so I’m sor—”

“Unbelievable,” he scoffs, shaking his head with a bitter laugh.

You blanch. “What?” you ask, mildly frustrated. He doesn’t have to forgive you, but it’s certainly an honest apology. “You don’t have to forgive me if you don’t want to. But I just felt it was right to tell you that I—”

“I’m not upset because you don’t like me or you that led me on,” he interrupts, making you blink in confusion. He looks at you for a moment—really looks at you, and before you can say anything, he lets out another disbelieving chuckle. “You still don’t get it, do you? Do you even understand it yourself—why you’re even here?”

“To apologize, of course—”

“No.”

He says it so seriously.

Phainon is hardly ever so serious. It’s what you always liked about him, even if you hated to admit it. He’s good at taking serious matters and making them feel like they’re not so serious. Not in a bad way—he’s just good at making them feel less soul-crushing with that carefree smile and those light-hearted words. He comforts you without ever letting you feel the shame of needing comfort. It’s nice.

You forget that even he is capable of being solemn.

“No one apologizes for breaking someone’s heart unless it breaks theirs too—do you see that? Do you see that you care? I’m not upset that you don’t care about me or that you don’t feel the same. That would be easy to move on from. It kills me because you do—you care, and you feel exactly the way I do, and you just won’t admit it—do you know how much that sucks?”

You swallow thickly. It’s getting to that dangerous territory. That fragile, vulnerable place in your mind that you don’t like because then you have to admit that, yes, maybe you fucking fell hard and crashed onto the ground for Phainon. Asphalt and rocks still digging into your arms with raw and bleeding skin. Yes, maybe he’s that nice, kind, genuine guy who you fell for and who has no other motives than to spend his time being nice and genuine to you. And maybe, if you’d met him sooner and not later, you could have loved him and not some other asshole in disguise, pretending to parade around like a good man, like some wolf in sheep’s clothing.

Maybe that would have saved you the constant fear of it inevitably going all wrong—of giving and giving and giving, and one day, even that’s not enough, and someone doesn’t even want to take from you anymore. That one day, someone doesn’t even find you worth taking advantage of.

That stings.

It’s this twisted sort of rejection you can’t handle. This sickening sort of feeling makes you think it’s better to be needed for selfish reasons than to be discarded like a useless, meaningless waste of time. And Phainon wouldn’t take advantage of you, right? He’s too nice of a guy—he’d reel you in, make you think he wants you so, so badly, and then when he doesn’t, he’ll play that nice guy trick again and make you think he’s doing you a favor by letting you go. Letting you go so you’re not being used by making it known you’re unwanted and not enough.

As if he didn’t spend so much time making you want him. Condition you into thinking being loved by him was such a treasure. Convince you into needing the devotion he hands so easily for free.

But you’re wrong, aren’t you? Maybe he’s not like that at all—maybe he’s just a nice guy because he really is good. Maybe he’s not nice because he needs to be to get what he wants. Maybe he’s nice because he wants to be, and it earns him what he wants the honorable way. Maybe you’ve fallen for Phainon, and maybe you were wrong about that being a bad thing. And maybe you just really fucking hate to admit when you’re wrong. (Your prefrontal cortex is still developing, after all. The men of your past are not very helpful to that slow development.)

“I don’t know how I feel anymore,” you whisper, tears littering your eyes. And god, you feel like a witch—using those sad, doe eyes with the wet, teary gaze that you know will soften him up like butter. Because he does. Even if you don’t do it on purpose, it makes sure he softens right up in front of your face because he hates the sight of your sadness being so tangible that he can feel it on the pad of his thumb in the form of a wet, warm rivulet.

Like clockwork, he wipes the tears and sighs, and you let out a shaky breath.

“I don’t know how I feel about anything because every time I think my feelings are right, they’re fucking wrong,” you sob, “I am always wrong, and I don’t know how to stop being wrong.”

His arms wrap around you and pull you close, pressing your body flush against that sturdy chest that feels like a brick wall—strong enough to keep you away from all the harm and cruelty of the world around you as long as he stands in front of you. Sometimes, you think that’s all it takes. Just Phainon standing there, and that’s it. That’s it to be okay.

“You can only stop being wrong once you’re right,” he hums, giving you a sad, innocent little smile, “isn’t that the whole point of it all? To find the person who’s right? There’s gotta be a few wrong answers here and there, don’t you think?”

“I don’t want to keep crying over the wrong answers,” you sniffle, “it’s dehydrating me.”

He laughs. It sounds good. It feels good, too, with the way his chest rumbles against you. He always does. Everything about him is just good. The way he smells, and feels, and sounds, and just is. Phainon is just good. You like just good—no catches, no curveballs, no fine print. Just good.

“Hey,” he tilts your face up and presses his forehead to yours, wiping your tears valiantly still, even as they keep coming. And he’s hurt. You did that—you hurt him. But he seems more focused on the fact that your heart is crumbling than his own. “I can’t promise you won’t ever cry because of me—I’m not always the brightest, okay? But I can promise that I’m going to stay and wipe every last tear if I mess up. And then I’m going to keep staying. I will always stay so I can wipe the next round of tears and hydrate you again for your troubles. We’ll figure out the rest as we go. It doesn’t have to be perfect, yeah?”

“You don’t want it to be?” you snivel, “you seem like the type to hopelessly daydream about perfect romances with not much luck.”

“I’m going to let that dig slide because you are emotional right now, and we all say things we don’t mean when we’re emotional,” he rubs your back, rocking you slowly from side to side.

And…well, you think you’re wrong. About him. About Phainon and now he’s nice in a way that’s too nice and too good to be true. You’re wrong because he’s just nice, and it’s just nice enough that it’s good, not devious—and for once, just this once, you don’t mind being wrong.

Not if it’s for him.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, “for being confused and scared and unable to realize I care about you. I will get some help or something to be a functioning member of society.”

“Well, when you find help, hook me up,” he snorts, “because I need it, too. You’ve done a number on me.”

You’re both laughing. And then, at some point, you’re both kissing. His lips are on yours, and yours are on his, and it’s just a mix of each other that feels less like it’s right and more like nothing about it was ever wrong in the first place. Sometimes, it doesn’t have to be right as long as it’s just not wrong. Sometimes, that’s enough to keep things going. Sometimes, they become right along the way, all on their own.

You cup his cheeks, making him pause his assault on your lips against his will as he lets out a soft noise of protest deep in his throat. You’ll fall hopelessly harder for him because of that later—first, you have more pressing matters.

“I’m serious,” you whisper, “I’m sorry. You’re right. I do care about you—so much that it scares me. I care about you and I promise this time I’m going to stay and keep caring. So be ready.”

“I’m ready,” he smiles, all wobbly lips and a shaky voice and trembling fingertips. They dig into your hips as his head buries into your neck, and you hold him—latch onto him and clutch his shirt because feeling him is all that ever felt good, and you don’t think you can stomach letting it go a second time. “I am so ready to be the only thing you care about.”

“Maybe not the only thing—”

“Did you hear that? That weird crack sound? That’s the sound of my heart breaking a second time. Any more, and I’ll be collecting shards off the floor.”

“C’mere loser,” you laugh, grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him into a hard, deliberate kiss that knocks the wind out of both of you. It makes your stomach twist and form knots and there’s this weird tickle in your chest that feels like you’re about to implode. Phainon is so good at that—at making you feel so, so unwell but well at the same time. You’re sick and nauseous from how badly you want him, but nothing else feels right until you have him.

So you wrap your arms around him, pressing nearer, closer, harder up against him and kissing him until both of you are gasping for breath in between every press of your mouths together. Your hands find his hair, carding through it wildly and pulling on the strands when he nips at your lips, and when he groans into your mouth at a particularly harsh tug, you know it’s starting to become a scene that should not be happening at his front door where anyone can pass by.

“Inside?” he pants, pulling away for just long enough to say the word.

You kiss him hard once more, making him groan again before you decide that, yes, it probably needs to move indoors. “Inside,” you breathe, labored and unsteady, “now—now, please.”

“Whatever you want,” he chuckles, “you don’t have to beg. You always get what you want—don’t I always give it to you?”

“Then quit talking and give it to me.”

That shuts him up really fast. With a dark glint in his eyes, he pulls you in, closing the door swiftly and pressing you against it. You’re caged—nothing but him, you, and the throbbing ache between your legs that seems to be a common denominator between the two of you.

“I want you so bad,” he groans, kissing your neck, inhaling your scent along your sweet, delicate skin, “want you so bad I never want you gone. Don’t ever leave.”

“I won’t,” you gasp as he bites—and it’s a little hard. A little mean almost, but he kisses it better with a soft peck afterward that you forgive him on the spot and melt. “I won’t.”

“Good,” he hums, nose trailing along the column of your neck before he drags it along your jaw, kissing the corner of your mouth before he murmurs, “but I’ll make it hard to walk away this time just for safe measures.”

It feels like a literal and metaphorical promise. Before you can even respond to his cheekiness, he has your mouth hostage again—kissing and groaning into it enough that you have no choice but to soften and become pliant under him. You swallow up his sounds as the bulge in his pants presses against your own heat, the slow, desperate pressure of him grinding against you, making you shiver against the door.

Good—he always feels so good. Everything about Phainon is always so damn good.

“Feel that?” he croons, gasping as you roll your hips in tandem with his own movements, “feel how hard I am for you? You’re telling me anyone else will want you this bad? No one. I’m it for you. I’m not giving you up. Ever.”

His voice is a low, almost dangerous promise—and if you weren’t dripping at your core from the sound of him alone, you’d be less than inclined to admit that you like the sound of that. But you do, don’t you? You want him to want you so badly, so desperately, that the thought of letting you go makes him his own worst enemy. And he does, doesn’t he? He wants you so badly that you’re almost scared.

But you like it. Love it, even. You fucking love that he needs you, and you want him to need you so badly he might just die without you.

“Don’t,” you whisper, lifting the bottom of his shirt up to his shoulders. He lets go just long enough to pull his arms up and let you take it off of him, tossing it to the ground before your fingers run your nails along the hard plane of his abs. He shivers, letting out a soft, barely-there sound at the feeling. “Don’t let me go. Ever.”

“Whatever you want, princess,” he grins. Phainon leans in again, kissing you impatiently like being away from you for that short period of time was enough to have him on edge. Maybe it does because he only melts and relaxes when his lips are against yours again. His fingers trail to the edge of your pants, toying with the waistband as you quiver at the feeling of his rough fingertips rubbing against the skin of your belly.

“Need you,” you whine.

“You got me,” he reassures, “just wanna take my time, yeah? You can handle that, can’t you? Let me have a little fun with you so I cheer up before I fuck you right against this door?”

You whimper. He’s mean sometimes, too. He’s so, so nice, but sometimes, it’s like a switch flips, and he’s mean. Not cruel—just teasingly mean to keep you on your toes and have you falling apart for him. It’s so mean, but it’s so careful and thoughtful and meant just for you—like he thinks only about you.

“Just hold onto me, okay, baby?” he asks gently, pecking your lips, “I’ve got you. I won’t let you fall.”

Before you can even ask what that means, he drops down to his knees, spreading yours and pulling your pants and underwear down in one go, helping them off your legs as they get thrown somewhere in the back along with his shirt. You realize exactly why you need to hold on as soon as a finger prods your entrance, splitting your folds open as he peers into them and hums at the way you’re wet and slick. You gasp, grabbing onto the nearest thing—which happens to be his hair as he chuckles.

“Easy,” he murmurs, “I hardly did anything yet. But don’t worry, you can pull if you need—I don’t mind.”

Just like that, his mouth is between the apex of your thighs, tongue tracing your sweet, precious little clit before he licks a stripe along your folds, humming against your cunt and sending vibrations as you mewl at the feeling.

“Ph-Painon…fuck—”

He hooks a leg over his shoulder, letting you half sit on him as he props you up and devours you. Devours you like you were the only thing on his mind. Like he was starved and dying in this apartment, and the only thing to sustain him is you. His tongue dips past your folds and fucks into you before pulling away just as quickly and flicking over your clit. Two fingers gently prod at your entrance this time—only they don’t tease you. No, instead, they fill you up and slip into you as far as they go, curling into a sweet, sweet spot in your walls that has your knees wobbling.

You think you will fall for a moment. You think holding onto his hair and tugging him so harshly is not going to keep you steady, and the weight he takes as he props you up on a shoulder, is not going to hold you.

But he makes good on his promise. He doesn’t let you fall or slip for even a fraction, even as your legs get weaker and your orgasm draws nearer.

“‘M close, Phai—s-so close,” you whimper.

He pulls away. With a smug, stupid little grin, he looks up at you as you stare down in disbelief. “Say you care about me.”

“What is wrong with you—”

“Ah ah, that’s not what the magic words are!”

“Phainon—”

“That’s not a bad guess, but still not the right answer!”

“Fucking hell,” you hiss, “I care about you, asshole.”

“A little more aggressive than necessary, but I will accept it,” he hums, rewarding you with a soft kiss to your clit. “Now tell me you know I care about you. That I want you, and I want to stay.”

“Phainon,” you plead, “please, can’t we do this later?”

“No,” he says firmly, “because then it’s just getting physical, and I am not getting physical. I am getting intimate. Tell me what I want to hear so there’s no mistaking things.”

He’s throwing your words right back at your face. And the only way you’re going to get what you want is if you own up to them, even if it’s against your will. So you do. With an exasperated sigh, you tell him what he wants to hear.

“I know you care about me,” you say impatiently, “I know you care, and you want me, and you want to stay, and god knows you’re not good at leaving me alone, so I guess I will just have to get used to you.”

“Atta girl,” he murmurs, giving your clit one more kiss before he’s back to lapping at your cunt like he’s parched. Your slick coats his chin and makes his skin glisten as he traces your clit with his tongue, curling his fingers just right into your heat. They brush against that spot again—he has it perfectly memorized, and just like that, you fall apart, gushing around his fingers and coating his lips with even more of your essence.

“Fuck,” you sob, grinding against his face as you ride out the shockwaves of pleasure, feeling him groan against you right where you need him.

He lets you stay like that for just a moment, resting half your weight on his shoulder and half your weight on one leg before he abruptly stands and grabs your waist, hoisting you up as your legs wrap around his hips. You’ve done this before—at that point, you’d considered it just any other step to getting physical with someone.

Now, you realize you were beyond oblivious to how much you needed it to only be him you were doing all these motions with. It almost feels silly.

“I’ve changed my mind,” he grins.

“What?”

“I don’t want you against the door anymore. I want you on the bed—my bed. And you’re staying there, and you’re going to like it.”

You laugh, breaking into a fit of giggles as he jogs over to his room with you in his arms. And when he drops you unceremoniously only to the bed, flopping on top of you and attacking your neck with kisses, you can’t help but break into another fit of giggles, feeling his playful nibbles and licks against your skin. It feels so easy. So natural. Only with Phainon, you realize. Only ever with Phainon.

“Hi,” you breathe when his forehead presses to yours.

He gives you a bright, toothy grin, murmuring, “Hi, yourself, pretty.”

And then he's kissing you again. His lips are soft and slow this time around. Pressing against your mouth, slotting into the space like it’s his to fit into—and it is. It’s always been his, whether you were willing to admit it or not. His tongue glides against yours languidly, no rush or impatience or desperation like usual. This time, he kisses you like you’re his and always have been—like he knows what you taste and feel like, and he knows it’s always been his and always will be. He kisses you like he’s reminding you of it, one painstakingly slow second at a time.

“You broke my fucking heart,” he murmurs against your mouth, voice raw and vulnerable but never not soft, “you know that? You broke my fucking heart.”

Your hand presses against his chest, feeling the erratic beating of it under your palm as you whisper, “Seems like it’s working perfectly well to me.”

He chuckles at that. Lets out another toothy grin before he tilts his head back and laughs. It’s cute and precious and so fucking sweet—he sounds just like what he is. Tooth rotting sweet.

“You’re always so smart with your words,” he drawls, pressing wet, hot, open-mouthed kisses along your jaw.

One hand slowly pulls your shirt up, inch by inch, before you slowly help him take it off of you. The bra comes off next, and you’re bare—under him as nothing else but his. Nothing else that covers or keeps what’s his away from him.

And when you eye his pants with a petulant, pouty look, he chuckles before throwing you an amused look as he takes them off slowly, not taking his eyes off of you.

You and Phainon have fucked. But you’ve never been intimate—not by the real standards, at least. The proper kind where you take the time to really take in each other’s bodies, commit each dip and curve to memory, know it inside out and like the back of your hand. Where that scar starts and ends from his childhood shenanigans, where your little moles scatter along your body in hidden crevices. And when he slowly frees his cock, and you can really stare without having to tell yourself you shouldn't, you take a good look.

You take a good look at the flush of his pretty cock—pretty, just like the rest of him. A nice, soft, muted pink at the tip that oozes with the beginnings of pre cum, and it’s sensitive as it twitches under your delicate thumb when you smear the dribbling essence along the head of his cock.

“Mmh,” he makes a soft noise in the back of his throat, fluttering his eyes closed and panting as you touch him. Feel him. Want him.

You finally want him, and it’s almost enough to make him spill into your hand alone. But he forces himself to composure, grabbing your hand and pinning it over your head—and then goes the other. He holds them in place with one large hand, watching as you squirm under him impatiently.

“No touching,” he whispers, “first, I’m gonna teach you not to take me for granted. Then you’ll never want to take your hands off of me.”

“If you just ask me nicely, I’ll never take my hands off of you,” you offer.

He laughs, boyish and charming and so fucking smooth, you feel something flutter at the base of your stomach. Something stirring in your guts and twisting them inside out in anticipation. “Persuasive,” he hums, “but I still have to teach you not to take me for granted.”

When the tip of his cock brushes against your entrance, your wrists struggle against his hands to break free. You need to feel him—to know he’s there against you and real. To feel his hair and tug and hear him groan in response. To scratch along his back and feel his warm, damp skin, the way he shivers under the pain and likes it. To pull him closer and feel him practically melt against you at the gesture.

You want to feel him. Because you need to know he’s yours. And you never, ever want to take for granted Phainon again. Your Phainon. The nice, sweet, gentle boy who stole your charger for a day to get your number. Who knew before you knew, long before you were ever willing to know, that he would love you. Even when you didn’t want to, he did it from a distance. And when he thought you finally would, that you’d finally let it happen, he still did it quietly, stripped of labels and titles even though he wanted to announce it to the world.

For you. Everything was always for you.

“Please, Phai,” you plead, “please, please, please—let me touch you.”

“Yeah? You want that, huh?” he grins, pretending to think for a moment before he hums, “tell me why.”

“So I can feel you and know you’re mine,” you lean up and breathe against his ear, “don’t you want to be mine?”

It’s a silly question. It’s all he’s ever wanted, so he gives it to you easily. Lets your hands go and lets them wander over his sculpted body as he sinks deeper into you—no more taking his sweet time to draw out the teasing. He’s impatient now—just as impatient as you. Maybe even more. He’s been waiting longer than you have to make this happen. To take you and make you his and have you admit that he’s yours, too.

“Fuck,” he groans as he sinks the final few inches of this thick, girthy length, “fuck you’re so fucking tight. You feel that? Feel me? How deep I am?”

“Yes,” you mewl, “yes—so deep. F-feel so full. You feel so good.”

He groans at that, pulling out almost completely before slamming his hips into yours, cock burying deep into you and burying to the hilt. The tip of his sensitive length kisses against that sweet, delicate spot against your walls—your spot that he knows and memorizes so easily.

He knows you. Knows your body. He’s felt it so many times under him and made it react for him the way he wants, but finally—fucking finally, it reacts to him and only him. He knows it’s him and only him. Only ever will be if he has anything to say about it.

“God, you drive me insane. So insane, you know that?” he grunts, rolling his hips hard and fast and drilling into you like he has something to prove. Every slam of his hips and every brush of his cock along your sensitive folds makes you pull him closer, kissing him hungrily—desperately. So needy.

You need him. You’ve always needed this—someone to want you and need you and find you worth it to stay. How could you think Phainon didn’t want to stay when he was so clearly happy with just pieces of you because you didn’t want to give the full of you? When he stayed and stayed and stayed and happily took the little shards you dropped, even if they were sharp, and cut his fingers because they were pieces of you. When he was just happy to have you whichever way you let him because it was you.

All he wanted was you. You get that now. You’re not going to forget.

“‘M close,” you pant, breathing against his mouth, “g-gonna cum. With me…with me, please.”

“Yeah? Whatever you want, princess,” he groans.

His hand moves to find your clit, rubbing quick circles as his own pace quickens, and you can feel the telltale signs that both of you are not going to last much longer. He lets out a particularly deep, sharp thrust—and you’re gone.

Plummeting off the edge in a hazy fall. You mewl his name, chanting it over and over and over as your walls constrict around him tightly. Spasm around him uncontrollably. And your fall coaxes him into his own. He falls into his release with a soft, drawn-out moan of your name, hot, thick seed filling you up through quick ropes of cum. His cock twitches with each rope, painting your insides white with him.

“You feel so good,” he rasps, “so fucking good—you were made for me. Only me. Knew…knew you were perfect for me since the first day.”

You wrap your arms around his neck and pull him as close as he can get without physically merging into your bones. His head tucks into your neck, and you both ride out the aftershocks of your highs. You feel him breathe, and he listens to your soft breaths, and it’s just you and Phainon. Phainon and you.

It always has been.

“Don’t leave,” he mumbles tiredly after a while, sleepy words said through a petulant warning.

You chuckle, kissing his sweaty forehead as you promise, “I won’t.”

“Good. Won’t let you.”

“Good. Don’t.”

Your own eyes start to grow heavy with exhaustion, slowly fluttering closed until—

“Who’s that?” you look at him in confusion as you hear an incessant knocking on the door.

He chuckles sheepishly, rubbing his neck. “Ah,” he sighs, “right. That’s…that’s just Mydei. He’s coming to make sure I eat instead of starving to death from sadness.”

You blink, and then you throw your head back, laughing loudly. He watches you for a moment, smiling softly at the sound of you flooding his space. “You’re hopeless, Phainon.”

“Am not!”

“Go tell Mydei to leave and that you’re alive.”

“...Okay.”

Idk what this is. It’s 10k words of pure babbling and hardly a single coherent thought. I’m sorry dfksksjr this isn’t my best work but . I needed to get him out of my system

I also think writing a reader that is younger than me and navigates life and its challenges through a less mature and experienced lens was a fun project. She is not perfect but she is certainly a human who is trying her best and wants to be loved and I think that’s endearing

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dilucpainsme · 3 months ago

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A Christmas trade!

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dilucpainsme · 9 months ago

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Ship trope I'd love to see more of: "Are we in love? I mean, yeah, probably, but that's a problem for future us. Right now we're just trying to make it through the Plot."

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dilucpainsme · 11 months ago

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If I make a fanfic where kaeya isn't being a clingy best friend to the main character I am dead. Someone else took my laptop and is pretending to be.

#genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin kaeya

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dilucpainsme · 11 months ago

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StarStruck (Diluc X Reader) (Movie star/actor au)

Ahhh, this is really rough and my firs time posting something just for tumblr. When I mean rough, its like only been looked over a few times. Anyway I like the idea of Diluc cheating on Jean lol, he's a little out of character but whatevess

TW: Cheating, Smut, affairs (?)

Words: 10950

A female walked onto a busy set that had just finished being built. Busy workers and extra’s being pointed around in different directions. The (h/l) (h/c) haired girl stopped and looked around. She was dressed in some casual clothing, sunglasses covering her eyes. The girl was a bit lost, and honestly kinda confused as to where she should be. This wasn’t her first time on a movie set, but it was a huge lot with a ton of different places, and trailers. She lifted her sunglasses up and placed them on top of her head, glancing down at her phone to see the text from her manager.

“(Y/n) (l/n)! I haven’t seen you since you were a newbie!” The female named (Y/n) twirled around to see a short woman, with white and blue pastel hair. Her bright eyes lit up at the sight of her. “Furina!” The girl happily called out for her old friend while walking towards her.

“How are you? You’ve gotten so much taller, oh my gosh are you wearing Dior!?” (Y/n) laughed and dismissed her friend. “I’m doing well, where is Neuvillette? Is he here directing the movie or are you?” The whole reason the female was even here was to act in the new romance movie Furina had recently written. It was supposed to be a box office hit and she had personally been asked by her old friend to play the lead female protagonist. It was only fitting for her, after all, the writer was the reason (Y/n) even got into the acting scene.

“Oh yes! He is on the main set speaking with Diluc Ragnvindr. Do you know him?” She shook her head and started to follow Furina as she began walking. The woman didn’t know much about the movie, only that it was a romance, and if this one did well like everyone was predicting then there would be a series to follow. She was hopeful it was going to go well because she cleared her schedule for the next few months just for this role.

“Uhm, not really. I mean I know of him, we’ve spoken once or twice before at events but other than that we aren’t friends or anything.” Furina nodded her head and opened a door to one of the stages, and inside it was filled with people. But even so, she could see the tall man with striking white hair and his classic dark black cane in hand. She waved a bit trying to catch his eye, and he just waved back to her along with a man next to him. She could tell it was Diluc from the striking red hair and matching fiery eyes.

He was well known in most action movies, his most famous one being the ‘Dark Knight Hero’. He wasn’t a romance or rom-com type actor so she was kind of worried about how they would get along, but she kept that thought to herself for now. She kept following Furina, and people cleared a path for them as they walked through the building. On their way over few people said hi to (Y/n) and she just smiled at them, giving a few familiar faces a wave.

It only took a minute or so to reach the main set and finally catch up with the two men. “Diluc, this is my dear friend (Y/n). She is going to be your co-star for a couple of months!”

He held his hand out, hardly any smile on his face as he spoke. “Hello, I think we’ve meant a few times at red carpet events.” The female gave him a small smile and nodded her head, reaching to accept his handshake. “Yeah, I’m usually around Kaeya and Tartaglia.” He made a humming sound and looked down at the script Neuvillette handed him a bit ago.

The man wasn’t exactly keen on any of his brother's friends but if he was going to be working with her, they might as well get along with one another. This type of movie also wasn’t his scene, but his fiance Jean was begging him to try new things lately. So when Furina asked him to be in her movie he was pretty much forced to say yes. He liked acting, it was all he wanted to do when he was younger, following in his father's footsteps, but, his father was more of a crime, and science fiction actor. He preferred action-packed movies, and occasionally if the pay was good horror. Not petty-filled drama stuff. But here he was, with the contract already signed.

The girl across from him seemed to know Furina and Neuvillette already, and he recalled her face from some movies that Jean and Lisa would watch. She was a decently talented actor, more known for her singing career but still good at her work. He figured they would get along fine, besides the fact that she was friends with Kaeya.

(Y/n) on the other hand, was excited to start working, she wasn’t sure if he would live up to her expectations and that made her nervous but she could only hope they would be a fit for each other. Even if the man seemed to be a bit standoffish she would have fun, and hopefully gain a new friend during this whole thing.

—-

“Alright, you two, this scene is very important. It’s both of your character's first time speaking to one another, both of them very unhappy with the situation they are in. A princess being married off against her will, the knight is forced to keep guard over a bratty princess! It’s-”

“Furina we got it.” (Y/n) laughed a little trying to keep her smiles hidden behind the script in her hand, Diluc beside her rolling his eyes. It was the second week of filming and they had done most of their solo scenes at this point. It was now time for them to start working together on screen. They were on a tight schedule with the production team trying to get teasers for the movie released as soon as possible. It was a fantasy movie about a princess and a knight, but knowing Furina it had to have some sort of dramatic plot twist in it. So with all the interviews she was doing, teasing and almost spoiling the damn thing, everyone wanted to wrap up filming as soon as they could before the woman said something.

“Good, then get to it!” She turned the two around and shoved them back onto the set, the female nearly tripping in her long dress. “Places-And action!”

(Y/n) took her place sitting on the fake stone wall, pretending to look down at the ‘scenery’ below her. Diluc also took his place, a bit off the scene, as he needed to walk in during the start of the shot. The camera started rolling, and the two began to talk to one another. While they were filming a woman walked up to the sidelines beside Furina. She looked down at the short woman and whispered. “How’s he doing?” The white-haired girl looked up to see Jean, Diluc’s fiance smiling at her.

“So far so good! His acting is amazing for someone who hates romance.” The blonde snickered and watched the two go on.

The princess turned her head as she heard someone approach her, the woman's eyes scanning the garden walls behind. She sighed as she saw the knight that was made to follow her around. “I wasn’t going to jump if that’s what you think.” Her voice held a tone of annoyance to it as she spoke. The man cleared his throat and stood there, his eyes looking up to the high wall, slowly rolling them at the princess’s ignorance.

“I assumed that wasn’t your intention, but if I may so boldly ask. What are you doing up there my lady?”

Furina bit her nails and smiled, excited to see her work coming to life. The two worked together effortlessly, as if this wasn’t the first movie they shot together. Jean was even a bit impressed seeing her soon-to-be husband doing so well in this kind of movie. It took a couple more calls, and a few more takes to get the whole scene finished up but it went rather quickly. She called it quits for the night and they had managed to get a decent chunk done today. The blue-eyed woman excitedly told everyone to get some rest and that she would see them all tomorrow, at the same time.

(Y/n) sighed in relief and immediately took the annoyingly heavy crown off her head, handing it to one of the assistants, and thanked them. She loved fantasy movies but man she hated the costumes. They were always so bulky and tight. She just couldn’t stand to be in them. The girl walked over to the vanity near the costumes and started to take off a few more pieces of her costume, the gloves, the jewelry, and hair clips. She couldn’t wait to take the makeup off as well, set makeup was always so cakey.

“Hi, (Y/n) right?” The female looked over to see a blonde girl that looked vaguely familiar. Once she came closer it clicked in her brain where she knew her from. Her name was Jean, and she was a model in some fashion magazines, and most importantly Diluc’s fiance. “Yea! You’re Jean, like from the modeling magazines I see all the time?” The blue-eyed woman nodded laughing a bit.

“I just wanted to come introduce myself, I’ve seen most of your work and I’m kind of a fan.” The girl felt her face heat up and she brushed some hair out of her face. “Oh really? That means a lot to me thank you!” Her voice perked up and she was incredibly grateful to get such a compliment from such a well-known figure in the industry.

“I was wondering if you wanted to join me and my fiance for dinner tonight? I would love to chat more about your work, and it would be a better chance for Diluc to get to know you. I mean the movie has some pretty intense scenes.”

“Of course! I would love to.”

—

After that dinner, (Y/n) could see her and Diluc getting along better. Not that they fought or anything before but they started to talk off-set and in between breaks. Like today, during lunch, the two decided to grab a bite at the Cat’s tail. They each went over their scripts looking at the next scene they were doing later. “Furina is going to kill us with this.” The girl wanted to smack her head on the table.

“It’s sort of–” He cleared his throat. “Raunchy?” (Y/n) finished the sentence for him.

“Yes, that.” Diluc gave her a small smile and she just laughed. “Okay putting work aside how’s the wedding planning going with Jean?” The question wasn’t something Diluc hadn’t heard often as of lately. It’s all anyone was asking him. Jean was the one planning most, if not all of the wedding because of the movie. She told him over and over again she didn’t mind doing it but he felt bad. He knew how long she had been dreaming of their wedding. The two of them were high school sweethearts after all, and it drove the media crazy. He wished he could do more for her.

“Can I be honest with you?” (Y/n) nodded her head. “I don’t know, Jean is planning it, I’ve been preoccupied with the movie. I want to help more, but when I get home I just drop onto my bed.” He frowned and took a bite of his food, glancing down at his phone. The two didn’t live together either, so it made it that much harder.

“That sucks. I mean we're already one month into filming we only have like, what, two left? Then you can focus on helping her more.” She gave him a small smile and grabbed her script once again. She flipped through the pages figuring out how she would keep a straight face saying half these lines.

“What about you? How is your current dating life going?” (Y/n) froze a bit, her eyes lifting to look at the redhead across from her. “Huh?” The question caught her off guard. Her dating life was never in the news, because it was non-existent. It was a fair question though, she had technically asked about his, so he was doing the same thing. But besides that, her dating life was dry, dry as a bone. The media only ever spoke about her when she had done something to change her appearance and picked her apart for that.

“Oh, I don’t date.” She looked back down at her script, trying to hide the red spreading across her face. It was a little embarrassing to say that at her age she didn’t date or even hook up with people. “You don’t date? But you do romance movies?” She nodded her head.

“Well, I find it easier, if I date someone who doesn’t like my choice in movie roles then there is a problem. If I don’t date then I don’t have to worry about it. Plus I’ve never had a boyfriend so I wouldn’t know where to start.” Diluc raised a brow at the female. The girl across from his had never even considered dating it. Which made him see her differently for some reason. It wasn’t bad but that was just an interesting part of her he didn’t expect. Maybe that was why she liked doing romance movies, it gave her a taste of dating but without actually doing it.

“I see, so that’s why you don’t attend any events with a partner.” She glanced up again and glared at him. “Hey, I go with friends.”

“You’re friends being known to hook up with anything that breathes.”

“That’s only Kaeya, Alhaitham is dating Kaveh. Oh shit don’t tell anyone that.” She covered her mouth with her hand looking wide-eyed at the man in front of her. Diluc chuckled and nodded his head. “I won’t, but we should get back soon.”

—-

“Furina!” (Y/n) stormed the woman’s trailer, her arms flailing around with the script in her hand. “Hey, (Y/n)! What’s up?” She smiled innocently and scrolled on her phone as if she didn’t have a clue as to why the actor was barging in her trailer.

“When did you add a sex scene to the movie?”

“Well the investors wanted to make it an R-rated movie so I had to throw something in there, plus Diluc doesn’t mind, and neither does Jean.” Her eyes never left her phone screen. It didn’t bother her that she had a sex scene, she had done plenty of those in her career so far. It was the fact it was with Diluc. The more time she spent with him, the more she started to like him. It wasn’t even in a cute schoolgirl way. He was so hot, and his personality made him even more attractive. The idea of an R-rated scene with him made her head spin.

(Y/n) sighed and after their very short conversation left the trailer starting to make her way back to set. They still had quite a bit to shoot today and it wasn’t even lunch yet. She was already tired from yesterday because they had stayed later than they all wanted to due to the timeline being shortened even more.

On top of her current workload, she was in the news for a rumor spreading about her and Diluc. Jean would make light of it and joke but (Y/n) didn’t want anything to make it awkward between her and Diluc. Plus it was a rule she had made when she first started, she didn’t date. Plus the homewrecker label wasn’t something she wanted attached to her either.

She carried herself to the set, then fixed up her hair and makeup as the crew rushed her over to the stage. Neuvillette was the director for today, and he wasn’t as fun as Furina, but he got stuff done that was for sure. So once she was there and ready he started rolling the camera.

The princess was pushed into the corner, her knight being the one to move her there. She was trapped between his arms, their faces just inches away. She could hear him panting as he tried to hold himself back, in fear he would do something they would both regret. The two were hiding from the wondering maids around the castle, for if they heard they would surely gossip about their affair to the King. “We can’t keep doing this,” She muttered her eyes trying to avoid his. “You don’t love him, why do you feel so wrong about this? The king doesn’t respect you,”

“Because I am to be wed to him in the next few days if anyone catches us he will surely have you killed.” She turned her gaze back to his. Her whole body tensed under his stare, and she couldn’t help but lean forward. “I couldn’t bear to see you suffer such a fate,”

“Cut! Come on this is supposed to be a tense moment between you two.” Diluc and (Y/n) turned their heads to see Furina entering the room, a scowl on her face. Everyone sighed and stopped what they were doing. The woman wasn’t even supposed to be on set right now. “I want his hands all over you, pulling you close. Not just staying in one spot!” The woman started barking orders at the two, both of them rolling their eyes in unison.

“Diluc I know this is your first romance but come on you should feel the passion between the two.” The redhead sighed and removed his hands from their place, moving them to cross over his chest. He frowned at Furina. (Y/n) just huffed and ran a hand through her hair. She was already annoyed from the heat, and how much she was sweating in the tight corset undeath her bulky dress.

“What exactly are you wanting from us Furina?” The actress leaned against the wall she had just been pressed against moments ago.

“Passion! Lust! Something this is just stale! Now let's go again!” She twirled her finger in the air, signaling for everyone to start over.

The man moved his hands, to the female's waist and pulled her close to him, their bodies flushed against one another. “I can’t let you fall into his hands, the King is no good for you,” The knight's free hand moved to grab her chin, gently pulling her face towards his. “My love I would go to the ends of the earth for you-”

Furina was mouthing the words that Diluc was speaking, her hands placed on her chest as she watched the two. This was exactly what she was wanting, she could see the heat between the two, the lust growing. Or really what was happening (Y/n)’s brain trying to process how close Diluc was to her, and how he was touching her so gently.

The gap between the two closed, as the knight pressed their lips together. The hand that was cupping her face now moved to her shoulder and traced down her body. The action left goosebumps on the girl’s skin as he crept further down to her waist, now having both of his hands grip so tightly. The princess tangling her hands into his long hair, pulling ever so slightly. She gasped between every frantic kiss he gave her, trying her best to keep quiet in the echoing hallways.

It didn’t take too long to get what Furina wanted. A full makeout scene in a dark-lit castle. The woman was ecstatic and once ‘cut’ was called the two slowly pulled apart from each other. Everyone else too excited with the shot they just captured to notice either of the actors. The couple stared at one another, panting breathlessly. (Y/n) felt her face bloom with a red color and she cleared her throat. “Good job, uhm I’m going to head back- uhm- goodnight.” She excused herself from the set and fled the room her brain spinning. Diluc on the other hand stood there a bit dazed not sure how he felt. He had kissed people before for movies but this was-it was different. It wasn’t even (Y/n) taking the lead in that, it was all him and he was very confused with his feelings at the moment.

The man turned to Furina. “Is that it for the day?” Neuvillette nodded his head and went back to talking with his coworker.

Once (Y/n) had reached her trailer she locked the door and pressed her back against the wall. She had a hand tangled in her hair, her other hand placed over her beating heart. What the hell was that? She had made out with plenty of people on set for a movie but this was-this was something else entirely. Maybe Diluc didn’t realize how intense he was. He was pressing against her so hard, and the way his lips felt on hers-

She shook her head. He was getting married, it was for the movie. That’s all. They weren’t even that close. They were possibly friends. They went out for lunch and hung out after filming sometimes but that's it. It was for the romance effect, he didn’t see her like that. Even if she secretly wished he would.

—-

(Y/n) was in her trailer, scrolling through her phone. It was her hour break and she intended to take every second of it she could. They had to shoot so many scenes outside in the heat today. It was so hot, almost 100 degrees out. The California heat trying to take out everyone on set. A knock on her door caught her attention and she told whoever it was to come in. The door opened and she saw the familiar red hair.

“Hey ‘Luc.” She greeted him and kept her body on the sofa. The fan was on full blast as she relaxed in her tank top and shorts, one headphone in her ear, and she tapped her fingers to the beat of the music. (Y/n) was grateful to be out of that heavy, stuffy dress that Furina insisted she wore and finally in a cool room, where she could just get a second of rest.

“I barely managed to escape that insufferable woman,” Diluc mumbled while tossing his jacket off, then lifted the woman’s leg and plopped himself down on the sofa. She moved her legs to the spot where they rested before, so they were draped across his lap. “She let you out of your costume as well?” Her eyes looked up from the device in her hand.

“Neuvillette did.” (Y/n) laughed a little and put her phone down, grabbing a hair tie off her wrist and handing it to Diluc. He thanked her and grabbed it, putting his hair in a high ponytail, not caring if Furina would chew him out later for messing up his hair. It had been a good bit of time since they started filming and the two of them were getting rather close. They were attached at the hip when they weren’t on set. The media going wild with allegations, and the friend group laughing at them all.

“One more month of this and then we can finally be done.” He muttered and leaned his head back, feeling the cool fan hit his boiling skin. The redhead had changed into a tank top himself and some cool sweatpants. He was always in that stupid knight costume when he wasn’t in some comfortable clothing. Furina’s orders of course.

“Aw come on, you aren’t going to miss me when this is all over?” (Y/n) lifted her head and gave him a teasing smile. “We can still hang out after this, you know that.” She laughed and sat up, removing her legs from his lap.

“I was comfortable.” He closed his eyes, a frown settling on his face as his friend removed herself. She shrugged her shoulders and walked over to her vanity, tossing her phone on the desk, along with her earbuds.

“Don’t we have to film that cheesy ass sex scene later this week?” The girl had been thinking about it since Furina added it to the script. It was constantly on her mind, it was such an intense scene, not that it would bother her—But the idea of doing something like that with Diluc while she had all these pent-up feelings growing for him. All that she knew was wrong. He was so much fun to be around, he made being out in the heat for hours a day worthwhile. Under that stone-cold demeanor, he was just a soft, funny guy. Furina was tormenting her.

Even if she felt the way she did, the woman needed to be professional about it. So she would bring it up with Diluc now, instead of the day before. To get any of the weirdness out of the way of course.

“I think, why?”

“You aren’t uncomfortable with it or anything are you?” She took her seat back, but this time sitting next to the man and leaning her head against his shoulder. The two of them had gotten pretty comfortable with physical touch at this point during shooting. They were pretty up close and personal every day, hands-on with one another, whether it be for filming or helping each other fix their costumes. So they just naturally began to lean on one another. She had grown pretty fond of her friend and because of that, she didn’t want any weird sex scene to ruin what they had.

“Not really, the movies I’ve been in have a lot of sex in them,” He rolled his eyes at the thought. Jean always teased him about, how the women were always so nervous to film them and how Diluc looked like he would rather be anywhere else in between shots. This time she didn’t pick on him too much, but he didn’t find it weird she was probably too busy with her own things to annoy him. There were a lot of weird things going on with Jean at the moment if he thought about it.

“Okay so then you’re all good?”

“I’ll be fine but what about you? I figured you would have filmed one before.” He peeked open an eye and looked down at her, “I have, I just wanted to make sure you were okay with it.” The redhead nodded and closed his eyes again, throwing an arm lazily around his friend. When he first started filming the movie with her he was weary of the girl. She was bubbly and friendly and never stopped talking. He was the exact opposite of that, so he didn’t think they would get along too well. Then Jean invited her to dinner with them and once they got to talking they found out how much they had in common. From the literature they read to the music they listened to. Their views on the world in general seemed to line up.

He enjoyed having conversations with her, ones that weren’t shallow and meaningless. For once he could talk about stuff that didn’t involve acting and fame. That didn’t revolve around his career and the industry. It was, well, refreshing. He enjoyed being around her, spending time with her felt like a break from everything else in his life.

“It won’t be awkward if that’s what you’re thinking,” (Y/n) nodded weakly and leaned into his touch. Her mind drifted back to that kiss they shared while filming a few weeks ago. The memory gave her butterflies and she felt the heat rise to her face again. The two of them hadn’t discussed it since, they just went about their normal routine pretending like it wasn’t anything special. Even if she wanted it to be. Like right now, she was so close to Diluc, and he was so comfortable with it. It probably meant nothing to him but to her, it meant a lot. She wanted to ask him about that day on set yet the fear of destroying their friendship stopped her. It was probably all in her head, he was getting married for fucks sake.

“I didn’t think it would be,”

“Did Furina mention that dinner to you this weekend? I think we’re supposed to meet with the production team to set up interviews.” Diluc was still in his spot, unmoving as he talked. (Y/n) just couldn’t help but stare at him, how he was so relaxed around her, how he didn’t mind the close contact. But her heart was aching thinking how this could all mean nothing to him and she could just be crazy.

“I need to ask you something.” The words blurted out of her mouth, ignoring Diluc’s previous sentence. She wasn’t even sure what she was going to say, or how to even explain it—But when she said those words, her tone must have worried the man because he instantly sat up his eyes opening. “Is everything okay?” He removed his arm from around her and gave a concerned look.

“I’m not sure, I just-I just wanted to ask you about a few weeks ago.” She looked over at the clock on her wall. They still had about 45 minutes left til they had to be back in costume on set. “We had that intense makeout scene and it was-”

“It was kinda different than what I usually experience, I mean it’s your first romance movie so I know you probably aren’t too sure what you’re doing. I just didn’t want to keep thinking these silly thoughts that it wasn’t just for the movie that you-” As she was trying to get out the word vomit in her brain she felt Diluc move. Then suddenly his lips were mashed on hers. The girl’s heart skipped a beat as she felt his body move, and pull her closer to him. Her mind grew clouded and a dizzy feeling swept over her. It was different than the scripted kisses she had, but so similar to that one moment on set when he kissed her. She couldn’t relax in his touch, her whole body was tense as the voice in the back of her brain screamed at her to pull away.

But she didn’t have to, he did that for her. He pulled away as quickly as he kissed her. His eyes darkened and he looked so confused himself. “I’m sorry, I have no idea why I did that.” Diluc glanced up at her, seeing her red face. But he saw more than the blush spreading across her cheeks. He couldn’t help but stare at her bright (e/c) eyes, and how they seemed to shine in the light, the way she bit her bottom lip with so much anxiety. He just couldn’t help it. But she was so quiet and stared at him with such a look he couldn’t place.

“I’m, sorry, I should get going now.” He stood up, trying to leave before he could do any more damage, but he stopped in his tracks, feeling his wrist being pulled. He turned his head to see her still sitting down, her head tilted up “Don’t.” Her pleading eyes begged him to stay. “You don’t have to,” She gripped his wrist tighter and tugged on him a bit more. He’ll be damned if he walked out now.

He moved to sit on the sofa, her hand still holding his wrist so tightly, and even if he wanted to, he couldn’t resist the urge. The minute she was face to face with him, he threw all of fucks out the window. Diluc pulled her towards him, so she was now sitting on his lap straddling him. He pressed his lips against hers again and felt her hands grip his shoulders so tightly, her nails digging into his skin. He was intoxicated with her. They were always so close on set but with just the two of them, it felt so different. He could smell the sweet perfume she wore, and taste the strawberry chapstick she would use often. It was a different experience. One he wanted more of.

His hands started to move up her arms and down her back, just barely gripping her waist, and he pulled her tighter against his body, getting a small mewl out of her. She was sweet and addicting like this.

Her body was starting to relax under his touch, and with each passing second, she felt herself start to melt the more he touched her. His hands moved to cup her ass and grind against her. Her head rested against his shoulder, trying to hide the embarrassing blush on her face, and the sounds she tried to choke down.

Even if her head was fuzzy, and her body was growing hot, she knew she couldn’t do this. He was engaged. To a very sweet woman. A sweet woman who trusted her a lot, and made her one of her bridesmaids. Suddenly she snapped back to her senses. What was she doing? She was being a home wrecker. “Diluc-mm-wait we can’t-” She tried to get the words out between each gasp, and it was so hard to as each time she spoke, he would grab her waist, and gently rock her body against his. God, it was so hard to stop. “You’re engaged I shouldn’t have-” He paused his actions, his hand leaving her waist, and moving to grab her chin making her face him.

He pressed a kiss against her lips before he spoke.“Who’s gonna know?” The man wasn’t wrong. Who would know? She felt him grab her thighs, and his lips were back at it again. She started to forget about the issue she was so concerned about moments ago as she felt Diluc bite her bottom lip.--The action making her part hers just slightly. Enough for him to slip his tongue in. The movement from before resumed as they grinded against one another.

The redhead grabbed at the ends of her shirt and tugged at the fabric trying to remove it from her body. They pulled apart for a moment, and she left her arms as he took the item off her, tossing it somewhere on the ground. His hands immediately explored the exposed skin. His gaze on her body was so intense, she had to turn her head away. “Stop staring,” The words came out in a mumble.

“You’re acting as if this is the first time I've seen you in a bra.” He laughed a little, and moved his lips to her neck, placing gentle kisses as he went down her chest.

He had seen her like this, a few times on set during some scenes. She wasn’t embarrassed then because it was all scripted, this was different.

He finally reached near her breast and stopped, gently nipping at her skin there. She let out another sound, cursing at herself. “Diluc we don’t have enough time for this,” Even if she wanted to keep going, they had to be back soon.

We have 30 minutes that's enough for a-”

“I’m a virgin.” The words left her mouth suddenly and her eyes still looked away from Diluc. She was embarrassed about it, and as much as she wanted to despite her conscious yelling at her not to, she didn’t want her first time to be a quickie.

That was enough to make the redhead freeze and pull away from her. His hands dropped from her breast to her thighs, thumbing over them softly as he chuckled to himself. He found it kind of ironic that the romance actor was a virgin. He wasn’t judging but it was just a little funny to him. But it also let him realize what the two could have done. “Don’t laugh! I told you I’ve never dated!” She buried her head in the crook of his, her body resting against his.

“I’m not laughing at you. I promise I’m sorry I didn’t know.” A knock at the door made them both turn their heads and stop. “(Y/n), we need you on set early! I know this is your break but-” The door was about to open and the female jumped from her spot and ran to the door. Just barely catching it before it could fully open to reveal Diluc in the room. Furina was on the other side, a brow raised as she looked at the actress.

“What are you doing?” She asked looking her up and down. The female was panting and dressed in her bra and shorts.

“It’s really hot out there okay, anyways I’m getting dressed I’ll be out in a minute.” Furina sighed and spun around, telling her to find Diluc and drag him back out as well. (Y/n) took a deep breath and shut the door, her eyes turning to the redhead on the sofa.

“This never happened got it?”

“Never happened.”

—-

(Y/n) sat in her chair on set, glasses covering her eyes, as she tried her best not to fall asleep. She was watching the actors in front of her go through their scenes. The man playing the king shooting his big reveal, with a few of the other main characters in the movie, joining in on the big plot twist. She sighed and fanned herself with a magazine, it was beyond hot, even for it being dark out–she was still burning up. So Furina the wonderful director she was, let the girl dress down into her tank top and shorts. As she was dying in the heat, some type of commotion faintly behind her caught her attention. She turned to see Diluc in his day clothes walking away from a furious Jean. It seemed like they were arguing about something. The blonde was holding a planner in her hand, and pointing to it.

“You can’t be serious right now? You aren’t going to help me in the slightest?” Diluc sighed heavily and glared at his partner. “Jean you got everything under control, this movie is my main priority.” His red eyes glanced ahead to see (Y/n) eyeing the two of them, and he looked away quickly. The movie wasn’t his main priority, she was. (Y/n) had consumed his mind ever since that moment in the trailer. It was all he could think about, her body, her voice, her laugh. It consumed him so much that whenever Jean did anything it got on his nerves. Everything she did was annoying him—especially the wedding planning. Every time he went back to her place she just wanted to talk about the wedding, and the guest list, and the food. Suddenly he didn’t care for any of it.

So Jean picked up on that within the first night and instead tried other things to do with him. Movies, dates, shopping trips. It all seemed like that annoyed him even more. Then she thought maybe he was stressed and needed to blow off steam so she tried to have sex with him and it just–He wasn’t up for it. All he could think about was his co-star. And if Diluc wouldn’t talk to her about at home then she would fight him at work, trying to figure out what his issue was. Why he was so mean to her?

“Diluc I swear if you don’t knock your shit off I’m calling off the wedding.”

“I’m at work can we talk about this later?” The blonde stormed off flipping him off as she walked away. His gaze returned to the girl watching him from the set. She gave him a pity smile and then frowned. He just waved to her and walked off, she supposed to his trailer. “Hey, Furina can I go for the night?”

“Hm? Yea! Your scenes are done for the day, but tomorrow, phew, you have a heated day.” She shot the actress a wink, and (Y/n) just rolled her eyes. She left her magazine behind and started to make her way to her friend's trailer but-

“(Y/n) can we talk?” Her head spun to see Jean approaching her. She swallowed thickly and nodded. God if she suspected anything, then she was done for. She had never done anything like this before, all her other co-stars weren’t like Diluc. She didn’t know what was different about him. His looks were great sure but it was so much more than that. Like how his laugh was so enchanting and his rare smile made her heart flutter, or how they could talk for hours about anything.

“And I have no idea what’s going on with him, but do you think you could talk to him?” The girl snapped back and looked at Jean wide-eyed. What did she say? “What? You want me to-”

“Check on him, you two get along so well and he can get so in his head. I trust you so let me know what’s up okay? I’m heading home, send him my way when you're done here.” Oh god, she was a horrible person. The female just nodded her head. “Of course, I’ll text you.” Jean smiled and hugged her, thanking her for being such a good friend. (Y/n) was going to throw up. So once the woman left, she looked over to the trailer at the back of the lot and started to make her way over.

She didn’t even knock as she entered the trailer. She scanned the freezing room for the man, and instantly spotted him in the back, laying face down on the mattress. The lights were off, and Diluc was well hidden in his sheets, but (Y/n) could spot his striking red hair from anywhere. She sighed, walking over to his bed, and crawling onto the plush surface next to him.

“You’re not getting along?” The words came out as a mumble. “We are not getting along.” The two were lying in opposite directions of each other, staring at the wall. The moment they shared in her trailer earlier this week wasn’t a one-off thing. It seemed every time they were left alone, whether that be on set or in their private dressing rooms, they were on top of one another. It was getting to a boiling point where (Y/n) couldn’t take anymore. She was so fucking pent-up.

“Is it because of me?”

“Not exactly,” He glanced over at the female who had a worried look in her eyes. “It’s more than that. We’ve been drifting apart for a while.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault.” Diluc turned his body to face (Y/n), but she was still looking away from him. He lazily threw his arm around her torso and pulled her close, burying his face in the back of her neck. She relaxed in his hold, even if she felt sick to her stomach at the thought of Jean. She had asked her to talk to him, not fuck him. But he was here, so close to her, and she couldn’t help it. She was falling hard for the man.

“She asked me to talk to you, try and make you work it out with her, but I don’t want to.” (Y/n) wanted him for herself, she had never felt this way about anyone. He had taken her heart, and she didn’t mind it.

“Even if I don’t want you to, you should fix things.” She turned her body to face him, his red eyes piercing her (e/c) ones. Her heart started to beat rapidly as they stared at one another, basking in each other's hold. “I don’t care to,”

“Diluc, this is wrong and you know that,”

“You could put a stop to it, but you don’t.” She groaned and lightly bonked her forehead against his. He just gave her a weak laugh and pressed a kiss against her lips. “Because every time I tell you we shouldn’t do this, you do that.” They hadn’t gone much farther than a heated makeout session, and feeling each other up–the girl being way too shy to do more. She especially didn’t want her first time to be in a trailer at work.

She got a weak hum out of him and he smirked a bit. “Do you wanna get out of here?” Her body froze. “To where?”

“My place?” She swallowed thickly and blinked a few times. She would be completely alone with Diluc, nobody to interrupt them. If she was at his place she might cave and take things way farther with him. But as much as she knew she shouldn’t she agreed.

—

(Y/n) threw her shirt off as Diluc kissed her relentlessly, his hands roaming every part of her body that he could get it. Tugging her pants off as she fell back onto the bed, their lips being apart for only seconds. His tongue already found its way into her mouth, teeth clanking at the fast-paced movements. They couldn’t help it, the moment they got into his house they were on top of one another, the tension from the week building up. She wanted Diluc so badly, and even if she knew the amount of shit this would cause, she would do it. The man didn’t seem like he cared either, his hands finding the clasps of her bra and undoing it.

She grabbed his shirt and tugged at it signaling she wanted it to come off. The man did as she wanted, and (Y/n) began to shrug off her bra throwing it onto the floor, her hands going back on Diluc’s body. Her fingers gripped the waist band of his pants, pulling him towards her. She gasped as she felt his hard-on press against her. The girl was about to open her mouth to speak but the two froze as they heard her phone ring. She groaned and reached for it, Diluc wanted to stop her but she had already grabbed the damn thing.

“It’s Jean.”

“Answer it,”

“Are you crazy? Hey no-” The man grabbed the phone from her and pressed the green button, handing it back. She glared at him, as she watched him lower himself, pulling her panties off as the phone was pressed against her ear. “Hey, what's up?” She was about to lift her head to see what the idiot was doing but she instantly tensed up at the feeling of something wet licking her clit. It took everything in her to not moan.

“Did you talk to Diluc? His phone is off and I’m worried about him.” Her voice was filled with concern and she sounded like she was driving. “Mm-Mhm! Yea I-uh” She covered her mouth and pulled the phone away. Her back arched as felt him swipe his tongue over her clit again, but he slowed pace this time, teasing her so she would make more sounds. More sounds that only he got to hear. “Are you okay?” Jean’s voice brought her back and she panted for a second.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m working out right now. I needed to get my cardio in.” She laughed a little but stopped when she felt her partner insert a finger inside of her. One of her hands grabbed his red locks, and tugged at them slightly, rocking her hips against him. She could hear him laugh as he went on with his current task, curling his fingers inside of her. The way she was choking back her cute moans, and gasp. The woman was barely keeping herself together at this point and he didn’t even care if Jean heard the two of them. This was the most fun he has had in a while. He couldn’t help but stare at her, seeing the phone pressed against her ear, her hip eagerly bucking towards him begging for more.

“But yeah, I uhm talked to him before I left, he said-fuck.” She swore as Diluc pumped another finger inside of her. “What’s wrong?”

“He was upset, and told me he didn’t want to talk.” She couldn’t keep this up for much longer, she wanted so much more of the man, this wasn’t enough. “Was he rude to you?” The blonde’s voice held sympathy for her, knowing how cold he could be when he was upset.

“Yeah, I just let him be.”

“I should go see him, I’m on my way already.” (Y/n) lifted her head and looked at Diluc who didn’t pay any mind to the girl and kept his pace playing with her sensitive bundle of nerves.

“I wouldn’t do that, he-ah shit-uhm wanted to be alone. I need to go just don’t trust me.” (Y/n) hung up the phone and tossed the device on the bed and let out a string of curses at the man.

“You idiot she’s on her way here-fuck Diluc please-”

“She doesn’t have a key, it's fine.”

The girl just sighed and grabbed his arm tugging him close to her. He hovered above her, his arms resting on the mattress. “Do you want to go any farther?” She nodded her head. If she didn’t get more of this man, she would go crazy. “I don’t know how to do anything though.”

“I’ll take care of it, just relax.”

—-

It was the final week of filming and the affair that (Y/n) had with Diluc was going to end. She couldn’t keep doing this to her friend. Jean had trusted her so much and went to her to vent about Diluc and she just couldn’t help but feel terrible. As she should though. Even if she had was more than just lust, even if she felt something more for the man, it had to be over. They had already filmed the rated R scene and everyone was surprised at how well they got through it, like it was no big deal. It shocked even Jean a little bit, mainly because the girl was telling her how nervous she was to film it. But when the time came the two got through it as if they had done it before

(Y/n) huffed in her chair and looked at Furina giving a speech to all of the cast members. Most of the scenes were done and Diluc was no longer needed. She wasn’t really either, but the two stayed just in case something came up. Her eyes looked around the room, and she could see her co-star near the back, once again fighting with his fiance. The two angrily whispering to one another. She just frowned and looked away. They were always butting heads about something, whenever the woman was on set Diluc was miserable. Even if he would tell (Y/n) how badly he wanted to end it, he didn’t The wedding date was set for next year and the plans were put in place. Everyone he knew had already been informed and Jean was getting new gigs because of it.

Internally she was screaming, begging Diluc to just leave the woman, and let himself be happy. Yet if he didn’t and this was it then she had to live with that. “So, thank you everyone for being a part of this movie! The curtain will soon be closing!” The female took a bow, and everyone clapped. (Y/n) lazily moved her hands together, unaware of the person sneaking up behind her. Then without warning, someone placed their hands on the girl’s shoulders and she let out a screech. Her loud yelping sound caught everyone’s attention but most importantly Diluc’s. But the laughing sound that followed calmed everyone down.

The (h/c) haired girl whipped her head around to see the cackling man behind her. An angry expression started to form on her face as she glared at the dark-haired man “Kaeya!” She shot him the best glare she could and jumped out of her seat. “Not funny,” Her eyes looked behind him to see Tartaglia waving to her from the back of the lot. She shyly waved back to him and smiled. It had been a while since she saw their ginger friend. He was traveling for a modeling gig he booked. The three of them were known to be a close-knit group but since she started this movie they hadn’t been spotted together. Diluc had taken up all her time.

“What are you idiots doing here?” She placed both of her hands on her hips, seeming pretty peeved with Kaeya. “It’s your last week on set, Furina said we could come to hang with you.” She rolled her eyes and glanced behind her to see the cast getting back to work, but the red eyes on the other side of the set never left her.

“Come on princess, let's go get lunch or something.” Kaeya walked over to his friend and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. “I can’t just leave the set, what if they need me for something?”

He laughed and pressed a kiss against her cheek smiling, both of them knowing that wasn’t true. “Come on we have to catch up, you’ve been stirring some drama in the news.” (Y/n) sighed and shoved her best friend off and looked to see Diluc approaching them, an annoyed Jean following behind.

He looked so fucking pissed to see Kaeya anywhere near her. Tartaglia had also made his way over here and the girl didn’t seem to notice as he draped both his arms around her shoulders. Hovering behind her. “Heya girly.” She tilted her head back and smiled at the man. “Hey, Ajax.”

“Kaeya what the hell are you doing here?” Diluc’s voice caught the trio's attention. “I’m here to see my friend, not you.” He gestured to (Y/n).

“Great you’ve seen her, now leave.”

Jean smacked his arm lightly and glared. “Those are her friends, just because you don’t like Kaeya doesn’t mean you can be rude.” Kaeya stuck his tongue out and grabbed (Y/n)’s hand. “Lunch? Me, you, Childe?” Before she could decline she was being dragged away, mouthing a sorry to the couple in front of her.

—-

(Y/n) laid next to Diluc eyes glued to the ceiling. The man was passed out next to her and she had this gut-wrenching feeling in her chest. She wanted to cry knowing that this was it. This was the last day on set and they decided to spend the night together, but after this, it was over. The man never said it was but, she knew in her heart it was. He would have free time and no excuse to be with her. I mean how was Diluc supposed to justify the two of them being alone together? Jean basically had him on a leash as is. One time after she left Diluc’s place Jean was over shortly after. She had told (Y/n) she found a pair of underwear that was not the blondes. She confided in her friend, her worries about her fiance cheating. Ever since then, Jean would never let him hang out with people alone. Never anyone but her. Because the she trusted her.

She felt like crying at the thought of all of it. Jean invited her to go dress shopping cake tasting, and all the fun things that came along with wedding planning. (Y/n) would nod her head and agree feeling this intense guilt inside. Didn’t Diluc feel any of it? Probably not, he enjoyed it or something. But after this. She couldn’t do it anymore, she wanted him all to herself. She didn’t want to hide him from everyone. All she wanted was him.

So after confiding in Kaeya and Tartaglia, they told her to just break it off after filming. She was only going to hurt herself more in the long run, and if nobody knew about then stop before someone did. Both of her friends were right, and that’s why she made up her mind. Even if this was going to crush her. (Y/n) had truly fallen for him.

The girl sat up and got her things together. She didn’t want to stay here, it would be worse in the morning when he was awake, begging her to stay. Why would she do this herself? From the moment this started, she knew that he wouldn’t pick her. She was fooling herself into thinking that Diluc would leave Jean for her. The two had been together for almost ten years now, they were high school sweethearts. (Y/n) hurried along ignoring the tears falling down her cheeks. This really was it.

—-

“Welcome to the premiere of Betrayal at Dusk,” Furina and Neuvillette were standing on a stage, people mingling around the room. It was the first showing of the new movie that (Y/n) had starred in with Diluc. One whole year later The girl hadn’t seen him since that day in his apartment. When she left while he was sleeping, so she didn’t cave for him. So ignoring all that she tried her best to prepare herself for tonight. She had to get Kaeya to tag along to keep her from being stupid. It didn’t matter though, because the moment she stepped out of the limo and onto the red carpet, the man was straight ahead of her. Jean attached to his arm smiling wide. She looked so perfect next to him, her wedding ring shining with all the camera flashes. His arm wrapped so tightly around her. They look happy and it made her want to vomit.

Once she got to the door of the venue a few reporters were crowding her.

“(Y/n) Who are you wearing? Is it Dior?”

“What was it like to star in the first romance movie featuring Diluc Ragvandir?”

“People are saying how raw and passionate the scenes are how did you two form such a bond?”

“Are the cheating rumors true?”

She answered each one carefully, trying not to make a mess she would regret later, and somehow she managed to debunk all of the rumors. At some point she was able to make her way inside, Kaeya at her side leading her around to chat with everyone. It worked for most of the night and even made her forget the reality of the situation for a minute. Yet, she found herself glancing around the room for him. “Don’t worry he’ll avoid you like the plague if I’m here.” (Y/n) just nodded her head and grabbed another drink. She noticed Jean trying to pull him towards her a few times, but failing. He waved in dismal at her idea to go greet the girl. He looked rather annoyed, and it crushed her.

She wanted to go home, she didn’t want to come to this but her friends made her, and it was the first showing so. A sigh escaped her lip and she handed her drink to Kaeya. “I’m going out for air.”

“You want me to come?”

“No,” She turned and walked away from him, and tried her best to find an area outside that wasn’t crowded. Yet everywhere she went it was packed with people, and each time they saw her they couldn’t help but strike up a conversation with the female. It was getting on her nerves that she couldn’t find a place to escape just for a bit.

Eventually, she wound up in an empty hallway near the back of the venue, the lights off, and it was quiet. She could just breathe for a minute. Clear her head, and then she would get back to the main party. No matter how hard she tried to forget the past year, and pretend like she didn’t have an affair with Diluc, it was pointless.

She couldn’t even escape for a second though, being interrupted again.

“Why are you hiding back here?” Her gaze turned towards the familiar voice, and she saw the man who caused all of these emotions.

“I needed to think,” She stood up from the plush seat she was in, debating on heading back to the party. “You haven’t returned any of my calls.” He approached her, reaching his hand out to grab hers.

“Don’t do that.” (Y/n) could feel her heart being squeezed at the mere thought of him touching her again.

“I haven’t heard from you, I miss yo-”

“Don’t say anything please.” She jerked her wrist away before he could even lay a finger on her, tears welling up in her eyes. The girl didn’t even know why she was upset over this, she knew this was going to happen. It was a fling for him. He loved Jean, not her. He didn’t have the same feelings for her as she did for him. Not once did he ever mention that he liked her, or even wanted more than just a quick fuck. A year had passed and she hadn’t texted, called, or even thought about visiting him. No matter how many times Jean tried to get the two to hang out, she would go running at the sight of him. It made the blonde suspect something but she didn’t say a word. Because (Y/n) wouldn’t do that, (Y/n) was a good friend.

“Just hear me out.”

“I don’t want to, I knew you were never going to leave her, it wasn’t anything more for you. But for me, it was something else entirely. I had feelings for you, I have feelings for you. I just-I can’t believe I thought you would choose me over her. I’m so stupid.” The sound of footsteps approaching made her quickly wipe her face and storm off. As she went she saw the blonde she was incredibly jealous of pass by. “(Y/n) Hi!”

She gave her a little wave and kept walking, and she didn’t stop. Not for Kaeya, not for anyone. She wanted to go home and pretend this didn’t happen.

—-

“I’m sorry Furina I can’t come back for a sequel, I know it did well.” (Y/n) paced her apartment as she was on the phone with her friend. The girl was asking for her to come back and film another movie in the series. If she did that then she had to be around Diluc again.

“Is it the pay? I can pay so much more than that if you want, or is it the heat? I can film it in the winter, oh please (Y/n), they loved you, and they loved Diluc with you.”

“That’s the problem, Diluc is the problem.” She leaned against her bedroom wall and sank to the floor. Her heart aching at the memories from last year. “Wait, were the rumors true?”

“Mhm,”

“Oh (Y/n).” The girl brushed away the tears that started to fall, sniffling, trying her best to keep it together. “I’m sorry Furina, I can’t”

—

“You what?!” Jean was screaming at Diluc as he stood there. The blonde overheard the phone call with Furina he had, and the other woman also screaming at him for the whole thing with (Y/n). It wasn’t exactly how he wanted Jean to find out, he never really did want her to find out. Honestly, he was planning on breaking it off after the movie, but Jean kept getting more and more offers from different agencies and he didn’t want to ruin that for her. Then before he knew it a year rolled by and he couldn’t back out now. The wedding was in a few weeks.

“I cheated on you with (Y/n), it just happened. I don’t know.”

“How could you? I trusted you, I trusted her. This whole time, you never thought to tell me?” The blonde was furious, tears in her eyes as she glared at her fiance. “It wasn’t her fault it was mine, she tried to stop but I just couldn’t.” Jean rolled her eyes, and more tears rolled down her face as she grabbed her keys.

“You can forget about the damn wedding.”

—-

(Y/n) sat at her favorite coffee shop scrolling on her phone happily as she waited for a friend. The news had already hit the magazines and press about her affair with Diluc. It was insane at how big it blew up. Most of her friends came asking for her side of the story and she didn’t lie. She knew she was guilty but they all sided with her in the end. She was moving on from all of that though. Her career was getting bigger and bigger and she decided she wanted to do more than just romance movies, she was taking a break from them.

Even though Furina begged her every week to make a sequel for the movie. She always told her the same answer. No.

It always upset the girl but she wouldn’t take no for an answer. Repeatedly coming back with new offers or bribes for her. Nothing on the planet could make her want to go back and film with Diluc. “Sorry, I’m late.” (Y/n) looked up and saw Childe waiting in front of her. “Ready to go?” She got up and grabbed her drink smiling happily as the ginger wrapped an arm around her.

“Yea! Where are we going for our date?”

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