digitalfootprintdiary - Tumblr blog

[digitalfootprintdiary]

Randomly just remembered that I apologized to a fly for hitting it once. I feel so bad for killing bugs; my philosophy is don't hurt it if you don't have to but if it harms you or is in your territory it's fine. Anyways I was kinda just trying to scare it out of the vicinity and I am SO used to flies dodging my attacks effortlessly that when I swatted it I was surprised I actually hit it cause I expected it to move. It was a light swat because of that so I only partially injured it and I said ohemgee I'm so sorry noo sorrrrryyy and had to hit it AGAIN to put it out of suffering :,)

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I want to be 11 again with my old cat and my fairy houses and stuffed animals I donated years ago and my old room and my brother and my mom and dad still saw me as a little girl

[digitalfootprintdiary]

Half feel like the internet is a great tool for self expression half feel like I'm addicted to opioids

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People????????

Childhood toys???

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Sitting in my room that's adjusted to what I like and looks nice and flashing back to sitting in a ball on the floor in the same spot entirely surrounded by an incoherent inwalkable mess of all my belongings where you can't see the floor yet the walls are empty and stark white

[digitalfootprintdiary]

I hate you I love you I hate you I love you I hate you I love you I hate you I love you I hate you

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Fighting her extra hard today

There's a young girl inside me who yells constantly, "You are a bad person! You are a bad person! You're a failure! You are wasting time! Waste of potential! You are a bad person! YOU WILL NEVER FEEL OKAY" And no matter what external source says otherwise she'll always be there and I just have to hold her and be like "we're not, we want people to be happy, nobody is perfect, we are setting unrealistic expectations on ourselves; it's okay to be where we are" and work together through life

[digitalfootprintdiary]

Hate to think about how the more you love someone the more you hate them too

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I can't tell if love is everywhere or nowhere and it's nauseating

[digitalfootprintdiary]

Why do I have to be perfect at something before I can accept appreciation and have value

[digitalfootprintdiary]

I grew up at a summer camp and always had to watch my friends leave when fall would come around and id be the only one still there

[digitalfootprintdiary]

Drew toothpaste or whatever from memory

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I love the cats I have now and all but there are some days where only the cat I had in middle school would fix my problems. I hope he's doing alright

[digitalfootprintdiary]

this post is exclusively for people with dirty rooms

this post is specifically for people who know their room is a mess, but their brain won't let them clean it. this post is for you. I love you and I see you

[digitalfootprintdiary]

This post is a great summary of how I felt the first two years of high school

@judas-redeemed

[digitalfootprintdiary]

I wonder when I was 12 if there were any 18 year old girls who saw me and remembered being 12 too and I had no idea

Where are they now?

[digitalfootprintdiary]

Last year was the first year I didn't make a snowman with my brother. (And that was before he moved, I dont know why we didnt do it.) Last year was the first summer I didn't play that game me and my friends made up when we were 9 where we tag the tree. Last year was the first year I lived without my brother. Last year was when I moved away from my home. Last year was the last year I went to my high school. Last year had the first Halloween that I felt too old for. Last year was the first Thanksgiving without my grandma. Last year I saw both my parents cry. Last year was the year my faith in true love waivered. Last year, I had my first Christmas in 10 years where we didn't worry about snow. We didn't know where to put most of our decorations in our new house, the garland always went on the stairs. My brother was the one who did most of the decorating anyways. I was always in charge of the stairs, with the stockings on it.

(We don't have stairs anymore.)

Last year, the 4th of July didn't feel like my favorite holiday anymore. Last year, I stopped being friends with about 5 people I never thought I'd stop talking to. I miss them. I hate them. I don't want to be friends with them now. I want them from 3 years ago. Last year? Nothing is funny anymore, not really

I'm only angry because my heart is broken, why does everyone think this is about them?