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Ummm okay. I didn’t realize cats are unacceptable

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panic at the disco isn’t a phase you never grow out of listening to them you might drift from them for a bit but you’ll always come back it’s like the fucking mafia

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Raine: Mama! I want to watch a princess car movie.

Me: I’m sorry love but I don’t think th… …. Is it ok if the princess has a robot arm, saves other princesses and shoots guns at bad guys?

R: uhhhh…. YEAH!

M: Hold on…

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person topping me: ok turn around me: every now and then i get a little bit lonely and you’re never coming round person topping me: …♫ turn around ♫

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When I was about ten years old, my dad called me into his home office for a moment.  There was a bunch of incomprehensible code up on his computer screen.

“Press the enter key,” he said.  I did.  “Thanks,” he said.  “I couldn’t bear to do it myself.”

And that’s the story of how I sent out one of the largest spam email campaigns of the 1990s.

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amazon bring me….my child

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are you fucking kidding me

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Today, flat earth deniers get to watch live feed of a billionaires car floating around a sphere thing we have named Earth.

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I have 4 moods; hungry, horny, sleepy & cuddly. I am all 4 at once 95% of the time.

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cashier: sorry for your wait. we’re short-staffed today

millennial: oh that’s ok no worries :)

 baby boomer:

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sleepovers when ur little: omg ms bukket is SUCH a mean teacher >:( she yelled at me

sleepovers now: i dont think im capable of love

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me, interacting with another 20+ year old on tumblr:

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