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we've been doing this thing called "hitting the nosferatu" where you hunch your shoulders and walk towards things while pointing with a long creepy finger

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you can hit it raw, i’ve got an IED

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Discussing baby’s future

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it’s a real shame that explosions exist because cigarette while pumping gas just makes so much sense + seems beautiful

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no, spotify, i don't want to use ai to "turn my ideas into playlists". i already fucking do that with my brain and hands and i do it for fun. what, should i get ai to pet my cat for me? to play my silly games for me? to spend time with my beautiful wife for me? how about i rend you asunder

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2024 is a terrible year to be a henchman. The word "minion" is barely usable and you can't even say "goon" anymore.

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The Sturgeon Mary

NEW FISH JUST DROPPED

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My bf took me to target and got these for us

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NEW FISH JUST DROPPED

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people are always like "Oh a vampire wouldn't get horny while drinking someone's blood, that's like getting horny while eating a sandwich" and like man have you never had a really good fucking sandwich?

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Mikusoft is the cultural miku of accountants

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men love being tied to chairs and gagged it makes them feel masculine it's the same as working in an office

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Fuck it

Miku in excel

Brought to you by my suffocatingly boring 8am class

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If I had mandibles I'd clack them together like tongs all the time

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You tell your cowgirl gf you want to bring toys into the bedroom and she brings out a handsaw, a vaguely rake-like implement, and two semispheroidal objects with handles