dickcool - Tumblr blog

[dickcool]

You said, if Eleanor tries to confess she doesn’t belong here, find a reason to avoid her. Like saying, “I’m going to the gym.” That’s what I’ve been saying.

[dickcool]

𝓮𝓯𝓯𝓲𝓮    𝓰𝓻𝓪𝔂𝓼𝓸𝓷  !

“Not Rosewood.” Effie moaned, smirking as she shook her head. “Pretty Little Liars had a grip on my early teens in a way I’m embarrassed to admit.” It didn’t help that someone had taken to texting her and her friends through some app that hid their identity. They eventually stopped and were revealed as her friends older brother but it had been a whole thing. “I still think Aria should have been the big reveal, what they did…it made no sense.” Even to Effie who was more than willing to believe in the ridiculous. Leaning against the glass, she faced him in intrigue as she crossed her arms. “Really? I guess that could happen but I don’t think I’d be able to keep my mouth shut for this long, there has to be someone dying to spill what they know. Someone who’s a blabber mouth.”

he   was   perfectly   capable   of   trying   to   find   amusement   in   anything   and   everything   but   thank   the   cosmos   that   he   didn’t   have   to   ,   especially   with   effie   around   .      same   job   ,   almost   the   same   wavelength      ,   same   pretty   little   liars   theory   —   he   really   did   luck   out   in   company   .      ❛               you   sure   you   want   to   marry   cash   and   not   me   ?               ❜         he   asked   jokingly   ,   looking   at   her   with   feigned   curiosity   .         ❛               because   you’re   absolutely   right   in   everything   you   just   said   about   pretty   little   liars   and   it   made   me   a   little   horny   ...   like   intellectually   or   whatever   .                           ❜      but   he   didn’t   let   himself   linger   too   much   on   that   sentiment   ,   his   few   brain   cells   working   overtime   to   think   of   possible   leads   in   their   current   case   .         ❛               a   blabber   mouth   ...   okay   .   well   ,   why   haven’t   we   talked   to   the   person   that   brought   us   here   in   the   first   place   :   trip’s   mom   .   i   mean   ,   she   wouldn’t   have   asked   for   our   help   if   she   didn’t   have   any   theories   of   her   own   ,   right   ?                  ❜

[dickcool]

𝓮𝓯𝓯𝓲𝓮    𝓰𝓻𝓪𝔂𝓼𝓸𝓷  !

Considering how busy they all were trying to figure this case out, there was ample amount of downtime for some of them. Effie included. She wasn’t hired for her detective abilities but rather her ability to get eyes on the TV whenever this aired. Walking through one of the main streets in Westport with Dick ( who she’d cajoled into joining her ), the blonde stopped next to a shop and pressed her hands against the window. “Hey, you think all these people know what happened to them and are keeping it a secret?” It seemed like something that would happen in a town in Connecticut.​​

the   question   reminded   him   of   previous   mysteries   he   tried   to   solve   before      ⁠—   most   notably   ,   of   who   A   was   in   the   hit   show   pretty   little   liars   .         ❛                           this   is   just   like   rosewood   .   people   have   pieces   of   the   answer   but   it’s   up   to   us   to   piece   it   all   together   ,                           ❜      he   answered   in   a   slightly   cryptic   and   determined   voice   ,   looking   into   the   window   like   effie         —   wishing   that   they   had   brought   one   of   the   camera   people   because   they   must   look   so   good   and   all   cinematic   right   now   .   and   just   as   quickly   ,   breaking   character   with   a   grin   on   his   lips   as   soon   as   that   cinematic   moment   passed   .         ❛                           but   probably   not   .   i   think   they’re   just   as   clueless   as   we   are   .   and   they’d   rather   stay   that   way  .   anything   to   keep   that   idyllic   town   image   .                        ❜

[dickcool]

❛         dude   ,   i   think   i’m   in   love   with   you   ,         ❜         the   veracity   of   the   statement   was   up   in   the   air      —   though   whether   it   was   true   or   not   ,   it   sure   would   only   last   a   short   period   of   time   .   like   a   rash   .   and   the   reason   for   this   so   -   called   being   in   love   ?   well   ,   dick   had   been   reading   mx’s   conspiracy   blog   ,   much   of   it   reminding   him   of   one   of   the   greatest   shows   ever   created   :   riverdale   .   only   mx’s   conspiracies   were   even   more   compelling   than   those   of   the    drug - induced  storylines   from    the   show’s   writers   room    .       ❛         the   way   you   write   ,   the   way   your   mind   works   ...   it’s   all   just   admirable   .   like   jughead   jones   but   better   .   sexier   .   you’re   making   me   believer   out   of   me    .          ❜      as   if   that   was   a   difficult   task   .   

[dickcool]

[dickcool]

[dickcool]

𝓭𝔂𝓵𝓪𝓷   𝓬𝓻𝓪𝓷𝓮  !

walking past so she could sit on the steps to dicks trailer, dylan listened to his rather coherent display of thoughts and offered a pensive look, “human sacrifices? y’know, i never thought of that but maybe they could have been. some weird shit goes on in this day and age,” she’d considered a cover up and with all these things piling up and the lack of connections made, it seemed likely that there was something that was being hidden from not just them but everyone. stringing a hair tie from around her wrist as the box settled inside the doorway, she tied her hair up into a messy bun, “kidnapping kids then late teens though… weird change in mo. like, usually there’s a specific type they’re looking for… they didn’t seem picky if it’s all one culprit… and the 10 year gap too? weird.”

he   grinned   with   satisfaction   when   she   agreed   that   human   sacrifices   were   a   possibility      —   good   for   his   ego   ,   sucked   ass   for   all   those   maybe   sacrifices   .   still   ,   he   listened   as   dylan   pointed   out   all   the   discrepancies   and   disconnect   from   all   the   clues   they   had   uncovered   so   far   ,   leading   to   just   more   questions   than   they   started   with   .   walking   over   to   look   at   the   pictures   ,   he   sighed   as   he   put   his   own   JERRY   JUKE   =   MANBEARPIG   theory   in   the   back   burner   for   another   possibility   .         ❛                            maybe   ,   these   clues   won’t   connect   because   they   are   not   connected   .   you   think   that   maybe   ...   the   person   that   delivered   this   tip   that   jerry   juke   could   have   been   responsible   for   the   disappearance   of   those   two   kids   is   trying   to   throw   us   off   ?   pin   it   on   jerry   when   they’re   actually   the   one   responsible   ?   that’d   be   so   darksided   .   what   an   asshole   ,   dude   .     justice   for   jerry    ,   but   he   could   still   be   manbearpig   ,    though  .                           ❜

[dickcool]

[dickcool]

𝓭𝔂𝓵𝓪𝓷   𝓬𝓻𝓪𝓷𝓮  !

she was sure there were going to be more additions to the list of what was big but as it came to an end, she decided not to question it any further. “i’d love to help objectify you later,” the words come out quickly and don’t hold much thought and maybe that was the best thing for the two of them because if dylan was trying to think very hard then she was sure she’d probably end up strangling mr mccool instead. waiting for him to finish his reps as she adjusted the box, her phone now sat on top, she moved on, “some cool baby pics of the creek view three and these two other little rugrats that disappeared into thin air. i got the yearbook ones and some immortalised clippings from the church of their little events, see if we can spot any clues. i mean, we’ve barely seen ‘em so far.”

he   was   expecting   something   cooler   ,   like   transcripts   of   jerry   juke   sexting   his   wife   or   trip’s   old   pain   reliever   cream   (   he   could   use   some   right   now      —   NO   PAIN   ,   GO   GAIN   )   or   peter’s   internet   history   because   a   nerd   like   that   probably   browsed   reddit   .   but   instead   ,   baby   pictures   .   babies   were   ugly   ,   whether   or   not   they   happened   to   disappeared   into   teen   air   during   their   teenage   years   .         ❛                        okay   ,   but   do   we   know   what   kind   of   church   they’re   running   ?   it   could   be   church   of   ...   SATAN   ?!   were   these   missing   kids   ...      HUMAN   SACRIFICES   ?         and   there   is   a   town   -   wide   COVERUP   happening   ?                           ❜      he   asked   ,   tone   as   if   he   was   making   some   breakthroughs   in   the   case   ,   though   ,   he   supposed   they   were   still   necessary   questions   to   ask   to   eliminate   possibilities   .  

[dickcool]

𝓭𝔂𝓵𝓪𝓷   𝓬𝓻𝓪𝓷𝓮   !

when it came to attraction, she always found herself gravitating towards women who just seemed to have so much more brains and beauty to offer, a lot on the table in comparison to some men. men just seemed to be the weaker gender in dylans eyes. she was halfway through transcribing a new thought to voice memo when her gaze fell on dick and although she was sure his brain was the size of a pea, she couldn’t deny that he definitely was a hana ( and hot ) . pressing stop on her phone, a box of something in her hand with the lid shut, “wow, you’re really on a roll with all these theories,” she was sarcastic but shockingly, she wasn’t actually unkind. she didn’t have any desire to mock dick mccool. “hey dick, how long is left of your workout?” her gaze remained on his with a thoughtful smile pulling at her lips. “spare a sec to help me with that big brain of yours?”

❛                       just   a   few   more   reps         ,                       ❜         came   as   the   easy   answer   ,   quickly   finishing   up   so   he   could   actually   be   some   help   in   this   production   .   god   knew   they   had   been   neglecting   his   absolutely   amazing   and   totally   plausible   theories   ,   but   if   he   had   to   help   the   others   without   the   same   exceptional   intuition   as   he   did   to   be   heard   then   he’d   do   just   that   .               ❛                       you   know   ,   my   brain   is   not   the   only   thing   big   about   me   ,                           ❜      and   immediately   (   with   sound   effects   courtesy   of   his   own   mouth   )   ,   he   flexed   his   biceps   to   show   off   those   bad   boys   ,   more   beautiful   than   ever   with   his   recent   workout   .   also   his   smile   was   big   .   and   his   heart   .   among   other   things   .      ❛                        but   enough   about   my   body   and   all   my   organs   ,   i’m   feeling   a   bit   objectified   here   .   which   feels   good   but   let’s   do   that   another   time   so   i   can   actually   help   you   .   what’s   in   the   box   ?   puzzle   pieces   of   this   mystery   that   only   i   can   put   together   ?                       ❜         he   asked   ,   gaze   falling   upon   the   box   in   dylan’s   hands   .      

[dickcool]

never   had   he   experienced   more   clarity   than   when   he   was   working   out   ,   his   own   mini   -   gym   set   up   just   right   outside   his   trailer   so   that   he   could   never   miss   a   session   .   it   was   perfect   ,   sweating   and   thinking   of   how   he   could   connect   the   new   clues   they   had   now   with   his   theory   of   jerry   juke   being   MANBEARPIG       —   or   maybe   ,   some   other   thing   but   the   old   man   remained   sketchy   nonetheless   !         ❛               so   ,   jerry   juke   ,   huh   ?   you   think   he’s   collecting   kids   with   his   wife   ?   like   their   very   own   underground   dollhouse            —      you   know   ,   like   A   from   pretty   little   liars   ?     i’m   a   total   hanna   ,   by   the   way   .    she’s   so   hot   ,                 ❜         he  spoke   at   a   person   passing   by   as   he  continued   to  lift   his  weights   ,   a   confident   multitasker   at   working   out   ,   thinking   of   bullshit   and   being   a   conversationalist   .   

[dickcool]

𝓬𝓪𝓽𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓪   𝓭𝓮   𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓸𝓼  !

               ❝ this is       the type       of excitement,      i need when       i mention liquor .  ❞      though she wasn’t       a wild party girl,      she did enjoy      getting        fucked up       once       in   a     while .  ❞     she pushes herself      off the wall,       looking towards       the homme       before her ❝       were celebrating      that my charger is lost        &.       I seriously need       to      get      out of       my trailer          plus      having me as        your    arm candy        should be celebratory enough,       right ?  ❞       she inquired with a       small smile  

❛             you   ?   arm   candy   ?             ❜         an   eyebrow   raised   ,   gaze   narrowed   on   her   ,   a   confused   look   painted   across   his   face   .   not   that   she   wasn’t   beautiful   (   because   obviously   she   was   )   but   ...         ❛            i’m   a   feminist   ,   cat   .   i   don’t   view   women   as   objects   .   but   i   can   definitely   be   your   arm   candy   ,             ❜      he   claimed   ,   half   -   joking   as   he   flexed   his   biceps   ,   a   laugh   slipping   past   his   lips   soon   after   .   

[dickcool]

✉️ outgoing: dick

MX: you're onto something. you better go undercover, you'll blend in

DICK: i can't. i don't think the amish have gyms. what am i supposed to do? deadlift cows?

[dickcool]

[dickcool]

✉️ outgoing: all

MX: hey, just a quick thought on this wonderful afternoon but how the fuck does a girl with no phone, no computer and a deep seedy fear that being near anything electronic will fry her brain do RESEARCH? i might be totally off with this one right here but her sister says she was suddenly convinced and refusing to use any electronics, barbie claims kady is out there yelling about getting brain tumours from evil iphone death rays... but where are the theories coming from? how do you find out all this information if you refuse to engage with modern life? or should i say... from WHO?

MX: hypnosis? telepathy? alien mind control? indoctrination?

DICK: INDOCTRINATION TO THE SECRET EVIL ANTI-CELLPHONE AMISH COMMUNITY?

[dickcool]

𝓮𝓯𝓯𝓲𝓮    𝓰𝓻𝓪𝔂𝓼𝓸𝓷  !

The sudden switch of topic would have caught her by surprise at one point but now, she was used to the constant jumping, the connection between topics unimportant. “Good…he’s really good.” There was no temptation to Gone Girl anyone, even if she wasn’t happy, Effie doubted she could pull something like that off. Even if the engagement was fake, she still loved Cash platonically enough to make this whole thing work. The blonde might be sneaking off at night ( or any hour of the day ) but still, Effie wanted to make sure things went according to plan. “I’m making sure I get off…you don’t have to worry about that.” While everyone else was worried about their engagement, Effie was making sure she was satisfied. 

dick   was   actually   surprised   that   answer   seemed   honest   enough   ,   rather   than   some   boring   pr   answer   that   they   were   waiting   until   marriage   or   some   shit   like   that   .   he   looked   at   effie   wistfully   and   sighed   dramatically   ,   because   the   idea   of   an   engagement   seemed   to   be   cute   enough   that   he   wanted   to   experience   it   ,   too   .               ❛      i’m   too   much   of   a   slut   but   god   ,   i   wish   i   was   getting   married   .      ❜      not   really   ,   he’d   be   a   terrible   husband      —   but   all   the   grandness   and   romanticism   of   it   all   would   certainly   be   fun   experience   .      ❛      just   promise   you   won’t   let   cash   pick   the   venue   .   something   about   him   just   screams   that   hannah   montana   movie   love   interest   and   he’d   choose   a   barn   to   get   married   in   .   ❜

[dickcool]

𝓬𝓪𝓽𝓪𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓪   𝓭𝓮   𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓸𝓼  !

           ❝   i’m in      dire need     of food      &      liquor   ——   wanna       join me ? ❞ 

❛                  fuck   yeah   .   never   have   to   ask   me   twice   .   what’s   the   occasion   ?  what’re   we   celebrating   ?                    ❜         he   asked   ,   not   that   he   ever   needed   an   excuse   to   drink   but   it   was   better   to   know   just   in   case   he   needed   to   mirror   the   mood   for   it   .