diaryof2018

[diaryof2018]

Post 006/365

04082018 // 1247

Day 098.

I’m incredibly sad.

I miss being loved.

I don’t want a relationship. I can’t handle a relationship. I’m not in a good place, emotionally.

As much as I know how bad it would be...I want someone. I want to be in love. I want the innocence and the false happiness of someone caring about me. I want to wake up beside someone who loves me, go on dates with the same person instead of a string of different people.

It’s making me want to go back to an ex. I know it’s not a good idea, there’s a reason we broke up. But there’s also a reason we were together, right? I’m tired of searching for someone in this endless stream of horrible matches. Dating is exhausting.

I hate this.

I need advice.

-t

[diaryof2018]

Post 005/365

03212018 // 0839

Day 079.

This diary has gone to shit. I’ve failed its purpose.

-t

[diaryof2018]

Post 004/365

02112018 // 2356

Day 042.

She did it again. She betrayed me.

I told her stuff in confidence. I told her secrets that could screw up the lives of multiple people. I should have learned my lesson last year when the same thing happened. I should have known not to trust her with anything involving this situation.

She doesn’t care who she drags down as long as she continues dragging the fucking drama out. Pb was finally getting over everything, and then she had to go and message her and tell her shit that i told her, making Pb get all fired up, wanting to get police involved and hating ME even more. She now made her mad enough to possibly bring rape charges against a good guy. She made her mad enough that she’ll never leave me alone now.

Im so angry. I should have known never to trust her.

She ruined everything once before. Now shes trying to do it again.

I dont know how to handle this.

-t

[diaryof2018]

Post 003/365

01032017 // 2345

I picked up my friend again. We hung out most of the day, I ate Chipotle and had Starbucks; It’s all I’m craving and I don’t know why.

We hung out until it was time to take her to her boyfriends, and then I went to my other friends. We ended up finally doing the purple on my hair, it turned out wonderfully.

That was pretty much my whole day. Pretty boring, but it kept me entertained.

-t

[diaryof2018]

Post 002/365

01022017 // 2346

I did pretty much the same thing today. Bed till 1, chipotle and starbucks. My friend came over and we dyed/bleached my hair.

The best part of my day was going to group. I got to see a bunch of friends, and I decided to quit my job. It’s probably the best decision I’ve made for myself for quite awhile. I hate quitting but I can’t mentally handle my work environment, it’s severely impacted my mental and physical health.

I’m going to try to sleep.

Peace✌🏻 -t

[diaryof2018]

Post 001.5/365

01012018 // 2352

I laid in bed until around 1 today. I don’t know what’s been going on with me, I just cant be bothered to do so much as move any more.

When I finally got up, I picked up my little brother, and we went to Chipotle, Starbucks, and Krispy Kreme. We just went back to his house and hung out and watched Netflix for the rest of the day.

It wasn’t much, but I’m glad I got to spend it with him. Lately I’ve been feeling like he’s losing interest in me, we don’t talk as much and he always seems more excited to see my other friends over me. It’s heartbreaking.

Anyways, that was about the whole rundown of my day..there really wasn’t much to it.

Guess I’ll write tomorrow.

Peace✌🏻 -t

[diaryof2018]

Post 001/365

01012018 // 1202

I decided to start this new blog to track what goes on in my new year. I need something structured to force me into tracking my feelings and habits in hope to feel better.

So, here’s some about me.

I’m starting this year at 5’5, 124lbs. I’m single, stuck in a dead-end job where I make $9.50/hour, I live with my grandpa, and I drive a shitty old car.

If my plans go right this year, I’ll lose 15lbs, I’ll have a new, good job, drive a nice car and have a house by Christmas. It all depends on a deal that’s in the works, if it happens, then all this will happen too. If not, then I hope I can at least get an apartment of my own, someone to love, and a better job.

-t