diary-ofa-saddog

[diary-ofa-saddog]

Its my fault you're hurting, I know you love me, but its my fault that you're going through what you're going though, please blame me. If I'd just stepped back, if I'd never allowed myself to think things could work, you wouldn't be heartbroken. Im sorry, its my fault.

I deserve to hurt.

[diary-ofa-saddog]

How can depression hurt and feel like I'm feeling nothing at the same time. This fucking sucks.

[diary-ofa-saddog]

So I just made this tumblr so I could post my thoughts really, lately I've been struggling, I have chronic depression and anxiety, as well as trauma(unofficially ptsd diagnosed though the last trauma specialist thinks I do meet the criteria)

I've been feeling quite fucked the past week or so, I missed 2 days of my anti-depressants that has not helped either. But last night, I felt worse than I have in a while, I feel unloveable, gross, and ugly; a failure in so many aspects of my life, I'm unemployed, fat, and in pain all the time, and really feels like I don't have that much going for me. I Tried to help myself feel better by walking, but over did it and it has caused a pain flare, which is further spiralling my thoughts. I just feel so useless, like who could want a peice of crap like me around. I can't even do basic things without being overwhelmed. Im so tired.

And that gets affected by the fact my own mother thinks I've "ruined my life, by being trans" I've been out to family and friends for 10 years, but that one sucker punched me. I geuss, I'm only seen as a screwup.

[diary-ofa-saddog]

Introductions

Im Ej, or Yuko; 29 Transmasc from Australia.

This is my blog for posting mental health stuff, keeping a record of sorts for my mental health, there is is likely to be plenty of triggers on this blog so please keep yourself safe.