dgtashgill-blog - Tumblr blog

[dgtashgill-blog]

Boys Don’t Cry.

There are many popular phrases that portray how men are expected to be strong whilst girls are weak and emotional.;  ‘Man up’, ‘boys don’t cry’ and ‘don’t be such a girl’ are a few that assume men are supposed to hide their feelings to be ‘manly’ and if they don’t then they’re acting like a girl (which apparently is a bad thing). The song ‘Boys Don’t Cry’ by The Cure (1979) points out how it can be difficult for men to show emotions and cry during a break-up. The chorus illustrates the struggle of heartbreak after a breakup and how he can’t express his sadness due to gendered expectations of it not being masculine, therefore he pretends that everything is okay and laughs it off, “I try to laugh about it, hiding the tears in my eyes, ‘cause boys don’t cry”. This can cause devastating effects for men as they feel unable to talk about their problems and holding onto these emotions can cause their mental health to deteriorate.

Video clip: ‘Boys don’t cry’ – The Cure  (1979).

Traditional views of males tend to state they are strong, independent and are the breadwinners of the family. American Sociologist Talcott Parsons (1956) portrayed this in his work, stating that females play the ‘expressive role’ and should care for the family, which allows them to be more emotional, whilst males play the ‘instrumental role’ where they’re expected to be the breadwinner for the family and therefore be strong and not be emotional. This can leave men feeling emasculated if they don’t live up to these traits and can lead to other men mocking those who don’t fit into the male stereotypes.

In season 9 of the popular T.V series Friends, ‘the one with the male nanny’ (2010), Ross is left feeling uncomfortable with having a male nanny, mocking him and claiming that he was ‘too sensitive’ for a man. When Racheal decides to hire him as a nanny for their baby he states that it’s ‘weird’ for a man to have a job for a nanny, as it’s more commonly seen as a feminine job, due to the caring and emotional role, which challenges the traditional gender expectations. 

Clip from Friends: ‘The one with the male nanny’. 

These macho images of men such as ‘strength, dominating positions of power, the hunter-gatherer, the idea that strong and silent is alluring/attractive’ make it hard for men to show poor mental health as they’re expected to comply with these masculine norms and not show signs of weakness (Cambule, 2017), it also leaves men feeling as if they’d be judged for showing emotions as it not ‘masculine’.

It was revealed by the Mental Health Foundation in 2016, that men are much less likely to seek medical support for mental health issues compared to women; 28% of men haven’t sought help for mental health compared to 19% of women. Is it fair that men are left to struggle on their own whilst women are able to speak more openly about their mental health without fear of judgement? Dave Chawner (2016), a comedian who lived with anorexia and depression for 10 years before seeking support, argued the importance of discussing gender expectations in relation to mental health. He told the Mental Health Foundation (2016):

“I think it’s important to talk about gender when we talk about mental health, because the ways we’re expected to deal with things is different. It is more accepted for men to deal with stress, emotions and situations with anger and aggression. Anything else is interpreted as vulnerability and shut down.”

Noah Brand (2013) claimed that men are taught not to show their emotional side as ‘a man is strong […] and emotions are weak’ and these emotions get in the way of men fulfilling their roles as a protector and a provider. He suggested that men suffer from a ‘social-capital gap’; men are left feeling disconnected from their social group and have a lack of support from them as they’re unable to speak openly to one another. The male population are led to believe that admitting their feelings and talking about any mental health problems they are facing will lead to them being mocked by their peers. As they feel unable to speak out about how they’re feeling, men are much less likely than women to seek psychiatric help for their problems.

Contemporary society is moving forward on these issues, encouraging men to talk about their emotions and ask for help when they need it, by providing better support systems for men, therefore challenging the outdated view that men should have to hide their feelings to appear strong and masculine.

References:

‘Clip from Friends: The one with the male nanny’ (2010) [Online] [Accessed 07/11/2018] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hmWCH3JXqU 

‘The One with the Male Nanny’. Friends. (2010) [Online] E4. 20:00 08/01/2010 Available through https://learningonscreen.ac.uk/ondemand/index.php/clip/134103 [Accessed 07/11/2018]

Ali, M. (2017) Image of boy surrounded by negative phrases. [Online image] [28/10/2018] https://blogs.tribune.com.pk/story/59702/why-hypermasculinity-is-ruining-the-boys-and-men-of-today/

Brand, N. (2013). Get Over It. Men and the Cost of Emotional Repression. The Good Men Project. [Online] [Accessed 24/10/18] https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/get-over-it-men-and-the-cost-of-emotional-repression/#_ftn6

Cambule, L. (2017). “Man up”? Getting more “men” in mental health. Mind. [Online] [Accessed 24/10/18] https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/your-stories/man-up-getting-more-men-in-mental-health/#.W9B-G_ZFyS5

Mental Health Foundation (2016) cited in Doward, J. (2016). Men much less likely to seek mental health help than women. The Guardian. [Online] [Accessed 24/10/18] https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/nov/05/men-less-likely-to-get-help--mental-health

[dgtashgill-blog]

Sexual Assault, Domestic Violence and Suicide.

As a man, you’re supposed to love sex and can’t be raped, right? Project Unbreakable (a photography project aiming to give a voice to survivors of sexual assault, domestic violence, and child abuse) photographed victims holding up what their attackers said to them. The photo above shows a man who was told ‘don’t worry, boys are supposed to like this’, showing how people expect men to love sex no matter what the circumstances are. This is what the typical view of masculinity makes people think, however men can also be victims of sexual assault. Survivors UK revealed that an estimated 12,000 men are raped, and 70,000 are sexually abused or assaulted every year in the UK. However, figures on male sexual assault can be hard to predict; false stereotypes of men can lead to under-reporting of male rape and sexual violence, as many men fear judgement by family, friends, police and the public and expect that their claim won’t be taken seriously (Chapleau et al, 2008).

Figures on domestic violence support the claims that men feel embarrassed about being abused; male victims are 3x as likely to not tell anyone about partner abuse they’re suffering from and 52% don’t leave abusive relationships due to embarrassment (Brooks, 2018). A victim of domestic abuse of 15 years told BBC News (2018) that “[he thinks] it’s something to do with being a man. You’re supposed to stand up for yourself, you’re supposed to protect yourself”, showing how difficult it can be to go against male stereotypes and talk about your struggles when you’re a man, as masculinity assumes dominance and excludes weakness. Mathew Bailey (2011), a domestic violence advisor, backs this up, claiming that men feel ashamed to admit to being abused due to a “cultural imperative on men to stand up for themselves, be the head of the household, the alpha male, the strong, responsible person”, this can leave men feeling under stress thinking they must live up to these expectations and being abused doesn’t fit into the image of masculinity; “to admit being abused can seem like an admission of failure”. As a result, of trying to conform to this masculine identity, men hold on to their traumas and emotions, which can leave them feeling shut off from friends and family and keeping their stories of abuse a secret. Mankind Initiative (2018) revealed that although 1 in 6 men will experience domestic violence in their life-time, only 1 in 20 will seek help for it, which is most likely as a result of trying to secure their masculine identity.

Keeping negative experiences and feelings to themselves can cause devastating consequences for men. Mental health problems such as depression and anxiety can build up and worsen in men who feel unable to talk about how they’re feeling and in many unfortunate cases this leads to suicide. In the UK, males are 3 times more likely to commit suicide compared to females, and the highest suicide rate is seen amongst men aged 45-49 (Samaritans, 2018). Contemporary society sees the emergence of feminism for men, not just for women. Jessica Eaton (2018) suggested that men also suffer from patriarchal values; men can who aren’t the main breadwinner of their family may feel emasculated and ‘less of a man’ than if they were the main provider, but on the other hand, men who are the main breadwinners are likely to feel great emotional stress from having the responsibility to provide for their family. To stop men feeling isolated and have poor mental health, which may lead to suicide, there should be a strive to dismantle patriarchal beliefs and allow everyone to open up about their emotions. Progress of feminism for men can be seen from people beginning to openly discuss poor mental health that men suffer with through social media, awareness on T.V and celebrities openly talking about the effects of poor mental health.

In 2015, Stephen Manderson (better known as famous rapper Professor Green) talked about the death of his father (Peter Manderson, aged 43) by suicide in a BBC documentary ‘Professor Green: Suicide and Me’. In the documentary he visited his dads best friend who said that Peter never showed any visible signs that he was going to kill himself and didn’t talk much about himself, which may have caused him to ‘carry things around’ putting stress on him. Suicide is often a result of people carrying a big weight around and many males have difficulty expressing their feelings leading to their increased suicide rates. Stephen explored this in his documentary illustrating how important it is for people to open-up and get help when they need it so that more people don’t suffer the same consequences that his dad did.

It’s important that we move forward in modern society to help men face their problems, such as talking about their experiences of being a victim of sexual assault or domestic violence, without fear of judgement from others. Coverage of the issues men face and the effects it can have on their lives, through music and T.V is a positive step forward for modern society, this societal progress can help reduce figures of male suicide by supporting men through rough times in their lives and allowing them equal opportunities to get help.

References:

Bailey, M. (2011) cited in Christodoulou, S. (2011). ‘Hidden male victims of domestic abuse’. BBC News. 10/01/2011 [Online] [Accessed 26/10/2018] https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-12126783

Brooks, M. (2018) ‘Male victims of domestic and partner abuse 35 key facts’. Mankind Initiative. http://www.mankind.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/35-Key-Facts-Male-Victims-March-2018.pdf

Brown, G. (2011). Man holding sign saying “don’t worry, boys are supposed to like this” [Online Image] [Accessed 31/10/2018] http://projectunbreakable.tumblr.com/

Chapleau et al (2008). Cited in Hammond, L; Ioannou, M; Fewster, M. (no date) perceptions of male rape and sexual assault in a u.k. male sample: barriers to reporting and the impacts of victimisation. [Online] [Accessed 26/10/2018] http://eprints.hud.ac.uk/id/eprint/29241/7/Perceptions%20of%20Male%20Rape%20and%20Sexual%20Assault.pdf

Eaton, J. (2018) Why I don’t want women to become ‘equal to men’. 04/08/18. Victim Focus. [Online] [Accessed 26/10/18] https://victimfocus.wordpress.com/2018/08/04/why-i-dont-want-to-become-equal-to-men/

Manderson, S. (2018). ‘Professor Green: Suicide and Me.’ [Online] BBC1 Scotland. 00:15 11/10/2018. Available through https://learningonscreen.ac.uk/ondemand/index.php/prog/0B550BAA [Accessed 26/10/2018]

Mankind Initiative. (2018) ‘Male domestic abuse: Not enough support for victims, says charity’. BBC News. 16/09/2018. [Online] [Accessed 26/10/2018] https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-45490173

Samaritans. (2018) ‘Suicide: Facts and Figures’. [Online] [Accessed 26/10/2018] https://www.samaritans.org/about-us/our-research/facts-and-figures-about-suicide

[dgtashgill-blog]

Self-Reflection: Using Gibbs (1988) Reflective Cycle.

For my assignment I wrote two blog posts, one titled ‘Boys don’t cry’ and another titled ‘Sexual Assault, Domestic Violence and Suicide’. My blogs focused on traditional views of masculinity and how these can affect men in their everyday lives, including how it’s common for men to keep quiet about experiences of sexual assault and domestic violence. I also touched on how men are at a higher risk of suicide compared to women and how it’s likely this is due to them feeling unable to open-up about their emotions. I came up with my idea and them began researching information to put into my work. When I first started my blogs, I was nervous about not finding enough relevant information to use and felt quite stressed about writing my blogs. After getting a few references for my work and beginning to try link my ideas together I started to feel more relaxed and positive about the assignment, and then I was much more comfortable finding further research to use and found it enjoyable watching documentaries about my topic of masculine identities and its effects. I think my two blog posts link in well with each other, allowing my work to flow well and cover the information I was hoping to show. The references, documentaries, songs and images in my blogs help portray the how men are seen in society and how gender norms make men act. The use of T.V series such as friends, to show how other men can react to those who don’t conform to gender norms, made my blog more fun and interactive for readers. On the other-hand I may have been able to use less references and expand on a selected few instead. If I had spent more time looking into specific parts of my blogs I could have managed to write more expanded ideas, instead of only touching on each of my references, however I do think it’s good that I have a good selection of sources to back up my ideas and support my blog. To conclude, I think I set out and approached my blogs well focusing well on traditional masculine norms and their effects on men. I could have advanced my blog by focusing on the effects that gender norms have on women, not only men. However, I feel this is a more commonly discussed topic and wanted to expand my knowledge on the effects of these views on men.  If i had to re-do my work, i would make sure i had all the sources i needed before starting to write my posts, as i added in research along the way instead of following a plan from a set of research i had collected.