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The very best email in the universe is [AO3] Comment on ________

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The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy has this to say on the subject of the planet Cybertron:

Avoid.

While neither the planet nor its native inhabitants can with good conscience be called inherently unpleasant, they have in short order become a net exporter of violent belligerence. The species of Cybertronians can be roughly divided into two groups: one which believes that every sentient creature of the galaxy, their worlds and resources, indeed every last ounce of matter in creation, should be placed in direct subservience to their own race, and the other which believes that it already is.

These two groups have been locked in a deadly war for roughly the same length of time that most other species can be persuaded to get down from trees, start banging pieces of flint together and get on with the rather more important task of inventing free market economics and lifestyle magazines, and both sides are fiercely committed to destroying the forces of the other. In fact, so intense and planet-consuming is this war that neither side have yet noticed that those few Cybertronians who couldn’t give a guillemot’s gall bladder about the eternal conflict have long ago nipped out for a stiff drink and have no intention of returning any time soon.

Those Cybertronians who remain are easily identifiable by their factions due to a remarkable commitment to brand identity, which along with gravity, elasticity, entropy and bloody-minded spite is one of the most powerful forces in the universe. One side tends towards blacks, greys and purples and the other towards reds and blues, a thematic identifier which persists even in the colour of the laser blasters which they tend to fire at each other whenever left in a room with one of the other side for more than half an hour.

This attitude towards chromatic identification is somewhat at odds with the Cybertronian race’s most defining characteristic, that of being able to shift at will between two modes - one humanoid and robotic, and the other a disguise of some form. It is thanks to this ability that Cybertronians are viewed with a certain amount of distrust by the galactic community, as it is one thing to have your home invaded and turned into fine powder by belligerent alien robots, but quite another to that same belligerent alien robot hang about in, say, the form of a motor car, microwave oven or electric carving knife. The general belief is that the first of these is something of a pain, but the latter is, in no uncertain terms, just plain rude.

It is for this reason, potentially exacerbated by the occasion of the Galactic Economic Forum’s annual Carvery Lunch being somewhat spoiled by the sudden and uninvited appearance of a Cybertronian delegatton in the form of a particularly unsettling gravy boat and assorted electric cutlery wares, that most civilised races have blacklisted Cybertron as a potential trade partner, at least until (in the words of the Togloonian High Emperor) “They all straighten their shit out”.

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Everybody stop liking my fic right now immediately

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Some miscellaneous Simmons doodles I’ve done recently because I’m predictable. 😬

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“You wanna kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid.”

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Not to be all proud of myself, but I very purposefully had different characters touch/hug each other in that comic, but Grif and Simmons don’t touch at all until the end… when they finally do, what is it?

Imagine finally getting real and telling the dude you’ve known for more than a decade that you have legit romantic feelings for him, but it totally goes clear over his head, and he gives you a SIDE-HUG

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Work kicked my ass for a good long month and a bit but now I am BACK BABYY

Back to writing! RvB! A continuation of that College AU I wrote for Xmas!! This week!!!

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Some reader, lightly commenting on my fic: hey i liked this.

me, me eyes enormous: you COMMENT me? you comment on my fic, like the story? oh! oh! love for reader! love for reader for One Thousand Years!!!!

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Working in 40+ degrees is Not Ideal

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fake rvb season memes because I don’t have the energy to draw right now lmao, shout out to @jaxbeetle and @texas-hates-taxes-too for starting this trend 

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RvB fandom: I will take the Hammer and Fix the canon

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Dazzle me with your new rvb villain OCs

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RvB fandom right now:

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Ideal s18 in my opinion

Tucker and Caboose help Wash recover, Wash let's them bc he really needs to rest for once

I want caboose to show genuine understanding of what Wash is going through

More Kai development, maybe featuring Carolina

Seriously I want kai and Lina to be friends so bad

I want to know what's going on on chorus and I want to know what Locus' message was

More Lopez bc I just really love him

This is a long shot but, Triplets return plsss

Just make grimmons canon already

I want simmons' dad to appear and I want sarge to physically fight him

I want that^ to be a whole story line as well, like simmons development and his friends genuinly standing up for him

Obviously I want more knife!simmons because who doesnt. Grif admits he thinks simmons is really cool.

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I decided to try my hand at fake rvb season memes!

(They're in discord screenshots because it was the easiest way for me to put them in the order I wanted)

What did you think? I feel the plot is pretty obvious, but if you want a more in depth explanation let me know!

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another thing I love about the alternate rvb season is that all of them have the common theme that Simmons gets a character arc.

Like, every post with memes is so outlandish and awesome, and in every one Simmons gets to be the focus because, favourite character or not, we as a fandom know that he's due some attention.

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I am incapable of writing anything that isn't dick jokes