destroyed-artifice

[destroyed-artifice]

Armor still coats me

His affection

Drips

Through

Like the rain tonight

If his words are water

Then my skin is hardened clay

Confusion on how to act

This isn’t then Lane

He isn’t him (this is good)

Let me feel excited

O’ past I call out to you

Let go of me

O’ present I see you

I let you in

Your water will soften me

Keep pouring

I listen

I open my window

and my heart calms

to the sound and the smell of the rain

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Sometimes journaling is productive. Then there are times when journaling is just horny.

Sigh.

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i think about you

often

in the waking hours

every day a new flavor appears in me

each one (respect?)ing you

for the future is unknown

unknown

but the present/now

is fun more often than it hurts

the hurt doesn’t stem from you

anyway

i am a soul filled with yearning

passion—(fruit)

without direction—(a person to taste)

is always painful—(bitter)

the sweet nectar comes

(the) longer we stay

together

(like) we were last night

especially

were he

to take

a bite

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tonight i dream of

a beating heart

i had forgotten

no,

unearthed,

a body next to mine

is it on his mind

the same as mine?

within silence

of his arms

lay my answer

let go of the ones

that don’t serve

resist old ways to

stop bleeding on strangers

my words, a partial trade

for a happy love

will come in the grip of my palm

and we will know him

as we gaze upon it

-for me and only for me, destroyed-artifice 2023

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Irl anime girl. 🖤🥀

My socials + https://allmylinks.com/lunreye +

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I wish I was less of a mess. Better at being human. Better at resolving conflicts at night.

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A plant can only grow as large as its pot allows. A plants branches shoot out, thrive and show bright green growth. But once a plant has reached its full growth in its pot, it is only nature to lose older branches and leaves as energy goes towards the branches that access better sunlight, and have more developed roots. What if we were to say humans then, are like plants? As branches don't get light anymore, or we grow to busy, things drop. But also too like plants, we grow better when we *choose* to let go of things. To trim here and there, intentionally choosing where our nutrients go. Regardless of the size of your pot, we can choose our path, choose to excel, and appreciate the sacrifices it took to grow beautiful.

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campanula.

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This was a big week for me.

I went to the range with [redacted] after work. I hadn’t expected Reed. I haven't felt a crush in…god this bad? it has to be since Nic. We gathered online in the morning for safety training and I was not prepared for him. Eloquent, friendly, fit. His everything basically. In person later that night I tried hard to play it cool. i.e. give ample time to everyone + focus on training. Thank goodness for my schooling on form, I was able to focus, and enjoy myself. I worry speaking too much of him prematurely–I…don’t even know if he is single or if he likes me. Shooting Gave me anxiety. Thoughts of harming someone or myself. Of a stranger or even my new acquaintances shooting me. I was in danger here. Holding the gun up…loaded…tears are coming to me writing this. I was shaking so much but had to focus on my grip and aiming this damned weapon. Fuck. I was sweating. Would it slip out of my hands? Focus. Aim. Breathe. The fear I felt when holding the loaded gun overwhelmed my senses. By the end of the night I was excited to shoot more targets. Full of adrenaline! But my body was giving out. If I shot one more time my hand would've bled. Del Taco after My steps stumbled when I saw him... fuck. No longer in range gear, adorned by a blue henley. When I say this man was prepared it feels like an understatement. We sat in grass in the car lot. The night at home. The crush ...coming down from holding a gun, felt like my body was on fire. My lips, ignored for years were known by me my whole body fucking ached and was present and made whole again

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