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Sorry I moaned as soon as I heard you unbuckling your belt, do you still think I'm cute

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its still absolutely insane to me how many mid nerd dudes claimed megan thee stallion was pretending to like anime to "impress" them

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"cinema is dying how can we save it" if you have eddie and the symbiote fuck NASTY in venom 3 you will make 10 billion dollars

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if i survived a slasher it’s because i fucked him

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i’m not joking when i say i got with a guy in the club who might have been johnny mctavish and i like to think that soap would in fact act in the same feral way that this man did. I’m so serious when i say this man kissed me like a man starved (and i loved itt)

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this is so real (i’m ovulating)

"I want to put a baby in you."

-the only marriage proposal I'll be accepting from Joel Miller

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thank you <333

thinking about the first time that businessman!joel saw commuter!reader bcs i’ve had a lot of red wine and why not. 18+ MDNI !!! unspecified age gap, no use of y/n !!! hope u enjoy <333

The first time you chose to sit in the seat across from him, he didn’t really notice you - although he’s made up for it tenfold with how much he notices now - just a flash of colour in contrast of the dull seats and his own somber work attire.

It only takes a few journeys for him to /start/ noticing, however. I mean how could he not? Your sweet smile and soft voice each time the conductor ( i think?) comes to check your ticket. Joel takes a moment to take you in, to properly digest the view in front of him.

You were young - much younger than him - that was clear. You always wore big over the ear headphones and you always sat in the table seat across from his.

He notices your beaten up bag, he notices how you’re always either tapping away on your laptop, covered in stickers or writing furiously in a well-used notebook - also covered in stickers.

But mostly he notices how much of an effect you have on him. The tightening in his chest when you send a familiar smile towards him as you sit down. How you seep into his thoughts without warning or apology.

He begins to enjoy the endless journeys to and from work - because of you. Even though you don’t talk to him or even spare a glance in his direction that often, just being close to you does something to him.

Businessman!joel who has his own laptop (very plain, not covered in stickers) out each journey but finds himself doing less and less work, instead doing that thing where you look at the person across from you in their reflection in the window.

Businessman!joel who kind of freaks out the first time you come to mind when he masturbates. Just a flash of you, just enough to make him simultaneously feel very strange and very excited, but not so much that he loses his headspace. He continues, of course, and the first time he pictures you he keeps it fairly mild.

Fairly mild.

Just you sat on his lap, moaning sweetly as he leaves decided marks on your neck.

You pressed against the wall as the two of you lose yourselves in each other, kissing like it’s that last time you’ll ever get the chance to touch.

Just you laid out so pretty for him. Whining for more and more and more. Pretty eyes staring up at him as he thrusted into you, revelling in each pretty moan that slipped from your pretty mouth.

The next time Joel sees you in the train he feels guilty about the scenes that his mind conjured the night before. He knows he shouldn’t, but the moment he sees those lips he knows the fantasies will never end.

pls let me know if u want more :)

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thinking about the first time that businessman!joel saw commuter!reader bcs i’ve had a lot of red wine and why not. 18+ MDNI !!! unspecified age gap, no use of y/n !!! hope u enjoy <333

The first time you chose to sit in the seat across from him, he didn’t really notice you - although he’s made up for it tenfold with how much he notices now - just a flash of colour in contrast of the dull seats and his own somber work attire.

It only takes a few journeys for him to /start/ noticing, however. I mean how could he not? Your sweet smile and soft voice each time the conductor ( i think?) comes to check your ticket. Joel takes a moment to take you in, to properly digest the view in front of him.

You were young - much younger than him - that was clear. You always wore big over the ear headphones and you always sat in the table seat across from his.

He notices your beaten up bag, he notices how you’re always either tapping away on your laptop, covered in stickers or writing furiously in a well-used notebook - also covered in stickers.

But mostly he notices how much of an effect you have on him. The tightening in his chest when you send a familiar smile towards him as you sit down. How you seep into his thoughts without warning or apology.

He begins to enjoy the endless journeys to and from work - because of you. Even though you don’t talk to him or even spare a glance in his direction that often, just being close to you does something to him.

Businessman!joel who has his own laptop (very plain, not covered in stickers) out each journey but finds himself doing less and less work, instead doing that thing where you look at the person across from you in their reflection in the window.

Businessman!joel who kind of freaks out the first time you come to mind when he masturbates. Just a flash of you, just enough to make him simultaneously feel very strange and very excited, but not so much that he loses his headspace. He continues, of course, and the first time he pictures you he keeps it fairly mild.

Fairly mild.

Just you sat on his lap, moaning sweetly as he leaves decided marks on your neck.

You pressed against the wall as the two of you lose yourselves in each other, kissing like it’s that last time you’ll ever get the chance to touch.

Just you laid out so pretty for him. Whining for more and more and more. Pretty eyes staring up at him as he thrusted into you, revelling in each pretty moan that slipped from your pretty mouth.

The next time Joel sees you in the train he feels guilty about the scenes that his mind conjured the night before. He knows he shouldn’t, but the moment he sees those lips he knows the fantasies will never end.

pls let me know if u want more :)

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Okay tbf it’s not technically christmas anymore but it was when i wrote the first bit so let’s just pretend :) also i am writing more businessman!joel but it’s taking my brain 5eva to think of it so please enjoy this <33

just because it’s christmas… BnBowner!joel and recentlysingle!reader who has already paid for a non-refundable trip for christmas. (apologies because i change from 3rd to 2nd person)

tw for cheating, a half second of nsfw(there will be more if i continue it) moments of angst, uncooperative suitcase, no use of y/n, not proofread

reader who just got broken up with who forgets they have a non-refundable trip booked in a cutesy cabin in a hallmark town, the “perfect place for couples” until they get an email confirming their arrival time and then all of a sudden the very real and very non-refundableness of the trip was brought to the forefront of their mind.

You aren’t quite sure if this is a good idea. But the last thing you were sure on ended up to be cheating on you for over a year, so maybe being unsure was a good thing.

The owner wasn’t lying when he said it was secluded, it was literally in the middle of nowhere. Perfect for a romantic getaway -hopefully also perfect for wallowing in your ruined relationship thanks to your piece of shit cheating ex-boyfriend.

You haul your suitcase up the snowy path towards the cabin, thankful that the cab was even able to make it this far, and for a moment you feel exactly like Amanda in the holiday and who knows? maybe you’ll meet an upsettingly handsome man. Maybe.

Probably not.

-

Joel watches from you from the porch for a little longer than he probably should before striding over to you, arm outstretched, ready to take your bags.

“Hey! i’m glad you found your way here, it’s not the easiest place to find.”

You look up from your uncooperative suitcase to lock eyes with perhaps the most attractive man you’ve ever seen (including Jude Law with glasses on) walking towards you and you’re so taken aback that you are definitely not prepared for your suitcase to start cooperating which in turn sends you flying into the snow.

Apart from it doesn’t, so you’re a little confused when you don’t hit the cold ground but are caught by a pair of warm, strong arms.

“Easy there, I’m happy you’re here too but you could’ve bought me a drink first.” Joel jokes as he sets you back on your feet.

“omg i’m so sorry it’s this stupid suitcase that refuses to move when i want it to i mean it i’m really sorry this is so embarrassing and i..” You trail off when you realise that Joel is in fact laughing. “what?”

“Nothing darlin’ you’re just the first person to apologise to me for the actions of an inanimate object, s’funny is all.” Joel holds out his hand for you to shake “incase you hadn’t figured it out, I’m Joel.”

You bashfully take it, pretending that hearing him call you ‘darlin’ hadn’t affected you in any way shape or form “Nice to meet Joel, you have a beautiful cabin, it really is magical.”

Joel’s hand is large, and warm, and a small part of you wants to feel more of his warmth. Maybe more than a small part.

He easily takes your bags the rest of the way, making light conversation with you, even though you’re still taking in him, responding with short answers and ‘hmms’.

He’s a rugged man, you think to yourself, he’s big all over, large frame, large hands. Your eyes dart towards his crotch for a moment wondering if he’s also large there. Something inside you tells you he is.

“Well here we are doll, let me know if you need anything” Joel puts your bags down just inside the door, the cabin really is the perfect place for a romantic getaway, you feel a pang with the knowledge that you specifically picked this place to spend time with your boyfriend. All you wanted to do now was forget about him, but apparently Joel could sense the singleness off you.

“Oh! where’s this boyfriend of yours, you did book for two, right?”

You freeze as he says ‘boyfriend’ debating whether it would be better to make up some elaborate lie or tell the miserable truth.

“We uh, we actually broke up a few days ago… turns out he’s not the kind of person i wanna go to a cabin with.” you eventually mumble out, followed by an unhappy laugh - mainly because you feel like you’ll cry otherwise.

“Aw shit darl, I’m sorry, and i know i’ve only known you all of five minutes but it’s definitely his loss.” A warm hand gently clasps onto your shoulder as Joel looks towards you with kind eyes.

You allow yourself to take the moment of sympathy from this kind stranger, before composing yourself.

“Thanks, Joel. I guess the only thing i need is directions to the nearest place that sells alcohol.”

“Of course doll,”

-

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                         horny

              horny      ^        horny

     horny               |                 horny

horny                   o ———->           horny

      horny                                 horny

            horny                   horny

                          horny

good heavens look at the time

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so rude that fantasizing about writing alone is not enough to actually get the fic done. you have to actually sit down and write it. insane.

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writing some more businessman!joel and also a separate ceo!joel thingy (bcs i <3 him) atm but it’ll take some time bcs of christmas and stuff, thanks for all the positive comments on my businessman!joel thingys <333333

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nvm i immediately fixed it (i am useless just sometimes)

i accidentally scheduled a post i was like a quarter through writing 😭😭 but i don’t know when it’s going to post 😭😭(help)