desirdaehearth

[desirdaehearth]

dysfirming - coming from a mixture of the words dysphoria and affirming it is a term that means to be coping with ones atypical dysphoria in a safe way and is made to be an alternative term to transitioning specifically for those who are desirdae, dissomei, and similar. examples: "I am dysfirming to relieve my dysphoria" "I am dysfirming by tanning my skin" "I am dysfirming my identity" someone who is dysfirming would be considered a dysfirmer It can be used in a similar format to the word transition or the word affirming one who finds out they were actually that id all along can switch to the label affirming/affirmer (I want to make it very clear this term is not the same thing as transitioning and is inherently against harmful actions) @desirdae-archive

[desirdaehearth]

I'll update the pinned in a little while with more info about me. For now i need to sleep but here is the basics: i am 19, i am white, my pronouns are it/its, i am nonhuman, i identify strongly with arlecchino. Call me whatever you'd like. Arle and father work too.❣️

[desirdaehearth]

⌖ What Is Non-Harmful Transitioning?

[PT :: What is non-harmful transitioning?]

As the term Desirdae has become more popular, a thing I have noticed is people not understanding what "non-harmful transitioning" means. Which is quite fair! It's a very, very vague term that can be used in a multitude of ways. So, in order to curb this slightly, I feel it necessary to elaborate on what, to me at least, non-harmful transitioning entails. If the original coiner, @ghosting-plural-userboxes or @desirdae-archive would like to add anything I would love that! Ty for making this term btw, it's been genuinely so helpful <3

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⌖ What is harmful transitioning?

[PT :: What is harmful transitioning]

I think in order to get into what non-harmful transitioning is, we should first get into what qualifies as harmful transitioning. So, to me, harmful transitioning is as follows ::

Transitioning by using methods of self harm, such as cutting, burning, bleaching ones skin, etc.

Transitioning by harming others, whether physically, emotionally, or spiritually // metaphysically.

Transitioning by putting yourself in traumatic situations, such as putting oneself in a situation to be groomed, assaulted, physically or emotionally harmed, etc.

Transitioning to have a disorder // disability one does not have, such as harming oneself in order to acquire a physical disability or enacting stereotypical behaviors to "act" as if they have a certain mental illness or disability.

Transitioning in a way that harms minorities of all kinds. Such as using blackface, yellowface, asianfishing, etc in order to "transition" towards different POC identities.

Transitioning to hateful and bigoted ideologiess that harm others.

Simply put, transitioning in a way that actively harms yourself or others is harmful transitioning.

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⌖ So, what is non-harmful transitioning?

[PT :: So, what is non-harmful transitioning?]

Having gotten some basics of what counts as harmful transitioning out of the way, let's get onto examples of non-harmful transitioning!

Dyeing ones hair as a form of transition.

Partaking in more foods of a specific culture in order to feel more comfortable, while acknowledging one is not part of that culture (this enters a grey area with headmates, as not everything is black and white)

Accepting ones disabled traits, that they already have, and learning that no matter how they experience it, it is enough.

Learning more about cultures in order to feel more comfortable with yourself, while still acknowledging you are not a part of that culture. (Again, gets muddy when it comes to headmates)

Getting piercings, body modifications, etc done by professionals as a form of transition.

Starting HRT or other forms of medical transitioning.

Getting cosmetic surgeries (nothing that would change the appearance of your own race, of course) done by professionals as a form of transition.

And likely many other ways to do it that aren't harmful! There are really, truly, so many ways to go about this that aren't harmful I promise you. I can think of an infinite number of ways to do this stuff non-harmfully.

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⌖ What makes Desirdae different from TransID?

[PT :: What makes Desirdae different from TransID?]

Simply the means of which one may transition. Desirdae is firmly anti-harmful transitioning for any reason while TransID is pro all forms of transition, harmful or not. You can see this in terms like transnazi, transrace, transplural, and many transharmful identities that it is often encouraged to transition into these things, despite the harm such things do. Desirdae, on the other hand, actively discourages harmful transitioning. So while things like Desirharmful, Desirskintone, etc do exist it is actively said by the creators that one should not harmfully transition into these terms. I will say, many do not make it clear that for some terms there is no way to non-harmfully transition*. But I chock this up to people being, rightfully, tired of constantly having to explain their experience with this term isn't inherently harmful. But it is still an issue I believe should be fixed when possible. * [PT :: there is no way to non-harmfully transition]

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I understand the worries many have towards Desirdae. We do not want just another TransID clone to take over and create yet another space full of radqueers who push for things like legalization of non-consensual relationships or what have you. That is a fair worry to have, and it was a worry I initially had as well. But in exploring these terms and the community that they have fostered, I have found that this is quite the opposite. It is a community based purely on consent, recovery, and a safe space for people to speak on their issues where as radqueer and transID often push anti-recovery and anti-consent rhetoric. This is the key difference between these two terms, I believe. One feeds into harmful behaviors and seemingly pushes people to the worst versions of themselves while the other is more of a "hey, I understand these feelings, I feel this way too, it's not OK but we can recover together."

If I missed anything, am incorrect about something, or if one has questions I myself am more than happy to answer. While this is not a term and community I created, it is one I am happy to be a part of and want to grow into something helpful.

Thank you for reading, I hope you all have a lovely day. Remember to be kind, anger towards fellow mentally ill queers does nothing but push the agenda of the oppressors <3

[desirdaehearth]

Welcome.

Desirdaehearth is a blog dedicated to providing advice, tips and other support to the desirdae community. ❣️

Links: desirdae coining post.

My tag for reblogs of helpful information is "#advice/info : rb"

Credits: psd. dividers.

desirdae is a term which is strictly against forms of transition* that cause harm to oneself or others. that's what this (and other help blogs!) Is for, in part: to provide desirdae individuals with advice for nonharmful transition* if they so wish.

* i use the term transition here for simplicity. what i mean by this is forms of moving towards one's desired things. for example, a term like desirautism is typically used by autistic people. it is used by those who experience imposter syndrome with their symptoms, who want to unmask, who are unable to obtain a formal diagnosis but wish to, etc. so moving towards the desire could involve: assuring oneself that autistic people are all different, telling loved ones about one's autism & seeking support, allowing oneself to stim freely, etc. It does not involve a non-autistic person acting in ways stereotypical of autism in order to 'become' autistic.

Apologies for the length. I just want to provide clarity. ❣️