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depresseddaisylookingatthestars · 3 years

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THERE IS A STAR FOR EVERYONE

Nights spent with stars

As long as I can remember whenever I felt sad, or worthless or incompetent or even undeserving of what I had which was quite a lot of times; I would climb up to the roof.

Somehow I always felt better after lying there for a couple of hours. It wasn't so much about the view or, the weather or the fresh air as much I thought back then but more about me. I would lay down and gaze at the stars, not particularly looking at anything but just gazing while focusing on my breaths, breathing slowly into the air like an old manor A RICH LADY does to a cigar.

I liked to imagine the galaxy as the world we live in and stars as human beings. They are all made up of the same components just like us and yet each is unique. They all shone differently, some brighter than others some dimmer. It reminded me of the people I met & in my daily life some had brighter personalities like the brighter stars and some had light more similar to how light refracts under the ocean so they were the dimmer stall. But they all fit not like a puzzle but more like an organized mess or a colour palette, (where is my mind going with this??)

But anyways without the brighter star and the moon the galaxy won't be so eye catching and attractive enough to interest and without the smaller and dimmer stars it would be no different than ceiling lights. The slight imbalance both in stars and people made me realize how important it actually was.

Some may say similarity and controlled balance is sophisticated but plain monotony is just boring. I can’t choose one aesthetic because I want to be a dark academic researcher but then I also want to be a sexy villain but I also wanna be a cottage fairy and let’s not forget being the rich vintage wine aunt is everything I aspire to be in life so… A song needs its highs and lows to be in harmony bohemian rhapsody is a perfect example of it.

And in those moments somehow like my grandmother’s weaving I would manage to loop the universe, stars, people, songs, life almost everything in a beautiful mind web back to the main point. Me. Then I would think of another breath and stare at the night sky again. I would remind myself that like I needed my highs and lows. My good and bad points to be me. To define my personality. Maybe that's why nobody ever is fully good or bad. We all have a little of everything in us.

We are a part of this huge world we live in just like a star is of the night sky. Both stars and human beings live and die but unlike stars we have an advantage .We can leave something of us behind. We can leave a legacy behind after we die in the hearts and minds of the people we inspire. Great people do it all the time

. And just then my tiny eight year old self lying on the roof would feel proud and happy. Proud to remember even if for a bittersweet little time that I myself was a part of the same universe I admired. Yes I Evelyn Rosetta Altros Raylynn Martinez Renjouji, was a part of this Universe as other King, queen, prime minister, president, star even the sun and the moon.

In that moment I would be everything, ephemeral and everlasting living in my words. If only it could be that simple. I shifted to the city the same year and night sky views became scarce but i feel like the stars still wait for me. To this I have not been fully able to fathom the effect these nights lying on the roof had on me. Nor I would ever want to it would be a violation and miscalculation of my feelings back then and no one can understand everything and back then like I said in those moments I was everything.

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