delusionalyapper

[delusionalyapper]

winter comes and i can feel my life passing before my eyes while I stand at the stop sign

[delusionalyapper]

—Andrea Gibson, "Good Light," Lord of the Butterflies

[delusionalyapper]

december and january were created to test how much I can handle back to back before I'm sent into an absolute spiral

[delusionalyapper]

study in self hatred

Searows house song // Jody Chan sick (via @geryone ) // Iain S. Thomas i wrote this for you // Lucy Dacus My mother & i // Kaven Akbar “calling a wolf a wolf” // unknown // Fernando Pessoa a little larger than the entire universe // Julien baker vanishing point // Lisa Marie Basile i put the coffin out to sea // boygenius souvenir

[delusionalyapper]

Andrea Gibson, Lord of the Butterflies

[delusionalyapper]

no bond is stronger than a girl and the first anime she ever watched

[delusionalyapper]

“Do you ever miss yourself? The person you were before you had your first heartbreak or before you got betrayed by a person you trusted?”

— Unknown

[delusionalyapper]

[delusionalyapper]

summertime sadness (every summer carries the ghosts of all the summers that precede it)

[delusionalyapper]

the fact that i'm no longer the same age as the protagonists of novels and films i once connected to is so heartbreaking. there was a time when I looked forward to turning their age. i did. and i also outgrew them. i continue to age, but they don't; never will. the immortality of fiction is beautiful, but cruel.

[delusionalyapper]

legend has it that girl still hasn’t cleared out the 9,000 useless screenshots on her phone

[delusionalyapper]

the impulse to hide what I'm doing at my computer still sits so deep even tho I'm literally never looking at anything objectionable , the door will open and I'll hurry to close the page like oh fuck no one can know I'm looking at the Wikipedia page for the Balkans

[delusionalyapper]

“he’s a red flag” “she’s a green flag” I’m a white flag. I give up bitch

[delusionalyapper]

loving your mom is like

I love you and I hope I never lose you, please stop talking to me I can't handle it anymore, I don't know how to go on without your support, why won't you just listen to me for once?, oh god I miss you and how do people do it without their moms?, please l just want you to be proud of me, I want to stay at home and pretend I'm still five, you're giving me bone nausea every time you get silently pissed off I need to leave right NOW, I can't imagine when I won't need you in my life, just let me relax for two seconds, please mom, hold my hand and acknowledge my pain without feeling like it's your fault even if some of it is.

[delusionalyapper]

yes girl I think it’s incredibly sexy how indecisive you are about every single decision in your life. I also love how you haven’t let anything go since you were 12. can we make out now

[delusionalyapper]

the amount of times taylor was promised a future with marriage and kids, from a older man who is societally at that stage in life (but she wasn’t good enough), to someone who wanted it so bad (in the wrong way) that he almost trapped her, to someone she grew up with for years and thought would love to be with her but that wasn’t true, to someone who came back in her life for a few weeks and promised her everything at her lowest and then ghosted her… built and broken down from the same high, promised what she wants the most and had it taken away repeatedly, and that leading into the prophecy and how she is fated to be left alone forever is just heartbreaking. i think one of the things i feel most in TTPD is resentment of these men making false promises, her hating herself because she always believes them and goes crazy when they leave.

[delusionalyapper]

12 really does feel like the universal traumatic age for everyone. Like one day we were all 11. Then something happened to us