delusiom

[delusiom]

I need help finding a soukoku fanfic

A while back i was on ao3 and i found this soukoku fanfic called something like 'all the years i spent on you' or 'all the years i lost on you' and it was how dazai and chuuya met and them getting closer in each chapter. It was truly a masterpiece and im a dumbass and lost it.

I think chapter 1 is just the canon meeting and Chuuya joining the mafia. Chapter two they have to share a room toghether but the second bed hadn't arrived yet and they shared a bed. Chuuya got a traumatic flashback from the past and begins to cry. Dazai comforts him and hugs him and Chuuya is like 'i've never been hugged before' and Dazai is like ' if you ever want a hug i'll be here to give you one'.

In chapter 3 and 4 is them just get closer and begining to date each other and maybe more (if yk yk). Chapter 5 is Dazai doing sh in the toilet and Chuuya is like 'why you taking so long? are you jerking off in there or something? i have to piss' Dazai says 'give me a minute' and then runs out of the toilet. Chuuya sees the bloody bandages and blades and after he pisses he goes to Dazai and asks him 'why didn't you tell me sooner? i could have helped you stop' (something along those lines) and then he says 'your scars are beautiful, i have some too'. Chapter 6 and 7 is just them being boyfriends and stuff.

And finally Chapter 8 is them being sent on a mission where Chuuya has to use corruption to defeat the enemy. Chuuya says he's not sure if he can do it and Dazai tell him that he beleives in him and Chuuya makes him promise to nullify him the second the fight is over. Once the fight finishes Dazai thinks it'd be funny to see what happens if he lets Chuuya stay corrupted for a few more minutes. After a few minutes he nullifies him but Chuuya doesn't wake up. Dazai is panicking and says 'this is a joke right. please wake up. please im sorry. this is a dream. you trusted me and i betrayed you. im sorry please wake up' (something like that). he lays Chuuya on his lap as he sobs over him. Then he checks for Chuuyas pulse and there is none and thats where the story ends.

If you find this emotional roller coaster please let me know (the writer of the fic might have been on wattpad aswell but i don't think the actual story was).