definitelynotjean - Tumblr blog

definitelynotjean · 9 years ago

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EREN THIS IS NOT A LIFE GOAL

happy (extremely belated) birthday @andreaphobia

#fuck

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definitelynotjean · 10 years ago

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eren, get off craigslist

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definitelynotjean · 10 years ago

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So have you ever considered grudgy hate sex with Eren? Like, don't you ever want to just slam him up against the nearest wall and fuck all the smugness out of him? I bet you'd find him a lot more tolerable while he's screaming your name.

Uhhhhh… No.

That’s. uh.

What that is, is… is fucked up. OK? That’s just. Wow. I don’t even.

#i'm gonna go now #yeah #later tumblr #putting a DO NOT DISTURB sign on my door #bye #Anonymous #ask

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definitelynotjean · 10 years ago

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dicks

Sorry buddy, I've only got one.

#also everyone on this website is still nuts #Anonymous #ask

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definitelynotjean · 10 years ago

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gene or john

Gene on the street and John in the sheets.

#telling it like it is #Anonymous #ask

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definitelynotjean · 11 years ago

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how do you have internet

You're down with giants that literally eat people, but not me having internet access? Dude, come on now.

#it's 2k14 #and if i didn't have net access how would i spread the gospel of jean?#Anonymous #ask

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definitelynotjean · 11 years ago

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I am much invested in you and Eren's relationship. I mean, not Eren.

Everyone on this website is fucking weird.

#relationship #what is this #i know not of what you speak #Anonymous #ask

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definitelynotjean · 11 years ago

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Used them to clean up your puke.

Holy fuck, my head.

Where the hell am I?

Where are my pants?

#sorry #not really #there's water and aspirin on the kitchen counter

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definitelynotjean · 11 years ago

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Iunno. Where are your pants?

Holy fuck, my head.

Where the hell am I?

Where are my pants?

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definitelynotjean · 11 years ago

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...

puntcuation is for sober peopel whove still got moms

dont go please

#don't start this shit with me now i'm already in my car #god you're such a #i will complete that tag when i find the right word #i swear to god

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definitelynotjean · 11 years ago

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Um...

What, you need someone to drive you home or something?

Mother’s Day is a terrible holiday and I hate it.

I’m going to drink until it goes away or I pass out whichever comes first

#The cynical part of me is trying to decide if this is a trap or not.#and then i feel kind of shitty because how cynical can you be really #i had stuff to do today yanno #you're gonna owe me one jaeger

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definitelynotjean · 11 years ago

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Oh. Looks like the drank got your punctuation. Okay then.

Mother’s Day is a terrible holiday and I hate it.

I’m going to drink until it goes away or I pass out whichever comes first

#well #i guess if you're drinking with them #then i don't need to worry #uh #not that i *was* worried #i'm just #gonna go now #got things to do #yep

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definitelynotjean · 11 years ago

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Uh, that sounds dangerous.

Mother’s Day is a terrible holiday and I hate it.

I'm going to drink until it goes away or I pass out whichever comes first

#how about doing something else?#i mean #not that i'm seriously worried or anything #but that just doesn't sound healthy #where are eren's babysitters when you need them?

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definitelynotjean · 11 years ago

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Oh, please. You're not dying.

definitelynotjean

Roses are red, but my balls are blue. I think you’re hot, so why can’t we screw?

would it help if I said please? pretty please? c'mon man I'm dying here

#...#are you?#...this is a trap isn't it

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definitelynotjean · 11 years ago

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If I, and by that I mean that I am someone who is DEFINITELY not Eren, told you that you had a great body, would you hold it against me?

You don't have to tell me Jean has a great body. Everyone knows it! I mean, just look at those muscles. So shiny and hard. Carved outta steel. (But that well-muscled exterior? Hides true kindness, and a heart of gold.)

#also stop hitting on me eren #goddammit #Anonymous #ask

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definitelynotjean · 11 years ago

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why are you such a jean fanboy then? isn't the real jean a little weirded out by you.

Oh, come on, anon, do I really have to explain why your mom is such a big fan of Jean? Really?

#i'd like to keep this blog PG-13 if possible #Anonymous #ask

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definitelynotjean · 11 years ago

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honestly you and eren would make a p hot couple dont tell me youve never thought about it

I have never thought about it. Now let us never speak of this again.

#you know who'd make a hot couple tho?#me and mikasa #aw yeah baby #i'll bring the sass and she'll bring the whoop-ass #cassyoass #ask

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