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woman in a victorian novel: *develops a fever from worrying too much*

me, shivering and sweating with stress-induced anxiety: wtf that’s so unrealistic lol

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the reason i secretly like holiday meet-cute movies is not because they're romantic. it's because of their ludicrous, BALLS TO THE WALL insistence that there are VERY REAL and VERY POWERFUL SUPERNATURAL FORCES that will go to ANY McFUCKIN LENGTH to make wishes come true. like i have seen less commitment to magic as a plot device in actual genre fantasy media. almost literally every holiday movie is like:

secretly tenderhearted heroine who puts on a chilly facade because of her previous Disappointments: oh well. i know it's silly to dream, because.... because holiday magic isn't... real

holiday magic, bolting upright in rage: the FUCK i AIN'T

secretly tenderhearted heroine who used to love christmas but hasn't been back to the farmhouse for years: i just don't have time to fall in love, especially not... at this time of year...

holiday magic, flinging her soulmate from a whole other century bodily over the windshield of her car: INCOMING, BITCH

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i enjoy video games because they let me live out my wildest fantasies, like being assigned a task and then completing that task

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insert your card into the chip reader. put it in. hurry up. just fucking put the card in the chip reader. now leave it. leave it. do not even look at it. leave it alone you asshole leave your card in the chip reader. keep it in. if you take it I swear I wi–

TAKE IT OUT! REMOVE YOUR CARD RIGHT NOW TAKE YOUR CARD OUT TAKE IT OUT OF THE CHIP READER TAKE IT BACK TAKE IT BACK TAKE YOUR CARD BACK AND GET OUT AND NEVER COME BACK FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU

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If you had a 12 inch penis, you could tattoo tick marks on it and use it as a ruler.

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I’m going to defeat you with the power of friendship and this gun I found

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Just in case you guys didn’t know just how perfect Julie Andrews is…

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The Key Monster on Instagram

Follow So Super Awesome on Instagram

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If I had a project with a deadline, I would simply complete it before then

Rip to my past self but I'm different

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*is self conscious of the speed of my windshield wipers*

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please excuse my grandpa in the background but here’s poncho enjoying her thanksgiving superworms