dees-07

[dees-07]

People aren’t going to judge you for the things you reblog either! If they do you just block them 🤷‍♀️

Alright this is rly sad but here goes. I started doing my once-in-awhile bot purge from my followers list. And. I used to be able to just quickly scan and see the bots. They were the ones with default icons and generator-sounding names like “noun-girl-827”. And if you weren’t sure, you could click on the blog and it would be immediately obvious it was a bot because there’s either just bad porn click bait, or nothing there.

Well. This time I had to give up immediately because I got like ten followers down the list and was having immense trouble figuring out who’s a bot and who’s real. Never ever used to see this but like 5/10 of the first few followers I checked on had just totally empty blogs. It wasn’t until I’d already blocked 2 - assuming bots bc empty blogs - that I thought to check if they had any likes. And bam! There it was. All of their user activity.

We have people on this website now who have never reblogged a single post.

Y'all, I’m sure you’re sick of seeing “you have to reblog thing” but you literally have to reblog things. That is how this website works. You understand that, right? How do you think the post you hit “like” on got in front of you? It wasn’t because you liked enough things and Tumblrs algorithm figured out what you like enough to hand it to you. It’s because you followed someone, a human person, who reblogged that post. And it came from another person who also reblogged it.

You are killing this website by refusing to interact with it in the way that makes it better than the other websites you ran from to come here.

Anyway, I’m sure you’re all nice people, but I’m not going to play the “bot or not” game if you have an empty blog I’m going to block you.

[dees-07]

Dead or alive? - James potter (no romantic interest)

Genre: angst, fluffy and sad all together

Word count: 5.1k

Warnings: swearing

Summary: James potter hadn’t died that dreadful night, he had been kidnapped not a single trace left behind. This is his story.

Authors note: this is my first time posting on tumblr bear with me I know I’m bad also this is a really old story, there’s only 3 written chapters and will remain unfinished for a while, I get lots of writers block and procrastinate my rarely available time because I have lovely ADHD. Thank you guys

Chapter 1:

31st of October 1981 was the most horrible and tragic day of James Potters short lived life. Lily, the love of his life/newly wedded wife and Harry, his beautiful little boy, the other love of his love, had been murdered by Lord Voldemort right in front of his very own eyes. That day had passed 20 times before in his life time, normally a day filled with laughter, pranking, treats and an overall sense of belonging. Not anymore.

Every time he'd think of that day from then on he'd breakdown. He felt like he should've been the one to die not Lily or Harry. They had so much to live for and he’d do anything to go back and change the nights outcome. But he couldn’t, that night dark magic was used, magic that in his weak state James hadn’t been able to break.

James was unable to move, feet spelled stuck to the ground and his body frozen still. He was unable to help who he loved the most. Lord Voldemort standing over Lily with a grin as wide as a young child who doesn’t understand the concept of remorse, will forever be ingrained in his mind no matter how hard James may try to forget. Just because he was not in the same room didn't mean for some strange reason it looked as if it unfolded right in front of his helpless body.

He was taken away that night and put in a small and empty basement in presumably a muggle town house never to be seen again. It had no windows and the only light in there was from up the stairs in the actual house, where the death eaters guarded the basement door making sure he didn't try and escape.

The walls were cold and uninviting, bricks placed together with no care making James often wonder how this house was still standing. It was obviously old by the creaking and groaning it would make when the death eaters walked around upstairs.

Every speck of energy stored in James' body had been ripped from him over time, he felt tired and depressed every second of the day, or night. He didn't know anymore.

At first he had tried escaping but the consequences were too painful that he thought no point in trying. The death eaters may as well all go home, no doubt if he tried leaving he wouldn't be able to climb up the stairs, his body too weak.

James heard footsteps and muffled talking. Another shift change and by the sounds of it this was the one who hated James with every morsel of his body. He scoffed thinking no doubt it was Lucius Malfoy. James and the other marauders may have pulled many pranks on Malfoy in the years he was there and it was clear to any innocent passerby that Lucius did not appreciate their existence. At all. He would've loved James to be killed that dreadful Halloween night.

A common misconception about James fleamont potter was that he didn't notice things, in fact he was a very observant person but he never showed it to anyone outside people he trusted his life with. His motto was always why be smart and have expectations placed upon you when you can act stupid and always be underestimated.

As time went by James became more and more numb. He had a routine of waking up when the basement door was thrown open the wood shaking, the death eaters threw him whatever they decided he was worthy enough to have. It was generally moldy bread and maybe if he had been quiet and obedient he would get given fresh bread or a bowl of soup but it was a rarity.

If James wasn't awake by the time they got down there he would be punished. Usually by dark magic especially Crucio. His body would hurt for days upon end, but there was nothing he could do about it. He had two options, either listen to the death eaters demands and survive, or refuse and get tortured, not to death though, because what's the fun in killing him if he won't be able to feel the pain they thrive to give.

Sometimes James would want to die but he knew Lily wouldn't want him to, she'd want him to live the best life he could even if she wasn't with him to do so. That was the only thing that kept him going each and every day.

James goes in and out of regular flashbacks, he fears he has ptsd as certain noises or words from upstairs trigger him and send him spiralling. With Malfoy present, James had spun into Hogwarts flashbacks which switch up between good and bad.

His wand had been snatched from him and hidden after he was captured. James wished and hoped that it hadn't been broken, it was at Ollivanders when he was getting his wand that he'd first met Sirius Black.

He'd just gotten his wand and was walking out of the shop, when in his excited rush he had bumped into someone.

Turning to apologise to the poor person his words caught in his throat realising who it was. Walburga Black. She sneered down at him and he quickly apologised walking away. As he left he locked eyes with a boy who looked really familiar. He was sure that they had met and the boy did look to be his age. He gave James a pitied look before following the woman.

They didn't know it yet but the two boys had just met their platonic soulmate.

They hadn't become friends until the train to Hogwarts but James inquired over the holidays to his parents about the Black family and who they followed and stood for. He could tell Sirius was different, from the way he'd completely avoid speaking about his families views, he'd always tense up when you mentioned his parents and he would try and change the subject to something that made him smile, like quidditch or his brother.

He used to flinch when you would make sudden movements or make physical contact without warning. James learned that the hard way when he went to put his arm around sirius' shoulders, and subsequently got punched in the nose. Safe to say James didn't try that again for a while.

After months of chipping down Sirius' walls he let James in and they went from best friends to brothers. Not by blood but by choice. They were inseparable and you wouldn't see one without the other. It was like they'd never lived before they met.

Sirius was roughly the same height as James maybe a bit smaller on a bad day. He had jet black curly hair cut to above his ears, although through the years he let it grow to shoulder length. He always stood up straight with the correct posture and would only talk when spoken to at first, obviously drilled into him from a young age by his horrible parents. Eventually he got over the quiet spoken boy and would never shut up no matter how hard you tried to stop him. He however never let go of the posture thing, a subconscious habit he couldn't rid himself of.

James knew this was because of how Sirius was raised. In a strict pureblood family Sirius was the heir of the noble and ancient house of black so he was to do good in school and most important of all, get sorted into slytherin just like every other ancestor of his. It was nailed into his brain all throughout his childhood that slytherin was the only choice for him and any other house would not suffice.

The only time he would get a break would be around his younger brother regulus, or as Sirius called him, Reggie. They would play wizards chess for hours on end and build forts together in the attic while their parents had meetings upon meetings forgetting about their two children. The boys didn’t mind because it’s not like they were born from two loving parents, but instead to continue the deranged incest filled blood line.

They bonded over their love for the French language and their tutor was more like a mother than their own to them. She treated them like her own children and they loved her for that. They knew more about her than their own parents.

The time finally came when Sirius wasn't sorted into Slytherin and instead Gryffindor their biggest rival, Sirius was told to never speak to regulus ever again and that broke his heart more than being told he was a lousy disappointment who deserved nothing.

He rebelled against his parents and hated the holidays because he would have to leave the place he called home and return to the hell hole. Spending any longer that's a minute around them was pure torture, the only reason he was still at that house was because of Reggie. He couldn't just leave him alone like that.

One shitty day it became all too much and Sirius could not handle it anymore, he was going to breakdown if he was there any longer. He ran away that night after bawling to Reggie and apologising over and over. Regulus was quiet but crying too.

"Sirius I love you so much and I want you to stay but I know you cant, stay safe out there don't go getting yourself killed I won't be able to handle that, write to me under a different name. Now go before mother finds you I love you."

Regulus managed to say, bawling his eyes out but knowing it was for the best. The brothers shared a long tight hug with Sirius’ parting words being

“I love you more than you’ll ever know reg, stay safe please and know this is not your fault I just can not handle it any more, I love you so much little brother.”

He flew off on his broomstick into the dark and scary night. He became disowned at 16 when his mother found out he left and had his portrait burned off the family wall, becoming a part of the 'black sheep' crew along with cousin Andromeda and Uncle Alphard.

At first he was broken not knowing what to do but mostly worried for Reggie who was now going to have to take over the heir position in the family hierarchy. Sirius felt horrible for leaving but he couldn't stand being in that house any longer.

He went straight to the person who he trusted most when he was kicked out. Freezing cold and teary eyed he asked to stay with James. James didn't need to ask his parents if Sirius could live with the potters, because they'd both said he's always welcome no matter the circumstance. They were a more easy going pure blood family who as Sirius said had felt like was his real parents ever since he'd met Fleamont and Euphemia potter.

They gladly accepted him and he became their adopted son and James' brother. Euphemia was especially happy to be able to spoil someone else because James was slowly becoming more independent and would buy his own things. Sirius was grateful to finally get some attention and soaked it all up.

James met Peter Pettigrew on the boat in first year as they made their way to the great hall ready to be sorted. Peter was about the same height as James probably an inch or two shorter, his hair was a shade or two lighter and looked a lot more neat compared to James' shaggy looking mop of curls he called hair. You would think his hair would be neat and tidy considering his father created sleakeazys hair potion but no.

Peter was a half-blood, his mother was a witch and his father a muggle though he had never met him. For good reason too. He had grown up without a father, never did he contemplate what having one would be like.

Until he'd seen what James and Fleamont were like together. A joking and loving relationship that he envied. When he got to know Fleamont more on a closer level, he'd been taken under his wing and had been given the same love as James had grown up around.

Fleamont and Euphemia had a lot of love to give and the boys got the brunt of it. Not a single complaint from the marauders showed how much they appreciated it.

The potter parents always told the boys to balance their mischievous side and their studying sides. They wanted them to enjoy their schooling years but also for them to succeed in the careers they aspired to enter.

Peter especially excelled at charms and herbology. He found those subjects the easiest and was able to understand the work with not much effort. His weakest one was divination (but who is good at that one anyway) and he was fairly good at transfiguration.

He could've been a lot better but why do theory when you and your friends can flirt with professor mcgonagall, or Minnie as she had first hated them calling her, after a while she got used to it and stopped telling them off because she knew the nickname had stuck, it wasn't going anywhere.

When the boys were planning and doing the pranks Peter would be the one to set the intricate and detailed things in their places. He found enjoyment in being the mastermind in setting up the pranks and loved when they worked out exactly the way they were planned. He didn't like his precious ideas going to waste.

He was a highly intelligent boy and was often underestimated because he didn't flaunt his knowledge. He didn't pay attention in class much, choosing to chat with his friends more often than not. This didn't mean he was failing, quite the opposite actually. He was well above average in most subjects minus divination which he was at average for.

Peter and James hit it off as great friends instantly and had common interests in things like quidditch, although while James loved the thrill and excitement of playing, Peter knew all the stats of every team and you could ask him anything and he could answer, perks of having an idetic memory.

This made the art of pranking so much better and became another thing they had in common. Peter also liked chocolate frogs and liquorice wands but would always offer them to anyone else without a single hesitation.

He was a very generous person, but not many people saw that side of him because he was taught growing up to not trust easily, as his mother fell for that when she met his father, a muggle journalist. He had always had superstitions about magic being real and he had found out that she was a witch.

He had gotten her trust completely and then when she told him that she had magical abilities he had gone and written an article about it to the entirety of England and anyone else who'd listen to his dribble. Thank god the muggles thought he was crazy and he had since been obliviated rightfully.

Peters cared for his mother so much and would protect her for as long as he possibly could.

The first time James met Remus lupin was after the sorting ceremony, Sirius was sitting to his left and Remus was across him with Peter to his right. Peter and Remus had already met as they lived in the same neighbourhood and grew up together.

Pete introduced Remus to everyone else. The quiet boy was an inch or two taller then James and had light brown shaggy hair, nowhere near as messy as James' though.

He had a diagonal scar running across the top of his forehead across his nose and just to the corner of his mouth, James thought it was awesome and wished he could have a cool scar like that. Those were the first words other than hello that he had ever spoken to Remus. The response in return, a red face and quiet stuttered thank you.

Being a shy lanky kid Remus stood out and had terrible posture from constantly trying to hide how much taller he was then all the other kids. James was considered tall for his age but compared to Remus he was nothing but an ant.

Remus was excellent at all the subjects but he was especially good at defence of the dark arts, it was easy for him and he understood it very well, he'd always wanted to be a professor even after the incident his mind would not be altered from its dream career.

No matter how much his father told him he'd never become a professor and to change his ideas for a dream job it was not possible, he craved it more than he craved chocolate. And if you knew Remus you knew how obsessed he was with chocolate.

If you ever needed any you could ask him politely and he might give you a piece or two if you were special. He never went anywhere without it.

Born to a pureblood father and muggleborn mother remus was a halfblood wizard. An incident occurred when he was 5 where he was bitten by a menace werewolf, named Fenrir Greyback as payback from his father Lyall disagreeing with something to do with werewolves.

From then on Lyall lupin despised his son and thought he would never succeed in life with a disease like lycanthropy. He looked at little Remus like his mere existence was a burden in his life.

Hope lupin believed her son could do anything he wanted and told him regularly but would never say that in front of Lyall, she was too afraid of him, she wanted her little boy to be safe and if it meant keeping her thoughts to herself she'd never speak again. Anything for her precious little wolf.

He had a love for reading which he got from his mother and he'd immerse himself in the worlds of each book as he read, if the others didn't make him go to class or go and prank others he'd sit there and read forever.

He loved making sarcastic comments just loud enough so the other boys could hear but no one else. Remus liked wearing baggy jumpers that would have extra long sleeves to hang over his hands and he loved chocolate bars and sugar quills. He was the best at not getting caught pranking and on the off occasion that something did go wrong he was able to just blame it on the boys and the professors woulds believe his word over theirs any day.

The whole innocent boy thing he had going on meant many of the Hogwarts students had crushes on Remus even if he denied, because why would anyone like his ugly scarred body. It took him a long time and many arguments to get used to the fact that his scars were beautiful and they made him his own special person.

James himself was also good at all subjects but went that little bit further in skill in transfiguration. He was easily able to transfigure things and had even gotten a newts test from his fathers office desk and correctly answered all the questions when he was only 7. It just came to him and both his parents knew right then and there he'd be an amazing and powerful wizard while keeping his troublemaker antics they'd watched him grow up using.

He excelled at all subjects but like Pete, didn't flaunt them. Yes he loved attention but to brag about his grades was just stupid when he could be doing many other things instead.

The marauders as they called themselves were a very sought after group looks wise, people either wanted to be with them or be them.

James and Sirius were the most laidback people yet they would soak up every speck of attention shoved their way, almost contradicting their laidback style they said they had. Peter and Remus on the other hand didn't like being in the spotlight too much and happily let the other two boys take the stage.

It took a while but finally one of the four had gotten into a relationship. A party in the gryffindor common room was thrown and no one was allowed out until they were smashed off their face, no point partying if you're not gonna get drunk am I right?

Peter had casual flings for a while before he had gotten a crush. He gushed over Mary McDonald for months, whether it be about her perfect hair or how she smiled and touched his arm the other day. It didn't matter because he was infatuated with her.

Peter wasn't afraid to ask her out he just wanted to make sure she genuinely liked him and was ready for a relationship before he asked her. He took dating seriously and he knew she was the one he wanted to be with for as long as possible.

He'd said that to Sirius and James when they were picking on him for waiting so long, Remus said he agreed with Pete and to let him take his time, rushing into shit was never a good option and didn't end well. Jirius (as peter and Remus called the other two boys when referring to them both, because they acted like an old married couple) listened intently and finally understood it from his perspective to which they did agree with.

Gotta thank Remus for that. As long as Remus agreed with Pete then that means Sirius would too. And who agrees with Sirius no matter what you're asking? James. He got the whole group with just one I agree. 

After a few months of intense flirting he asked Mary on a date to hogsmeade to which she instantly said yes. The boys approved of Mary simply because she made Peter happy, they had decided that for as long as she made him smile they would see her fit to date him. The second his grin was to disappear she would be gone. Even then they were only the second cutest couple in all of hogwarts.

The number one couple you may ask? Sirius black and Remus lupin. Yes you heard right. One half of the marauders quartet took out top spot on the list. It may be a slightly biased list with the marauders taking out top three but hey it's their list.

It took them both way too long to accept the feelings for each other, but once they did it was like they were never anything less. You'd often find them cuddled up asleep on the common room couch way before they dated so the label and the kissing were really the only things that changed.

A lot of people didn't like the fact that they weren't a straight couple. They were heckled all the time no matter if they were holding hands or simply being in the same place at the same time (the four boys were always together so it's kind of hard to be seperate but that's not the point).

Peter and James vouched for the couple whenever anyone said anything to them, they weren't afraid to hex the assholes who dare speak bad upon their best friends. That's what made them such a tight knit group. They trusted each other and would never break that bond.

Remus was the more anxious one when it came to coming out and he denied it for a long time, before coming to terms with the fact he liked boys. Sirius always knew he liked boys, but was brought up in a household where he was told that he was to marry a pureblood female, simply to keep the family line going.

He thought fuck that I'll do what I want and embraced it saying that if anyone had a problem with it, that they should say it to his face otherwise their opinion is useless. Safe to say his knuckles were bruised a lot the following month.

Peter taught him how to fight the muggle way because the wizards wouldn't expect it and it became another thing Sirius and Peter loved to do. They'd have boxing matches all the time always ending in Peter winning, he was just a natural.

When Sirius and Remus decided to come out as a couple officially, their ideas of how were very different. Remus wanted the more subtle way, by walking around holding hands and letting people realise, but Sirius decided that during dinner time he was going to jump up on the gryffindor table, and yell out to everyone telling them to shut up and listen to him.

The great hall quietened down which made professor mcgonagalls yelling to Sirius, telling him to get down this instant much louder but Sirius ignored his precious Minnie and said the following.

"Hey everyone, as you should know I'm Sirius black and I'd like to say something. I am in love with Remus lupin and he is my boyfriend, if any wankers don't agree with that fuck off it's none of your business what I do with my life. Thank you very much go back to what you were doing before." With a wave of his hands at the end.

The great hall was silent for a few seconds as Sirius sat back down, then the chaos was back from before and most people just ignored his announcement, majority thinking they were already a couple.

Remus did not appreciate this but at the same time was glad it was over.

James potter was never one to back down from a public gesture as seen every time he asked out Lily Evans the girl of his dreams and sometimes nightmares too, she was his everything but damn was the girl frightening when she wanted to be .

James however had his sights set on Lily Evans from the moment he'd seen her. Unlike the others boys he was hooked on her like he'd never lived properly before she was in his life.

She stood out from anyone else he'd ever seen with her stunning auburn hair and gleaming green eyes as he so often described to the ever more annoyed group of boys. They put up with it because she made him happy. Sometimes they hated her guts because he'd think he had a chance and she'd shut him down not a single hesitation. They just wanted their friend to be happy and he was a mix of both when it concerned her.

She on the other hand did not see him how he saw her. She rejected his every advance, many of which were outrageous and very public yet he had to declare his love for her some way or another.

He would have flings with other people but only after she'd said no, there was never an emotional attachment to the girls and guys he'd get with, it was always just to blow off the steam. He made sure they knew that too because he didn't want anyone getting attached when he knew he wouldn't feel the same. Just because he likes getting laid doesn't mean he's a horrible person.

It took him years to realise and a bit of maturity that maybe Lily would like him for who he was and his personality not how he asked and humiliated her in front of everyone all the time.

Finally in their last year as head boy and head girl he asked her out normally, just the two of them doing their head duties, on a simple date to hogsmeade and to his surprise she said yes. He was so ecstatic he declared a party to be thrown to celebrate to which she obviously said no but he wasn't James potter without trying anyway.

People often assumed the worst of James when they would see how much energy he always carried with him. He was told by many people that he wouldn't get anywhere in life because he was too ambitious but he ignored them because who were they to tell him he couldn't do whatever he wanted. They were just irrelevant people living in his world.

His world. It no longer felt like his, he had become the irrelevant person living in someone else’s story.

He remembered his years with his best friends at Hogwarts and everything they'd gotten up to.

He thought about the teachers he loved and the teachers he hated. Classes he enjoyed and hours he dreaded. Times he wished he could relive and not have taken for granted. He would trade his life fortunes to go back in time and enjoy every moment when his world was is one piece.

He smiled over his memories and then it hit him. He'd never be able to feel that unimaginable joy he had experienced during his schooling years.

The depressing thoughts crept in overtaking the good, smothering them till they were forgotten at the back of his mind.

It made him sad that he hadn't been able to see everyone for ages. They were probably living their best lives happy as ever never having thought of him again.

James didn't know how long he'd been in the basement for, but he knew it was too long and he was sick of it. The days eventually melded into one and he couldn't tell if it was morning or night. The tallies under the stairs had faded to almost nothing now, barely a scratch on the chipped dusty bricks.

Shuffling upstairs knocked him out of his trance and back to the hard reality he wished he could change.

He laid his head softly back down on the scrap of mattress that made his so called 'bed'.

He closed his eyes attempting to drift back to the happy place with his memories he loved most, dreading having to wake up to yet another day of waiting to die.