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Don’t you speak to tw?

We used to a lot but I took a very long break from tumblr so we havent in quite a while

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Would you want an anon?

Not really, I'm back in uni full time now and when I'm home I'm helping my family or in general just trying to be more present in my actual life and I think having a fantasy life would work against that

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Do u still come in this account

I dont have an anon anymore so no? I sometimes appear on my main tho x

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I miss you and tonic water:( it makes me sad knowing you won’t be coming back, how are you both doing tho? I hope your both okay xx

I think it would just be weird to come back. Like I dont really know how it would fit in to my life now. Idk if that makes sense.

I finally asked for tonic waters name tho the other day! I took quite a while away from tumblr so we just got back into talking.

I'm doing well. I've had most my heart tests but I'm still waiting on the results. I'm doing well at uni and I just applied for a part time job today. How are you guys?

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Omg I saw a post on here that said I love Eric dier and the blog that the same pp as you so I thought it was you. And my heart literally dropped

this made me smile!! I haven been on here in so long

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You ok x

feeling down atm. I looked in the mirror the other day and I felt so unlike myself. I looked like there was no light in my eyes and I hated it. Especially bc I'm meeting so many new people at the moment. I think when they look at me they must just see a shell. But they'll think that's all I am.

I went to a party tonight and I spent the whole day getting ready and I got all dressed up and I felt so great. But then this guy there was like oh yeah our mutual friend was trying to set us up and it just made me feel so guilty because I wasn't interested at all. And there was this other guy who was trying to talk to me and I'm just like no thanks.

I have this thing with relationships where I only like it if it's going to hurt me.

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Rude of you to deprive us of tw

sorry my mum literally died and came back to life and I'm really going through it??

sorry I have shit to handle??

sorry I have PTSD and am literally scared of everything now so making it through a day is really tough for me??

sorry I'm "depriving" you of someone who also has a busy life and their own shit to deal with??

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Are you and Dele never coming back? I miss you both and the little soap opera

I feel like I've been gone so long idk how we'd come back? Like where would we pick up? Plus with everything with my mum I'm very busy all the time so I can never really be on my phone

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Can you and Dele break up, to give me piece of mind. Going crazy here 😂😭😭😭😭

No you have to imagine us watching driving off into the sun set somewhere like Monaco

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How you doing?

I'm doing pretty well. My mum is home from the hospital now and she's recovering well. I'm at my first induction day at my new uni today and I'm pretty excited about starting here. I have a load of tests coming up in the new few weeks to check my heart out and see if I have the same problems my mum has. How are you guys doing??

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what the fuck are city doing

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off on holiday today and I'm currently waiting for my friend to pick me up to take us to the airport, I haven't been awake at 3am having been to sleep already in a long time and it's got me remembering all these times I would compete as a kid and you'd be on warm up for 8am so your competition day would start at like 4 in the morning so you can get all dressed up and get all your off ice in before hand. honestly.. I dont miss it

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Is it because of your mum, and are you having therapy

Putting a trigger warning before this just be careful I talked about some dark stuff if you're not feeling the best dont read maybe?

Yeah I think it's because of everything that's happened with my mum. Like I keep having really horrible flashbacks to it happening and it feels sort of like I'm living two realities.

Like I dont know if I ever got into this on here but I actually saw my mum die in front of me and I watched her lie dead for a very long time. She was actually dead for half an hour and so in that half an hour my brain went through every scenario of what my life was going to be like. I'm a worst case scenario person and my brain can make quite a big jumps so I sat there on the couch thinking okay I need to go shopping for a funeral dress and here's what I'll say in my eulogy and I guess I'll have to buy a wedding dress because mum wont be around to make me one and oh God my kids wont have a grandma. Like it felt like I lived that future even though I didn't. I'd already worked out all our next steps and so I was already on the way to mourning. It sounds horrible but that's just the way my brain works and that was me stepping up and saying okay this can't be all on my dad.

Hell whilst my mum was asleep in hospital and we didn't know when she'd wake up me and my dad even had a conversation about if he would remarry.

But we're not living in that reality anymore. My mum went to hospital, woke up and is almost fully recovered.

So in my head it's kind of like in that moment my life kinda split in two? Like I had two futures or something. And it sorta still feels like my mum isn't really my mum anymore. Like it feels different now, of course it would but it doesnt feel the kind of different I expected. I'm scared for her to come home because I'm used to her not being at home anymore. It's been five weeks since she was in this house and so I dont really remember what it's like with her in it anymore.

I was saying to Alice before that I feel maybe I need to go through the grieving process so I can get out of it. Like I started that process and I never made it out the other side because things changed so I'm still kind of in the middle of it.

I dont know if any of this makes sense but writing this out was kind of therapeutic for me and yes I will be going into therapy when I start uni and have more of a routine in my life

Hope you're well.

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Dele go make your girl feel better

tbh I dont think anything but therapy is gonna make me feel better at the moment. I just feel so unlike myself and like even when people hug me it feels like I dont even feel it. A dele cuddle wouldnt go amiss tho

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I feel so lost and unlike myself this week and I feel like I have nowhere to turn to I just dont know what to do

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Are are you a tw doing xx

If this is asking how me and tw are doing we're both doing well. TW is on holiday and I'm still trying to get over this whole feeling under the weather thing. I go on holiday on Monday x

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Are you still sick sis 😕😕 xx

I'm doing better but I still feel under the weather. I just woke up so I'm dead tired and groggy and my neck is stiff. I just feel overall dead crap yknow