deborawisye-blog

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How are you Friend?

I hope you are doing well and the sun is shining wherever you are!

Based on BMKG's (Meteorology, Climatology, and Geophysical Agency) forecast - in Indonesia rainy season should start on September, not July. However, the last few weeks it has been raining heavily almost every day in Bali! The sunny, warm & humid island I live in, has turned into a dark, gloomy & cold place. This made me think, "how come the weather is so contrary to BMKG's forecast"? Weather predictions usually help us to be prepared for the day, but now the weather is unpredictable.

This morning, as I was driving, it started raining again. I said to myself, "Ok. I think at this point only God knows what exactly is going to happen with the weather."

And then I remembered, Ecclesiastes 3:1 says, "For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven." And in Romans 8:28 it is written, "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them."

Based on these verses, God knows everything that is happening under heaven. People may fail to predict what the weather, or season is, but God will never fail. In a way, isn't it a relief to know that someone in heaven has a plan and takes care of us? That nothing is actually out of His sight, and nothing is out of His control?

However, do you still feel worried sometimes? I know I do.

Because even though we know for everything there is a time and a season, and that everything is planned and will work together for good, most of the time we still don't know the "when". What time is it going to rain? When is it going to be sunny? For example, when I was in my season of "singleness", my question was, "WHEN am I going to get married?" Now that I'm married, my question is, "God when am I going to have a child?" There's always something we don't know, and it feels like somebody else has the power to decide. But as long as we know, that it is God who has control and His heart is to work everything out for our good, we are safe. He is the maker of time. He has the power to make things good and on-time.

Believe it with me Friend, whatever you're going through, God's got it under control and YOU ARE GOING TO BE OKAY!

Lets pray, "Dear God, teach me to walk through my season full of faith in you. I want to face my days with joy knowing that you are for me and you are walking with me through the unpredictablity of life. Let Your will be done. Amen."

Thank you for reading this. It is an honor to be sharing my experience with you! Have a great day.

[deborawisye-blog]

Untuk Sahabat Kehidupanku Yang Dulu.

Sangat di sayangkan.

Usahaku gagal lg.

Setiap pagi, dikepalaku, yg terbesit masih sama...

"Masak apa ya buat kamu...? Biar kalau kamu dtg, ada makanan."

Setiap pagi pikiran itu muncul tiba-tiba, aku bingung "Kenapa masih ada this same old shit"

MAUNYA JUGA ENGGAK.

Doa yg terbaik untukmu, walaupun aku bukan prioritasmu lg.

Di setiap langkahmu, dan setiap keputusanmu... Aku ga bisa ambil bagian lagi.

Seberapa jauh atau lama terpisah, aku akan tetap peduli.

Krn hati nggak akan bisa dibohongi.

Sekolahmu, masa depanmu....

Karir, dan mimpi-mimpimu. Aku berharap teraih semuanya.

Aku ingin hari-harimu tetap penuh canda seperti biasanya.

Walaupun aku tidak lagi jadi alasanmu tersenyum.

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Katanya aku ratu, mana singgasanaku?

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I sipped another glass of wine.

"Lets have another Cigarette...."

Then I asked myself, "What the hell am I doing with my life?" First I tried to kill my dreams, but then I turn off the fire in my soul...

Pleasure. Very hard to reject. It's nice.. It's addictive. On the other hand, living life in FAITH - MISSION... is scary, brutal, unpredictable...

Should I stay in the mountain where Moses hide forever? Or should I actually walk the path back to Egypt and free my people?

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Surat Untuk Ayahku.

Berbagai musim telah kita lalui bersama, Ayah... Waktu kau kuat, waktu kau lemah.. Waktu kau sehat, waktu kau sakit... Waktu kau mampu membelikan kami makan Pizza Hut, dan waktu kau harus membuka celenganku untuk beli beras.

Musim-musim ini terus berganti. Kau melaluinya dengan penuh syukur. Setiap pagi yang kau lakukan sama... Di meja makan membaca firman sambil berdoa.

Teringat momen haru bagiku, waktu diam-diam aku melihatmu terbaring di sofa 5 menit sebelum kotbah. "Siapa yang kotbah hari ini?" aku bertanya pada Mama... "Harusnya Papa..." .

Aku hanya bisa memandangmu dari balik jendela. Tak ku sangka engkau terlalu lemah untuk berdiri di mimbar... Kanker yang menggerogoti tubuhmu melumpuhkanmu, walau selama pengobatan tak pernah kulihat sedetikpun patah semangatmu.

Ayah..

Engkau tak pernah tunjukkan kekuatiranmu, namun waktu kau mengambil gitar dan bernyanyi di ruang tamu.. Aku tau lagumu menyiratkan sesuatu. Kau tak pernah bilang lelah, atau kecewa... Kau hanya bs bilang, "Papa serahkan anak-anak Papa dalam tangan Tuhan.. " Karena sudah terbiasa. Terbiasa menanggung beban bersama Tuhan. Dialah tumpuan hidupmu. Harapanmu. Dan Tujuanmu.

Kami bangga punya Ayah sepertimu... Imanmu menginspirasi dan menguatkan kami, anak-anakmu. Terimakasih sudah menjadi ayah yang sabar dan lucu.

Kelak akan kuceritakan betapa hebatnya engkau pada cucu cucu mu. Seorang pemimpin yang rendah hati, yg selalu bergantung padaNya. Semoga anak-anakku mendapatkan ayah sepertimu. Love you dad.

Happy Fathers Day!!

Best Regards,

Anak Pertama

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Earl Grey | Twinnings

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He loves me anyway.

"Aku mengasihimu, sebelum kamu bisa melakukan apa-apa buat Aku..." - to Him, the real gift is me. Aku inget waktu umur 8 tahun diajak main drama natal. Adegannya, aku harus keluar dari kerdus dan bilang "Di hari natal ini aku ga punya apa-apa, tapi aku mau datang lihat bayi Yesus. Dan aku cuma bisa kasi diri aku aja Tante!" Eh tante Lili bilang, (settingnya masih di panggung). "Dek, kamu ngga usah bawa apa-apa. Kamu ada disini aja..Tuhan Yesus sudah senang." This reminds me to keep it simple, and sweet. We cannot earn His love, sometimes we tried so hard. But we are already approved, loved, accepted and He is for us.

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Vespaing.

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Dad's letter / 31-March-2016

So, this is a letter that my dad wrote this morning, it reminds me of GOD'S grace and faithfulness in our life as a family. On the day mom gave birth to me they (mom & dad) had no money to pay the hospital/doctor. In Indonesia back then, there's no such thing as maternity insurance. But guess what? God provide. In this letter dad shared that everytime mom visited the hospital, every consultation was free of charge. Till the day I was born, the doctor didn't want to accept any payments. The first 2 years of my life was spent in a very small village in Middle Java, called Banyumanik. They said, most of the time they didn't have money to buy milk or healthy food for me as a baby. Dad thought I was going to be 'malnourished' growing up with lack of healthy food. They were pioneering a small church among the majority of Moslems at that time, faithfully serving Jesus and and bringing people to Christ. All my life I saw them serving God faithfully. In bad times, good times... They stayed strong and they presevered. There's one time when I came home from school, I saw my mom kneeled down before the Lord... It was a very hard time for all of us, we just moved to Bali from Ambon Island. We lost our home, our friends, cars, the Bible college dad was leading & all the students ( I think they're all as confused as we were at that time).. They were all being sent home to their hometown. We ran away from a big riot that almost killed us... They burnt our chapel buildings and persecuted more than 100 pastors, it was a tragedy I would never forget. For a reason though, we still alive. Even with only 2 clothes at that time (one we wore it and another one in our bag), and a huge blue blanket Mom brought from the refugee camp that keeps us warm the whole time. We're still alive. We're thankful. And we know that it is for a purpose. Today, I continue to see GOD'S mighty hand upon our lives...And is always "in awe" everytime God make miracles and provide my family. I looked back... & there's never a second that God didn't show Himself "trustworthy".. He was always there when we needed Him, He is always on time and He CARES! I am a product of His grace.. My life, my breath is His grace... Never in my wildest dreams have I imagine myself being here in Australia, studying in Hillsong College, pursuing God's call upon my life. I am so thankful that I am in the path that GOD wanted me to walk on.. There's one moment in my life when I asked myself "CAN I GO THE DISTANCE...?" and in that moment He reminded me, "My grace is sufficient for you till the end of your journey...." I am thankful for His grace today... I wish I could translate this letter in full, but... (males) hehe..

[deborawisye-blog]

❤️

"Untuk Putriku yang Jauh Disana..", oleh PAULUS WIRATNO.

Hari ini duapuluh lima tahun yang lalu, Tuhan membawamu lahir ke dalam dunia. Ada banyak keajaiban yang menyertai kedatanganmu. Kehadiranmu merupakan buah keajaiban ilahi dan kekuatan cinta ditengah tengah derita. Derita seorang hamba yang sedang berusaha menapaki penggilan demi menemukan makna kehidupan. Seandainya kamu tahu betapa hati sering dicekam ketakutan saat kamu ada dalam kandungan. Kamu lahir di tengah kekurangan dan keterbatasan. Itulah sebabnya setiap kali melihat fotomu, hati ini meluap dengan syukur karena kelahiranmu adalah bukti anugerah Allah yang melimpah.

Keberadaanmu di dalam dunia adalah sebuah hadiah sekaligus sebagai tonggak anugerah. Seandainya kamu bisa mengingat dan mencatat semua kisah, kamu pasti bisa merangkum dalam sebuah buku sejarah. Sebuah kisah perjuangan untuk mempertahankan cinta dan panggilan. Masih ingat waktu kamu berumur dua hari? Kamu harus mengungsi karena kita diusir dari rumah kontrakan. Masih ingat waktu terlempar dari pintu gerbang karena terlambat menaiki mobil jemputan? Masih ingat wajahmu basah karena keringat, saat papa mengayuh sepeda mengatarmu ke sekolah? Masih adakah kenangan waktu kita tinggal di camp pengungsian karena kerusuhan? Itu semua adalah bagian kisah penderitaan yang diijinkan oleh Tuhan untuk memurnikan iman dan mendewasakan pernikahan, sekaligus memberimu nilai kehidupan.

Pagi hari ini papa menyebut namamu dalam doa. Doa seorang ayah yang sedang merindukan putrinya yang jauh di sana. Air mata ini menetes saat papa mengingat betapa hebat perjuanganmu untuk menemukan panggilan hidup. Suatu malam mama menangis karena mengingat perjuanganmu hidup di negeri orang. Dalam hati ia bertanya “semua ini tidak adil, bagaimana papanya memeras keringat untuk menghidupi orang banyak, sementara anaknya harus berjalan kaki berjuang sendiri”. Namun bagi papa itu adalah sebuah kebanggaan. Karena kamu telah menerima warisan nilai nilai kehidupan. Suatu saat akan kau dapatkan, bahwa makna hidup akan ditemukan dibalik kebaikan.

Tak henti hentinya papa bersyukur kepada Tuhan setiap kali papa mengingat rencana Tuhan dalam hidupmu. Memang tidak semuanya Tuhan singkapkan, namun papa tahu rencana itu bisa menggetarkan hatimu. Betapa banyak yang telah kita terima dari Tuhan. Mulai dari kesempatan hingga penyediaan surga yang tidak pernah terduga. Berkat Tuhan yang selalu mengalir setiap hari, kasih karunia yang selalu baru setiap pagi. Kamu telah menyaksikan dan ikut menikmati. Semua ini adalah bagian dari cara Tuhan menuntunmu menemukan panggilan ilahi. Hidup ini singkat dan keabadian itu panjang, jangan sekali kali memboroskan kehidupan. Temukan penggilanmu, hiduplah dalam rencana ilahi. Itulah kepuasan dan kebanggaan hidup. Saat kita bisa berguna bagi Tuhan dan sesama. Bukan pangkat, kedudukan, ketenaran atau kekayaan. Tetapi keselarasan dengan rencana-Nya yang mulia.

Maksud hati ingin memelukmu dan berada di sisimu di hari ulang tahun ini. Namun hanya doa dan tulisan ini yang bisa papa berikan untuk saat ini. Selamat hari jadi putriku. Kiranya Allah akan memberimu sukacita, makna dan kekuatan untuk mengarungi masa depan. Ingatlah yang satu ini dan jangan pernah kau lupakan, kalau perlu tuliskan di dalam hati. “Sebab Aku ini mengetahui rancangan- rancangan apa yang ada pada- Ku mengenai kamu, demikianlah firman TUHAN, yaitu rancangan damai sejahtera dan bukan rancangan kecelakaan, untuk memberikan kepadamu hari depan yang penuh harapan.”

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Tiba di Australia pukul 11 siang, dengan harapan pulang langsung istirahat. Sesampainya di rumah, jam di kalender berbunyi. Ternyata jam 12.15 saya harus berada di kampus untuk urus chapel. Berangkatlah saya dengan masih menggunakan baju yang sama dengan yg saya pakai di airport Bali tadi malam. Namun pikiran yang mengalir di dalam otak tidak jauh berbeda. Sambil berjalan saya berkata pada diri sendiri, "Wah kembali lagi pada rutinitas dan kesibukan disini.. Selalu dari satu hal ke hal yg lain seperti di kejar-kejar waktu..." Sejenak saya merefleksikan kehidupan, sungguh berbeda kegiatan yang ada di Denpasar dan di Sydney. Kegiatannya, orang-orangnya, dan sayanya. The role that I have, and the person I have become here is totally different with who I was. Going back to Bali a couple of times, and meeting the people from my past.. reminds me of who I was back then.. And sometimes, I feel like being dragged back to fit the "younger soul" of me. But its like fitting my XL body to an M size shirt. Cos I have overgrown the size! You can't put me in there anymore. Namun di sisi lain, ada kenangan dan cerita-cerita indah di masa lalu yang begitu berkesan dan tak ingin dilupakan. Orang-orang yang mengajarkan saya cinta, konsistensi, dan perjuangan. Beberapa mengajarkan saya kesetiaan dan arti persahabatan. Hal-hal seperti itu masih saya temukan di hati masing-masing teman dan orang-orang terkasih saya. Ketika melihat mereka tidak berubah, saya terkagum dan berterimakasih pada Tuhan. Beliau menghadirkan orang-orang yang mau ada disekeliling saya & they choose to be there. Faithful and stay loving no matter what. Now here's the thing, Cinta itu bukan cuman pada pandangan pertama. Cinta (baik pada sesama atau pada pasangan) harus tetap ada sampai pandangan terakhir. Namanya legacy, namanya komitmen. Jadi "perasaan" itu bukan satu-satunya 'bahan baku' dari hubungan yang langgeng. Kesetiaan tidak muncul dengan sendirinya, itu merupakan pilihan tiap orang sehari-hari. Sebuah wujud komitmen dan dedikasi. Jatuh cinta itu gampang, mempertahankannya yang susah. Biarlah kita semua menjadi orang-orang yang "persistence" dan memilih ada buat orang lain di kala susah maupun senang. Because love at the last sight means, we will never stop loving them.. no matter what. Sydney, 22 March 2016

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Sanur, 19 March 2016 … And again I learn that in Life, I can’t always have what I want or what I like. And that’s for a reason I couldn’t understand #6pm ~

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Jadi hidup adalah kumpulan-kumpulan keputusan yang kadang bijak, dan kadang tidak.. Kadang hidup seperti menang lotre… Kdg seperti kalah judi.

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What if I gave up?

Call me a thinker.

Cos I actually think about all the little details of my life that I need to think about.

In the epitome of that though, I like to keep it slow and relax. I am not that ambitious lady who wants it all. I’m not into money, possession or position.

I remember going home from a house of a cancer survivor in Singapore, and thinking to myself… I’m going to dedicate my self for social work cos it makes me happy. I said, “God. Whatever I’m gonna do after Uni, the goal is to satisfy my HEART not my wallet.”

Universitas pun selesai, saya di wisuda tahun 2011.

Things get a little confusing at first. Now what Debbie? Now what.

Rencana awal adalah untuk kembali ke Singapura, saya mau bekerja.. Saya mau cari uang dan bantu support ayah ibu dan adik-adik. Namun, fakta berbicara lain. Ayah saya lebih suka saya bekerja bantu organisasinya daripada menghasilkan uang untuk mereka. Saya ditawari bekerja untuk beliau, and guess what? God fulfill my heart as I was working for the ministry. I love the orphanage kids, I love the new believers who came to Christ every week.. I love hearing stories from the Kerobokan Prison. And I seriously love my God… (& everything that He is doing in Indonesia~

Now my perspective and plan has truly changed. I would never go back to Singapore, and earn some money. My pocket & wallet are not always full (even though my heart is)… and I have learned to walk on the path that He has set for me. Is it easy? No. Do I have to fight for it? Yes.

Setelah 2 tahun bekerja di DMaker, I felt dry and tired. It’s not easy working with your mom and dad, especially when “profesionalism” is the goal, but no rules or culture been set placed to reach it.

I feel like my heart is divided and I was constantly tired - mentally. Its like being pressured from time to time from the people closest to you. I had no peace. I found my self saying, ‘I need to go out of here’ from time to time. I was tired of fighting with the people I love the most.

One day my little sister decided to go to Bible college in Sydney. And I thought, this is a good opportunity to get away from everything. My heart was filled with joy when I think about having my own life, earning my own money, and living far away from my mom and dad. I would do whatever it takes to run away from all this madness! And I thought: This is a good time to run..!!

Suddenly, mom asked me if I would go too so I could “take care” of my little sister. Of course.. I said yes. Little did she knows how I really feel inside and what my motivation behind my ‘yes’ is.

I moved to Sydney in July, 2013. Part of me believe it was a God thing, I know deep in my heart I was born for full time ministry.. and that my time in Bible college will set me up for a win someday. But on the other side, my mind was chaos. My master plan flew out the window long ago, & I didn’t even know myself anymore.. I wasn’t entirely “FOCUSED” on the purpose God placed in my heart, I know I need to build my “foundation” before serving God with my whole life, but I ignored it badly. I was so afraid of the “Uncertainty” ministry would give to me.

Now from a human’s eyes, if I am about to care (which I obviously and most of the time not) of people’s opinion… They would think I’m a failure. I am 26, I don’t have my own busineds or whatever. Yes I do work.. (as a waitress in a chocolate shop), sometimes my parents send me money (and I’m gonna be honest about that).. All my friends are currently building their lives having a husband and a baby, (& I stayed single since 2009).

I have no plans.

I am not excited about God’s plan.

And I’m so tempted to choose the road that I set for myself.. Even when I know that road leads to death and not life.

I have failed a lot of times of trying to be perfect or better, and sometimes I feel defeated.

I mean, everyone went through all of that right?

You’ve been to a point where you just don’t care anymore of what the future brings cos you (obviously) have no plans.

I sacrifice my dream to be a painter, to make my parents happy. Sacrifice my opportunity to be a flight attendant for Bible college.. Sacrifice so many romantic relationship for God’s chosen one.. Now can I call it “Sacrifice”? Or should I call it patience!? If it’s patience.. Now here’s a point where I don’t have it anymore… What if I give up! What it I go out of track? I am so tired of walking on the line.. & I believe everyone been through those moments.

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Isn’t it funny how some roads we choose to walk on ended up in a completely different “destination”. Not like what we expected it to be & entirely different with what’s in our mind.

You thought the girl you have dated for years will be with you forever, but she ended up marrying another guy. Or your old man, your hero, your dad. Imagine working hard to make him proud, but coming home to find that its too late. He is gone. He is gone too soon. And all your plans to take him away for a fancy holiday flew out the window.

Life has a funny way of ‘surprising’ us sometimes. Shocking and ironic.

Sometimes the only thing we can do when all plans fall apart is (as Javanese people said) “NERIMO”. Even though it is definitely not the best way to reponse on ‘dissapointment’. But this will at least help us 'survive’. Knowing that on the other side of the story, Someone is in control. And that we are nothing.. but a “creation”. Semua cerita ada “Dalangnya” and most often, our story is only a part of a bigger story. And maybe the destination is not at the end of the tunnel. It is actually here and now, during the proscess. It’s the lesson we get to learn. And maybe, just maybe.. There’s no perfect story. Just like there’s no perfect people. Or maybe we just take eveything too seriously after all, whilst no one really make it alive anyway.