deaththewriter

[deaththewriter]

Please just for a second

I just want to be held so badly it hurts. It gives me physical pain at this point. I wanna cry and I might. I want to tear into my skin, rip myself apart. Bit after bit until I feel nothing.

But what hurts more is that I know it has to be them. It wouldn't matter one bit if it was someone else. That would do nothing, as it has to be them. Trust me, I know. I am very sure of that.

Because not only do I want to be held by them, I want to be with them, I want to be just around them even. I wouldn't care one bit if I was forbidden to touch them even just for a second. I would suffer but couldn't care as it would be all worth it. All the pain as long as it meant I could even just be in the same room as them. Even if not next to them by their side…

Oh how I would give anything for even just a moment of it. Just a moment of being in the same space as them. Looking at their faces as they're doing whatever they are and just enjoying their time.

But it's impossible.

No matter how much you try to tell me to think otherwise, I know it is.

No matter how much you tell me to just think positively just for a second.

Then after trying and trying you would finally ask "Why?" just looking at me in disbelief at my hollow self "Just why, how are you so sure it is impossible?"

And i would just let out a weak laugh, then look up at you with my empty eyes and say it

"Because I have fallen for Them. Them who aren't real like me and you. As they are just characters created in a fictional world."

I know this. I am aware of it. Yet, I can't help the fact that I have already fallen for Them.

[deaththewriter]

in addition to the fact that people just have different natural rhythms, a big reason why we can’t seem to go to bed as early as we “should” is that nighttime is, for many of us, our safest and most fulfilling time of day. we don’t have to work, we won’t be contacted by bosses or insurance companies or collection agencies or other suffocating life business… we’re likely only to be contacted by our friends, or by no one at all. night time is release; it’s ours. we can rest or recreate. we can do things we actually want to do. who would choose to cut that short?? just to usher in the next morning when our lives are not our own again? nighttime is precious and nothing could be more normal than the desire to embrace this

[deaththewriter]

Touch starved to the point cuddles wouldn't be enough.

I need hands touching me. I want our bodies practically melting together.

I don't care where you put them at this point.

On my face caressing my cheeks? Holding my hands? Or just laying on my arms? In my hair grabbing it? Wrapped around my neck? Sliding around my waist? Grabbing into my thighs?

Fck I don't even care if I'm not on top or even the dominant one anymore, just please let me feel your skin touching mine Darling.

[deaththewriter]

Closeness

I want to go up to them while their back is facing me so I can grab them by the waist to pull them close to my body. Every inch pressed together as tightly as possible. My arms slowly sneaking from their waist into a hug to hold them in place just in case.

Basking in the feeling of the closeness that I am to them and vice versa. Bits of skin touching, but not too much to be overstimulating. Their warmth seeps into my own cold body.

Now where my hands would wander from this point, up or down is another story…