deaths-motto

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Susan Kare, the Artist who designed many of the fonts, icons, and images for Apple, NeXT, Microsoft, and IBM, 1980′s

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Guess who just figured out how to climb inside the woodstove???

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Being the only guy who works in a beauty store is fucking hilarious sometimes. Im the only one who can sell our shitty beard shampoo and a not insignificant amount of our customers think im untrustworthy. According to my coworkers i use every mens product we have so they can get dudes to buy a shaving cream. Trying to explain to people that theres no difference between "men's" and "women's" products is like talking to a brick wall. Ive had multiple women get angry with me for sampling them out one of our "men's" moisturizers when they specifically said they wanted a mattifying one to control oil and that's the best one we have for those two things. I still think about the guy who came in asking if we had "masks for men." I contemplate ending it all every time someone returns a completely unused product that they absolutely refuse to try just because it either says or doesnt say "for men" on it. 90% of the time its the perfect product for them. I had a lady who was willing to buy a worse product for her needs that was more expensive just so it wouldnt say it was for men. Are you ever tired? Are you ever exhausted? These are the same kinds of people who say that im the one whos obsessed with gendering everything because im trans.

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Werewolf boyfriend

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if house md were running in 2024 there would be an episode with a patient who identifies as an ‘online content creator’ (cagily) where house agrees to take the case primarily because when he offhandedly refers to her as an onlyfans model both cameron and cuddy get really offended and say it’s a sexist assumption so he doubles down and becomes committed to finding the patient’s onlyfans and proving it. at some point it would be revealed that chase actually is an onlyfans model and started doing it as a stopgap after his dad died and he suddenly got disinherited but he makes so much money off it that now medicine is basically just a hobby. cameron and foreman both disagree with the concept online sex work but it turns out they disagree for different reasons (cameron thinks it’s exploitative and not-feminist, foreman finds it distasteful and thinks people should get ‘real jobs’) and spend most of their scenes together arguing about this while chase gets continually more shifty. they break into the patient’s house and there’s a full ringlight and camera setup which seems to confirm house’s suspicions. while trying to find the patient’s onlyfans house accidentally finds chase’s onlyfans instead and considers publicly embarrassing him about it like he did with wilson’s sex tape but soon realises that most of the staff at the hospital are already subscribed to chase’s onlyfans so makes fun of him for that instead. it then transpires that the reason why the patient is so cagey about being a content creator is that she’s an ASMR artist and all the soap she’s been shaving on camera has irritated her lungs. cuddy is about to make house give her 20 extra hours of clinic duty as recompense but at last minute it’s revealed that the website the patient uses for some of her bonus commissions is, drumroll…onlyfans, because she’s been banned from patreon. how does house know this? wilson is subscribed to her because the soap videos sometimes soothe him to sleep. something by cigarettes after sex plays. roll end credits.

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I'm, above all else, a tangentgirl. always saying shit like "sidenote," "oh also," "by the way,"

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uhhhh reverse Delicious in Dungeon. Disgusting in Restaurant. nothing's edible

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Was explaining some gender things to a straight cis friend today vis a vis gender presentation VS gender identity when it suddenly dawned on me with much the same horror as getting to work and realizing you left the stove on, that unless you've been immersed in a queer culture for some time you'd have no way of knowing that appearing androgynous/indeterminate/wildly gender-nonconforming is HOT

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he never misses

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hey I noticed that your jerk off fantasies of me haven't been as ambiguously violent based off convoluted world building or steeped in bone-deep guilt lately. are you mad at m

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hello i’m hoziest and this is my song i’m already in church

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Moves at a pace slightly faster than your walk speed but slightly slower than your run speed

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a robot walks in with pixelated kiss marks all over its display screen saying “you should see the other bot” so you go look and there’s just a pile of crushed metal and shattered plastic and torn wires

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“Be there or be square” is such a stupid threat. No one knows what it means to be square. When I hear that, all I picture is hyper realistic minecraft Steve. Personally I like to hit them with “Show up or blow up.” There’s full clarity there. You will leave no one guessing. No one knows what it means to be square but everybody knows what it means to fucking explode.

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"I could look it up but it's more fun asking friends" gang