death-is-a-simp

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I love drawing in my free time 🥲

Sebastian ☕️

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learning how to skate

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"Sam is probably my only friend in this town..." emergency sleepover time in the mountains after local small town emo and skater boy played too much solarion chronicles and lost track of time

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Sebastian doesn’t like physical touch all that much (Sam could not care less)

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F%#& you.

Makes AU where Tim is out stalking Batman and runs into Talia Al Ghul who's like "'Who's goddamn white baby is that?" And ends up taking him like "Mine, apparently." And proceeds to raise him up alongside Damian.

Damian and Tim get into trouble together all the time and Ra's is THE tired grandfather who continuously finds Tim and Damian dumping goldfish and other small pets with short life spans in the Lazarus pit.

—

Jason is brought back and instantly has Tim annoying him with 101 questions and Damian who follows him around like "You know my Father?" And Jason is so done but also he has two baby brothers and f#%$ Bruce.

Tim: How'd you die?

Jason: Explosion.

Tim: Was it a big explosion?

Jason: Uh, medium explosion.

Tim: Who made the explosion?

Jason, in all his fifteen year old zombie glory: yoUR MO—

Smol Damian, running in with a sword: —TAKE ME TO OUR FATHER!!!

—

Tim, Damian, and Jason all hardcore trolling Ra's and annoying the league of assassins to no end.

—

Talia and Ra's doing that grandparent / parent thing where they debate whether one of the kids is gay or not, like not in a homophobic way but trying to figure it out before the kid does so they can be supportive and surprised but not to suprised.

Ra's, sipping tea: Timothy was staring at the ninjas training again.

Talia, stirring her tea: . . . Nunjas or ninjas?

Ra's: Both.

Talia: Hm...

Ra's: Surely we'd know if he was attracted to multiple genders?

Talia: He definitely is.

Ra's: Oh, I agree, daughter, but when do you think he'll figure that out?

Talia, watching out the window as Tim skateboards down a long rail before face planting into the ground, Jason laughing at him as Damian proceeds to scream for her:

Talia: It might take a while.

—

Cue Damian NOT understanding at all that he and Tim don't share a Dad, like he doesn't understand a literal THING and so refers to Bruce as his, Tim's, an Jason's Father no matter how much anyone corrects him.

Talia, applying sunblock to Tim because baby cannot tan: No, Damian, Timothy cannot go with you to Gotham.

Damian: Why not? Todd gets to live there.

Talia: Jason is an adult and your Father's adoptive son, Tim is my adoptive son, making them both your brothers, but you three do not share a Father.

Tim: I'm Fatherless :D

Talia:

Talia: Perhaps I can convince beloved that you are his as well...

Cue a time skip where Talia leaves Tim and Damian with Bruce for a safer, happier life than she can provide, entering Bruce confused why the Drake's missing son was taken by Talia and now dubbed his, but free children are free children.

—

Cue Damian and Tim being the biggest little sh!ts, swapping Robin mid patrol just to see how long it takes Bruce to notice, trolling Jason and Dick, and being general chaotic gremlins the whole time...

Damian, standing behind Bruce:

Tim, motioning him over from the shadows:

Damian, quickly running over to swap with Tim:

Bruce, thirty minutes later going: Wait a minute...

—

When Bruce "dies" Tim goes running to Ra's, all crying and yelling "GRANDFATHER!" and Ra's does not hesitate to f#&$ people up because dammit ONE of his grandchildren has to take over his ninja zombie cult, right? Right!? But he helps and f#&% b&#%#& up when Tim has to get his spleen removed.

—

Cue Damian and Tim napping on Ra's mid league meeting and Jason snickering from the side because Ra's has a baby backpack on his chest and smol Tim just thrown over his shoulder and sleeping peacefully as Ra's goes on about some terrorism acts.

—

Look, I just think it's neat U_U

—

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hey here's a website for downloading any video or image from any website.

works w/ youtube, soundcloud, twitch, twitter (gifs and videos), tumblr (video and audio), and most other websites you're probably lookin to download stuff off of.

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Doctor: $140,000 a year

Furry artist on Patreon: $160,000 a year

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Read a fanfic where Tim Drake thinks Bruce ignored his birthday, then on some random day was like, "Happy Birthday, Tim!" And Tim was like, "It's not my birthday...?" And Bruce was like, "Uh, according to your birth certificate it is, though?"

And the birth certificate shows a date with a different month and day than Tim thought was his birthday, and he realized his parents just FORGOT when his birthday was and essentially picked either a random day or a day more convenient for their schedules or a day they could remember better-

Tim, this whole time, had a completely different birthday than what he'd been celebrating his whole life, and he is so MAD. Like no shit his life doesn't make any goddamm sense he's been a fucking Pisces this whole time

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Bruce: The less I know about people's affairs, the happier I am. I'm not interested in caring about people.

Bruce: I once worked with a Robin for three years and never learned his name. Best sidekick I ever had.

Bruce: We still never talk sometimes.

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Bruce: we will continue to utilize the Batmobile, of course. But we needed an upgrade and we got one. Introducing-

Bruce [pause-for-dramatic-effect Wayne]: the Bat-tank

Dick:

Jason:

Tim:

Steph:

Cass:

Damian:

Duke: fine, I'll say it- that's just an armored minivan

Bruce: what? It's not-

Jason: It has sliding doors

Bruce: for efficiency and convenience-

Dick: i think it's neat! But... yeah, not really a tank

Steph: very spacious, yet very compact, very on brand for a mom with 6-9 kids

Bruce: it has all of the features and capabilities of the Batmobile-

Damian: Father, I for one admire your priority, practicality is far more important than being fashionable.

Bruce: i, wha- It very clearly has lasers and it's bullet-proof! How is that unfashionabl- I know my brand!

Tim: aww, enough cup holders for the whole family, very thoughtful, Bruce

Bruce: The Bat-tank WILL strike fear into the enemies of Gotham!

Jason: our enemies will see us speeding at 700mph and assume you're late to your kid's soccer game

Bruce: Okay! Okay, so we needed a family car, but this isn't-

Cass: Recital

Bruce: *gasp* OH, we're going to be late for Cass's dance recital, everyone in the van!

Dick: I thought it was a tank-

Bruce, glaring: Cass gets shotgun since she's the only one who respects the Bat-tank!

Cass: yes... very scary *pats Bruce's arm affectionately*

Bruce: Hurry up, everyone! Duke, the backseats unfold if you press the button underneath-

Duke: yeah I know how minivans work

Bruce: It's not-

Bruce:

Bruce: oh no.

Dick: there's the moment of realization we were waiting for

Bruce, whispering: It IS a minivan.

Tim: can we go to Bat Burger after this?

Damian: Seconded

Jason: yes thank fuck I'm starving

Dick: Language! Here, little D, you can sit by me

Steph: ugh, why do I have to sit in the middle?

Duke: this thing comes with chargers, right, Bruce?

Bruce: I'm... I'm a minivan mom.

Cass, smiling: Our minivan mom

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Young Justice Villains!!

“I want to join you.” Robin said, his voice shaky. He didn’t look up at Kon. Or as he was better known by the public, Kryptonite. Superman’s greatest enemy and a villain to the world.

Tim’s best friend.

“You what?” Kon asked, surprised, and Tim sighed, finally making eye contact. “I want to join Anti-Justice.”

Before he even had time to react, Kon had scooped Tim up and grinned as bright as the sun, making his breath hitch. He couldn’t remember anyone ever being this happy to have him around. Even Dick.

“Dude! The others are gonna be so freaking excited!” He beamed, ruffling Tim’s hair and messing it up. “What made you finally change your mind?”

He thought back to Bruce’s dead body and took calming breaths. He managed a small smile up at his friend. “There’s nothing for me there anymore.” He said sadly. Kon frowned and pulled him into another half hug.

“Don’t worry, man. You’ve already got your own room at the mountain and everything. We’ve been waiting for you for forever, you know? You have a place with us. Forever.”

Tim couldn’t help leaning into the touch and relaxing. His friends, evil or not, wanted him. They had a place for him when he had no other. Carved it out specifically for him, which contrasted to everywhere else where he had to bend and twist himself to fit. He sighed and surrendered himself over to this new life.

Maybe it would end up better for him.

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every time i start to feel cringe for being too deep in the hyperfixation i remember the intense depression i have waded through and have to remind myself that enjoyment is fleeting (so grab it with both hands), and life is for loving (so hold that love close), and if anyone thinks i’m cringe they must not be having a very good time (and i hope they can find a good time soon).

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u ever have on mutuals whos so deep in another fandom that u know absolutely zero about and they make posts that look like they speaking another language or some shit

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honestly the discourse on this site is so bad that I have a new hot take: if you use tumblr at all fuck you

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just got back into gardening so i’ve forgotten. are basil leaves supposed to be this big

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DO YOU KNOW WHAT I JUST REALIZED

YOU KNOW THE HAIKU BOT???

OFC YOU DO

YOU KNOW THAT MESSAGE HE PUTS AT THE END OF EVERY POST????

"Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up."

YEAH???????

WELL THATS A HAIKU TOO

Beep boop! I look for

accidental haiku posts.

Sometimes I mess up.

NOW YOU LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME THATS NOT THE CUTEST THNIG YOUVE EVER HEARD

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I want one of those scenes in a dude bro film where “tomboy” chick has to wear a dress to go undercover or whatever, but instead of the guys drooling as she walks down the stairs, they’re like “k. U need to stop. Go put the cargo pants back on. You look super uncomfortable and awkward in that. Brutus, you go be the fake prostitute.”