dearlittledot

[dearlittledot]

first scan results

one of the first things the doctor said to me while reviewing my scans was “well it looks like the clomid worked and is doing what it is supposed to do”. what a relief! 

i had a promising follicle on my right side that was measured at 15 (units, idk?) - and given that follicles are expected to release an egg at about 18, that meant that ovulation was impending very soon. also even more surprising, another follicle on my right side was measured to be 41... which at a comparison of 18, is huge. the doctor said that it could be (1) that this is a cyst - not alarming, as cysts come and go - or, (2) that it was growing rapidly and could collapse to release an egg very soon. Regardless, this meant that one of these would allow me to release an egg sooner than i anticipated. My bloodwork came out to show that i was not yet ovulating during that moment, but i would be soon. 

and as music to dan’s ears, per doctor’s orders, “relations” for the next 4 days straight, before taking progesterone support starting on 3/31. 

i wasn’t really expect rushing into BD anytime until that evening, however when I got home and went to the bathroom i noticed ewcm which was definitely a good sign. so we BD’d around lunchtime. 

BD #1? check.

[dearlittledot]

first adventure to the fertility clinic.

yesterday, i went to see the Doctor and was definitely nervous. I just didnt want to hear bad news. did the clomid work? did we miss our window of opportunity last night when we failed to BD due to a fight? would they find something wrong with me? the 45 min drive felt so long, but i tried to pass the time by imagining our future children running around the house and what that would look like. 

i took the standard precautions suggested by the FB comments on my question, and some common sense. i first got my blood drawn which i wasn’t expecting, but this was to check my hormone levels. then had the trans vaginal ultrasound which was strange but not painful like i feared. the tech was nice and answered the questions i had, but unfortunately could not tell me what the follicles looked like. i watched her click through every which direction and log some numbers so i anticipated that this meant that she could see some follicles at the least, and there had to be at least one that would be promising. 

after my scan, i met with the doctor to review the results. it was our first time actually ‘meeting’ because our initial consult was via FaceTime (cant believe i paid for a video call...) but he was so kind and warm. i got good vibes from him and to me, he looked like a hero. this was the man who would help me have my little dot. i just hoped it would be sooner than later.

[dearlittledot]

scan day

heading in to the fertility clinic for the first time today. despite my mom’s negativity, my gut instinct was confirmed by strangers on a local moms FB group who encouraged me to just take my precautions and not waste this cycle. it’s just going to be a quick follicular scan today, probably no more than 15-30 minutes but it still feels like a big step to me. any step forward is another step closer to little dot. 

[dearlittledot]

the next chapter begins

i feel a little silly resorting back to my teenagehood with a blog on Tumblr, but have quickly come to realize how detrimental it is to my own mental health if i keep this all bottled up inside. 

after months of trying with no luck, i sought out the help of a top fertility specialist in the area and was able to get started on clomid. seems almost counterintuitive but getting on a drug that ensured i would ovulate was a great option since we are stuck inside during this pandemic anyway. 

the first day i got the bottle, i felt like it was christmas morning. it felt like a surreal next step of the journey. i didnt tell anyone about it, only my husband knew and my sister knew on the surface that i was prescribed something. i took my 5 little pills as directed. i noticed very minimal side effects thanks to my own research that convinced me to take the pills shortly before bed each time. i woke up with a few headaches, and some days of feeling some cramping in my left side - but that was it. 

tomorrow i’m going in for my ultasound to check if the clomid is doing what it is supposed to do. i finally let it slip (ok, maybe i was a little excited) to my mom that i was going to my obgyn. i didnt even tell her it was a fertility specialist but i did tell her i took clomid, hoping she would be excited about this next step. however instead, she told me to cancel it and resorted to fear mongering - in a way - telling me how babies born during the period of zika were born with birth defects. rather than being disappointed with my mom as i usually am, i am instead angry, frustrated, offended. it just feels like one barrier to another during this journey and i’m just hoping for some good news. 

i’m still going to go to tomorrow’s appointment, ensuring that i am cautious about washing my hands, practicing safe distances from others, etc. i need to know if the clomid worked, and i need to know if i can still count us in for march. i dont want to keep waiting.

little dot, will this be your month?