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Dear J,
Christmas is over now, and we're well into 2024.
I thought of you a lot over the last couple of weeks - I imagined you watching Christmas TV and ringing in the New Year with us. Did those Christmas presents, your last gifts, ever get delivered, I wonder? Perhaps it was too painful, and would have been a constant reminder of what had happened. Or maybe they occupy a special place, and only recall that your last act was one of love.
Today was my mum's birthday - she turned 59 years old and that's the same age you should be turning this year. It's hard to think of those missing years.
Twenty years takes its toll.
Love Q
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Dear J,
I thought about you a lot this week.
You were on my mind as I put up Christmas lights, gave out Secret Santa gifts at work, wore silly hats, and opened the last door on my advent calendar.
Today is Christmas Eve, and I thought of you as I wrapped my presents - an act I know had great significance to you.
I'm sorry those gifts didn't get to where they were supposed to go on Christmas Day.
Happy Christmas Eve, J.
Q
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Dear J,
I hope you don't mind me writing to you.
This month marks a milestone - the anniversary of your death. And it's a big one; a round, whole number. Significant.
I wish I could start these notes to you on the exact date, but the truth is we simply don't know when you passed through the veil from this life to the next one. You died alone, and the world didn't notice.
I've chosen today, the 14th December, as a mid-point in the month suspected to be your last. For the next few years, as we slip past the days your body laid in solitude, I want to mark the time with you - all the ones between now and when you'll be discovered. Day by day, hour by hour.
Perhaps, if death is truly timeless, then these short missives will find their way back through an internet void, back into history, to you. Perhaps you'll read them in some unknowable, astral way, and your death won't feel so despairingly lonely. Perhaps, when the time is up, I'll be able to stop thinking about you daily.
I'll write again soon.
Q
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