dearestneil

[dearestneil]

Carrie Fisher, October 21, 1956 - December 27, 2016

Her mother - Debbie Reynolds, April 1, 1932 - December 28, 2016

Ya’aburnee - Halsey / Winnie The Pooh / unknown / Lonely Day - System Of A Down / I Killed My Mother, Xavier Dolan

[dearestneil]

A piece of my heart left when you did & there’s no way I’d ever forget you. 💔

[dearestneil]

The Spectrum of Grieving

Losing people you love to death is unbearable.

As if your world stops and you’re stuck. The following days can be worse when you realize it’s only your world that stops. It’s only you who’s stuck. The pain is no match.

The day keeps going by without their physical existence around you.  Your present moment conflicts with your memory. The pain strikes you again, even harder. As if, now, it is eating you alive.

But this memory is also the only invisible string that can pull you through your dark days. The memory that caused you to feel pain is now starting to trigger a simple smile without you even noticing. That smile accompanying your tears is a sign that you have begun to cure the wound of your grieving.

You bring them back alive in the way you’re reminiscing them.

You start to feel their presence again. You remember their message. You understand what they want for you and your life.  Now you’re seeing the world differently as if you see through their eyes. As if you and they are united.

In fact, you are now united with them through beautiful memories you’ve made together before they go to a better place.

I know how it feels like to lose people you love to death. I know whenever you miss them, whenever you revisit their new home, the pain will always find its way to resurface and strikes you. Breaking you down all over again. That’s okay. That’s just how grieving works. That’s how we deal with loss. As the day goes by, we’ll get used to it.

Whoever they are for you, your feeling is valid. There are no rigid requirements to allow us to feel something except a heart.

[dearestneil]

Nobody tells you how moving on from someone you considered your safe place is hard, nobody tells you you’ll keep wondering about them for the rest of your life

[dearestneil]

Twin Peaks (1990-1991)

[dearestneil]

Her (2013)

[dearestneil]

Headless John The Baptist Hitchhiking, C.T. Salazar

[dearestneil]

i feel like even if i spend my whole life crying it will still not be enough to get out the grief that i have in my heart

[dearestneil]

[dearestneil]

[dearestneil]

“Its a frightening thought, that in one fraction of a moment you can fall in the kind of love that takes a lifetime to get over.”

— Beau Taplin

[dearestneil]

i miss u terribly & i love u more each day if that’s even possible to love u that much :<

[dearestneil]

[dearestneil]

I'm healing, learning, growing.

But there's times like tonight where I get swept up in it again and I grieve everything I've lost

Sometimes love is cruel because you don't always get what you deserve

[dearestneil]

day 92 •

other days i feel as if i have finally moved on (not completely — but just the kind where i can sleep soundly at last and not cry prior sleeping) but came some things that would remind me of him. and just like that, I am back to day 1 — too tired to eat, even socialize. i just can’t. can’t function, can’t get any report done. can’t remember the last word i said literally just seconds ago. can’t can’t. i just can’t.

the crying habit is back again - every night, everytime I face the mirror or everytime i shower. this time, more painful than the last time.

[dearestneil]

Rebecca Makkai, The Great Believers

Lees verder

[dearestneil]

uploading pics everytime i miss you badly