dearava

[dearava]

this is my final entry in here? maybe? i have robbers stuck in my head. ironic huh? @ava-gassel

[dearava]

hey,

i write on here when i don’t want to be direct; you can look at this whenever you want. I’m sorry for pestering you. Actually no I’m not. You’re my best friend, I used to talk to you all day every day. I’m so sad that this is happening. You are my best friend, and even as I sit 5 miles away from you, the distance is still there. I want to talk to you face to face and sort things out Even if you don’t love me anymore, we can still be best friends. It’s ok to change, but you don’t have to feel less. I just want to laugh with you. I want to here you talk about the things you love. I want to drive home at a ridiculous hour because we didn’t notice the time that had passed. I know you’re busy but, too busy to give me an hour? I’m being real with you because I have been trying to be sensitive and gentle around this whole thing, but I need something. closure. an explanation. anything. If you start feeling better???? Then we should hang. I don’t mind getting sick, as long as I can see you.

goodbye, 

Olivia

[dearava]

hi. i haven't written on here in a while, but it's nice cause i can talk to you without actually having an actual conversation. that sounds sad. but we don't really have conversations anymore :(. i read all of goodnight my dear friend today. it made me wonder if you remember how you felt while writing those entries. about the promises you made in them. i feel annoying to you at this point; like a knat you can't seem to shoo away. im sorry for that. Im just so addicted to whatever our relationship is. i know u might be confused as to why i think these things but it's because you've been so short with me. i cant read you and what i am reading is annoyance. sorry, goodnight; whether you like it or not, i love you X Olivia @ava-gassel

[dearava]

i love you

[dearava]

i was thinking about this photo today this was a good day

[dearava]

I’m literally gonna do one of these cancerous things, but only because I also want to see ur list. I’m not going to do it in 30 days obviously cause I don’t have the morals for that.

1. Black Skinhead - Kanye West

2. #3 - Aphex Twin

3. Work - Rihanna

4. Addict With a Pen - twenty one pilots (I love the song but it makes me think of myself in my most darkest hour; I want to forget about her)

5. Agust D - Agust D

6. Bang Bang Bang - Big Bang

7. Ironic - Alanis Morisette or Telephone - Lady Gaga

8. Chocolate- The 1975

9. Up The Wolves- The Mountain Goats

10. Anything from Self Titled

11. Tonight Tonight - Smashing Pumpkins

12. The Harold Song - Ke$ha

13. September- Earth, Wing & Fire

14. Oh Ms Believer by top but also like Hit Em Up by Tupac?

15. Hallelujah- Jeff Buckley

16. classical? uh idk

17. Up Where We Belong- Joe Crocker (typical)

18. Gettin Jiggy Wit It - Will Smith

19. Futura Free - Frank Ocean

20. Trees - twenty one pilots

21.  Reflections After Jane - The Clientele

22. One Man Can Change The World- Big Sean

23. Taxi Cab - twenty one pilots or U by Kendrick Lamar

24. Cancer - MCR (the heart wrenching version)

25. Lover You Should Have Come Over - Jeff Buckley

26. Sparks - Coldplay 

27. SPRING DAY - BTS

28. These Days - Nico

29.  Breakaway - Kelly Clarkson

30. Bye Mom - El Ten Eleven

[dearava]

another song that makes me think of you: have we met before by tom rosenthal it reminds me of france for some reason?

[dearava]

12/16/16

                                      Why I Love Victor Nikiforov

     Victor Nikiforov is a character off of the wildly popular anime series Yuri! On Ice. He is renowned as the top male figure skater in the world and is admired by many for his skill and god-like appearance. In this essay I will address everything I nut over about Vitya, and why those features are so important.

     i will start from the top and work my way down, starting with his hair. The first thing you’ll notice about Victor’s hair or him in general is that his hair is a beautiful dusty silver. In his younger skating years, his hair was long and flowing. As his career progressed he cut it and it is now the most beautiful fucking thing you’ll ever see. It’s short pretty much all the way around except in the front he has a cowlick that makes him have the most beautiful fringe ever. The way it moves when he moves will bring you to tears. When he filps it out of his face in order to wink out of his usually covered eye, you will become pregnant. That dude yuri always touching his head like he’s going bald or some shit. HES NOT. Victor Nikiforov is perfect and is not balding in the slightest.

     Next, we’ll move onto his face/neck.  Oh fuck. where do I start. I guess let’s talk about his eyes. HOLY FUCK. They are an icy blue and you’ll drown in them.  They hold so much emotion in them . They are normally slim with sensuality and only when he feels yuri’s love do they widen to show true passion. His eyebrows are so nice, like a boy takes care of them god bless. They are grey like his hair which makes you think that he is either: a. a grandpa, b. an alien, or c. a bitch got money to constantly dye his hair and brows. (Prolly the latter cause I know that hoe is rich). Anyway, back to the face. HIS LIPS BRUH. They are so fucking amazing. I mean you only get to see them actually like twice in the whole show but when you do see them t’s like looking into the eyes of GOD. they are so plump and moisturized. I mean we know what fucking expensive ass gucci lip balm he uses so no wonder (that shit is fifty bucks FIFTY, for LIP BLAM). His nose, oh my god, it slopes and points in just the right spots, like I never thought I would look at a nose and call it elegant, but his IS. Onto the neck. That shit is so long and muscular and slopes perfectly into his shoulders. When he turns to the side you can see his adam’s apple that provides us with that beautiful voice (GOD BLESS). 

     Ok, onto the torso. Oh my god, what is there not to talk about. He is a GOD. He has like an eight pack and his pecks are so firm and sculpted. He’s so curvy and beautiful. HE’S GOT THAT V-LINE THO LIKE IM SOAKING WET. His shoulders are so broad like. I’ll talk about his arms as well.They are so long and musclar, like he could CRUSH ME WITH THOSE ARMS AND I WOULD THANK HIM. His fingers are so long and perfectly groomed like can he please f****r me. Back to talking about his v-line OH MY GOD, I bet he’s got a huge dick. 

     That booty, in one statement, OWNS ME. That shit is so plump and tight and wtf i’m so gay for him and i’m a girl.

     Ok but those LEGS THO. They are equally as long as they are thique. Like I want him to put my head between his thighs and crush it with them. Like his calves are so sculpted like I am in love. When he skates, they are just enchanting, They move so beautifully, like when a boy jumps I’m gone. When he does a salchow, and that leg swings out of the jump my ass disintegrates.

     Onto the best part about Victor, his personality/his mysterious past. Ok ok ok ok ok OK. So omg. He is so confident and ready for da dick at all times. He is a sex GOD. Like I can’t type fast enough to get across my thoughts on him. First of all it breaks my heart that he had such a connection (fell in love). With yuri at the banquet and then flew his ass all the way to Japan thinking that his lover would be waiting for him only to find out that Yuri had forgotten about the banquet. But Yuri taught him love and life outside of skating, ooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyyyyy gooddddddddd. That transitions to his mysterious past. We literally know nothing about this dude but that makes him all the more attractive. Like he said he hadn’t known love for like 20 years before yuri which I think means he’s had a huge sexuality struggle because he also said early on that he hd had many girlfriends. And he never had love for any of them???? He also said in episode 11 that he felt shackled to skating and Yuri made him feel alive again. A poet? A god? A man with unending passion to the one he loves? I THINK THE FUCK SO. He also has such a good temper? Like I worship him????? All the times where Yuri was turning him down in the beginning and the time he was late, he NEVER got angry. Even when Yurio came and REPEATEDLY kicked him in the back and told him that his career was dead, he didn’t lose his temper!!!!! (Even tho he grabbed that little brat by the jaw and was VIBRATING). I came whe  he did that like can he do that to my throat please. 

     Ugh there isn’t anything about that man I dislike like ok. He is so perfect in every way. i would kill my entire family for him. I would burn down my house for him. He is so incredible and he loves so passionately and never gives up on people. And he is so complex that i could talk on it for hours. I love Vitya, and all I want in this life is for him to be happy, Thank you and goodnight.

X Olivia   @ava-gassel

[dearava]

not to be continually deep on here but.

people often ask me why i like rap so much, and i think I’ve finally figured it out.

rarely do you see things going wrong for the protagonists in rap. and if something bad does happen they speak out against it in order to heal or to make a public statement.

the classic “rappers only ever talk about money and hoes” isn’t true, but what is true is people are rarely sad when surrounded by money and hoes.

all other bands i listen to have perpetually melancholy and dark lyrics, and while that can be amazing and complex at times, it can be extremely oppressive on the mind (you know who im talking about)

what im trying to say is i think i like rap so much is because i wish i could live in the rap world sometimes. and while much of the rap world is filled with murder and heartbreak, it’s mostly filled with fame and lavish life styles; an escape from this life im currently “living”

X Olivia @ava-gassel

[dearava]

just a healthy reminder THAT JOSH AND TYLER WERE LIKE THREE FEET IN FRONT OF US

[dearava]

"you know what? im glad that im alive."

[dearava]

i feel like the world is about to swallow me whole. everyday it feels like im going to just disappear. not like it would matter, i dont know this person ive become. im just a shell of who i once was, hollow and fragile. i have lost my way. i can hide this imposter that ive become. but when im alone, the veil comes off, and the truth is revealed. i can see the end of this madness, it exists. all that lies between me and the close is time. i will just have to see if i can make it through without it poisoning my mind forever. my mind is already wasting away. i write this because nobody understands my true turmoil, my true suffering. i joke and i laugh, but i am hidden, i am false. @ava-gassel

[dearava]

i remember you as a time of day; just like the song you are dusk you are the pinks and oranges at the end of the day you are a car ride in the evening to pelicans you are the setting sun over a concert venue you are the beginning of band practice, where the sky is ablaze with color you are us sitting in a park, swinging gently on swings; not worrying about tomorrow i remember you as that @ava-gassel

[dearava]

work (the song) reminds me of warm evenings driving in your car to pelicans, excited for the summer ahead of us, not a worry in sight... @ava-gassel

[dearava]

im paranoid that you'll forget me

[dearava]

i will come back to you

[dearava]

i thought this layout looked nicer