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I’m in so much pain rn. I’ve never wished evil thoughts on anyone no matter how dirty I was dealt. But tonight… tonight…. I feel so betrayed, cheated, lied to, taken advantage of. My entire being feels weak and broke. I feel like wet rag that’s been wrung out dry and torn apart. I’m not suicidal but I don’t want to wake up to this life anymore. This year has been a nightmare. I wish I could wake up and realize it was all a dream.
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God… I know I’ve lost touch. The devil possessed my soul my mind and my body. I need you more than ever. Please give me strength, give the strength you gave me for 7 straight years. I feel your presence every night and day. When I’m in pain.. you’re right beside me enduring the pain with me. Sometimes in life you get hit hard. I just know if I come out alive, I know the best days are ahead. 🙏🏼
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Sometimes I wish my dealer would just drop dead. I never thought some Mexican kid would ruin my life. I can’t blame him, I make my own choices. But he would rather charge me 3x as much and watch me slowly go broke ruining my life day by day till I have nothing and homeless. I make my own choices 1000% but I wish dark evil things sometimes. I’m sorry God. You paved the road of righteousness for man years. 1 year ago I had $100,000 in the bank. My New Years Resolution for this year was to have $140,000 at least. Ready to buy my dream home with the help of my father also pitching in $60,000 on top. But I chose to walk the dark lonely path of misery and hate. Now I am taking out loans, maxing out credit cards to support my drug habit. I’m embarrassed of myself. I’ve lost everything. My friends, my money, my job, my love of my life, my dignity, my family. I hate my life. I feel hopeless and embarrassed of myself. I feel so empty inside. I cry every day despising myself. God please have mercy on my soul.
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HEY OTHER ART PEOPLE, GET IN HERE AND DO SOME SHAMELESS SELF PROMOTION. Toss a link to your art profile here. I'm thankful for all the folks who support me everyday, but I know there's a ton of artists who need eyes on what they're doing, and a ton of folks just starting their careers that need that support way more than I do. Go wild, I'm taking a night off and I'm bored AF.
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