dead--alive

[dead--alive]

It doesn’t even feel like I’m living, I’m just existing. I don’t know how to fix that, how to change that.

[dead--alive]

First birthday without me in it. The past 4 years I was there for your birthday but not this year. I wonder if you noticed. If you care. I highly doubt you miss me, why would you? You're the one who left me, anyway. No one likes you when you're 23.

[dead--alive]

“Sometimes, all you can do is lie in bed, and hope to fall asleep before you fall apart.”

— William C. Hannan

[dead--alive]

Keeping your distance from an addiction that is so accepted in our society is straining.

The thoughts

The voices

The cravings.

Just one little drink won't kill me.

One hit won't throw me to the wolves again.

I can't allow to get wrapped around like a present.

I deserve a future.

I've watched what "simple" things can become with the right head space,

Head stone.

Watching upbeat memories at bars and parties get taken by the gravitational pull of hell, absorbing everyone in its lies.

-A.L

[dead--alive]

Bottles lie empty on the beside table

A poloroid of you fallen neatly amongst the mess of things

Never did fly out to see me

Three guesses why

Just tell me

What the fuck I have to do

To get some free drugs around here

- G.M

[dead--alive]

I will never ask another person to stay in my life. If you want to go, the door will always be open.

[dead--alive]

Why must I be so attached to something that no longer exists? Why must grief linger?

[dead--alive]

I try so hard, I feel stuck during February. It feels as though nothing will help my sadness. Nothing will cure this ache, this pain. I am exhausted of grief. I don't want to feel it anymore. It's been years since they've moved on from this realm, why must it still feel like a dream? Why must it still feel like the future? Like it hasn't happened yet but I know it's going to and there's nothing I can do to stop it?

[dead--alive]

I want mushrooms to take over my body like they do to ants. Let me give back to the earth. Use my body for a meal. Grow stronger because of me. That's all I ask of you.

[dead--alive]

I will not allow myself to become obsessed with someone. Not again. It is not worth the heartache. Having friends is great, being social with good people will always help. But trusting another human being with my full, unapologetic self? I just can't do it. Protecting myself is my top priority.

[dead--alive]

Where Is My Mind

[dead--alive]

LMAOOO feeling so much better from the b/u. I have learned A LOT about myself and the things I deserve. And don't think for a SECOND that I will settle for less, everrrr again. It's been hard having the memories of us. It's been extremely painful. It's shattered my heart over and over again. But that has helped me become stronger. I am learning things about myself and my past every day. I'm working to build myself the way that will make me happiest. I am figuring out the kind of life I want to have and the kinds of people I would like in it. This is all hellaaa hard work, however, I know for a fact that it will be worth it.

[dead--alive]

You ever make a bowl of tomato soup and think "mm hot ketchup" then dissociate for 3 minutes staring into your hot ketchup

[dead--alive]

[dead--alive]

Adderall should be added to water like fluoride is

[dead--alive]

this is the funniest thing I’ve read in my LIFE

[dead--alive]

I wish I had someone who would show they wanted to fuck me instead of only talking about it.