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dbwright · 6 years ago

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COMING HOME

We are sitting on the edge of my tree house ledge, staring into the night sky. She looks at a plane, tracking it with all of her eyes as it makes its way, blinking through the air.

“Why can’t we just take that home?”

“Because it is not built for that, it’s not made to take you home.”

But it’s flying.”

“It has a limit. It can’t get anywhere near space. We need a rocket ship for that.. an airplane just wouldn’t make it, I’m sorry”

Dharma blinked all her eyes at once, processing what I’d said.

“Oh, it’s just an air skimmer then. Useless.”

“Well it’s a little more important than that.. it goes 30,00+ feet in the air and takes us from place to place all over the world. Humans use them every day, all day. Without airplanes, our society would be much less connected.”

Dharma looks unimpressed.

To “her” the feats of humankind were generally paltry and insignificant in real value the way a child would present a finger painting to an art dealer used to appraising Da Vincis and Monets.

The only thing she was impressed with was the ability of humans to be both loving and violent at once. Where she came from, most of her “people” carry the same temperament with very gentle and limited range. Think the difference between Mr Rogers deciding between a blue sweater and a light blue sweater. That’s about as wild as they got with their individuality. So to Dharma, the TV pretty much blew her mind because she observed vapid reality stars, dramatic fantastical stories, and insightful documentaries all in one breath.

“She” looked as close to an eighth grade girl as an alien could, save for her light blue skin, webbed fingers, lack of ears, and the third eye which sat snuggly in between her main two. She had no ears but she could “hear” me through the vibrations of the airwaves my mouth made reflecting off her skull.

She blinked again, except only the middle eye this time. Usually, that meant her brain was whirring.

“Huh. Well, then we will have to find a rocket ship. With haste.”

I had met her crying in a dirt clearing about ten miles from my house. She had been abandoned accidentally by her parents (all 20 of them) who were here on a survey mission. She had snuck off ship and wandered into the woods while they were taking dirt samples and made friends with a baby bear. A young couple had arrived to the dirt clearing so the ship and Dharmas parents were gone without a trace by the time she had made her way back.

Dharma was lost and hopeless when I met her. She didn’t speak English but I understood immediately her situation somehow and took her home to hide with me. After all, what’s a super exclusive top-secret tree house for if not to stash illegal aliens in?

I taught her the alphabet in one day and left her some kids books to practice with while I was at school and she was onto Dostoyevsky within a month.

My dad grumbled about the mystery of the missing library but said nothing else to me about it as long as the books reappeared on his shelf.

It wasn’t until his cigarettes started disappearing that he began to complain and give me a hard stare. Unfortunately, Dharma had discovered an affinity for tobacco (it made her high like catnip) and I had to find an alternative which surprisingly turned out to be soap. She would eat bars of soap like hot pockets. According to her, the high wasn’t as good but at least her breath smelled better.

In any case, my dad's cigs stopped disappearing and he stopped staring at me but my mom started asking me what kind of boys I was playing with and where I was playing to go through soap so quickly. I even had to roll around in dirt before going home each night to keep the story up.

The things you do for love.

Yes, it’s true.. I fell in love with an alien.

What can I say, it was a weird time for me and like most love -you never know where it might spring forth from but when it does you have to take it for all it’s worth.

And luckily for me, she fell in love with me too, or at least the equivalent of her species. Mostly it meant she would pat me on the head once or twice to show her affection through physical contact.

One week we binged romantic comedies and she thought she understood love better and started making up silly implausible scenarios to start an argument with me and had me concoct long-winded makeup speeches declaring my love for her and how she was the only “girl” for me in response. After which she would swoon, forgive me, and give me a kiss. Then she went to sleep.

Yea I know what you’re thinking.. aliens sleep?

She sure did, and they even cuddle too! Which was pretty cool for only a few hours. That first night, I woke up stuck to her. In her sleep, she had wrapped her side gills around me and for lack of a better word, ejaculated all over me.

See, in her world, the “females” lay hundreds of millions of tiny sticky sperm that form a sheet, or net of wriggling sperm that the “males” would open their pores to accept. The sperm would wriggle their way through their bodies until they found a womb, multiple of which were located up and down their core. After two weeks, tiny babies would shoot out their ass and mouth and be collected in large bowls where half were eaten as a delicacy like caviar and the other half sent to an incubation hive.

Anyway, I learned all that later.. that first night when she sprayed me I almost suffocated silently, thousands of tiny sperm crawling in my nose and ear holes, but luckily she woke up in time and ate most the sperm away. She ate her own jizz to save my life.

After that, we switched; I was big spoon from then on and she would come all over a throw pillow instead.

And the pillow smelled like skittles.

I know, really weird.

But what love isn’t, to the uninitiated? And I’d never been in love before so I really had no baseline for normal.

Things went well for about six months. There wasn’t much sex, or any at all, despite her having a vagina but what high schooler is really getting it like that anyway? And I didn’t look like Brad Pitt after all. More like Ellen Page. Or a teenage Ellen Degeneres. Kids called me the baby-faced lesbian for a reason.

I was skinny, scrawny, pimpled up, and awkward. And against all odds, I had found love, and love had found me.

It was a strange but glorious time.

The only problem is she aged much faster than me. By the time I was sixteen and a half she was already 20 and by the time I was seventeen she was 35. See, the Kkreeebbppobbbb age differently from us. They have an exponentially accelerating aging process that takes them from 0 to roughly 500 Kkreeebbppobbbb years that fits within a 17-18 human year timeframe.

This meant that she would be leaving me very soon. And she was determined to find a way home so her body could decompose in the giant compost heap in the sky.

Literally, there is a floating compost heap island in the air where all the bodies went into after they passed. The bodies would go in and their remains would exhaust into the atmosphere and fall through the clouds with the rain as a very fine mist that the living would gather in their drains and gutters, bottle, and drink at home.

Apparently, it also made their sperm more potent, or so they claimed.

“Look man, I don’t make up the news I just report it. There were a lot of things about her species that repulsed me or made no sense, but in the end, while she was from another planet, she loved me like she’d been born a human and that’s all that mattered.”

I loved her so much my chest hurt when I was away from her.

However, things got real about a month after my seventeenth birthday. I came in the tree house to find her weak and unable to get out of bed. She stared at me with slowly blinking eyes the way a horse does on its last days. See, like humans, as the Kkreeebbppobbbb get older, they get weaker and frailer.

She called me over

“I think my time is coming, Freddie. My time has come. I'm afraid.. I.. I won’t make it home.”

My eyes started welling up immediately and my throat went numb. I didn’t want to admit it but I knew she was right. There was no rocket ship I could take her on and frankly I wouldn’t have even been able to make make it ten yards in public without her ending up in a government facility being dissected for examination.

Oh, I could have dressed her up and snuck her around a little bit for sure.. but see the sun made her fart and the longer she was out in it, the worse the smell got, until the air was so thick and toxic flowers literally wilted. The government would have weaponized that shit immediately. But I digress.

She lay there feeble and silent, and I knelt over her, my tears starting to fall.

“But.. but I don’t want you to go.” I said to her

“..time is a circle ..but life is a straight line ..my love.. we aren’t meant to live forever..” she replied back “It is better to have loved and lost rather to have never loved at all, Freddie.. you taught me what love is and made me happy. I’ll never forget that” she added with an increasingly faint whisper. I stared with far away eyes at the pile of Romantic Comedy DVDs behind her head. I thought about Billy Crystal seeing Meg Ryan at the bookstore, and Julia Roberts standing in front of Hugh Grant saying “I’m just a girl in front of a boy” and old Ryan Gosling holding onto old Rachel McAdams hand as they died at the same time, souls floating to heaven together. And I knew at that moment this could never be us.

I really let it go then. My shoulders shook as my chest heaved and I lost my breath and hoped to die.

“Please.. please don’t go.” I begged her

She motioned with her hand to me to come closer.

I lowered my head next to her alien lips.

“Freddie.. Freddie.. promise me.. please promise me.. one thing.. before I go”

“Anything! What can I do for you, my love”

“...before I die.. eat me.”

I paused.

“Excuse me?”

“Before.. I.. die.. eat me.”

“What? I can’t do that! -You mean.. like with a fork and knife? I couldn’t. No -I couldn’t! That would tear me apart.. What do you mean eat you, are you crazy?

I mean, how would I even prepare you anyway? And you’re a lot denser than you look, it would take me a month -and by then without a deep freezer you’d decompose and I’d throw up trying to eat your remains and then have to eat my throw up too it’d be a vicious cycle of puking and eating and puking and eating and honestly I’m already too skinny to become bulimic.”

She waved her hand at me, annoyed.

“No, I mean eat me.” And she pointed at her alien vagina.

“I want to go out on an orgasm, Freddie. On a high note. Lick my fucking pussy one more time like you mean it, Freddie.”

I stared at her.

First of all, that dirty bitch.

I realized she had been lying to me. See, I had been eating her out every night for a fucking year. She had told me I was helping her with a specialized biological detox her species needed, that it was totally normal.. a totally non-sexual act and that’s why she never blew me in return because her species doesn’t actually engage in oral cunnilingus for sexual purposes, it was against their religion. And the orgasms were a by-product only.

“But.. you..” my eyes narrowed

“I know, I lied.. I’m sorry. It’s just that your dick is so weird looking to me I just couldn’t do it.”

“You selfish bitch” I cried out. “Your cunt smells like fucking week old mayonnaise, you think I would have done that every fucking night if I thought it was optional and not life or death as you said??”

“Freddie.. I’m sorry.. you’re right I was a selfish bitch.. but I’m dying now. That is real.”

I softened immediately my eyes got wet again.

“Shit, you’re right.” I mean I wasn't happy about the new revelation that I had been eating my girlfriend out every night sometimes 2-3 times a night all for a lie, but in the end I still loved her and if I’m being honest with myself, I probably would have still done it at least every other night if she’d asked bc I’m such a pushover that's always eager to please.

“Okay.” I said.

She smiled and touched my cheek gently.

“I love you Freddie.”

“I love you too”

She closed her eyes (all three of them) and I stared at her with loving eyes myself, tracing her contours with my eyes, trying to memorize every line of her face for after she was gone. I loved her like I’d never loved anyone and would never love anyone like her again.

After a pause, she opened her middle eye and blinked quickly. Which apparently meant (now that I know more) that she was horny.

“Well? What are you waiting for, I don’t have all day.”

She nodded down at her pussy.

“Start munching, motherfucker.”

I grumbled and took a deep breath

I started kissing her stomach and nibbling her thighs.

“What the fuck, if I wanted foreplay, I would have diddled myself before you got here. Eat me now, if I can’t come home.. I want to go out cumming.”

“Jesus, okay okay I was just trying to make our last moments together a bit more romantic.”

“If you want to make it more romantic stop talking and start licking.”

She was a sassy old bitch by now, but I guess I understand. She had no time left to beat around the bush, no pun intended.

So I used my fingers to spread her sheath and her pussy pushed out like a turtle head out a shell.

A nasty odor hit me in the face like a spray from an aerosol can.

“Fuck me, your pussy stank, mama! You got that old rank alien pussy now don’t you?”

“But my clit still works” she retorted and grabbed the back of my head and pushed me back down.

“Fuck.” I grumbled but after taking another deep breath to the side, I started licking furiously. I knew how she like it, in an even up and down motion with some swirls and figure Ss throwing in. By now I was a master of the alien clit.”

“Ohhhh. Yea.” She whispered

I kept licking

“oohhhhh, Freddie.. yea you lick it so good Freddie” she moaned

“don’t stop don’t stop!” She cried and pushed my face even deeper until my mouth completely covered her turtle head and my tongue was licking it like the inside of a soda bottle.”

“Yes yes yes!! I’m coming I’m coming I’m coming!” She screamed and her body went taut and her thighs started shaking. Normally she would push me away immediately. This time not. After the shakes were gone, she went completely limp and didn’t move. She was gone. I gave her a few tentative licks in case she was just sleeping, but in my heart, I knew she was gone.

She was the love of my life. I thought of all the times we shared, the movies, books, conversations.. I started to tear up again, and before I knew it I was bawling, dripping wet tears onto her wet pussy head and started licking her kissing her begging her to come back.

“What in the holy fuck?!”

I looked up, and to my complete horror, my mom was staring at me. She had a plate of cookies in her hand and they dropped all the way to the ground in slow motion...

“And that is how my mom caught me crying and eating a dead elderly alien’s pussy on a Friday night and why I was grounded for almost a year until college started. Later on her parents actually came back and collected her remains so she could finally be in the great compost pile in the sky.”

I finished my story, looking around anxiously.

The room was so quiet a pin could drop and it would echo.

The group was silent, everyone staring at me or each other wide-eyed.

“What? You asked us to share our most embarrassing moment in high school.” I cried out defensively.

“Uh not that embarrassing, dude.” One guy said with everyone giggling

“And not that weird!” A girl said

“Hey, you know where I could find some alien pussy, bro? I’ll lick that mayonnaise bro.” Another asked, making everyone laugh.

Another kid raised his hand “Why do aliens lay eggs through gills and AND have vaginas with clits at the same time? What’s the point of that?”

“Because even aliens need to get off too, ask your girlfriend Ricky!” everyone was howling and pounding their tables

“Fuck you! I get my girl off plenty with this d-dick, don’t I baby?” Ricky hollered, looking expectantly at his girlfriend, who rolled her eyes and pretended to get an important text message suddenly. A few girls around Ricky snickered.

An overweight girl raised her arm, frowning at me while giving side-eye to the professor. “I find it problematic that you would describe her “sperm” as smelling like skittles and her vaginal ejaculate like old mayo. This is sexist because it promotes the heterosexual stereotypes of a male-dominated society and it's reductive and aggressive and it makes me really uncomfortable. Also the fact it really should have been described as a non-gender conforming being in your story but you insisted on referring to her as a “she.” I feel attacked right now. Triggered. Extremely triggered.”

A few girls nod in agreement and a bunch of boys groan. The professor cringes quietly.

My face flushes and turns beet red and I close my eyes and slowly put my forehead on the table wishing I was dead myself.

and it was at that moment I realized college was gonna be really, really hard for me.

I missed Dharma a lot..

Sigh.

At least she got to come before going home.

#lit #literature #shorts #short #short story #alien pussy

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