dayrience

[dayrience]

it has been 2-3 days not having good mood, high insecurities, full of anger, but it's ok, it was my fault.

always kept her priorities on top and compromising mine, just thinking of her even when I'm enjoying out, asking her if she is fine, highly available, agreeing with her everytime.

But it is ok, ig, taking Luke warm water for her in class. Standing with her in every tough condition, never called her on phone she might get awkward, but she used to call others not me. 'had to tab hui, when she went from hostel to g block to take print of aytida, even when she was not fine, here I was just.....', and fir this she said ki he helped on call be calm, and all Manu bansal yha h, vha h, bas. m vha uske sath khda, usko sahi bat bta rha, ki mat soch relax kar, uska kuch nhi, theek h, kai bar jab samne rehti h n cheez to uski aukat ka pta nhi lgta, but merko pta h ki meri kya aukat hogyi h.

Uske lie sab h, itne logo se daily bat krketi itne to m chehre nahi dekhta din m logo k. sab ache h, sabse bat karni, theek h, m hi pagal th ki sab chodke usse hi bat Kari, sirf usi se kari.

ab arha h smjh m dheere dheere, karunga y bat khtm. use puchke k khtm karna ab y chapter.

[dayrience]

the paper plane which u make, never follows the path that u want it to.... it follows what others want to make her follow.......

hmm.. i thought I would ask her to go out to the cafe but unexpectedly tihska asked her for 1st oct 2022 after taking the mst exam of maths at 5-6pm. it's fine totally fine....

once someone said to me emphasising like hell.... what is happening is visible to u. but that's not true, people aren't that smart to find what the other person thinks about her....

so till now all plans are cancelled.

bye

[dayrience]

umm... it will be very random..

so, today was b'day one of my clg frnd and we as in kinam, inavihs, ihskatim, knayirp(m and s frnd) were just tgthr at cos, and some chiya chats were going on and before that m said ki noone came on her birthday to meet her... and she also said ki i asked whether it will be fine if won't meet u. but how should I tell her what was the reason behind all this ....

i have been a boy who never had a bst frnd, used to be with many but was close to none. like we usually don't carry umbrella everytime like when it's pleasant there, we usually not. similarly i was umbrella to them, use only when require, see to it only no option left. it is ok, i think it was problem with me not with these many even can't count. I'm a bit reserved, sometimes act as a rude, impolite full of attitude, depressed always asking others to not to do this always poking on nose or major reason could be I might me dumb enough that people can't tolerate me all the time....

and to her, she talks to so many people she is what she is now at that point of time this thing was going in my mind what I'm to her, nothing just a grp mate whom she knew since past 3-4 months. and she already had frnds with whom she usually used to spend time.... now how can I ask her to meet me on her bday.

well it's fine she do have lot of people to talk, text or whatever but i don't have none... yes I do talk to them but not that frequently.... don't have any person with whom I could share my feelings with

i think it's ok to be like this, atleast she is happy. exchanging same ideas or even different to many....

bye

[dayrience]

22 Sep 2022

shyd 17 se m asked me, for an evening walk(1830-2030hrs)approx. not more than this, hahaha

well all make fun of her height, but she is 5'2'' and comes near my shoulders. she looks very cute while smiling. i really doubt she feels the same for me like I do... i think she just feel like I'm a good friend to her not more than that. but suprisingly more closer to me than Vani and shivani.

she asked me bout my Tumblr I'd as she joined it too for writing diaries. but i denied coz I don't have anything which she could read, and i also didn't ask her I'd. she writes well.

ahh yess. yesterday it rained, still we both went out of our hostel for a walk, on the road we could only see couples in one umbrella, and we both in separate... tho she had ocd due to rain water we went too early, she was looking different in full sleeves and black rimmed eyewear and hair tied to bun..

Today I talked to my parents asking whether I was feeling well or if I was lying bout my health, as i speak in a way that I'm in some kind of trouble.

that's all we are having our msts from 24 and having loads of syllabus.

G'night have to wake up at 8 for breakfast.

[dayrience]

5.9.22, mon

got up early(not really) at 7 am, went to washroom(doing revision for ai quiz) then went for bath, harsh was doing coding with no lights on(in dark). went for brkfst, came to know quiz cancelled, asking m to do meditation, went for maths for data science class alone(not 3 of them, neither adi shrma), 5.10pm meeting regarding internship as stream not included, then went to g block for t, with m. came back to hostel, did abs the hockey grnd oullups, jogging and came bck dinner, parents call. coding, roaming in hostel, manik's bday waiting to wish him. thats all.