daughterofhel

[daughterofhel]

I got somethins to say

[daughterofhel]

ANTI-CAPITALIST AFFIRMATIONS

i am allowed to spend my time creating things, even if they are not beautiful.

there is no such thing as a "real job." all forms of work are real and valid.

there is nothing that i need to accomplish to be worthy. i am already worthy.

doing nothing is good for my soul.

i am not defined by what i produce.

my worth cannot be measured by my paycheck, my job title, or a list of professional or academic achievements.

i do not need to monetize my hobbies, it is enough to spend time doing something i love.

i will not let society decide what success looks like. i can define what successful life looks like for me.

[daughterofhel]

yall ever just yearn? ever get filled with the most profound sense of longing for something you cant understand? yall ever crave? ever have an unexplainable ache?

[daughterofhel]

I’m in my Lady Macbeth era 😉

(Dress and cape made by me)

[daughterofhel]

lesbian sex that looks like a big cartoon ball of dust with the occasional leg sticking out and i crawl out of it covered in lipstick kisses and get swiftly dragged back in

[daughterofhel]

[daughterofhel]

no fucking awoo. no awoo right now. its late. its not awoo time. its sleeping time. go the fuck to bed.

[daughterofhel]

Set Sun

[daughterofhel]

you're all joking about not wearing earplugs to concerts, right? we're not out here rawdogging 120dB. right.

[daughterofhel]

Mariano: I've heard you have extremely high standards in men.

Isabela: I do. They just need to be girls.

[daughterofhel]

[daughterofhel]

The first one came from me thinking how it would be fun if they made some kind of reference to the OG movie in the new one, the rest are general Mario doodles :]

[daughterofhel]

I’m sure it may have come across your mind, but have you considered filming yourself lecturing? You could take your time editing it if there’s parts you regretted later on, and you’d be free to lecture on days you felt like it, without needing to commit to an official at the school teaching sort of job that comes with things like managing homework or your own temperaments with others? People love to learn, especially writers. Over Sarcastic Productions on YouTube cover a variety of things, and don’t stick just to a schtick, but are really popular for their Writing Tropes vids. I dunno. I just.. if you’re passionate AND knowledgeable I think that’s a fantastic basis. If you think that a channel of your own to manage sounds like something not for you, maybe reaching out to existing channels in your same vein may be more comfortable for you, as an advisor on the topic or even a full on script writer? I don’t know you mutual, nor you I, so sorry for the out of field comment here. I just like folks to be happy and I know the drowning feeling you speak of— in my own way. I wish you luck in whatever you do, and of course, that you find happiness in it. Nothing you’ve done has been a waste, I don’t believe that is the right viewpoint for folks. It simply needs to be applied at a different angle— and as someone, like many, who like to learn… Maybe online vids is where you’ll thrive? Best wishes mate.

Got into lecture mode in writer's group tonight. Which I try not to do because I really worry about dominating the group. I'm the organizer, not the professor.

It's both so nice and so depressing when I get into lecture mode.

I enjoy it and I can often tell that others enjoy it as well AND it always drives home the feeling that I've simply wasted my life.

Had I actually done what I should have done right out of grad school and tried to get a teaching gig, I bet I could have done it. And I would be nicely ensconced in academia teaching writing just like I intended.

It really feels like it is too late now. Not just time-wise, I barely remember anything about academia anymore and I have essentially nothing to show for my time away, but personality wise.

Hard to teach as a job when I can't guarantee I'm actually going to do... well, anything. Am I getting out of bed tomorrow? Am I going to do any sort of paperwork that needs doing? Am I going to do anything I'm supposed to do or agreed to do? Am I going to remember to take my meds? Am I going to bother to take them when I remember? Who knows? I don't. And I'm totally ungovernable when I get reactive. Can't exactly lose my temper, red out, and punch a student. They frown on that, I hear.

*Sigh* I know I'm good at teaching. I'm just not a teacher. And I'm not sure that I would actually make a good one if I actually was one. And it's all a moot point anyway right now. Just kinda wish it wasn't.

I dunno. Maybe I'd hate it if it was actually my job and not just me being unable to stop my yap from flapping. It's got to get boring and annoying after a while. Same shit, different quarter. I just find it so satisfying when I fail to stop lecture mode right now. Someone even said tonight that it was nice to see me animated :/ Need to try harder on all that. Or just get over myself and go for some kind of meetup course in spite of being a nutcase. You know. Whatever. :/ I just hate that the only thing I have to show for my Masters degree in the teaching and practice of creative writing is a piece of paper and a book I can't get anyone to buy. And I've got no one to blame for that except myself. No wonder I don't wanna be me. Feh.

[daughterofhel]

Jerma releasing the bees

[daughterofhel]

BDSM is fine, except for binding people which is fucked up, and dominating people which is fucked up, and sadism which is- lets be real- pretty fucked up, and masochism which is honestly lowkey pathetic

[daughterofhel]

it's good for your mental health to have mutuals who are wildly horny about kinks which do nothing at all for you