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#2
FROM DOORMAT TO Dreamgirl
Act Like a Prize and Youâll Turn Him into a Believer
Sex appeal is
50% what
youâve got,
and 50% what
people think
youâve got.â
-SOPHIA LOREN
âMeet the Nice Girl
Everyone has known a ânice girl.â She is the woman who will overcompensate, giving everything to a man she barely knows, without him having to invest much in the relationship. Sheâs the woman who gives blindly because she wants so much for her attentions to be reciprocated. Sheâs the woman who goes along with what she thinks her man will like or want because she wants to keep the relationship at all costs. Every woman, at some point, has been there.
Certainly, the average fashion magazine gives women ridiculous relationship advice that makes it easy to understand why women are so eager to overcompensate: âPlay hard to get, then cook him a four-course meal ⌠bake him Valentineâs cookies with exotic sprinkles shipped from Malaysia (just like Martha Stewart). Donât forget the little doilies and the organic strawberries that you drove two hours to get. Then serve it all to him on the second date, wearing a black lace nightie.â And what is this a recipe for? Disaster.
ATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #1
Anything a person chases in life runs away.
Especially when it comes to dealing with a man. With one caveat: If you chase him in a black nightie, first heâll have sex with you ⌠and then heâll run.
Why does a man run from a situation like this one? He runs because the womanâs behavior doesnât suggest that she places a high value on herself. The relationship is new, and the bond between them is relatively shallow. Yet sheâs already dealt him her best card.
The fact that she is willing to overcompensate to a virtual stranger immediately suggests one of two things. Heâll either assume she is desperate, or heâll assume she is willing to sleep with all men right away. Or both. What gets lost is his appreciation for her extra effort. Once a man begins to lose respect for a woman because she is willing to subtly devalue herself, he will also lose the desire to get closer to her. Nightie or no nightie.
A dreamgirl, on the other hand, wonât kill herself to impress anyone. This is why the woman he really falls in love with doesnât serve a four-course meal. And you wonât see her breaking out the fancy china, either. Sheâll start out cooking him a one-course meal. (Popcorn.) No fancy doilies. A Tupperware bowl does the trick. She simply âasks her guest, âHey, do you want the bag or the bowl?â Six months later, the same woman throws together a meal and puts down a hot plate in front of him. And what does he say to himself? âMan! Iâm special!â
It doesnât matter if it is pasta with Ragu topped by a meatball you picked up at the corner deli. Heâll say, âThis is the best pasta I have ever had in my life!â
Now he feels like a king. And the only difference is the amount of time and effort he had to invest, first. He didnât get it all right up front and he appreciated it more.â
âATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #2
The women who have the men climbing the walls for them arenât always exceptional. Often, they are the ones who donât appear to care that much.
This isnât about how to play a game or how to manipulate someone. This is about whether you are genuinely needy, or whether you can genuinely show him that youâll be an equal partner in the relationship. Itâs about whether you are capable of holding your own in a relationship.
What would happen if you let him know from day one that you are willing to bend over backward? Heâd think youâre desperate, and heâd want to see just how far youâd be willing to bend. It is human nature. Heâd immediately start to test the waters. The more malleable youâd become, the more heâd expect you to bend. Heâll instantly perceive you as a Duracell battery, as in, âJust how far will she go? How much can I get out of her?â
Nice girls need to know what a bitch understands. Overcompensating or being too eager to please will lessen a manâs respect; it will give the kiss of death to his attraction, and it will put a time limit on the relationship.
Most men donât perceive a woman who jumps through hoops as someone who offers a mental challenge. Intelligent women make the mistake of assuming that if they hold a higher degree, they can hold their own in a political debate, and they have a good understanding of mid-caps, they offer a man mental stimulation during dinner. But the mental challenge has little to do with conversation. (Granted, if she thinks that Al Green and Alan Greenspan are the same person, then Houston? We have a problem.)
In general, the mental challenge has to do with whether you expect to be respected. It has to do with how you relate to him. It has to do with whether he knows that you arenât afraid to be without him.
The nice girl makes the mistake of being available all the time. âI donât want to play games,â she says. So, she lets him see how afraid she is to be without him and he soon comes to feel as though he has a 100Â percent hold on her. This is often the point when women begin to complain: âHe doesnât make enough time for me. He isnât as romantic as he used to be.â
A bitch is more selective about her availability. Sheâs available sometimes; other times sheâs not. But sheâs nice. Nice enough, that is, to consider his âpreferences for when heâd like to see her so that she can sometimes accommodate them. Translation? No 100Â percent hold.
What about the woman who will drop everything and drive to see a man? The man also knows he has a 100Â percent hold on her. After a couple of dates, he goes out with the boys, comes in at midnight, calls her, and off she goes to see him. When a woman drives to see a man in the middle of the night, the only thing missing is a neon sign on the roof of her car that says WE DELIVER.
âATTRACTION PRINCIPLE #3
A woman is perceived as offering a mental challenge to the degree that a man doesnât feel he has a 100Â percent hold on her.
Your time with him is telling. The nice girl sits in a chair after a week of knowing the guy, bored out of her mind as he does something that interests him. He may be watching sports on TV, cleaning his fishing gear, strumming his guitar, or working on his car. She is miserable but doesnât say a peep. Instead, she tries to make the best of it and twiddles her thumbs politely, just so she can be in his company.
The bitch, on the other hand, makes plenty of peeps. In fact, she is bitching the whole way through. This is not a bad thing, because then he knows he canât walk all over her. But remember, a mental challenge has little to do with being verbally combative. It has to do with your actions and how much of yourself you are willing to give up. For example, he says he likes blondes. You have dark skin, dark eyes, and black hair. The next time he sees you, youâve bleached your hair and dyed your eyebrows to match. Translation? Heâll sense he has a 100Â percent hold on you.
âA manâs love comes from his stomach,â they say. Thatâs true, but no one said to slave for six hours to feed him. Whether he eats out or you order take-out, the stomach is full, and there is plenty of love to go around. Rule of thumb: If it is warm, heâll eat it. The rest is wasted effort.
Women are conditioned to give themselves away. I have yet to see a menâs magazine with an article on how to cook a woman a four-course meal. The closest they ever come to a recipe is in the bodybuilder section, when they tell guys to mix up a few egg whites with some wheat germ.
I raise the issue of cooking because itâs one of many ways that women overcompensate. This doesnât mean you should forgo cooking altogether. Perhaps itâs your anniversary, and youâve been together a whole year. Perhaps it is his birthday, and you want to do something special for him.
On a special occasion, and after he has earned it, cooking him a meal is a nice âtreat.â But it isnât a treat if you give it to him right off the bat. Since this is a book for women, I would be remiss if I didnât include some recipes for those first weeks in a relationship. And, unlike Martha Stewartâs recipes, the following are easy to remember. You donât even need recipe cards.
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#1
âIntroduction
Why Men Love Bitches is a relationship guide for women who are âtoo nice.��� The word bitch in the title does not take itself too seriouslyâIâm using the word in a tongue-in-cheek way representative of the humorous tone of this book.
The title and the content address what many women think, but donât say. Every woman has felt embarrassed by appearing too needy with a man. Every woman has had a man pursue her, only to lose interest the minute she gave in. Every woman knows what it feels like to be taken for granted. These problems are common to most women, married and single alike.
So why do men love bitches? An important distinction should be made between the pejorative way the word is usually used, and the way it is used here. Certainly, Iâm not recommending that a woman have an abrasive disposition. The bitch Iâm talking about is not the âbitch on wheelsâ or the mean-spirited character that Joan Collins played on Dynasty. Nor is it the classic âoffice bitchâ who is hated by everyone at work.
The woman Iâm describing is kind yet strong. She has a strength that is ever so subtle. She doesnât give up her life, and she wonât chase a man. She wonât let a man think he has a 100Â percent âholdâ on her. And sheâll stand up for herself when he steps over the line.
She knows what she wants but wonât compromise herself to get it. But sheâs feminine, like a âSteel Magnoliaââflowery on the outside and steel on the inside. She uses this very femininity to her own advantage. It isnât that she takes undue advantage of men, because she plays fair. She has one thing the nice girl doesnât: a presence of mind because she isnât swept away by a romantic fantasy. This presence of mind enables her to wield her power when it is necessary.
In addition, she has the ability to remain cool under pressure. Whereas a woman who is âtoo niceâ gives and gives until she is depleted, the woman with presence of mind knows when to pull back.
Among the hundreds of interviews I conducted with men for the book, over 90Â percent laughed and agreed with the title within the first thirty seconds. Some men chuckled as though their best-kept secret had just been revealed. âMen need a mental challenge,â they said. Time and time again, this was the recurrent theme.
The men I interviewed all phrased it slightly differently, but the message didnât change. âMen like it when a woman has a bit of an edge to her,â they said. Two things became clear across the board: First, they would regularly use the phrase mental challenge to describe a woman who didnât appear needy. And second, the word bitch was synonymous with their concept of mental challenge. And this characteristic, above all, they found attractive.
When I used the phrase mental challenge with men, it was immediately clear to them the quality I meant. On the other hand, when I interviewed hundreds of women, rarely did they understand the same phrase. They often related the phrase to intelligence, rather than to neediness. It wasnât just that my hunch was confirmed by these interviews; they also strengthened my sense of purpose. I thought that anything this obvious to men should not be kept a secret from women.
This book addresses the very issues that men wonât. He wonât say, âLook, donât be a doormat,â âDonât always say yes,â âDonât revolve your whole world around me.â This book is necessary because these are things a man will not spell out for his partner.
In the chapters that follow, youâll find one message coming through loud and clear: Success in love isnât about looks; itâs about attitude. The media would have us believe differently. A teenage girl picks up a magazine and reads: âGet that boyâs attentionâ with an item of clothing, or a certain look. âThis nail color or lipstick will wow him,â the magazine assures her. And what does the girl learn? How to obsess over someone elseâs approval.
Then there is the issue of how the media treats aging. The teenage woman evolves into a twenty-something woman with confidence, and the media bombards her with negative images of aging. The message here is: Two wrinkles and a stretch mark, and sheâs âmarked downâ like last seasonâs merchandise thatâs sold at half price. And what does she learn? How to obsess over someone elseâs disapproval.
So whatâs the message of this book? Itâs that a bit of irreverence is necessary to have any self-esteem at all. Not irreverence for people, but rather, for what other people think. The bitch is an empowered woman who derives tremendous strength from the ability to be an independent thinker, particularly in a world that still teaches women how to be self-abnegating. This woman doesnât live someone elseâs standards, only her own.
This is the woman who plays by her own rules, who has a feeling of confidence, freedom, and empowerment. And itâs this feeling that I hope women will glean from reading this book.
The woman who has a positive experience with men possesses the ever-so-subtle qualities I discuss in this book: a sense of humor and an aura that conveys, âIâm driving the train here. Iâll tell you where we get on and where we get off.â This woman has that presence of mind to do what is in her best interest and an attitude that says she doesnât need to be there. She is there by choice.
The bitchy women who are so loved by men give off a devil-may-care quality and, yes, have that âedge.â This is that same edge, coincidentally, that men say they find so magnetic. The difference is this woman isnât looking for it outside herself; it is a special quality she carries within.
Excerpt From
Why Men Love Bitches
Sherry Argov
https://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewBook?id=366704956
This material may be protected by copyright.
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Good one to use when he's being a compalicated bitch or asking you to come to him
âWould you prefer to get together another night? If tonight is inconvenient, I do understand.â
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When you first meet
Keep the sex waiting hold off on it as long as you can.. men love the chase don't poor cold water on the fun đ -don't go to his house or start hooking up too crazy (even in the car.. It happens) control yourself even though you want to kiss passionately leave some room for his imagination! he'll ask you out again ;)
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Because she loves herself, the bitch doesnât grab his ankles and beg for mercy. She keeps that edge. And, in doing so, she prevents him from wanting to go.
Sherry Agrov (via chrisschristy)
Yes girl yes
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My favorite mints personally! Okay hereâs like a dating tip mamas ;) When you wanna leave a good impression and want your breath to smell good đđđť DO NOT EAT GUM! When youâre munching away in front of him youâre going to look like a cow lol but mints itâs so fast and he wonât judge if you pop one in normally (do it before you get that feeling heâs going to kiss you, donât wanna look like your preparing for it and you want it make him want it play it cool haha) hope this helps peace out âđťď¸
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#whymenlovebitches#freedom#escape#protect#dateing#dating tips#respect#respect yourself#boy#boys#love
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