dasiesandlilacs

[dasiesandlilacs]

Writes #3: Because Adulthood 

It's been quite some time since I last wrote a blog post, and lately, I haven't been dedicating much time to self-reflection. Instead, I've been living in the present moment. However, I've reached a point where I feel it's essential to pause and delve into some introspection.

For the past year, I've been working in Qatar, and it feels as if I've been on this journey forever. This experience has granted me a deeper understanding of the real world. Nevertheless, I've encountered difficulties adapting to the work environment. I'm uncertain whether it's the prevailing work culture or simply a matter of personal struggle, but I've made sincere efforts to adapt. Unfortunately, I've found myself disliking the person I've become, plagued by irritability,  negativity, unhappiness, and a tendency to complain.

Despite my endeavors to maintain a positive outlook, it's proven to be quite a challenge. After a substantial period of self reflection, I've come to the realization that I had been dwelling in an idealistic world—a world that I once believed could be a reality but ultimately wasn't. As a result, when my expectations went unmet, it left me feeling upset. The truth is, the real world can be unkind at times, and that's perfectly acceptable.

I've realized that I've been linking my self-esteem to my immediate environment, but in reality, I have more inherent worth. I'm aware of my capabilities, my constraints, and the perfectly normal aspect of not having all the solutions.

Embracing ourselves, values, capabilities and seeking assistance when needed is a natural part of the journey. My feelings of insecurity have been rooted in a sense of worthlessness, manifesting as a belief that I couldn't achieve things as effortlessly as others, particularly those who exude confidence. However, it's essential to acknowledge that not everyone's intentions are as noble as they appear; some genuinely aspire to do good.

Today, my brother and mom shared a profound insight with me: 'Some people don't want to witness your growth or success until they've seen their own progress. Don't expect them to give value to your worth because they aren't prepared to see you outshine them.' This quote resonated deeply with me, serving as a reminder that my worth is independent of external validation. I know who I am, and I am committed to addressing my emotions and self-perception autonomously, separate from external influences.

I decided to put this in writing, in case future me or anyone, finds themselves in a similar situation. There comes a moment when it's worthwhile to reflect, to take a seat and come to terms with the way things currently stand.

[dasiesandlilacs]

“I know you are in love with this person you thought was your soulmate and I know it hurts not getting the same love in return. I know you opened up to this person you thought would understand and I know it hurts not getting the response that you expected. But if I ask you this — ‘why do you feel the need to be heard by someone who doesn’t appreciate your words?’, what would you tell me? I know, it’s because your heart has built a home in someone who wants to stay barren and trust me, there is nothing in this world that could change it — this person doesn’t feel it, you can’t make them feel it. I know it hurts because at some point, it hurt me too. And I want you to know that this gets better — even if you don’t have hope, things will change with time. This person came into your life to break you into pieces and all you need is a little courage to tell yourself that you’ve had enough. All I want you to do, right at this moment, is to collect all your broken pieces and fix them as much as you can — even if it makes you tired, carry on. And here’s a warning, you can’t fix those pieces and become the happy person that you were before you met this person — instead, stitch those pieces with gold and be an artwork made with kindness. That’s what you need, that what I need and that’s what everyone else around us needs.” by memoirsofbilal (via Instagram)

— world needs our kindness

[dasiesandlilacs]

Count your blessing. Every each one of them. Everyday there is something that you can be grateful for.

M.

[dasiesandlilacs]

I've said all that I can say I know I should walk away It's a bitter price to pay When all I wanna do is save you

rum.gold - save you 

[dasiesandlilacs]

You could never understand why you could joke around about it. About how muted your feelings are. It then hits you, that you just try to avoid complicated emotions. You chose to settle down for the comfort of the feelings that you are familiar with.

M.

[dasiesandlilacs]

Pressure and Expectations

When we were kids, we were the bravest version of ourselves. We didn’t have fear or shame. People teaches you things and we have natural tendency to expect something out of it. We have impose this fear on ourselves when we didn’t even try because we have this fear and shame of failing.

There is a different definition of success for each of us. Success isn’t even the word to use. In fact, the word productive is better word to use. However, if there are days when you are not productive, don’t be hard on yourself. Being unproductive is not a failure, is self-care.

Things we could learn from Pixar:

Monsters are more afraid of you than you are of them

No matter how small you are, you can still achieve big things

Your friends are among your greatest assets

You never know what life will throw at you. When things gets tough remember to just keep swimming

Learn to love yourself. Never take family for granted

The highest form of intelligence is human kindness. Nothing else in the universe matters as much as your love for others

Life is an adventure

Everything we feel is valid and deserves recognition

Stay present

Embrace the uncertainty.

Hence, let go of expectation and pressure you have on yourself. Look at the uncertainty as a way of growth and figuring yourself out rather than a failure.

- Keypoints of a talk made by Prof D.A

[dasiesandlilacs]

I confess my feelings to someone. It saddens me not because my feelings was not reciprocate but that we weren’t as close as we were before.

M.

[dasiesandlilacs]

Move on.

Reminder to self

M.

[dasiesandlilacs]

Pressure and Expectations. My whole life has been based on them.

Prof D. A.

[dasiesandlilacs]

“Start being content with what you have and stop chasing things you couldn’t get”

- M.

[dasiesandlilacs]

“It amazes me how you move on so easily from someone that you once called home”

- Chelsea Cutler “Crazier Things”

[dasiesandlilacs]

“People come and goes like how seasons change.”

- M.

[dasiesandlilacs]

“There is goodness in people. Be kind.”

-M.

[dasiesandlilacs]

“The world is so big. It’s huge. There are billions of people, one born every second. There is different cultures, races, religions and genders. What makes you think you are bigger than everyone else?”

- M.

[dasiesandlilacs]

All I asked for is for people to ask nicely and not assume I am there. It’s the bare minimum but they took advantage of it.

- M.

[dasiesandlilacs]

Maybe you gave a little too much.

Too much love.

Too much care.

Too much forgiveness.

Too much sincerity.

And you feel like you are not receiving anything back. Sometimes it’s nice to be acknowledged for it.

- M.

[dasiesandlilacs]

You feel the hate that surrounds you sometimes. Masked by cheerful glimmers of people whom you doubt your trust with.

- M.