darkoverlordsatan666

[darkoverlordsatan666]

[darkoverlordsatan666]

I'm going to be a father!!!!!!

[darkoverlordsatan666]

YES YES YES!!!

[darkoverlordsatan666]

everyone yelled at me for not wearing a bra tonight sorry

[darkoverlordsatan666]

[darkoverlordsatan666]

The Birth of the God of Hubris

So basically, my sorcerer got to level 20 and tried to cast Wish. Sorcerer: “I want to be immortal and have the peak abilities of every class” DM(me): “Congratulations. You instantly die and ascend to godhood.” Sorcerer: “Sweet! What am I the god of?” Dm: “Hubris.” Sorcerer: “DAMMIT”

[darkoverlordsatan666]

Iosif the Rogue and Erulisse the bard have recently become an item. The party’s current battle is going badly.

Erulisse: Dang, I’m down.

DM turns to Iosif, whose initiative is next: You hear that, Iosif? Your girlfriend’s gone down - and not on you! 

[darkoverlordsatan666]

(Context: I’m running the intro to a homebrew with some new races and classes. So far the party is at the part right before a boss fight and one of our members is a changeling mime who decided to purposely avoid the rest of the party, while never revealing himself to them for the entire game, until they meet up at the spot. He shapeshifted into a bird right beforehand, though). Mime, ooc: ok so I flew upstairs and I get into the room first DM, me: ok so you made it upstairs before the rest of the party saw you. The rest see the door they were looking for Ranger, ooc: I want to peek inside to see if it’s the right room. Mime, ooc: (still as a small bird) as soon as she looks into the room I say to her “no one will believe you” DM: the rest of the party follows [ranger] into the room a moment after. Ranger: hey that bird just talked, look! Mime, ooc: I roll deception to squawk convincingly. *Mime gets an 18 and the ranger gets a 5* (Everyone just kinda stared at the ranger like she was crazy) Ranger: huh, guess it’s just a normal bird

[darkoverlordsatan666]

android users: this is the galaxy teet-sucker 14 it has an LED display and 605 years of battery life on one charge. it runs on fossil fuels and can actually fuck your wife. its modern innovation at its finest

iphone users: sometimes when i charge my phone the battery percentage goes backwards

[darkoverlordsatan666]

Y'all, I seriously have the best fucking friend in the world

[darkoverlordsatan666]

Considering the fact that I was almost late to work..... Note to self, no more staying up until 5 AM to fuck when I have to be ready to leave at 9AM......

[darkoverlordsatan666]

Could have fucking died last night holy shit

Aight so I went drinking with my neighbor, and one of her friends last night, he hadn't been drinking so he was the sober chauffeur, and we decided to go up through fucking Oakdale and we were in the fucking back woods, miles from any fucking civilization, AND HIS FUCKING TRUCK DIED, IT WAS 15°F WE HAD NO FUCKING HEAT, IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING NOWHERE, FOR THREE FUCKING HOURS, AND MY PHONE IS THE ONLY ONE THAT HADN'T DIED YET SO THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS TRYING TO TURN HIS PHONE ON LONG ENOUGH TO GET THIS DUDE'S NUMBER SO HE CAN CALL FROM MY PHONE, I'M FUCKING SHITFACED OUT OF MY FUCKING MIND BECAUSE I FUCKING DOWNED A BOTTLE OF FIREBALL IN 5 MINUTES SO I'M NO FUCKING HELP AT THIS POINT, HE FINALLY GOT HIS BUDDY TO ANSWER THE PHONE AND GOT HIM TO PICK US UP AND HOLY FUCKING SHIT DUDE I'M NEVER FUCKING LEAVING HARRIMAN WHILE ALREADY DRUNK AGAIN

[darkoverlordsatan666]

why the long face peaches

[darkoverlordsatan666]

Why's there gotta be so much math involved with mixing your own vape juice.... Oh well, it'll be worth it in the end

[darkoverlordsatan666]

I'd like to give a shout out to @gingerwithahintofpunk for inspiring me throughout this past year. You were one of the first users that I followed when I made this account (I believe it was November or December 2016) and I'll be honest, the primary reason I followed in the beginning is because of the NSFW content, add in the fact that I absolutely adore redheads, I wanted to see you on my dashboard every day I logged in. After a while though, I started paying more attention to what you wrote, and not just the sexy pictures. My heart broke for you. Such a gorgeous, lovable girl who saw nothing but flaws when she looked in the mirror, and did everything she could to help others feel better about their own self esteem issues because she knew exactly what it felt like. Then I started looking back on my own life. At age 14, I weighed 285 lbs. I hated myself, all I wanted was to be skinny, to be more attractive, and for Christ's sake I just wanted someone, ANYONE to come up to me and tell me that I wasn't alone in this fight for self image. At age 17 I was given an Adderall prescription for my ADHD. Four months later, I stopped taking it because in that time, I'd lost 50 lbs due to lack of appetite. I was weak, I may have lost weight but I was in worse health than ever before. I broke my leg from the simple act of running, because my bones had even grown weak. Now, I've lost another 40 lbs, but because of hard work instead of not eating. My body is healthier than ever, stronger than ever, and all things considered, I'm happier than ever. When I look in the mirror, I mostly still just point out my flaws. But if I take a picture of myself (especially shirtless) and send it to a female, they compliment me over and over, and it helps me realize that while I may not be the MOST attractive guy in the world, I'm far from ugly. You're helping a lot of people learn to love themselves, and for that, I applaud you. Still not a big fan of the name change though, PunkAssGingerNut had a better ring to it, but I suppose it'll just take time for me to get used to it. You've been a massive inspiration to me, and that's why you're officially my new wallpaper. I love you!

[darkoverlordsatan666]

[darkoverlordsatan666]

It's so tempting. So very tempting, I could get something tonight if I wanted to. I could get pills so easily. I don't do drugs, so it wouldn't take much to overdose. I could die tonight if I wanted to. I don't want to, but the idea is so seductive. I hate this life, I feel like I'm in limbo with no hope for escape. My life may be better than before, but I have no one to celebrate that with. No one to hold at night, no one to kiss in the morning. Sure, I have a job. I have a warm bed to sleep in. I don't need anyTHING, I just need someONE. I have a few friends, but it's not enough. I have so much love to give, yet no one to give it to. No one to share my accomplishments with. I don't live because I want to, because I hate living. I live because I don't want my pain to go to everyone else. Why must so many people care about me? Why must I care about them? Why can't I be selfish for once? Why can't I be happy? Is this punishment for my past mistakes? Am I simply the Karmatic whipping boy? People wonder why I identify with Lucifer. It's not because I'm evil, it's far from it. Lucifer was cast to Hell because he refused to love humanity more than he loved God himself. I too, am punished for who I love.