darkfaethedestroyer

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My oil painting of an Uncrustable

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halloween turtle 🎃

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I suddenly got bored 😭

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“After this, I’m putting tour guide in my resume.”

He says after world history class.

The whole class chuckled. (Barely)

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the “percy would be a popular athlete/frat boy” propaganda needs to end. no he would not. percy has been canonically bullied? and it’s been brought up. often????

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my dad, trying to explain the concept of money to me: say you have a sandwich, and i need your sandwich. but i don't have anything to give you. you're not just gonna give it to me.

me: i would just give it to you.

my dad:

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I can't stop thinking about an AU where multiple universes collide and a bunch of alternate Bats have to save the world together-- but the catch is that they are: Talon Grayson, Gun Batman Tim, Cluemaster Steph, Demon Head Damian, Assassin Cass, Prince of Metas Duke (followed his bio father's footsteps after finding out about him) and.... Father Todd. The only one who doesn't kill people, but is very well versed in exorcism magic.

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Cass: *recording*

Steph, holding microphone: Who do you prefer Bruce be with, Selina or Talia?

Dick: Selina.

Jason: They're both too good for him.

Tim: Selina has threatened to kick my ass, but the guys Talia raised have kicked my ass. Selina also brings Bruce more work-life balance.

Tim: Mostly I just want Bruce to stay out of my love life.

Steph: Real.

Duke: Jefferson Pierce, so he'll stay away from my mom.

Dick: We can do that? In that case, Clark.

Steph: What about you, Damian?

Damian: Tt. Either way he'll be obnoxious.

Jason: Damian knows what's up.

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alternatively, this is Mouse and she is a fucking delight. absolute perfect angel

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[Damian, Tim and Jason on Patrol]

Damian: Tt, the flashlight won't work.

Tim: [smacks Jason's head]

Tim: Take off your helmet and open your glow in the dark eyes freak

Jason: ????????

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Dick: What do you do when you're bored? Jason: I text Bruce “hi” Jason: Then wait for him to answer Jason: And then type and erase the text again and again to make him wait…

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Red Hood!Jason: I'm gonna kill the Joker but make it seem like an accident.

later

Robin!Tim, to Batman: It looks like the killer beat him to death with a crowbar and then placed a banana peel by his feet.

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Headcanon that when the batkids are mad at Bruce or just, mildly annoyed, they deliberately use last names that piss Bruce off, a lot.

Kidnappers over the phone: We have Richard Wayne in our custody, if you want to see him again-

Dick, mad after Bruce made him throw out the discowing suit, in a muffled voice: It's actually Richard Grayson-Kent, get it right

Bruce, on the verge of a heart attack: Chum Please

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Barista at Batburger: What would you like your coffee cup to say?

Tim, not mad, just mildly annoyed at the way Bruce did the reports last night: My name is Tim Jordan-Gardener-Cruz-Scott

Bruce, clutching his Jokerized fries so hard veins appear: You're grounded

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Author, at a book signing event: And who should I address this to?

Jason, after Bruce had let the Joker live yet again: To Jason Dent, please

Bruce, standing in line next to him, whom Jason had brought along to pay for the signed copy: I should make Harvey pay child support

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Announcer: And the award goes to, Ms Cassandra Isley-Quinn!

Cass, mad because Bruce missed another one of her recitals, walking up to the stage:

Bruce:

Bruce, signing to her: You're killing me, you know that? You're killing your father

Harley, sitting next to Bruce along with Ivy: Yes! That's our daughter!

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Duke, calling some shady Gotham lawyer right in front of Bruce after he lectured him a little too much about keeping up secret identities: Hi, how much to legally change my name to Duke Thomas-Queen?

Shady lawyer: About 50$

Duke: Got it. Hey Bruce can I borrow 50$?

Bruce:

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Steph doesn't use the Wayne name anyway, but sometimes she uses it for Benefits™

Damian would much rather die than adopt the last name of anyone in the justice league or the batrouges or anyone except his very infamous lineages, because he doesn't want to associate with incompetent people