dannydevitoblog

[dannydevitoblog]

Hey, its me, Daniard DeVito. Yeah, I've been working out, getting shredded. Commission this dude for me, and my eggs are yours. Do it, ya beautiful animals.

Commissions Open!

Okay, finally made a commissions sheet. Recently I've been diagnosed with hypothyroidism, and while I'm slowly settling into the medicine, getting an actual job is difficult due to fatigue. I would genuinely greatly appreciate any work people wanna throw my way so I can cover living expenses in the meanwhile.

Send me a message if you're interested in commissioning me, I'm good to draw pretty much anything for ya, weird creatures or portraits or whatever you like.

Hope you have a lovely day!

Oh, and here's a link to my portfolio: https://beach1242.myportfolio.com/

[dannydevitoblog]

Sometimes I look outta the sewers, and I see wack shit in the sky. Who do I gotta mail about this?

[dannydevitoblog]

I'm just gonna give it a lil polish.

Danny DeVito Plucking the Earth from the Sky, by me

[dannydevitoblog]

Rollerball: a memory

The film Rollerball begins in the distant year of 2018, where all sports have been combined into the much better sport of Rollerball. The Rollerball national anthem, Organ Music for Draculas, plays to start the film. From there, we get to see a standard game of Rollerball; two teams in a ring shaped course, free to just really fuck each other up with spike gauntlets, motorcycles, and rollerskates. One player, Jonathan Rollerball, is the absolute best at Rollerball, and has won 999 championships in a row. People love the way he bashes heads just right, and scores points, something not often done in Rollerball, on account of the relative ease with which you can just murder the other team.

John Rollerball wins the game with a slamdunk, but after the match, is told by his manager that he must quit by order of Rollerball high command. He tells them that he follows no master, only the sweet song of the course, and that he’ll die before he leaves it behind. Rollerball high command thinks that’s a good idea, and starts making the rules more murdery, to the absolute delight of the crowds.

John, seeking answers, asks a supercomputer about the nature of Rollerball. Its computational brain is destroyed by the paradox that is Rollerball, causing its scientist keeper to piss himself royally.

Little does Johnny Rollerballs know, a team of 15 angry japanese men have come to fuck up his shit in an absolutely rancid game of Rollerball. Being the best at Rollerball, he evades them, but sadly his best friend Doug Cakes is punched so hard his brain explodes. Knowing that his friend’s soul lives on in his vegetableized body, he chooses to keep him alive forever in an eternal life chamber. John declares to his brain dead friend that he will beat Rollerball, and win 10 trillion points.

Rollerball high command decides to do an infinity length, all murders game of Rollerball, so as to kill Johnny Balls once and for all, before he inspires the people to revolution. We find out that sports are intended to show the importance of working together, and are evil. John Rollyballs’ prodigy stylings put him at odds with this, and so he must be Rollerballed… to death.

In the final game of Rollerball, all of RollerJohn’s friends are murdered by a hand picked team of the top Rollerball assassins. Johnball fights off his enemies singlehandedly in the end, and with one opponent left undeaded on the ring, Johnathon Rolledball chooses the path of order, and slam dunks the ball so hard it incites global peace. The world unites under the sounds of Dracula’s piano.

[dannydevitoblog]

I wreck shit at Air Hockey.

Ya see that gremlin in the back?

I made him cry. Shot the puck right into his mouth, broke half his scrawny teeth. Shouldn't have fuckin' challenged me.

[dannydevitoblog]

GOD STOLE MY IDENTITY

[dannydevitoblog]

What are genders.

Look, I’ve been around, I’ve seent the sounds, I’ve been done. No clue what a gender is though. I need you to do this census, help me figure out this whole thing, okay?  https://www.smartsurvey.co.uk/s/gendercensus2021

[dannydevitoblog]

Good to see you back king

~~~

Sometimes you don’t see someone back; sometimes the future tosses them at your door step. Why don’t you put that in the bank and smoke it?

[dannydevitoblog]

Now I got the god damn yokai stealing my likeness. What's this shit of a world coming to.

[dannydevitoblog]

Where the Hell am I

Was sleucing through the sewers when I took a wrong turn, now I'm somewhere in the ancient countryside of Missouri. I'm gonna check if that castle's got any snacks for my mouthhole.

[dannydevitoblog]

This is my collection. No touching,

[dannydevitoblog]

For Halloween I’m being a spider.

[dannydevitoblog]

I should eat something. I’m all skin and

bones.

But really, I’m starving. Baby meat doesn’t make for many meals.

[dannydevitoblog]

I GOT GOBLIN BRAINS

I need a brain scrub.

[dannydevitoblog]

Some ghoulies snuck up and ambushed me. One tried to eat my ears, but I got him with my slapping hat. Ghouls can’t handle the slapping hat.

[dannydevitoblog]

I had a nightmare.

[dannydevitoblog]

Here are my pals. We meet up couple of few weeks to eat baby stew and do sexy dances. I do my hair up too; no woman can resist my beautiful hair. If any ladies want to see my sexy dance, call my troll phone.