danisnotonfirree

[danisnotonfirree]

[danisnotonfirree]

my mom asked what the d was and i told her doritos and she just told her boyfriend that she wants the d and i just

[danisnotonfirree]

[danisnotonfirree]

Anyone still here?

[danisnotonfirree]

Good job, little rover. Good job. ;_;

[danisnotonfirree]

sometimes I remember that I’ve had the same blog for my entire tumblr career and that there are backlogs and backlogs of cringey shit from my various regrettable phases just there for anyone to see if they want and I feel as if someone has tred across my grave

[danisnotonfirree]

people who put their gum under tables are wild animals they literally do not have higher level cognitive functions. they live in nature.

[danisnotonfirree]

I saw this post and someone commented the words “Jared, 19” and it just made me realize how crazy meme culture is. Like this is a reference that has been taken and muddled down, and is now just a response that means “I wish I couldn’t read this, because it’s awful.” We all perfectly understand it and there’s no context whatsoever. It’s just so weird to me

[danisnotonfirree]

imagine like. getting married and then moving into your home together. going to bed bath and beyond. getting a nice toaster. ah, love. one day…..

[danisnotonfirree]

help I’ve fallen and am perfectly capable of getting up but refuse to

[danisnotonfirree]

[danisnotonfirree]

True xx

[danisnotonfirree]

me gettin up for work

[danisnotonfirree]

the power

he is power……………..

[danisnotonfirree]

Relationship goals:

We both feel lucky to have each other

[danisnotonfirree]

[danisnotonfirree]

Maybe I’m an old man but goddamn, these vampires with blood dripping down their chins–that’s your food!! THAT’S YOUR FOOD!! Close!! Your!! Mouth!! You think some asshole slobbering chicken noodle soup or yogurt or clam chowder all down themselves would be sexy??? What makes you any different, you sticky-stained slackjawed screwball??? Close your mouth!! Use a napkin!! And for godssakes stop looking so smug, like, “Oooo, I’m a creature of the night look at what sustains me” yeah uh huh a fucking lack of basic hygiene is what I’m seeing and it is not impressive!! At all!! My nephews are three years old and they drool less than you do!! You’re how many centuries old?!?! ACT LIKE IT