daniel-bergstorm

[daniel-bergstorm]

[daniel-bergstorm]

me: immune system why do i have a fever

immune system: well the bacteria can’t survive outside 37 degrees for long so i thought i’d raise the temperature to kill them off!

me: 

immune system:

me: 

immune system:

me: we also can’t survive outside 37 degrees for long

immune system:

[daniel-bergstorm]

[daniel-bergstorm]

dnd spell: vicious mochrie - summons an enraged balding canadian to improv melee damage at your enemies (roll for comedic effect)

[daniel-bergstorm]

[daniel-bergstorm]

[daniel-bergstorm]

God: let there be light

Moths:

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jk rowling’s at it again

[daniel-bergstorm]

so im trying to decipher this chart on wikipedia that has common vampire weaknesses in it and

a ‘green/yes’ is a weakness, a ‘red/no’ is something that isnt a weakness, and a ‘?’ is something that has never been addressed but fucking riddle me this

in what lore are vampires weak to getting soggy in milk

[daniel-bergstorm]

oof.

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[daniel-bergstorm]

i’m screaming what does this mean

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[daniel-bergstorm]

in case you guys wanna know what modern high school dances are like, at mine despacito came on and everyone t-posed around this one kid as he fortnite danced like his life depended on it

[daniel-bergstorm]

My friends literally thought it was a joke to set me up with magicians so I’ve been on 11 dates with magicians. I only recently found that they were doing it on purpose. I don’t know why I still trust my friends with my love life.

okay first of all why the fuck do your friends know eleven magicians??? do you live in halloweentown??? and secondly…. how the hell do i get in that friend group???