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My time will come, too. My time will come, too. My time will come, too.

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Afternoon read. ☕

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September 14th.

I just finished my first week working as an Architectural Apprentice. I realized that worrying so much about the future was just me overanalyzing things. It wasn't so bad after all. I'm continuously learning new things as each day passes. I feel grateful to take my place, little by little, in this place I call home, Architecture.

My journey in getting my Master's is going well. So many case studies I need to read, papers I need to write, designs I need to analyze… It feels like it never ends. Despite that, no matter how tired and sleepy I get, my heart is happy knowing that I am one of the few lucky ones to have the privilege to pursue my studies and even enroll in the major I want — Interior Architecture.

Lastly, I'm having the best time of my life with my lover beside me. He's my guardian angel. With him, everything is calmer. The world is a safer place. He taught me the value of patience and kindness. He reminds me I deserve all the good things in the world. I may not show it as much, but I appreciate having him in my life. He makes loving so easy. I love him so much. I want to keep him forever. 🔐

Life is good! 🌱

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"When you fail, you don't start from scratch. You start from experience."

A quote Ma'am Chassy shared with me today. Passing it along because someone out there might need to hear it.

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It’s been almost a month since I graduated college. I decided to pursue my Master's as soon as possible. Classes start in a week. I'm still unemployed (and will be until the next month).

Everybody's moving on with their lives. Everything around me is moving, and I’m still here. I’m not that special after all. The world does not stop just because I want it to.

For now, I want to lay low. I feel very anxious about the future. To say that I feel scared is understating it. There's this pain I feel in my chest whenever I think about it. I'm afraid I'm not going to be good enough for the path I want to take.

But I remembered when Ma’am Chassy told me, “You’ll never be truly ready. Just take the leap.”

The best thing I can do for myself right now is to try.

(I just need a breather.)

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It's not supposed to be like this. I can't keep crying over one guy again and again. I love him, but I love myself enough to know that love isn't supposed to hurt this much.

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i will no longer be embarrassed i will no longer be a victim of insecurity i will no longer plague my mind with worries i exist i am allowed to exist i am allowed to take up space i will not let others dictate my experience i will live i will live i will live

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Good morning, Cookie.

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Basha dump

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What is love?

Love is a fleeting feeling. Sabi pa nga ni Celeste, "Baka ganito talaga tayo. Dumadaan lang. Never to stay… Never to stay."

That's what love feels like to me.

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7:59 PM.

It's been so long since my heart shattered into pieces like this. It hurts so much I can physically feel it in my chest. I wouldn't wish this pain even on my worst enemy. But in a way, it feels refreshing. After being single for six years, I am still capable of loving. 

Kaya ko pa rin pala magmahal nang ganito.

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Red String

I suppose today is one of those days.

It's a quarter past two, and I wish you were here.

Maybe you still don't know me, and I still have no clue how I can find you. You could be halfway across the world or just one block away.

I think about you almost all the time, to be honest. I daydream and try to picture how you look. Do you have brown eyes? How tall are you? Not that it matters. No matter how much I squint or rack my brain, I can't visualize your features, which frustrates me. It's like I see you for a moment and then not at all. Despite that, as I build an image of you piece by piece inside this messy mind, I wonder when the universe will let me meet the person on the other end of my red string. Will it be a week from now? Six months? One more year? Have our paths already crossed?

Until then, my future lover, I promise to fill my entire being with love and kindness, and when the day comes, I'll share some with you, too. I'm excited to listen to all your childhood stories and wonder why I haven't met you sooner. I can't wait to experience life with you, get to know your heart, and give you a piece of mine.

Take care of yourself. Don't worry about me. I'll always be here on the other end of this string, waiting for you with open arms.

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Something to live by 🍃

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I'm 26 now. My mom got married and had me at 26. Miss ma'am should've stayed home and watched K-drama.

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Please leave me.

I choose to see glimpses of you at a distance now, even if it means I only visit your life in pictures. I understand I'll never be part of who you'll become, but my heart is content knowing I got to experience life with you, even briefly.

Please don't come back. From this day on, you're not taking me with you. Please leave me.

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