dadroga

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{ back for realsies this time, LIKE for a starter. unless tumblr decides that all my nadir icons are dicks again. }

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@viibrato

go away stinky sewer man

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guess who’s back back back

back again gain gain

probably

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dad?

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Shayfer James: Red Room Vol. 1 Starters

words in [ ] are interchangeable/changeable

None of Thee Above

“ You flatter me With all your lovely jewelry And custom tailored tragedy ” “ It fits you like a glove ” “ [We] knew for all you said and all you’ve done that you would be the lonely one ” “ [We] know you’re right where you belong ” “ [We] hope you burn and grow to learn what you’ve done ” “ The truth you’ll find ironically is none of the above ” “ [We] watched you fumble your way home ” “ [We] watched the wounded, waiting Calling out the call ”

Carve A Smile

“ For every tear you’ve shed I’d carve a smile into my skin ” “ You have the unique ability to damage me ” “ You have seen too much and in between ” “ I can’t guarantee I’ll be the one thing you need ” “ I can’t guarantee I’ll be the one thing you need, but I won’t make a promise I can’t keep ” “ I won’t make a promise I can’t keep ” “ I can’t guarantee that you won’t pick up and leave ” “ I swear, I’ll make you smile ” “ With every kiss you make a better man of me ” “ The safe disguise of accidental lies won’t hide us here ” “ No more, my dear ” “ I would sacrifice the air that makes my body breathe If it keeps you safe ” “ I was wrong about love, I was wrong all along ” “ I was wrong about love ” “ I was wrong about life ”

Room by Room

“ I would walk through a glance and I’d stop at the stare ” “ I’d follow it down To the very last step ” “ I’d wait by the room Where your secrets are kept ” “ If you beckoned me in I would hang my black hat on a bottle of pain ” “ I’d burn every book with a villain inside ” “ I’d march through the door to you parlor of need where the glass on the floor would make weaker men bleed ” “ The weight of my words would turn slivers to dust ” “ I’ll pace for as long as I live if I must ” “ I’d pause for a time and I’d look at your world ” “ I’d fashion a rhyme For a lost little [girl] ”

Ghost Town

“ Someday we will fall like soldiers ” “ One day we will cry like men ” “ Wilted words on oaken shoulders whisper from a violin ” “ Here we wander around, slowly killing moments, in minutes and hours ” “ Now we speak in tongues and tangles ” “ Finding form in antique angles ” “ Un-adorn the doubtful dawn ” “ Here in our, dear little town ”

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confiscated for bad behavior, erik. like always.

daroga where did u put my lasso @dadroga

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dealing with the opera ghost

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@corpsemade is a BULLY

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“ The only reason my ringtone is Careless Whisper is because you keep thieving my phone to keep changing it back, Erik. ”

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“ My best friend and actual son @corpsemade needs more friends. I would be highly appreciative if you went and forcibly gave him company. Please. He’s been in his room for over twenty years. ”

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“I think this is basically how the wheel was discovered.”

“ ... I’m not historian, but I’m not quite sure... That’s not... ”

A sigh.

“ If you say so. ”

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“ ‘Kay, the way I see it though is I did exactly what you said and you’re just not happy 'cause…”

“ My unhappiness is not directed towards you, mademoiselle, I assure you… ” he sighs, hands on his hips in a fatherly exasperated fashion, uncomfortably chewing his lip as his hands move his coat out of the way in thought.

“ It is at Erik. I understand you are trying your best to deal with him, as am I, but I find, more so now than ever, that is he quite the child, isn’t he? ”

[dadroga]

You Suck at Cooking Starters: episodes 6-10

Episode 6 “You suck at cooking and you suck at a whole bunch of other things that I’m not going to list off right here on account of the fact that I don’t really wanna make you look bad in front of your friends and also on account of the fact that I don’t know you in real life which makes it really kinda difficult to get into specifics but if I had to speculate when I would probably say that you suck at crochet and also building a jet and you probably can’t fly a helicopter (yet) and you suck at traveling through time or putting on your pants two legs at a time but maybe we could hang out so that I could get a better sense of what you really suck at so that I could better criticize you in a meaningul way without random speculation because generalizations don’t hold up under the circumstance and all my credibility is on the line. So call me sometime. Yeah you totally suck.” “ ‘Kay, the way I see it though is I did exactly what you said and you’re just not happy 'cause…” “No, ___, I’m actually consciously trying not to yell at you right now, okay?” “See that? Sands of Solomon; what I asked for. What’d you give me? October Harvest or some shit; too much cream, it tastes like PISS, but I’m gonna drink it ANYWAY.” “Oh, shut UP, ___, do you want to get your credit or– oH hey!” “I think this is basically how the wheel was discovered.” “That’s obviously too much but I’m going with it.” “Oh yeah, I learned something. Apparently you’re not supposed to do this with the knife… Don’t do that.” “You know how I feel about homogeny. Make it homogenious.” “That’s too much of that.” “I keep my salt in this open bag.” “I’m just gonna hit 'em with a ratchet, 'cause I don’t own a hammer.” “Ugh. Where are you peppercorns? Son of a bitch. C'mooon.” “… Shit is that it…? … You can put on a little hot sauce if you want.” “This is basically like that sandwich I made before, fuck…” “If you encounter a friend who doesn’t like this, it is valid grounds for submitting your friendship resignation papers.” “Hopefully you won’t have to use it.”

Episode 7 “You’re good at cooking and you’re totally cool.” “If you fuck with his recipe he will show up at your house and he will scream at you at the top of his lungs. So you’ve been warned.” “It’s all about cooking the ever living fuck out of everything.” “Speaking of the f-word, I got a voice message from my dad the other day.” “I think you need to become more creative in terms of your salty langauge.” “Jesus dad, won’t don’t you stop bustin’ my fuckin’ balls on the internet.” “Just remember ___, you’re the person who once said ’__, could you check in The Google’.” “If you ask me, this is a bunch of flapdoodle.” “Bajabbers, these onions look like they’re coming along nicely.” “That sizzle tells you it’s cooking.” “Aaagh, now I’ve gone now and friggin’ burnt this.” “I’ve had enough of this teradiddle.” “Don’t waste your time chopping. Buy this shit.” “After the beans get all nice and toasty, add a healthy amount of your favorite hot sauce and some water to make it all soupy.” “Golly-gee, I’m not sure if that constitues 'soupy’.” “__ didn’t specify the cube size so I went with, uh, some two millimeter cheese cubes. And uh, some five millimeter cheese cubes as well. And I threw in some seventeen millimeter cheese cubes, and uh, then I also uh, threw in some uh, thirty-eight millimeter cheese cubes. So hopefully we’ve covered the bases here.” “It’s a bunch of codswaller.” “Cumen makes everything so awesome.” “To be honest, it is complete like this. You don’t need to be all fancy and shove this in an oven and pretend your Martha Stewart.” “WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING? DO NOT. FUCK. WITH MY. RECIPE.” “DO NOT FUCK WITH MY BEAN DIP.”

Episode 8 “We got shorts, shirt, socks, thong.” “Not that type of dressing.” “I can hear you.” “THAT’S A REALLY GREAT IDEA.” “Look, there’s no need to yell.” “This looks more like a dip to me than a salad.” “You can eat it off a plate, or out a bowl; you can eat it off an onion, or off of a lime; you can eat it from a sharp can.” “Okay, don’t do that that’s dangerous you could cut yourself.” “You’re a big baby.” “I’m not a baby, it’s just a safety thing.” “You can eat it from a mug, you can eat it off a piece of wood, eat it off a skateboard, or if you’re feeling crazy you can eat it off a rice cake.”

Episode 9 “This next technique was the main way people chopped things before the 40’s when knives were invented, and what you wanna do is just firmly throw it against the wall.” “The next technique you’ll only be able to do if you have a yellow-belt in taekwondo like me.” “Look at that. That is a nice, clean hit right there.” “Don’t be STUPID like me.” “This one should be easy for you if you have a break-dancing background, it’s definitely advanced, sometimes takes a few tries.” “This one is my favorite because it relies on the power of sound.” “What you wanna do is wind up and give your onion a good spin, aaaaand… All that happens is you’re gonna end up making your onion dizzy and you should probably have more respect for your onion than that, considering what you’re about to put it through.”

Episode 10 “Hey, I bought a banjo.” “The reason you can’t see my banjo is 'cause I’m not a show off.” “Fry it up as fast as you can. … Or normal speed. Normal speed works great.” “One ingredient I refuse to use is poison. It’s uh… Really tart, and hard on my digestive system.” “Probably should’ve done that earlier, but… I don’t know how to cook, so.” “I’m not sure if it’s good or not but… It’s better than raw kale, I guess.” “Pan fried kale, pan friend kale: it’s far more ethical than eating whale, a better experience than being in jail, or getting caught in a storm of hail, I wish I could order it through email, eat it everyday so you don’t get frail; pan fried pan fried pan fried pan fried kale.”

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You Suck at Cooking starters: episodes 1-5

Episode 1 “You suck at cooking, yeah you totally suck.” “They come in a jar. They taste fucking delicious.” “Salt and pepper. That’s it. Nothing else. No garlic, no bullshit.” “Choppity fuckin’ chop.” “Throw this shit in the bowl.” “Take three of these mother fuckers.” “Slice. Slice. Slice.” “Chopping was invented in the 40′s. Before that people just smashed shit against the wall.” “Wash your fuckin’ hands, God, don’t be gross.” “Then they’re hard to get off- you have to bang them… ‘gainst something… Fuck.” “Don’t… Cut your fuckin’ fingers.” “Scoop this shit out.” “This is science here.” “If you don’t like avocado you’re a fuckin’ tool.” “Don’t fuckin’ hide… From me.” “Take your lime… Put in three of these. Why? Math, that’s why.” “Fuckin’… Here, lemme show you some math, kay?” “You got one avocado… Put one and one– doesn’t matter.” “You should probably practice your grip strength at the gym.” “I have a bag of salt here.” “I just kind of visualize how many sprinkles I want per cubic centimeter type deal.” “Pepper, pepper, pepper.” “If you don’t like pepper you’re a fuckin’ tool.” “You can mash it a bit, but you want it to be a little chunky.” “Now, I swear to fuckin’ God, you bring this to a party this holiday season, or any other time of the season, or any other season, or any other fuckin’ planet, people’s crotches will explode it’s so good.” *takes a bite* “Oh my GOOOODDDDDDDDDD.” “You suck at cooking you should probably give up.” “You suck at cooking, oh my God.”

Episode 2 “You suck at cooking and you suck at life.” “Take a can of tuna; use magic to open it.” “Don’t… Worry about what’s on my arm, I just got a girl’s number last night… Better scratch that off…” “Tuna goes in the bowl. Fork goes in the tuna. Bowl goes on the table.” “Surprise, put this shit in the bowl.” “Here’s a real surprise: cranberries.” “The cool thing about cranberries, and a knife like this… If you chop at a certain angle…” *thump* “Gives it a good base sound.” *thump* *to a rap beat* “Don’t chop, too hard, or you’ll knife’ll lose-it’s-edge.” “Anyway that just… Wastes time now, so uh…” “Guess what. Surprise, this shit goes in the bowl too.” “It’s important not to forget to take a piece of the tuna and give it to your cat.” “Alright, we’re almost there, guys.” “Take some olive oil- this is special olive oil from Italy, you don’t need it, just get some shitty olive oil.” “Okay, so… Seems like it’s done.” “Put it on some fuckin’ bread, put it in your fuckin’ mouth, put it on a salad, put it wherever you want. Just eat it, it’s good. It’s really good like that.” “You suck at a lot of things, but you suck at cooking the most.”

Episode 3 “I was talking to __ this morning and uh… __ Died… I wanna say… Nineteen years ago now?” “You suck at cooking and you suck at not dying.” “I learned this from my friend __, before he had a baby and ruined our friendship.” “Looks like a friggin’ crime scene.” “Looks like these kidney beans are gonna DIE.” “Get all the bullshit out.” “The amount of flavor that comes out of these little mother fuckers is…” “Woah… Looks like a potato bud, doesn’t it? Gross…” “C'mon guys, focus here.” *drops hot toast* “OW- fuck that hurts!” *picks it back up* OW-fuck… *drops it again* “And you can just… Get it on really easily, if you just use the power of temperature.” “You wanna clean that off after… Like that… Don’t be a dick.” “Hey, who doesn’t want a little more butter?” “This could… look like shit to you, but honest to God, this is so fucking delicious.” “You suck at cooking and you’re never coming back.”

Episode 4 “Delicious bread.” “We’re going to use coconut oil on the bread instead of butter, because it’s delicious and awesome and it tastes good.” “Use your magnetisphereiscope to open the jar.” “Good job everybody.” “Time to go old school, bitches.” “If anyone judges you, tell them to go fuck themselves.” “We are aiming for homogeny here. Homogeny is a beautiful thing.” “If only I had the capacity to understand what beauty is.” “Now that’s looking great.” “Ah fuck- that’s the wrong side.” “Cocksucker!” “Alright we’re ready to cook.” “Ah fuck, I forgot the pesto.” “Spread that shit around real good.” “That crispy sound means that there is a kinetic energy increase to the molecules of the bread and a chemical reaction starts to take place that results in the bread tasting delicious.” “If you want to be a really fancy mother fucker put some more cheese on top, which will cook in, creating a layer of crispy, cheesy deliciousness.” “Sometimes you want to go on a lower temperature… Actually that temperature is just fine.” “Take a little peek… Jesus Christ that looks good.” “I wish I had a mouth.” “I think it’s time to flip this bitch over.” “Oh shit. We’re all gonna die.” “Ouch, my hands. Ouch, that hurts.” “Let’s get this bastard out.” “Now you want to turn off… Actually just leave the stove on until the next time you cook.” “Man, I really wish I could taste this. This is actually very frustrating for me.”

Episode 5 “You suck at cooking blah blah blah blah blah blah.” “I thought of throwing those but that would’ve been a waste.” “Then what would we do? Nothing. We’d have no sandwich.” “One thing you really should consider is letting your eggs say goodbye to each other.” “Hey __…” “So I guess this is it, hey?” “Yeah __, end of the line.” “That night… We…” “I don’t wanna talk about it.” “Let’s just let it lie.” “Heylubaubaba.” “That was one of the best nights of my God damn life.” “That’s all I wanted to hear, man. I’m not afraid anymore.” “It was like magic. Like mind-freak.” “Eeehhhhhh… I dunno if I’d say magic, but…” “You showed me something about myself.” “Uhhh okay, you’re getting a little intense for me.” “Don’t… Shut… Me… Out…” “They say it hurts less if you hold your breath.” “Woah. Uuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhh… Kay. So.” “Alright, let’s drink some wine for breakfast.” “OH FUCK- fuck- ah fuck toast is burning- fuck. Shit. Fucking fuck- uhh-” “My head is so far up my ass today.” “Drink some wine.” “Let’s not burn the toast again… Great! We got perfect toast this time.” “Make sure they’re aligned with north and south poles for optimum chi.” “Lay these out… However you like.” “Just throw some slices on… Like you don’t even give a care…” “I need to be… Way more drunk.” “__, come have a bite of this and tell me what ya think.” “Holy shit. S'good.” “You suck a cooking and you suck at toast.”

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How many ways can he fully annoy erik?

“ And here I thought simply my mere existence was enough to do just that. ”

TRUTHFULLY Nadir is a master at annoying Erik. He’s learned what gets him the most. Of which are thus:

+showing up unannounced+showing up in general+(modern) texting him for anything moderately pointless+(modern) calling him. calling him is considerably worse than texting+speaking+telling him to stop murdering people+breathing+blinking+squirting him with the naughty bottle+sneaking brightly colored flowers into his home+stealing the extra key to the rue scribe multiple times in ORDER to sneak brightly colored flowers and other objects into his home+placing composers he knows Erik hates at his piano/organ/any musical staff+attempting to befriend Ayesha (though this one always fail bc she ends up attacking Nadir and Erik just laughs so he stopped doing that one)+double teaming with Christine to parent the shit out of him+telling Christine when he’s doing bad things or when he thinks he’s doing bad things+tattle-telling him to Christine in general+being nice to Christine because he knows Erik is an easily jealous child baby man+making any kind of noise to alert his existence+being drunk+being drunk even when Erik caused it+trying to dad him for the 48th time in the past three days+taking his murder devices and putting him in time out+sitting on top of his coffin while he’s still in it, also putting him in time out+being the first one to offer tea because it makes Erik feel inferior

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Speaking of drunk nadir how high is his tolerance? Has he done a weed?

BASICALLY none, to be honest. Give this man a few glasses of whiskey, he’s gone. In all truth he also depends on the drink. Light sherry relaxes him (unless its an ungodly amount), beers can successfully get him tipsy, etc etc. It truly is his weakness, despite how grounded he tries to be. So, really, Erik has the power to demolish this man with a few well-chosen drinks. But never forget that Nadir has the muscle to break you in half, Erik.

AS for weed… I don’t doubt or deny that Erik probably persuaded Nadir to do some things at least once. I don’t doubt they’ve gotten high together in some form one way or another, though Nadir doesn’t talk about it. Erik can ruin this man if he wants to, probably.

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does nadir drunk text erik

Sigh…

I want to say no but we all know it’s YES.

NADIR is definitely an incredibly down to Earth person as a whole, but he has his moments of weakness. Modernly, he does occasionally go out to forms of parties or spends a night in a bar/club just to get out.

This normally does end up with a drunk Nadir.

Things he sends to Erik on nights like these are:

-drunk texts (of what he’s doing, of what music is playing and whether or not he thinks it bops, about people he saw/met, etc)-probably texts about how Erik would like it here and he should totally come out with him at least ONCE-shaky and probably loud videos-blurry pictures-normal pictures-images of his drinks in pretty lighting because he thinks it’s cool

HOWEVER, there are also nights where he sad-drinks. Alone in his apartment with memories and etc.. And where does he turn to in this state? OBVIOUSLY his BFF, the bestest friend, clearly the only best candidate to text right now: Erik. Who may or may be the ONLY candidate besides Christine but he would never do that to a lady. He’s 80 times more sentimental when he’s drunk.

Things sent on these nights:-texts about how Erik is his best friend-texts akin to the statement ‘i love you, bro’-more aesthetic pictures of his drinks-almost every time without fail he asks Erik SOMETHING about Reza, like what was his best memory with Reza, what did he think of Reza, would be be okay with being called uncle if Reza was still here-the occasional statement of how much he wishes Rookheeya could have met Erik-asking if he’d like to come over and share a bottle-apologizing for something stupid that either didn’t really go down that way or needs literally no apology

So yes, he does.